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Word For The Day, Tuesday 1/28/03
1/28/03

Posted on 01/28/2003 12:59:51 AM PST by Bella_Bru

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To: maxwell
Tell her it's an ancient Hawaiian salutation...

Hawaiian Good luck sign! LOL! I wonder if I can find that email.

151 posted on 01/28/2003 1:16:47 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: maxwell
Guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber look around the shop and says "About 2 hours," and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "About 2 hours." So the guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "About an hour and a half." Again, the guy leaves.

Perplexed, the barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up and says "To your house!"
152 posted on 01/28/2003 1:27:04 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: TheGrimReaper; MeeknMing; Argh; maxwell; Bella_Bru; dubyaismypresident; WhyisaTexasgirlinPA; ...
One day, a large group of people were waiting for the bus at a local Greyhound station. At the front of the line was a very attractive woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather miniskirt, and high heels.

As the bus pulled up and opened the door, she went to board it, but found that her skirt was too tight for her to raise her leg to the required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reaches behind her and unzips the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tries again.

Again, she finds that she cannot maneuver the step, so once more she reaches behind her and unzips her skirt a little more. With a smile, she looks at the bus driver and tries to board again. With disappointment, she finds that she still can't step that high and so with exasperation and a sigh she unzips her skirt the rest of the way down.

To her amazement, her leg still will not reach the bottom step.

Finally, a very large Texan behind her gently grabs her by the waist, lifts her up, and places her on the bus.

The woman turns to the Texan furiously and says, "Who do you think you are to touch my body in that way? I don't even know you!"

Nonplused, the Texan looks at her and replies, "Well, ma'am, after the third time you unzipped my fly I thought we were pretty good friends."
153 posted on 01/28/2003 1:31:46 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: Slip18; TheGrimReaper; MeeknMing; Argh; maxwell; Bella_Bru; dubyaismypresident; ...
George and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.

"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out, "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replies.
154 posted on 01/28/2003 1:34:23 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: maxwell
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So, that night at dinner, she does.

About a week later she’s back at the doctor. She says, "Doc, the pill worked great!! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes and he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes on the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off and ravaged me right there on the table!"

The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."

"Naah... ", she says, "that’s okay. We aren’t ever allowed to go back to that restaurant anyway."
155 posted on 01/28/2003 1:38:34 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: Slip18; TheGrimReaper; MeeknMing; Argh; maxwell; Bella_Bru; dubyaismypresident; xsmommy
Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.00.

The following week he walked in with 2000 yen and was handed back $66.00. He asked the teller why he got less money this week than he did the previous week.

"Fluctuations," the lady said.

The man turned on his heel and stormed toward the door. But just as he reached it he turned back around, shook his fist at the teller, and shouted, "Fluc you Americans too!"
156 posted on 01/28/2003 1:41:16 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: TheGrimReaper; hobbes1; Slip18; Argh; dubyaismypresident; camle
"Then you have a lot of make-up ... to do.

Are you gonna make Slippy in class? !?!?!?!

Can the rest of us watch?

157 posted on 01/28/2003 1:41:43 PM PST by Robert A. Cook, PE (ABCNNBCBS lie!)
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE; TheGrimReaper; hobbes1; Slip18; Argh; dubyaismypresident; camle; maxwell
The fourth and fifth graders went on a field trip to the local race track accompanied by their lady teachers.

During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the bathroom so it was decided that the girls would go with the 5th grade teacher, and the 4th grade teacher took the boys and waited outside the men's bathroom. One of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal.

Having no choice she went inside and began hoisting all the little boys by their armpits.

As she was lifting one she couldn't help but notice that he was especially well endowed.

"I guess you must be in the fifth." She said.

"No ma'am" he said "I'm in the 7th. I'll be riding Silver Arrow. And thanks for the lift."
158 posted on 01/28/2003 1:56:49 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE
Can the rest of us watch?

Don't you always?
The matinee begins at 6:00pm CST

159 posted on 01/28/2003 1:57:36 PM PST by TheGrimReaper (Major corporal punishment in private is still allowed here at WFTD!)
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To: VRWCmember
Great jokes vast...thanks
160 posted on 01/28/2003 2:17:06 PM PST by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: VRWCmember
LMAO!!!
161 posted on 01/28/2003 3:17:00 PM PST by xsmommy
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To: hobbes1
Ahhhh, Tiger, that is so sweet.

The weather is so beautiful right now. We're in the mid to high 70s. I just can't keep my seat to the chair. Have to be out with ol' sol!

And I've been cooking up a storm. Trying to fatten that Liberty guy up! He's now quit smoking, and still losing weight. Sheesh! He says it's because he doesn't eat pizza every night. And I do so love to cook.

The other night we had Chicken a l'orange en croute, if I'm spelling that correctly. Dang, it was good. I don't know how many batches of cookies I've made.

