Free Republic
Browse · Search
Smoky Backroom
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Sex and the Unmarried Christian
Beliefnet.com ^ | 4/28/05 | Holly Lebowitz Rossi

Posted on 04/28/2005 12:03:24 PM PDT by Recovering_Democrat

click here to read article


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-50 ... 201-250251-300301-350351-376 last
To: missyme; Terriergal
missyme: Personally I would not marry someone until I had Sex with them, but that's just me...

Yeah, when I was still single (and a virgin) I had a couple of "Christian" girlfriends dump me, saying exactly that.

One later repented and is living a reasonably good life although she's still single; the other continued in her Bible-defying ways and got into a very bad marriage that didn't last long and caused her rivers of tears.

351 posted on 04/29/2005 8:13:03 AM PDT by Rytwyng (we're here, we're Huguenots, get used to us...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 329 | View Replies]

To: missyme
What if you marry a man without being intimate and realize that there is a big problem in that department??? You are now Married you have a unsatisafying no passion sexual life

It's all in the technique. You have to be willing to learn. Naura Hayden wrote a really nice little red book that every man should read before getting married.

352 posted on 04/29/2005 8:19:49 AM PDT by Rytwyng (we're here, we're Huguenots, get used to us...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 348 | View Replies]

To: TexasGreg

Ping


353 posted on 04/29/2005 8:31:53 AM PDT by GarySpFc (Sneakypete, De Oppresso Liber)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 350 | View Replies]

To: Rytwyng

It surely is not because they has pre-marital sex...
I speak from the point of being un-married, married and know problems exsist in marraiges has nothing to do with the fact they were sleeping together before they tied the knot...


354 posted on 04/29/2005 8:53:13 AM PDT by missyme (Don't let the door hit ya in the ?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 351 | View Replies]

To: Rytwyng

OH My Lord,
I would not even consider dating a man let alone marrying him that had to open up a book to understand sexual mechanics and passion... Maybe a Book on how to be more romantic *MAYBE*


355 posted on 04/29/2005 8:56:08 AM PDT by missyme (Don't let the door hit ya in the ?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 352 | View Replies]

To: missyme
I would not even consider dating a man let alone marrying him that had to open up a book to understand sexual mechanics and passion

If you were a virgin til age 38, you'd want to accelerate the learning curve a bit when you finally got a chance to go for it. Worked just fine; ask my wife.

Maybe a Book on how to be more romantic *MAYBE*

Now THAT'S precisely what you should NOT need any training in!

356 posted on 04/29/2005 9:16:21 AM PDT by Rytwyng (we're here, we're Huguenots, get used to us...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 355 | View Replies]

To: Rytwyng

I meant for Men....

Hey if this lifestyle worked for you I am happy for ya!
I am just saying because you waited until marraige for SEX does not mean that your a BETTER CHRISTIAN that someone who has, and it's not an insurance policy that you will have a better marraige because of it..

Couples that do belive strongly in GOD have a better chance of staying together because they will try more than just giving up but that has nothing to do if they waited until marraige to sleep together...


357 posted on 04/29/2005 9:49:36 AM PDT by missyme (Don't let the door hit ya in the ?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 356 | View Replies]

To: missyme
I meant for Men....

So did I. I needed no training in being an old-fashioned romantic.

Couples that do belive strongly in GOD have a better chance of staying together because they will try more than just giving up but that has nothing to do if they waited until marraige to sleep together...

Actually, it does, because couples who strongly believe in God are much more likely to obey Him in the matter of premarital sex. So there's certainly a correlation, if not a causality.

358 posted on 04/29/2005 10:00:56 AM PDT by Rytwyng (we're here, we're Huguenots, get used to us...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 357 | View Replies]

To: HairOfTheDog

of that we agree! The Lion of the Tribe of Judah would come despite men's desire to thwart that!


359 posted on 04/29/2005 12:22:21 PM PDT by mdmathis6
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 150 | View Replies]

To: missyme
What if you marry a man without being intimate and realize that there is a big problem in that department??? You are now Married you have a unsatisafying no passion sexual life

What if? Well, dear, you love each other, teach each other, and figure each other out. If you think sex is a matter to be auditioned for, clearly, you aren't ready to commit to a person, you're merely staying as long as you are entertained and pleasured. Those tables can get turned on you as well.

