Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.
For those folks who have supported networks in a corporate environment, you'll appreciate this...
Me: What? No, I just checked, the roads are fine. I was actually just on the roads.
User: No, I’m pretty sure the roads are down because I’m not getting pizzas.
Me: Everything else on the roads is fine. What do you mean you aren’t getting pizzas?
User: I used to get pizzas when I ordered them, now I’m not getting them. It has to be a road issue.
Me: As I said, the roads are fine. Where are you getting pizzas from?
User: I’m not really sure. Can you check all places that deliver pizzas?
Me: No I don’t even know all the places that deliver pizza. You need to narrow it down.
User: I think it is Subway.
Me: Okay, I’ll check…No, I just looked and Subway doesn't deliver pizzas.
User: I’m pretty sure it is Subway. Can you just allow all food from Subway and we can see if pizza shows up?
Me: Sigh, fine I’ve allowed all food from Subway, but I don’t think that is the issue.
User: Yeah I’m still not getting pizza. Can you check the roads?
Me: It’s not the roads, the roads are fine. I’m pretty sure Subway isn’t the place.
User: Okay, I found it. It’s Papa Johns.
Me: Okay, I looked and Papa Johns does deliver pizza. Is it the local Papa Johns or one in a different town?
User: I don’t know. Can you allow pizza from all Papa Johns to me?
Me: No I can’t do that. Can you get me an address for Papa Johns?
User: No, I only know it as Papa Johns. Can you get me all the addresses of all Papa Johns and I’ll tell you if one of them is correct?
Me: No, I don’t have time for that. Okay, I looked at the local one and it looks like they have sent you pizza in the past and they are currently allowed to send you pizzas. Try ordering a pizza while I watch.
User: Yeah still no pizza. I’m guessing they are getting blocked at the freeway. Can you check the freeway to make sure they can get through?
Me: No, this is a local delivery. They aren't even using the freeway.
User: Okay, well then it has to be a road issue.
Me: No, the roads are fine. Okay, I just drove from the Papa Johns to the address they have on file for you and there is nothing there.
User: Hmm, wait we did move recently.
Me: Did you give your new address to Papa Johns?
User: No, I just thought they would be able to look me up by name.
Me: No they need your new address. What’s your new address?
User: I’m not really sure. Can you look it up?
Me: Sigh, give me a second…Okay, I found your address and gave it to Papa Johns. Try ordering a pizza now.
User: HEY! PIZZA JUST SHOWED UP!
Me: Okay, good.
User: (To everyone else they know) I apologize for the delay in the pizza but there was a major road issue that was preventing the pizza from getting to me. The network engineer has fixed the roads and we are able to get pizza again.
Me: But it wasn’t the roads…whatever.
User: Oh, can you also check on an issue where Chinese food isn’t getting to me? I think it may be a road issue.
