Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
It is what it is, and I will have to do all of that manually, which may take a week or more to recall all of them.
In other news, I’ve had my shower and I’m still grimacing about the haircut. I thought I might try to go back today, but it may be too much for me. I’ll just concentrate on FedEx and the rental. That may be enough, as I’m already tired. Some days, it goes like that. *sigh*
I wanted to sleep in but was up at 0400, and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I was up a little after that.
You told us your foot hurt and you were limping, but did you tell us why? I think not!
So if I’m not being too nosy, why is your foot hurting?
But I’ve been praying for you, anyway, as I do for all my FRiends.
Well. You sound good. You must have been practicing because your cough is sounding better. ;o]
I’ve lost 40 lbs.
Just sayin’...
Ooh! That is a brilliant idea!
They need to try that. Scrapple!
Thank you for the three babies today. i love them.
i didn’t know it was Star Wars Day. I’m looking forward to Cinco De Mayo.
kitties and margaritas!
see 7734
yoda kitty ping.
so many floofs, no time to hug.
yes ma’am. so many floofs. i want to pet them all.
YAY, YOU!!!! (((hug)))
Good for you, null and void!
Rejoice with me, Undead FRiends! I went to Consignment 1st, which opens earlier than The Salvation Army, and I found the Chair for my 50th birthday. A nice gentleman covered with tattoos loaded it up for me, and Bill the Son unloaded it at home.
It is an armchair upholstered in shades of beige and brown in a geometric pattern. It will not show dirt when cats sit on it. If anyone other than cats and me sits on it, I will kill and/or evict them permanently from the house.
They had two. I would have bought both if they’d given me an extra discount, but they wouldn’t. Anyway, I don’t know where I’d put it.
She is a calico-patterned Maine Coon who enjoys making a mess with water and sitting in a superior pose, according to the source.
I needed floofy kittehs today!
Should have thought of this yesterday.
Next time, as you add favorites, edit a “draft” email to yourself that just sits on your server in the “draft” folder forever and ever. If you can get to your email server (webmail or some such) you can get to that “draft” folder and find anything in it you wished to keep. This can be done from any compooper, even if you’re visiting a friend’s house.
Wise in the Force, he is.
Congratulations on the chair! I certainly hope you are able to keep it to yourself and the catz.
And I have a very nice rental laptop! It’s $599 out the door cash, but $127 a month with fees, taxes and insurance. *sigh* Win 10 is installing, but I couldn’t just WAIT.
While I was out, I went to the car wash and got the $10 wash job, only to find out when I got to the activator screen that the super car wash is now $12.
I stopped at Rebel to get quarters and they were “out,” so I went to Moneytree and got them there. Then to RAC where I had to wait 10 minutes for them to open.
And when I got home I couldn’t find the dongle for the wireless mouse, and went nuts for 10 minutes. Then I found it under my phone.
Now my right leg is bothering me and it’s clouding up outside, with rain on the way tonight.
What a wonderful idea that is! Thanks! I’ll do that next time. (Not on this one, though...)
The chair is in a position from which one cannot see the television. This will discourage young persons, unless they are there for personal clinging, which will be permitted if they are reasonably clean ;-).
And it’s far too low to the ground to be comfortable for Bill, Tom, or DP.
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