360 posted on 04/29/2005 12:33:31 PM PDT by HairOfTheDog
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 348 | View Replies]

To: missyme
What if you marry a man without being intimate and realize that there is a big problem in that department??? You are now Married you have a unsatisafying no passion sexual life, I guess you can go to therapy or have an affair or divorce...

Yikes. Sorry, but that sounds exactly like how a lost person would approach the situation. Because of Christ, we are not to be of the world, just in it.

If you love someone, you commit to him in every way. You learn together.

361 posted on 04/29/2005 1:15:15 PM PDT by k2blader (Immorality bites.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 348 | View Replies]

To: k2blader

We do not live in a Utopia World, we live in a world full of problems....Many people that do not want to get married are not less valuable human beings and love no less because they don't want a legal marraige...


362 posted on 04/29/2005 1:26:43 PM PDT by missyme (Don't let the door hit ya in the ?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 361 | View Replies]

To: redgolum
No, it's not that they are hypocrites. It's that they are the blandest, most vanilla, mealy-mouthed wankers in the world...

Pod people--it's like they have had personalityectomies. I'm scared of becoming a better Christian because I'm afraid that I will lose the ability to enjoy anything but scripture and self-denial.

They scare me....

363 posted on 04/29/2005 2:02:28 PM PDT by Cogadh na Sith (Steel Bonnets Over the Border)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 278 | View Replies]

To: Cogadh na Sith
Pod people--it's like they have had personalityectomies. I'm scared of becoming a better Christian because I'm afraid that I will lose the ability to enjoy anything but scripture and self-denial. They scare me....

LOL! Yeah, there are a bunch of those. But heh, I have a deep love of theology, and pray often. I also like the taste of Jack Daniels and the smell of burnt gunpowder drifting out of barrel.

Being a Christian doesn't mean you have to be the lump on the wall. You can have a pretty kick but time at it.

364 posted on 04/29/2005 2:45:21 PM PDT by redgolum ("God is dead" -- Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" -- God.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 363 | View Replies]

To: Cogadh na Sith

There are those, and then there was my former pastor, who at the age of 65 participated in a skit during a Singing Christmas tree performance dressed up as Elvis and rode his Harley into the sanctuary. He was a fablulous preacher, well gronded in Biblical principles. Too many down-in-the-mouth Chrisatians seem to not heed God's desire that his children live an abundant life.


365 posted on 04/29/2005 3:06:32 PM PDT by connectthedots
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 363 | View Replies]

To: connectthedots; Cogadh na Sith
Too many down-in-the-mouth Chrisatians seem to not heed God's desire that his children live an abundant life.

Agreed. I miss Rev. Gene Scott.

366 posted on 04/29/2005 4:37:33 PM PDT by Rytwyng (we're here, we're Huguenots, get used to us...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 365 | View Replies]

To: bourbon
"38 8: Juda, therefore, said to Onan his son: Go in to thy brother's wife and marry her, that thou mayst raise seed to thy brother. 38 9: He knowing that the children should not be his, when he went in to his brother's wife, he spilled his seed upon the ground, lest children should be born in his brother's name. 38 10: And therefore the Lord slew him, because he did a detestable thing"

Well the "detestable thing" here technically is pulling out. Masturbating with a womans body is not really masturbating if you ask me. Maybe God is only mad at not breeding when you have been commanded to do so. What about all the poor saps that can't get a woman in the first place? Or maybe I'm just a masturbation apologist, thats likely too.
367 posted on 04/29/2005 7:45:36 PM PDT by ndt
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: SausageDog

I agree that lusting and sexual promiscuity,fornication can be idolitry,or worshiping a false god. If this iniquity is a stronghold for someone,and the church screams to you that it's wrong, along with your guiltyness, and yet you repent over and over as if you were somehow addicted to it and you are truly seeking help,then how does one overcome this? Let's get real,one persons'iniquity is not the same as everyone elses.The bible says," there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,and that the righteous man falls seven times,but the Lord always picks him back up,for no one is righteous,no not one."In fact you might even argue to say that the simple act of faith as the story of Abraham was counted to him as righteousness by God Himself. Then can one believe and have faith for all things, even believing to sever the stronghold of sexual sin? Perhaps this won't happen over night, but the truth is,one can believe, and "seek after righteousness and they shall be filled." Even so,the bible goes on to say "that no man chose God,but God chose man."


