"That would eliminate 90+% of the music in our parish."
My rule, written during NO masses in an ink made from powdered molar and bloody sweat, is this:
Look at the first digit of the year in which the music was written. If it's a "2," burn it immediately.
If it's not a "2," look at the second digit. If it's a "9," burn it immediately.
If it's an "8" or lower number, then look at the author, the history, the theology, and the musical worth of the piece and make a decision.
I also think that every parish should be equipped with an automatic guitar detector that locks on to any guitar within 100 meters and targets it with at least a dozen RPGs.
Having the same address on whois doesn't mean that is your residence.
Agreed. And the same should apply to pianos, and electronic/casio keyboards. The instrument to be used for sacred music is the organ - with the pipe organ (not electronic gizmo)as the instrument of choice.
Such is clearly indicated in the beloved documents of Vatican II.
On your elimination list I would also include, rocks, sticks, percussion instruments in general, anything which uses and amplifier, a whole wealth of bizzare primitive things from tribes of the rain forests of South America; wind chimes, and two hands clapping.
How about 1500 meters with a Barrett .50?
Or Barrett's newest offering, a 25MM (!!!) HE-tipped, shoulder-fired target accuracy to 2500 meters at 2600 fps?