162 posted on 01/28/2003 3:42:22 PM PST by Slip18
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To: TheGrimReaper
Okay! Hehehehehehe!
163 posted on 01/28/2003 3:45:16 PM PST by Slip18
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To: VRWCmember
I love your stories, Vast. Just sit here giggling.
164 posted on 01/28/2003 3:46:08 PM PST by Slip18
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE
Cook, I've got my whip handy right here, and it's going to be used on YOU!
165 posted on 01/28/2003 3:46:52 PM PST by Slip18
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To: maxwell; xsmommy
Tell her it's an ancient Hawaiian salutation...

I found this by accident just now, but was looking for it earlier.

The wife of a Southern Baptist preacher talks to her Sunday school class about a wonderful religious experience that she had last week:

The other day I went up to the local Christian book store where I saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance at Church, so I bought the bumper sticker and put it on the back bumper of my car. And I am really glad that I did, too. What an uplifting experience followed.

I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and I did not notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus or I may never have noticed that the light had changed. But then I found that a lot of people love Jesus, too. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy and then he leaned out his window and screamed "For the love of GOD, Go!....Go!

Everyone was honking also, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people and I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage son in the back seat what this meant, he replied "It is nothing, probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something." Well, I have never even met a person from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My son burst into laughter, why, even he was enjoying the love of this religious experience.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what Church I attended, but when I noticed that the light had changed, I waved one more time to my loving brothers and sisters and drove through the intersection.

I was the only car that got across the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of bad that I had to leave them and all that love that we had shared so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one more time as I drove away.

Praise the LORD for such wonderful folks.!

166 posted on 01/28/2003 3:54:41 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: Slip18; Bella_Bru; WhyisaTexasgirlinPA; RikaStrom; CholeraJoe; All
No, no, Miss Sliperissima, use it on me!

But first, you and all LOTR fans must go read this Dave Barry column. I almost hurt myself laughing at a couple of the lines from it!

167 posted on 01/28/2003 3:56:38 PM PST by Argh
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To: VRWCmember
The Jews don't recognize Christ as the Savior.
The Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the head of the Church.
The Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store.

168 posted on 01/28/2003 4:29:15 PM PST by TheGrimReaper (Honk if it wasn't funny......)
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To: Argh
Hi, Arghie! Is my little sweetheart sweet on someone else? Huh? Miss Slippy sees all . . .

For only $.99 American, I will read your fortune for you. I'll put my thinking hat on now, if you like. This is my current thinking hat. When I make more money from my fortune-telling, I'll get a better one.

Maybe I'll get a more comfortable chair, too!

169 posted on 01/28/2003 4:48:55 PM PST by Slip18
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To: Argh
You did warn me about the Dave Berry article. Oh, my gosh, my sides hurt.

I missed every battle except the tree battle, because, come on, that really couldn't happen.

170 posted on 01/28/2003 4:53:01 PM PST by Slip18
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To: Slip18; xsmommy; Argh; hobbes1; dubyaismypresident; VRWCmember
Excuse the interruption, but I just saw a clip of Hildeb!tch on FNC, blithering and whining about Bush driving the economy into the dirt, people out of their jobs, and poor Iraqi children away from the dinner table.

OK, she's irritating as hell, but I ask you.... do you realize this cretin is now into her 3rd year as a United States Senator (albeit from NY), and...
this spawn of Satan has NEVER held a single un-scripted press conference in her entire miserable life??


171 posted on 01/28/2003 4:53:45 PM PST by TheGrimReaper (As Ray Bradbury said, "Something wicked this way comes....")
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To: VRWCmember
Oh, to be such a dodo head. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be that much of an indiot?
172 posted on 01/28/2003 4:57:09 PM PST by Slip18
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To: Argh
You should have hurt yourself for thinking that was funny......... I think Dave's gardner wrote that for him....... that is not even remotely good...... apparently Dave has not read any of these stories or he would have been enraptured by the likeness of the Tree Herders to the description in the book. True devotees of this story have been overwhelmed by the portrayal on film........

Ok, I'm done...... lol.....kind of out of character for me, huh? lol

173 posted on 01/28/2003 5:11:26 PM PST by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: Slip18
Is my little sweetheart sweet on someone else?

Little??!?

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAhahahaha....

174 posted on 01/28/2003 5:11:28 PM PST by Argh
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To: TheGrimReaper
You did it again, Grimmy! Another scary photo. I may have bad dreams tonight because of you.

That thing gets uglier and uglier every day, and she never started out much better.

175 posted on 01/28/2003 5:12:14 PM PST by Slip18
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To: Slip18
and she never started out much better

Shallow end of the gene pool.
Father: Satan
Mother: A vampire bat

176 posted on 01/28/2003 5:40:45 PM PST by TheGrimReaper (As Ray Bradbury said, "Something wicked this way comes....")
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To: TheGrimReaper
i am just thanking GOD that the Dems do not have her doing the DEM counter to the state of the union. that would drive me over the edge.
177 posted on 01/28/2003 5:42:30 PM PST by xsmommy
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To: xsmommy
The woman is lower than vermin.
She has to look UP to see whale dung.
Even maggots look upon her with scorn.
178 posted on 01/28/2003 7:23:16 PM PST by TheGrimReaper (As Ray Bradbury said, "Something wicked this way comes....")
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA; Slip18; xsmommy; Argh; maxwell; hobbes1; dubyaismypresident
Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know that he was an alcoholic.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He said nothing. Later that evening, George, quietly parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house ...

AND he left it there all night.
179 posted on 01/28/2003 8:21:54 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: Slip18
I laugh every time I read that one because I know a couple of ladies who ARE nearly that oblivious.
180 posted on 01/28/2003 8:23:29 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: VRWCmember; Slip18; xsmommy; hobbes1; Argh; dubyaismypresident; CholeraJoe; camle; ...
When our daughter was about 5 years old, we were driving in Oklahoma (with our Texas license plates) - I noticed Erin was turned around in her car seat (booster seat - no one scream at me for babying her)....... I looked back and she was turned completely around, facing the back of the van, with her finger stuck straight up flipping off the car traveling behind us! I yelled at her to sit down...... the car passed us and they all looked over, laughing their butts off...... my Marine had the worst look on his face.......lol
181 posted on 01/28/2003 8:33:01 PM PST by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
And where did your 5-yr old daughter learn about the Hawaiian Good Luck Sign?
182 posted on 01/28/2003 8:47:45 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: VRWCmember
And where did your 5-yr old daughter learn about the Hawaiian Good Luck Sign?

I don't think she knew it prior to the trip......something about Oklahoma just inspired her.......... ;^)

183 posted on 01/29/2003 3:46:36 AM PST by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
i know that xsteen knows about that particular signage, but i don't think xsbrownie has that figured out yet. i had some guy flipping ME off last week, and it was just she and i in the car. of course, he was annoyed because i was all up his butt, but dang it, i had somewhere i needed to be! anyway, he put his entire arm out the window for the full salute. luckily xsbrownie was not paying attention.
184 posted on 01/29/2003 4:49:15 AM PST by xsmommy
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To: xsmommy

Poor General Shelton, Sitting there wondering why that he can still smell that tuna sub he had for lunch.....

185 posted on 01/29/2003 5:21:50 AM PST by hobbes1 (It's the Crusty Black Pansuit.......)
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To: hobbes1
I noticed that Hillary actually stood and clapped a couple of times last night....I told my Marine that maybe it was the pantsuit standing on it's own........talk about the "emporor has no clothes".....someone needs to tell that broad that the uniform needs to go.............
186 posted on 01/29/2003 5:33:33 AM PST by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: xsmommy
Something tells me that your brownie will learn the meaning of that word very soon, considering your driving skills................ ;^)
187 posted on 01/29/2003 5:35:47 AM PST by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA; xsmommy
xs curses like a sailor but not usually around her kids.
188 posted on 01/29/2003 5:37:25 AM PST by CholeraJoe
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To: CholeraJoe
never cussed around my parents either. usually not in church....
189 posted on 01/29/2003 5:38:18 AM PST by xsmommy
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To: CholeraJoe
Usually in a low husky moan, or so I am told.....
190 posted on 01/29/2003 5:38:50 AM PST by hobbes1
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To: Argh
That was in Sunday's paper here and I laughed all day over it.
191 posted on 01/29/2003 5:39:08 AM PST by CholeraJoe
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To: hobbes1
Usually in a low husky moan, or so I am told.....

And in Spanish.

192 posted on 01/29/2003 5:45:41 AM PST by CholeraJoe
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To: CholeraJoe
ay papi....
193 posted on 01/29/2003 5:47:14 AM PST by xsmommy
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To: xsmommy
Don't you mean ...

ay papi SU peacho (sp?) es demasiado grande

194 posted on 01/29/2003 5:53:42 AM PST by hobbes1
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To: hobbes1
or, Ay papi...su plátano es demasiado grande...
195 posted on 01/29/2003 5:54:46 AM PST by hobbes1
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To: hobbes1; CholeraJoe
i suppose you and CJ can converse in gutter spanish, i am not familiar with that vocabulary...
196 posted on 01/29/2003 5:56:15 AM PST by xsmommy
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To: hobbes1; CholeraJoe
Morning brothas
197 posted on 01/29/2003 5:57:43 AM PST by NeoCaveman (is winter over yet?)
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To: xsmommy
i suppose you and CJ can converse in gutter spanish, i am not familiar with that vocabulary...

Like it's nothing you haven't heard from your fans at the Dunkin Donuts....

198 posted on 01/29/2003 6:00:51 AM PST by NeoCaveman (is winter over yet?)
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To: dubyaismypresident
Mornin' dubya.
199 posted on 01/29/2003 6:01:49 AM PST by CholeraJoe
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To: dubyaismypresident
Mornin Buddy!
200 posted on 01/29/2003 6:02:05 AM PST by hobbes1
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