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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: ArGee

I’ve put it back in the box. I’m too frustrated right now to make sense of anything, so I will have to save this to address it tomorrow.


2,021 posted on 01/12/2016 1:38:11 PM PST by Monkey Face
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To: Monkey Face

I think I figured out your problem.

It will NEVER connect to the internet if you have it in a box.


2,022 posted on 01/12/2016 1:40:17 PM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: ArGee

LOL! I needed that! :o])


2,023 posted on 01/12/2016 1:53:46 PM PST by Monkey Face
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To: moose07; Monkey Face

I would like that very much. You could send some to ‘Face and me by DarksFAX.


2,024 posted on 01/12/2016 2:03:17 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07

That would be a real benefit for both of us, and that’s the truth!! ;o]

My clothes are folded and put away, and I had another ulcer cocktail, and I’m looking for something a little more substantial after the miserable day I’ve had. I guess it’s a good thing I had no idea how the day would end when it started this morning, or I probably would have wanted to cancel at the outset.

And somewhere, my tagline went walkabout again, so I will have to find another...


2,025 posted on 01/12/2016 2:11:35 PM PST by Monkey Face
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To: Monkey Face

Found one!!!

*tagline*


2,026 posted on 01/12/2016 2:21:20 PM PST by Monkey Face (You know it's gonna be a bad day when your imaginary friend files a restraining order against you.)
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To: Monkey Face; NoCmpromiz; ArGee; Tax-chick
"I could never make sense of Deepak Chopra's books anyway."

They should probably be taken in smaller nibbles.

But I've outgrown Deepak. I can generate my own gibberish. An no sidewindin' bushwackin', hornswagglin' cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.

2,027 posted on 01/12/2016 4:48:20 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: NicknamedBob

You tell ‘em, Bob!


2,028 posted on 01/12/2016 4:52:12 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; NoCmpromiz; ArGee

In case you didn’t recognize my authentic frontier gibberish quote, it’s from Gabby Johnson, (not to be confused with George Hayes.)


2,029 posted on 01/12/2016 5:04:41 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: Tax-chick

LOL! You better correct Frank while he’s still young.

“candidatos” are candidates who want to join the church.
Canadians are diners in restaurants, who don’t tip.


2,030 posted on 01/12/2016 5:21:20 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: Monkey Face

Magic?
Not sure, but it was rather... interesting to read.


2,031 posted on 01/12/2016 5:33:08 PM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: fanfan; Tax-chick
Canadians are diners in restaurants, who don't tip.

Must be Quebecois.. (or however they spell it - they have a different word for everything.. ;-)

2,032 posted on 01/12/2016 6:59:58 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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And on another note, it is 0° out (or 32° if you want a higher number on your scale) and the first snowplow just rumbled past. I think it was the town (as opposed to County) since it turned down the road at the end of our drive as opposed to continuing on the county road..

Maybe 2.5 to 3.5 cm of snow so far.

2,033 posted on 01/12/2016 7:06:27 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick

Just dropping by to mention my story THE FOURTH is only 99 cents for a few days.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Fourth-Floyd-Looney-ebook/dp/B019AX5BE2


2,034 posted on 01/12/2016 9:36:18 PM PST by GeronL (I remember when this was a conservative forum)
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2,035 posted on 01/13/2016 12:55:33 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NicknamedBob

I had a feeling it was. It seemed familiar.


2,036 posted on 01/13/2016 2:35:09 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

Today's kitteh lives in Cologne, Germany.

2,037 posted on 01/13/2016 2:38:43 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

A New Kittie has appeared on the Undeadthread, it must be Wednesday.
GoodMorning ,TC.

It is below zero outside.
Soon be time to get the Lawnmower out again......


2,038 posted on 01/13/2016 3:10:34 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Bump.
I know the feeling.


2,039 posted on 01/13/2016 3:12:41 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

We don’t need any lawnmowing right now. The lawn is still soggy from all the rain.


2,040 posted on 01/13/2016 3:23:59 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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