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Top 10 Ways To Get The Office Babe
askmen.com ^ | 12/04 | shawn croft

Posted on 03/07/2005 11:49:09 AM PST by pissant

So you're scoping out the hotty that joined the payroll? You're not alone; far from it. Here are some suggestions as to how you can stand out from the clutter and eventually win out.

10. Compliment other women To get a gauge of her interest, throw in a comment about how some other woman is attractive. See how she reacts: does she get jealous or think you are immature? If it bothers her slightly, chances are she wants you to compliment her.

9. Stand out from the masses Distance yourself from the many men who are flocking to the office babe and throwing themselves at her. She will view them all as already conquered, while you will represent the challenge for her.

8. Bump into one another as you leave Try to coordinate it so you finish at the same time. Be subtle though. If you can time it so you both leave the office simultaneously, then you can walk from work, a perfect opportunity to get to know the women better and determine whether or not she even knows you exist.

7. Let her overhear your conversation with your lady friends She need not know more than the basics, but let her see how you make your friends and family laugh and enjoy life. She will want to be on the other end of the conversation, and then some.

6. Have a life outside of work If you have a chance, make sure that she sees you outside of work, especially if you come across as too serious on the job. If you offer intelligence, charm, compassion, a sense of humor, and a desire to have fun and live life to the fullest, she just might want to share that with you.

5. Don't get drunk and flirt with other colleagues Sounds obvious, especially since it takes very little for a woman to write you off. Her even suspecting that there is a chance you picked up the woman who sits across from her will make her cross you off her list, for good.

4. Use your strengths She can see who the best looking guy at the office is. But you're not in a club and the music is not loud, so don't use this as an excuse. Talk to her, make her smile and laugh, even flirt with her (discreetly), as long as you do not show her your aces. Remember, the good looking ones get boring quickly if they don't have a personality to back up their looks. Assuming you have a sense of humor, can chat with a woman and pique her interest, you are in the lead.

3. Show respect for others and pay attention to everyone This is a double-edged sword. Show enough attention to other males and females so that your "target" sees you're not only nice to her because you want her. However, as you can imagine, do not be too nice to other girls.

2. Stand out I don't care what anybody says; nobody will ever notice you, let alone go out with you if you are a mere shadow on the walls. Make sure you get noticed, but don't become obnoxious, because that's one thing girls hate.

1. Give her a sneak preview Without bragging too much, describe your weekend escapades (the stuff that doesn't incriminate you of course). The hottest girls can have fairly boring lives as intimidated guys fear asking them out. Admittedly, the more stuck-up girls refuse everything in sight, so these you may not even want in the first place, well...


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KEYWORDS: hotties; typicalcrappyfrmen
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They forgot that stalking always works wonders....
1 posted on 03/07/2005 11:49:10 AM PST by pissant
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To: pissant

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her.


2 posted on 03/07/2005 11:52:26 AM PST by b4its2late (This is like deja vu all over again.)
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To: b4its2late

I saw that on a bumper sticker...


3 posted on 03/07/2005 11:53:22 AM PST by pissant
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To: pissant
Try to coordinate it so you finish at the same time.

ahem!

4 posted on 03/07/2005 11:54:59 AM PST by The_Victor (Calvin: "Do tigers wear pajamas?", Hobbes: "Truth is we never take them off.")
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To: b4its2late

A friend of mine says it this way: "Show me a hot chick and I'll show you a guy who's tired of f*****g her."


5 posted on 03/07/2005 11:55:49 AM PST by KeyesPlease
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To: pissant

Step 1 should be tro ask her if her name is Lorena Bobbit or Caren McDonald:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1357827/posts?page=10#10


6 posted on 03/07/2005 11:56:05 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance (“Every time a system is made foolproof - a new class of fool emerges.”)
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To: The_Victor

that's a toughie....