368 posted on 04/30/2005 9:00:01 PM PDT by babygirlonly1
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 241 | View Replies]

To: babygirlonly1

God has made arrangements for dealing with the problem of which you speak.
John 20:21-23. Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven."

Origen, Homilies on Leviticus, A.D. 244. ...hear how many are the kinds of forgiveness of sins in the Gospels....
...the remission of sins through penance, when the sinner ... does not shrink from declaring his sins to a priest of the Lord and from seeking medicine...
Hear the rule which the Law enjoins: "If someone of the aforementioned shall have sinned," it says, (Lev. 5:5) "he shall confess the sin which he has sinned." There is something wonderful hidden in this, whereby confession of sins is commanded.

Lucius Lactantius (convert from paganism about 303 A.D., Latin rhetorician) The Divine Institutions, A.D. 304-310. It is, therefore, the Catholic Church alone which retains true worship. This is the fountain of truth; this, the domicile of faith; this, the temple of God. ... Because, however, all the various groups of heretics are confident that they are the Christians, and think that theirs is the Catholic Church, let it be known: that is the true Church, in which there is confession and penance, and which takes a salubrious care of the sins and wounds to which the weak flesh is subject.


369 posted on 04/30/2005 9:52:53 PM PDT by SausageDog
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 368 | View Replies]

To: missyme

I guess you never heard of the soul. Every urge of the body can be transcended by souls who are united with God in love. And this is accepted in every religious tradition, not just Christianity.

Actually, sex desire is a dull/perverted reflection of the soul's desire to love God. Union with God in loving surrender is a bigger rush than sex. Even just a hint is better than sex.


370 posted on 04/30/2005 10:27:22 PM PDT by little jeremiah (Resisting evil is our duty or we are as responsible as those promoting it.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 338 | View Replies]

To: SausageDog

I thought you could you confess your sins to one another. I agree with the scriptures. I just don't think we should call any man Father because we have one Father in Heaven. I do want to thank you for putting up the scriptures. I love the Lord without the stipulations of religeon but rather the freedom I have through Jesus Christ.worshiping Him is my faith, along with repentance and sensitivety to not grieving the Holy Spirit while daily gaining knowledge and excersizing faith in action.


371 posted on 05/02/2005 9:13:13 PM PDT by babygirlonly1 (ET)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 369 | View Replies]

To: little jeremiah

True that! As one who onced lived in this trap of fornication I remember how hard it was for me. Yet when the Holy Spirit fell upon me His presence was out of this world! Just awesome! Who'd have ever thought? Little did I know or ever expect to experience such great presence and overwhelmingly sensational light of God.His bright glory and Burstful yet gentle Spirit took the desires away in an instance and immediately replaced those desires with a desire and greatfulness, fire and Holy passion for Him. And I was not missing anything.


372 posted on 05/02/2005 9:22:15 PM PDT by babygirlonly1 (ET)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 370 | View Replies]

To: babygirlonly1

"You have in Christ ten thousand teachers, but not many fathers, because in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through announcing the gospel. Therefore I exhort you to become imitators of me" (1 Cor. 4:15).


373 posted on 05/03/2005 8:25:20 PM PDT by SausageDog
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 371 | View Replies]

To: Recovering_Democrat

"I wrote this book because sex and chastity have been such huge issues in my own life, and I didn’t feel that any of the books that people were giving me, or any of the seminars that I was attending, were quite fitting the bill".

Couldn't she just talk to her mother? Sheeeeeeeeeeeesh!


374 posted on 05/04/2005 4:26:35 AM PDT by sodpoodle (The Ivory Billed Woodpecker lives - so there PETA!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: no one in particular

In my experience as a woman (not that I've ever been a man), I've found that any man who has not had sexual experience before the age of 30 tends to be damaged goods.

Case in point:
Dated 35 year old man who admitted to being virgin til age of 31 (Actually, he lied about his age. He was really 39)

He lived at home, with parents at said age of 39 (after I got the truth out of him).

