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Posted on 11/14/2014 5:04:59 AM PST by Lucky9teen
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Silly that someone would choose to live elsewhere!
Top 25?
Doctor visit Yesterday.
Filled out new Demographic Form.
Race: NASCAR
I have been lauging all day.
As the wise Yogi Berra opined about funerals: (Paraphrasing)”Always attend someone else’s funeral so they’ll attend yours.”
God paints real good!
That should be by Bill Clinton, whose mother played for pay.
Barack’s mom was a slut who gave it away for free.
A very successful attorney parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.As he was getting out, a truck came barreling down the road, drifted right and completely tore off the driver’s door. Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the now door-less Porsche with his lights flashing.
Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his precious Porsche, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again, would never be the same.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief, “I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said, “you are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.”
“How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, “Don’t you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!”
“OH, MY GOD,” screamed the lawyer,”My Rolex is gone!”
A couple take their son to the circus....
After a while the father gets up to get some popcorn. While he is away the little boy notices something hanging down between the elephants legs. “Mommy, what is that hanging down on the elephant?”, the boy asks. The embarrassed mother says “Oh, that’s nothing honey”, and is relieved when the father returns with the popcorn. Not satisfied with the mother’s answer the little boy waits until his mother leaves to use the bathroom and asks his father “Dad, what is that hanging down between the elephant’s legs?”. Dad answers, “ That’s the elephant’s penis”. The little boy says, “Well how come when I asked mom she said that it was nothing?”. Dad leans back and says “Son, I’ve spoiled that woman.....”
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An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked the man how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, “things are great, and I’ve never felt better! I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that, doc?”
The doctor considered the question for a minute, and then began to tell a story.
“I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.”
“As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge. He realized he left his gun at home, and so, he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it was his favorite hunting rifle, and yelled ‘bang bang’. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell dead.”
“Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old replied, “logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a few rounds into that beaver.”
The doctor replied, “my point exactly.”
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