7 posted on 03/07/2005 11:56:20 AM PST by pissant
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To: b4its2late

As told to me years back:

My buddy married the hottest girl from school. She had remained very attractive. Buddy 2 said "I'll bet you bang her EVERY night." Buddy 1 said that he probably yanks thecrank just as much as any other married guy.

Moral of the story - I don't know, I'm just relating a story I heard.


8 posted on 03/07/2005 11:58:34 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance (“Every time a system is made foolproof - a new class of fool emerges.”)
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To: pissant

Must be true then.... LOL.


9 posted on 03/07/2005 11:59:16 AM PST by b4its2late (This is like deja vu all over again.)
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To: pissant
8. Bump into one another as you leave Try to coordinate it so you finish at the same time. Be subtle though. If you can time it so you both leave the office simultaneously, then you can walk from work, a perfect opportunity to get to know the women better and determine whether or not she even knows you exist.

Just to be clear here, this doesn't mean deliberately physically bump into her. That creeps women out.

10 posted on 03/07/2005 11:59:19 AM PST by xm177e2 (Stalinists, Maoists, Ba'athists, Pacifists: Why are they always on the same side?)
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To: Fierce Allegiance

LOL....


11 posted on 03/07/2005 12:01:23 PM PST by b4its2late (This is like deja vu all over again.)
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To: pissant
as long as you do not show her your aces.

lemme understand this. if you're not the best looking guy in the office, exactly what are your "aces?" If you're independently wealthy, you wouldn't be working there. If you were the boss, you wouldn't have to do anything special to "win" her...

12 posted on 03/07/2005 12:02:00 PM PST by the invisib1e hand ("remember, from ashes you came, to ashes you will return.")
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To: pissant

You forgot to note that you excerpted this from Bill Clinton's book....


/sarc OFF


13 posted on 03/07/2005 12:03:01 PM PST by The Spirit Of Allegiance (ATTN. MARXIST RED MSM: I RESENT your "RED STATE" switcheroo using our ELECTORAL MAP as PROPAGANDA!)
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To: pissant
that's a toughie....

But always worth the effort. Practice, practice, practice.

14 posted on 03/07/2005 12:08:57 PM PST by The_Victor (Calvin: "Do tigers wear pajamas?", Hobbes: "Truth is we never take them off.")
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To: the invisib1e hand

If you ain't the office hunk, I guess you're SOL.....


15 posted on 03/07/2005 1:00:23 PM PST by pissant
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To: pissant

One of our luminaries shared his most effective pickup line:

"Does this rag smell like chloroform?"

Stalking is probably a lot slower.

Me find that sharing part of a dead squirrel works well in the canine world, as does smelling like rabbit poop...well...it worked the last time I was allowed out of the Official Muttly Compound unescorted...a long, long time ago.

Hope this helps.


16 posted on 03/07/2005 1:08:21 PM PST by PoorMuttly ("I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom")
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To: pissant

I've had good luck just sitting quietly and licking my eyebrows.


17 posted on 03/07/2005 1:08:23 PM PST by bayourod (Unless we get over 40% of the Hispanic vote in 2008, President Hillary will take all your guns away.)
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To: bayourod

ROFLMAO... you crack me up.


18 posted on 03/07/2005 1:58:44 PM PST by RedBeaconNY (The greatest mystery to man, is man himself.)
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To: pissant

I suppose I should weigh in on this soberly. Getting the office "babe" is a really, really bad idea as long as you work there.


19 posted on 03/07/2005 2:33:33 PM PST by the invisib1e hand ("remember, from ashes you came, to ashes you will return.")
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To: pissant
Of course, following any of this advice has probably a 50/50 chance of leading you into a sexual harassment lawsuit (which you will lose).
20 posted on 03/07/2005 2:35:44 PM PST by kevkrom (If people are free to do as they wish, they are almost certain not to do as Utopian planners wish)
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To: the invisib1e hand

Depends. A few months of "power lunches" might be worth the grief you get when you dump her for the next babette that comes in the door.....


21 posted on 03/07/2005 2:36:57 PM PST by pissant
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To: kevkrom

That's why you need to record her begging for your services prior to dumping her....


