FRiends!!
Two
Top Ten!
God bless us every one!
TOP 10!!!
Top ten. Merry Christmas all. Merry Christmas to me too....waiting on a prostate exam!
Merry Christmas, Lucky9teen. Thank you for another year of this fine thread!
BIG h/t to Leo
After the marriage the son thanked her for coming all the way. "It meant so much to me," he said.
The mother gave a classic reply: "I wouldn't have missed it. After all it's not every day a mother watches her son get his wings in the morning and have them clipped in the afternoon."
This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean dishes.
John went to visit his 90-year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied, They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car."
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, "Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!"
h/t Vicki
1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 15 pounds by New Year’s 2017. Good news only 15 to go.
2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.
3. How to prepare Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill some meat
4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
5. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.
10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented... I forgot where I was going with this.
11. I love being over 60. I learn something new every day and forget five others.
12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.
13. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
14. Daylight Savings Time ended on November 6, 2016. Hope you didn't forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.
15. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN...!
A large earthquake with a magnatude of 8.1 hit theMiddle East.
Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured.
Iraq, Iran and Syria were totally ruined and the governments asked for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world was in shock.
Great Britain sent troops to help keep the peace.
Saudi Arabia sent oil and monetary assistance.
Latin American countries sent clothing.
New Zealand and Australia sent sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian countries sent labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
Canada sent medical teams and supplies.
The new American President, Donald Trump, not to be outdone, sent two million replacement Muslims.
God Bless President Trump!
Last night I went to a Christmas party. I had a few drinks... I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit.
That’s when I decided to do what I have never done before. I took a cab home.
Sure enough there was a police road block on the way home but since it was a cab they waved it on through. I arrived home safely without incident. This was both a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don’t even know where I got it and now that it’s parked at my house I don’t know what to do with it!
Think I might need a good lawyer
TOP 30???
There’s one of those electronic warning signs on the side of I-26 south of Johnson City, TN that is bringing a smile to people’s faces...the message? ‘Buckle Up’...’Buttercup’...’It’s the Law!’. Hacker or someone at TDOT with a sense of humor? No one knows.
1992: Bill Clinton defeats George H.W. Bush. Most conservatives are mortified. No protests or riots.
1996: Clinton defeats Dole. Most conservatives are disappointed. Again, no protests or riots.
FOOTNOTE: Clinton is impeached in ‘98 but, thanks to a Democrat majority on the Hill, he is not removed from office. Once again, no protests or riots.
2000: Dubya defeats Gore and howls of protest ensue. Massive recounts follow and, for the first time we hear arguments regarding “dimpled chads,” and “hanging chads,” but each recount seems to bolster the results of Bush’s victory. Still, the Dems (including Gore) are dubious about the results.
2004: Dubya defeats Kerry. Ok, for the most part, the Dems don’t go crazy about this one.
2008: Obama defeats McCain. And, according to the left, EVERYTHING was beautiful and, if you didn’t vote for Barry O, you were a racist. A bigot. A hater. A right wingnut. But they couldn’t protest or riot because they got what they wanted.
2012: Obama defeats Romney because, well, Romney was apparently the best the GOP could dredge up. At any rate, no protests or riots.
2016: Trump defeats HRC and ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE WITH WEEPING AND GNASHING OF TEETH AND PROTESTS AND RIOTS AND KIDS WHO CAN’T VOTE ANYWAY WALKING OUT OF SCHOOL AND CELEBRITIES THREATENING TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY (but later saying they were only kidding) AND CALLS FOR RECOUNTS AND DOUBTS REGARDING THE VALIDITY OF THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE AND... AND... AND... SNORT, SNORT, huff, huff, wheeze, sniffle.
So, basically, the left IS the joke here.
IN!!
Page 1?
And that’s a heck of a snowmobile in post 39....
