Posted on 02/22/2008 1:50:41 AM PST by Froufrou
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph... PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter....
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you fu**ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness -- actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?
Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always....
Best, Wendi Aarons Austin , TX
Shouldn’t she have ended her letter with a big, fat PERIOD?!!
Miss you ladies ping!
I question [that re] mark!?
For your ping list, with affection...
LOL, the lady does have a way with words...........
I’m laughing so hard tears are running down my face. Nodding and laughing.
LOL! Boudica lives.
Thanks for the ping, Froufrou; hope all is well.
ping
I’m laughing too hard right now for anything more than
PING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the ping...and the laugh!
She certainly has a way with words.
I concur.
I just emailed this to a friend of mine-——his wife works for P&G!!!
Thanks for the ping. Just last night my husband made the giant mistake of dissing Jon and Kate Plus 8 when I was watching it. Poor fella never saw it coming.
LOL!!!!
My husband knows to make sure the beer fridge is fully stocked, everything else is then forgiveable :) He only had to make the mistake of forgetting the beer once, and that was before we were married. Today is our 11th anniversary and there has not been a problem during those years :)
Yep, the hangover is worth the lack of symptoms for a few blissful hours. One of my daughters has friends coming to spend the night tonight and I told her we could make slurpees with her machine. Here’s hoping they don’t mistakenly get the ones laced with vodka.
LOL!!!
For my bride, I keep beer or wine in the fridge, a substaintial amount of ammo for her to take to the range, and stay as far away from her as possible.
As she says as she goes through her period....."Stay away from me before I rip your face off."
I can take a hint.
She’s good! LOL!
Printing that out for the women I work with. They’ll love it...Period!
Link doesn’t work. Can someone fix it? I’ve got about 10 people I’d like to email this to. Starting with my wife.
oh that is hilarious!!!
The link takes you to FR’s posting page.
Google the title of the thread. You’ll get more links than you can imagine.
Excellent. I am with her.
http://wendi-aarons.blogspot.com/2007/03/as-seen-on-mcsweeneysnet.html
The lady has her own blogspot and it googled easily enough. Please excuse my previous laziness! ;o)
I funny ping!
OK, I’m laughing like a goose here......
Passing it on to all the females I know!
Oh wow! This is brilliant humor.
LOL!!
Didn’t work for me either so I copied and pasted.
Thanks for the ping. I have tears rolling down my face from laughing.
Swing, batta, batta...
This has to be the reason for menopause. An entire lifetime like this would be just too cruel...
a little F-16 in my pants?
ROFLMAO!
Sounds fly, doesn’t it? ;p
We seem to always be on the same threads!
Happy Anny from the frozen tundra to your north.
This reminds me: I’ve always wondered who the moron was who put child-proof caps on PMS medicine. As if I weren’t aggrevated enough with life, then I have to find vice grips to open the damned bottle.
Thanks!!!!!
And you’re right, we often do seem to wind up always on the same threads!!!
I’m getting ready to post my weekly gardening thread.......
decadent minds think alike. heehee
That was the funniest comment in the whole thing.
I'm sending this to every female I know.
Okay, that was really funny. I especially liked “Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong!”
I am amused.
“Have a Happy Period”...what were they thinking?
My husband told me Maxi-Pads had some sort of thong kind of pad/underwear thing. Words failed me.
You got that right!
Right? Who wants to wear a thong at that ‘time?’ Sheesh!
Baaaad visual Frou. ack!
>OK, I’m laughing like a goose here......<
No, you aren’t squirting stinky wet stuff all over the floor like a goose does, are you?
Yuck!
Yeah, I remember seeing those in the store for the first time and having a "WTF Moment". There's just no way. None.
Just too funny but so true. Sent hubby a link to post on his website under the banner of “For Women Only”...should get lots of response....lol. (I’m sure some men will click on just to see what it’s all about. SURPRISE!!)
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