22 posted on 03/07/2005 2:37:59 PM PST by pissant
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To: pissant

Or yo`u can ask Harry Stonecipher!


23 posted on 03/07/2005 2:41:18 PM PST by Young Werther
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To: pissant

Or yo`u can ask Harry Stonecipher!


24 posted on 03/07/2005 2:41:43 PM PST by Young Werther
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To: pissant
That's why you need to record her begging for your services prior to dumping her....

Um... right. That's exactly what I was doing with that hidden videocamera in the bedroom. As far as anybody (except subscribers) knows, that is.

25 posted on 03/07/2005 2:43:31 PM PST by kevkrom (If people are free to do as they wish, they are almost certain not to do as Utopian planners wish)
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To: the invisib1e hand

No joke. Don't get your meat where you get your bread.


26 posted on 03/07/2005 2:44:21 PM PST by The Red Baron
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To: pissant
1. Give her a sneak preview...

Use this one when the lights are real dim ;-)

27 posted on 03/07/2005 2:45:34 PM PST by Liberator
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To: KeyesPlease

That's stupid and so not true. That's the only thing he's not tired of. Haven't you ever had a great looking girlfriend but find yourself wondering at some point "will this... woman... ever...Shut....UPPPPPPP?" Then you start fantasizing how she would look with a gag in her mouth.

Gag it, bag it, tag it.


28 posted on 03/07/2005 2:46:50 PM PST by johnb838 ("You Have Ruled, Now Let Us See You Enforce" Need some wood?)
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To: pissant

If you date an office person and it doesn't work out, you are screwed if you ever wanted to date another person at work.
No woman wants to be thought of as the second or third choice in dating. Plus many of these woman will chat among themselves, including the one your already dated.


29 posted on 03/07/2005 2:48:01 PM PST by A CA Guy (God Bless America, God bless and keep safe our fighting men and women.)
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To: johnb838; pissant
Then you start fantasizing how she would look with a gag in her mouth

Apparently this is one of those subscribers...

30 posted on 03/07/2005 2:48:46 PM PST by kevkrom (If people are free to do as they wish, they are almost certain not to do as Utopian planners wish)
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To: A CA Guy

I'm married and happily so. This is me just trying to help out my fellow freepers. When I worked as bartender, it was a race to see who could snag the newest cocktail babe. Made for lotsa drama!


31 posted on 03/07/2005 2:52:14 PM PST by pissant
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To: kevkrom

depends on the type of gag....


32 posted on 03/07/2005 2:52:51 PM PST by pissant
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To: the invisib1e hand
"lemme understand this. if you're not the best looking guy in the office, exactly what are your 'aces'?"

You make it very clear that personal hygiene is "important," you're "disease-free," and you have a tongue that is capable of being used as a helicopter propeller.

33 posted on 03/07/2005 2:54:49 PM PST by Liberator
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To: pissant
7. Let her overhear your conversation with your lady friends She need not know more than the basics, but let her see how you make your friends and family laugh and enjoy life.

Sure, wifey will laugh and enjoy life all the way to a lawyer.
Wonder if this guy has a "ten step system" for that.
And where is "work" on his 10 point list for employment.

Jammer
34 posted on 03/07/2005 2:57:22 PM PST by JamminJAY (This space for rent)
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To: pissant

mark


35 posted on 03/07/2005 3:00:44 PM PST by cyborg (http://mentalmumblings.blogspot.com/)
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To: the invisib1e hand

I suppose I should weigh in on this soberly. Getting the office "babe" is a really, really bad idea as long as you work there.

Dear Mrs Web said, "Never fish in the office pool."


36 posted on 03/07/2005 3:47:00 PM PST by mlmr (The "Naked and the Fred"....is back!)
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To: pissant

I'll wait to read 68 year old, Boeing CEO Harry Stonecipher's book.


37 posted on 03/07/2005 3:59:33 PM PST by vox_freedom (Fear no evil)
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To: vox_freedom

I think Stoncipher was married, and it was in his contract not to boink the help. Bad move....


