Posted on 03/01/2018 10:01:53 AM PST by sodpoodle
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it. 3. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils. 4. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize. 5. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. 6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor. 7. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired. 8. Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. 9. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. 10. What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.
Two cannibals were eating a clown. The first one says to the second, “Does this taste funny to you?”.
Two cannibals killed an explorer and were about to eat him. As usual, one started at the feet, the other at the head. Some time passes and the first says: “How’s it going?”. The second replies “I’m having a ball!”. The first says, “SLOW DOWN, I’m only at the neck!”.
I was just about to tell a joke about time travel but you guys didn’t like it.....
That was better than the opening post.
I dated the same gal before her accident that resulted in the wooden leg. Back then, she was a foot taller
This made me laugh.
Oh do my family HATES my Dad jokes.
I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey.
But then I turned myself around.
A “The Amazing Race” classic moment. Perhaps the most famous incident.
I was addicted to drinking brake fluid.
But I always knew I could stop any time.
You should never run with bagpipes.
You might put an aye out.
Or even worse...
Get kilt!
I started getting claustrophobic in elevators.
I am now taking steps to avoid it
If a wild pig kills someone...
Does it means they were boared to death?
I broke up with my crosseyed girlfriend.
She was seeing other people on the side.
More from Benny Hill....
My Garden of Love
“Oh Gus, the Gardener’s gone now, and you went with him too/The fungus here, reminds me of the fun Gus is having with you....”
I know someone who lives on top of a bank. His assets over $10 million.
-PJ
A mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender tells him to get lost we don’t want your kind here. The mushroom says “Why not, I’m a FUN GUY” (groan!)
Dear friends,
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much dough on half baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive role model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.
You have some great ones;)
This humor thread has had more responses than anything I have ever posted to date.
Witty and wonderful FReepers are the best!!!!
That’s on the “Ungh” threed ,I hope!
No pun intended...
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