Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Oh, on the draw bridge statement....they a are two for one at the moment at Castle World. :) ([cheesy jingle]Where in the world,,, Castle World)
Foot note: Jim's server has learned Globullwarmthing as a genuine word!
Que David Attenborough: “Here, in the North Eastern United States ,Scientists have just discovered the long Sort after hiding place of the Pinnacle Golf Ball.”
(If you don't play: The Pinnacle ball is a ball on a Divine mission to disappear at high speed into the bushes never to be seen again.)
Ale is never actually lost. It is like energy,never actually disappears totally.
Even if you have to wring the Bar towel back out into your glass, you never actually loose Ale. :)
/h
Most ale is too heavy for my taste, but I’m always open for suggestions!
And with that, I’m outta here!
‘Night, Moosie!
‘Night, ‘Face.
:)
I never managed to be a first fuddle. Best I could do was second fuddle...
And the fuddle looked more clarinet-like than fuddle-like. ;-)
Oh Yeah! LoL!
Those things are everywhere.
Obviously because it is.
It's a consensus thing. Just like modern science.. ;-)
Stuck that up on my facepagething page with a comment “the young minds full of mush have never read Orwell. Thus they will not understand the irony here. (Or politics as it is today in general..)”
Which is true.
Subtle? NIMBY!
Attenborough, slow quiet, “Carefully wading the creek barefoot, we can feel the first of the-Yikes! Something just bit me! WTBH was that!”
“Dunno sir. They sat there are poisonous copperhead snakes, crawdads, whatever those are, and....”
“Where’s my Agent, dammit?”
There go my hopes for a speaking role and a chance for a SAG card....sigh.
Only critters I know for certain that inhabit the ponds here are goldfish. We do however have at least one resident Eastern Corn Snake. Heshe hasn’t been visually verified since the barn collapsed from deferred maintenance (not my fault) but heshe is still around as of last summer because I found hisher shed..
Never thought to search for Pinnacle Golf Balls. Barefoot or otherwise. There are a large quantity of Corona bottles strewn throughout the area though, but I doubt they have any historical significance. Other than previous residents were slobs.
They must have evolved from the ooze. (My opinion of Corona is that it tastes like Millers but at thrice the price. So why bother.)
We all evolved from the ooze. But Corona bottles are a silicon-based form.
They probably got placed here by some time-traveling Artificial Intelligence.
Silicon based form..
Hadn’t thought that out, but yes they are.
Raises the possibility that the amberish liquid contained therein is merely a waste product of their metabolism...
Would explain why Corona tastes like pi.., er, Miller’s.
tagline
Awww..floofy squee, again!
My left leg woke me up in the middle of the night, aching like a sonagun!
The good news is, I lost two pounds. I don’t know where they went but I bet they come back to surprise me. :o|
Good one, NoC!
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