38 posted on 03/07/2005 4:00:55 PM PST by pissant
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To: pissant
"The hottest girls can have fairly boring lives as intimidated guys fear asking them out."

Of all the "truths" in this fine post, this one stands out head and shoulders above the rest. It's the gospel truth. FAR too many drop-dead gorgeous women have dull social lives because men assume that "well......she HAS to already have someone".

Don't you believe it. Knowledge of this fact as a young man helped me tremendously.

Ahem.

39 posted on 03/07/2005 5:02:10 PM PST by RightOnline
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To: the invisib1e hand

Your "aces"........your personality. Have one. Use it. Show it. Don't be a clown about it or anything (a VERY common mistake, especially among younger men).

Also..........be funny, despite my previous admonishment to avoid being a clown. Women love a guy who can make them laugh. See "personality" above.


40 posted on 03/07/2005 5:04:26 PM PST by RightOnline
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To: RightOnline

Yeah, hot babes love finger puppets and homemade potato guns. Works every time....


41 posted on 03/07/2005 5:09:22 PM PST by pissant
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To: pissant

LOL.....................you're a very, very sick man. :)




I wanna party with YOU.


42 posted on 03/07/2005 7:05:34 PM PST by RightOnline
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To: RightOnline; Liberator
Your "aces"........your personality. Have one. Use it. Show it. Don't be a clown about it or anything (a VERY common mistake, especially among younger men). Also..........be funny, despite my previous admonishment to avoid being a clown. Women love a guy who can make them laugh. See "personality" above.

You make it very clear that personal hygiene is "important," you're "disease-free," and you have a tongue that is capable of being used as a helicopter propeller.

all of this I have in abundance, Masters. what lacketh I? Could be that there is no "babe" on the payroll? Could be that I married on once and it was a disaster.

Should we really be having this discussion on the same day that a bigshot at Boeing gets sacrificed on the altar of "sexual harassment policy?"

43 posted on 03/07/2005 8:43:20 PM PST by the invisib1e hand ("remember, from ashes you came, to ashes you will return.")
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To: pissant
Bad move....

Not to mention what Mrs. Stonecipher might want to extract from Mr. in retribution.

PS pissant, my favorite user name on FR. I laugh every time I see it.

44 posted on 03/07/2005 8:49:32 PM PST by vox_freedom (Fear no evil)
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To: the invisib1e hand
"All of this I have in abundance, Masters. what lacketh I? Could be that there is no 'babe' on the payroll? Could be that I married on once and it was a disaster."

Could be the "no-babe-on-the-payroll" factor ;-)

Forget about the ex-old lady. Learn from your mistake, Grasshopper.

As many ladies were burned by their jerks, as were you. They await their White Knight in Shining Armor.(Or helicopter tongue in cowboy boots ;-)

45 posted on 03/08/2005 6:17:12 AM PST by Liberator
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To: pissant

For once I actually see good advice to men in this article. Simple and basic.


46 posted on 03/08/2005 6:22:16 AM PST by ValerieUSA
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To: RightOnline

Right.


47 posted on 03/08/2005 6:26:43 AM PST by ValerieUSA
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To: pissant

Finger puppets??? Where?!?!?


48 posted on 03/08/2005 6:27:53 AM PST by ValerieUSA
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To: pissant
Being her boss helps.
49 posted on 03/08/2005 6:29:56 AM PST by HuntsvilleTxVeteran (When you compromise with evil, evil wins. AYN RAND)
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To: Liberator
Forget about the ex-old lady. Learn from your mistake, Grasshopper. As many ladies were burned by their jerks, as were you. They await their White Knight in Shining Armor.(Or helicopter tongue in cowboy boots ;-)

...withdraws, pondering the Mystery, bowing in reverence.

50 posted on 03/08/2005 7:32:24 AM PST by the invisib1e hand ("remember, from ashes you came, to ashes you will return.")
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