Met me. Discovered my computer. Discovered the joy of internet swinger porn. Crashed my computer when I found him out. Then he went to 10:15 mass.

Case in point 2:
Briefly dated a 35 year old who was a virgin. At the age of 37 he is STILL a virgin. I am getting married in a week. He is still calling me and asking my opinion about what to do about his "condition". Referred him to numerous books on the subject.

Both men were damaged goods in my opinion.

I am not a virgin. My fiancee is not a virgin. We do not fight, over money, sex or anything. We do not throw our previous sexual experiences in each other's face nor do we cringe at hearing an old flame's name. In fact, I still have old boyfriends over for dinner occasionally.

We are not "unconventional". We do not have children out of wedlock. We do not have STD's. We both have jobs (actually, 2 each between us). While we do not live for sex, we both agree that celibacy til the big day would be not be for us.

I can't imagine marrying someone I have not had the opportunity to "test drive". Sex is part of life. And just as everyone has their own style of writing, driving, talking, etc., we all have our own unique sexual style. I would hate to get married to someone who, upon consummating the wedding act, does NOTHING for me.



375 posted on 05/10/2005 10:56:16 AM PDT by Woman on Caroline Street (I'm sick and tired of pressing 1 for english)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 374 | View Replies]

To: Woman on Caroline Street

Are you saying that the first virgin guy who lived with his Mom and discovered the joy of porn through your computer was damaged goods? Because I think that he already had curiosity and access to porn before he even met you. He crashed your computer because you found him out and in my opinion he felt pissed because his "virginous" cover was blown. Just the fact that he lived with his mother seems like a no no to me, virgin or no virgin. If you were to have children, would he have truly been able to financially , and mentally take care of them anyway? Let's not even get into his ability to perform.Some guys especially 35 year olds who still live at home try to run and play game by using thier "inner" beauty to attract flies to thier web because they're hungry, a.k.a desperate for some woman to think that they are great because they truly don't feel great about themselves. When they lie, it's because they think they have control over what another thinks or sees them as and when they are busted they freak out because they no longer have control over what that other person thinks of them anymore.He never believed you would love him for him anyway so he pretended to be a"virgin", and virgins have the rap of being sexually pure. No one expects a virgin to watch porn because they obviously have exhibited self control. That's not true of all virgins. There's plenty more reasons combined with just this one. The bible says that people lie to those they hate. He probably unawaringly hated you because he didn't think that you could truly love him despite his flaws anyway. You didn't meet someone who was a loser because they were bad in bed, you met a lier! Are you afraid that the 37 year old virgin is going to turn out like the innocent little swinger? Not every virgin is the same but every lier is the same.The wait till you get married thing is the personal relationship that each of us have with God. Will we be faithful to God in our bodies, is the question. Better yet can we? If we can , then how? If we can't then what? Do we throw out or try to justify by saying I can't imagine not being sexually satisfied? Or do we say, I can't imagine choosing not to be be faithful and obedient to God over a bodily desire? The Lord says that the flesh is in constant war with the spirit. That tells us that sometimes our bodies desires win a battle and sometimes when we deny our flesh through the gentle spirit of God then the spirit wins. Make yourself a goal to side with God and know that the spirit has won the entire war already. Not by might and not by power but by My Spirit, says The Lord.The spirit of the Lord will come to your aid when you need comfort for knowingly fornicating with or without justifications. You're not condemned but it's great to repent and ask God for forgiveness and of course seek after righteousness. By doing so then the bible says that you shall be filled with righteousness. No, it isn't biblical to have sex with someone that you are GOING to marry. Yet since you can't control yourselves then get married so that your body will be spared from judgement. There is no denying that bad sex is aweful. It is. Even the best married lovers are not always faithful lovers. It's all in the way our minds think about sex. Men, I've heard are visual and so on.. I wish true christian men could pin point what would make them a better lover with thier spouse. Sometimes it's like where is the passion? Maybe we should start a thread asking Christian men what it is that they truly need in order to be better lovers? It might be like pulling teeth, considering that men (generally speaking) have fragile egos.


376 posted on 05/17/2005 11:56:26 PM PDT by babygirlonly1 (ET)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 375 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-50 ... 201-250251-300301-350351-376 last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Smoky Backroom
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson