Frodo Baggins Charged With War Crimes

coldfury.com ^ | July 6, 2002 | Mike of Cold Fury

[Neets]

Frodo You.

[SauronOfMordor]

And let's not forget the crime of "possession of stolen property" (one ring)

[Tancred]

In related news, Bilbo Baggins and the dwarves of the Lonely Mountains have been charged with killing an endangered dragon. Mr. Baggins faces separate charges for his attempts to destroy the endangered spiders of Mirkwood, as well as arson and destruction of a natural habitat.
"I never wanted to go in the first place," Bilbo said. "It's all Gandalf's fault. He made me do it."
Gandalf the Grey, incidentally, is being sought for questioning for his role in the destruction of the pine forests on the edge of the Misty Mountains, an act of vandalism that killed many animals, including endangered wolves. He sometimes uses the alias Gandalf the White and should be considered armed and dangerous.

[Tancred]

Bilbo Baggins is reported to be in hiding in Rivendell, where the criminal conspiracy to overthrow Sauron was first hatched. The imperial aggression of Gondor is plain for all to see. Gondor has built numerous illegal settlements in the occupied territories of Mordor. Many Orcs have complained about the humiliating checkpoints set up by the men of Gondor. "If this goes on," says one Orc, "We'll have to use suicide attacks against them. I mean, it's like not fair that they have swords and spears and all that sharp stuff."

[Constitution Day]

Thanks, but I thought all those Hobbits were wiped out back in March!

Thermobaric Bomb Destroys Hobbit Hole

[Rob45and2]

In connecton to the original filing the "UN Council for the Fair and Equitable Distribution of World Resources" has filed a similiar brief accusing, that the "9 rings for mortal men doomed to die" were distributed without any reguard to race, colour, need or population center.

The "UNCFTFAEDOWR" feels that because hearings or discussions were neither requested or encouraged and allocation of said rings being held within a closed and secret group that they should be considered a power monopoly and therefore outside the Law

Therefore they should be confiscated and after oversight by a "Blue Ribbon Panel" of appointed bureaucrats be redistributed without requard to race, creed, colour, religion, need, or ability to pay.

[exmoor]

5,4,3,2,1,......BLAST OFF and then some!

[tang-soo]

Its mearly a flesh wound! Oops, sorry, wrong movie.

[ksen]

This story actually was posted over at The Neverending Story (we are quite an eclectic group). Here is what I posted over there:

Aahh, those charges will never stick. If cry-baby Sauron wants to shanghai someone into court he should sue himself. After all, he was the one that tortured poor innocent Smeagol and then let him go. After that it was Smeagol (aka "Gollum") who followed Mr. Baggins into Mt. Doom and bit the Ring off of Frodo's hand, finger and all, and then fell into the cracks of Doom, thus destroying the Ring and himself along with it.

So if Sauron hadn't let Gollum go, he would have his Ring back by now.

Just like a liberal, sue someone else after you've shot yourself in the foot.

On another note, Drudge is about to break the news that Sauron and Saruman both profited big time from the whole Global Crossing and Enron messes. Wouldn't surprise me to learn if they were the ones that tipped off Martha Stewart.

;^)

[Corin Stormhands]

Wouldn't surprise me to learn if they were the ones that tipped off Martha Stewart.

Did you see her show when Martha tried to make napkin rings out of the nine?

[Destructor]

HA!'Bout time that Hobbit Warlord had to answer for his crimes against humanity! LOL!! While we're on the subject is there any chance of an airstrike on that damnable New Zealand Hobbit Hole?

[DainBramage]

Police have obtained this confession.

[Destructor]

Thanks for the flashback! Here's a priceless quote from the original story:

Carl Gifford, a stonemason from Wellington, says he used a 10-tonne digger to make the hole. He's put rocks either side of the front door and plans to install a chimney and lantern on top.

He told the Evening Post he was embarrassed as he was constructing the home. He said: "I must admit I was hiding as the cars were driving past. I thought, 'These people think I'm an idiot'."

[JenB]

Let's see. Translated from the Dwarvish - Frodo would be using Feanorian runes, most likely, not Daeron's - that says....

Three Rings for the elven kings under the sky.
seven for the dwarf lords, in their halls of stone.
Nine for Mortal Men, doomed to die.
One for the Dark Lord, on his dark throne.
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

- I submit that this is not a confession, but rather a defense! Baggins is clearly quoting the facts of the case, ie that Sauron is a Dark Lord and a menace to society.

[JenB]

We're still here, you know, us Hobbitses. There's a new Hole, but we're still here. Drop by for cakes and ale some day!

[Xenalyte]

Too-damn-funny ping!

[Constitution Day]

I thought, 'These people think I'm an idiot'."

I believe they were correct.

[Destructor]

LMAO!!!

[Bear_in_RoseBear]

Sauron didn't destroy Numenor. That was an act of God. All indications are that it came as quite a shock to the Dark Lord.

Hmmm, well, an act of the Valar anyway. But Sauron was the one who lead the Numenoreans to defy the will of the Valar and attempt to sail into the West...

Hmmmmmmmm.....

On second thought, that might be a hard one to make stick. The raids on Gondor should still work though. Oh, and Galadriel can throw in a charge for the destruction of Eregion, no?

[GretchenEE]

Were the filings made on their behalf posthumously, through power of attorney activated as they saw their domain under threat?

Or filed personally as they saw the gathering clouds and began to suffer some injury to chattel, including some slain slaves?

Seriously though, I like the post to show the ridiculousnes of the ICC (and I thank the Lord that Bush is in office to oppose the US being drawn into sting ops so the world court < gack > can thrash us).