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Confederate Flag Kills 7 At Alabama Shopping Mall (do I really need to tag this as satire?)
Daily Currant ^ | 6/29/15

Posted on 07/03/2015 8:08:31 PM PDT by Impala64ssa

Seven people were killed this morning when a Confederate flag walked into an Alabama shopping mall and started shooting.

According to local reports, the flag entered Cherrywood Mall outside Huntsville armed with two AK-47 assault rifles, a P 228 handgun and several grenades. It immediately proceeded to unload its ordinance on unsuspecting shoppers.

In addition to those killed, 23 people were injured and are currently being treated in area emergency rooms. Several are in critical condition and not expected to survive.

The flag’s motivations are uncertain at the moment. However, according to witnesses the flag did specifically target White people with Northern accents.

“The flag chased us down the hallway screaming ‘Die, Yankees Die!’, says Justin Anderson, an aeronautical engineer originally from New Hampshire. “Luckily flags don’t move very fast, so my girlfriend and I managed to outrun it.”

Lucy Patterson, a homemaker from New Jersey wasn’t so lucky. Both her legs were blown off when the flag lobbed a hand grenade at her feet.

“It looked straight into my eyes, pulled the pin, and threw a deathball my way,” she says. “It was so cold-blooded. Almost as if it weren't human.”

Shortly thereafter the flag turned the gun on itself, shooting itself in the pole several times. Rushed to Huntsville Beth-Israel Medical Center, it was pronounced dead on arrival.

Confederate flags have increasingly been committing mass shootings in the South. Although retailers like Wal-Mart and Amazon have belatedly banned their sale, the existing stockpile of flags should be considered armed and extremely dangerous.

“It’s a real tragedy,” says Bret Michaels, the CEO of retailer Wal-Mart, “We should have stopped selling Confederate flags sooner. Think of how many flag-on-human shootings we could have prevented.”


TOPICS: Humor; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: confederateflag
The scary thing is that some libs will actually believe this
1 posted on 07/03/2015 8:08:32 PM PDT by Impala64ssa
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To: Impala64ssa
LOLOLOL


2 posted on 07/03/2015 8:14:51 PM PDT by Viking2002 (The Avatar is back by popular request.)
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To: Impala64ssa

This is FLAGIST!!!


3 posted on 07/03/2015 8:18:25 PM PDT by MeshugeMikey ("Never, Never, Never, Give Up," Winston Churchill ><>)
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To: Impala64ssa

You shouldn’t tag this as satire since it might make the front page news of Albania!


4 posted on 07/03/2015 8:18:37 PM PDT by Jack Hydrazine (Pubbies = national collectivists; Dems = international collectivists; We need a second party!)
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To: Impala64ssa

Hang the Flag!
;o)


5 posted on 07/03/2015 8:20:30 PM PDT by MEG33 (God Bless America And Our Troops)
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To: Impala64ssa

We should at least ban high-capacity flags. No one needs that much flag.


6 posted on 07/03/2015 8:27:54 PM PDT by ClearCase_guy (Henry Bowman where are you?)
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To: Impala64ssa
Tell me. How can a flag shot a weapon. A towel maybe.


7 posted on 07/03/2015 8:40:54 PM PDT by BBell
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To: Impala64ssa

Congrats. Great satire. Feel sorry for any Libs who read it. Some are sure to think this is real.


8 posted on 07/03/2015 9:00:35 PM PDT by upchuck (There is no coexisting with those who want to destroy us from within.)
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To: Impala64ssa

Even more were enslaved and killed under The Stars and Stripes...


9 posted on 07/03/2015 10:49:52 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: MeshugeMikey

10 posted on 07/03/2015 10:51:09 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: MEG33

You jest but several years ago, a black guy tried to publicly “lynch” a Confederate flag in Sharpsburg MD.

A crowd gathered but only to see how the hell he actually intended to accomplish such a feat.


11 posted on 07/03/2015 11:24:26 PM PDT by Salamander (We're ALL Dixie, now.)
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To: Impala64ssa

The Confederate flag, sporting its Scary black AR-15/Kalashnikov/Automatic Assault Weapon with Multiple high Capacity CLIPS, jumped into an awaiting Christian White SUV, who served as his accomplice.


12 posted on 07/04/2015 6:55:22 AM PDT by left that other site (You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
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To: Salamander

Don’t you ‘lynch’ a flag every time you hang it? hmmm? Ponder . . .


13 posted on 07/04/2015 8:14:03 AM PDT by Pilgrim's Progress (http://www.baptistbiblebelievers.com/BYTOPICS/tabid/335/Default.aspx)
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