FYI: Is There a Scientific Way to Measure How Bad a Fart Smells?

Popular Science ^ | 9/1/2009 | Bjorn Carey

[Saije]

You’re in luck. For their senior project, two Cornell University computer-engineering whizzes recently built a machine that does just that. After learning in class how breathalyzers work, Robert Clain and Miguel Salas assembled a fart detector from a sensitive hydrogen sulfide monitor, a thermometer and a microphone and wrote the software that would rate the emission. A “slight perturbance in the air” near the detector sets it to work measuring the three pillars of fart quality: stench, temperature and sound. Temperature, Clain explains, is critical. The hotter a fart, the faster it spreads. “It beeps faster if it’s a high ranker, and a voice rates it on a scale of zero to nine,” he says. “If it ranks a nine, a fan comes on to blow it away. It even records the noise so you can play it back later.” After a few months of construction, they began field tests. “Well, the sample data wasn’t the entire school, but we definitely tested it,” Salas says.

The contraption could even have use outside of fraternity houses, Clain says, as a biosensor for harmful hydrogen-sulfide-producing bacteria in hospitals. Or dentists could use it to measure oral malodor. They’ve also received some interest from doctors with four-legged patients. “You can test the health of livestock through the quality of their farts,” Salas says. “Smell and sound can tell you a lot about their bowel movements.”

[Saije]

I usually rely on my nose. And other people's reactions.

[beethovenfan]

Were you attending an Obama speech?

[unkus]

This is a disgisting, useless post.

[theDentist]

Gee I hope tax dollars weren’t spent on this sh**.

[Safrguns]

lol... pull the machine’s finger

[NCBraveheart]

Only in America!

[fso301]

Is There a Scientific Way to Measure How Bad a Fart Smells?

By watching Rahm "The Dancer" Emanuel's body language

[Young Werther]

I was taught that in order to understand a subject you should begin with a historical perspective. Therefore at Amazon you can prchase---

I got mine for Fa(the)r_ts Day!

[LiberConservative]

When I was a kid I knew another kid who could fart at will. He was a riot and the most popular kid in the neighborhood. Then one day, after one of his fartapaloozas he accidentally crapped his pants. We laughed at him mercilessly. He never did it again.

[hole_n_one]

This is a disgisting, useless post.

You didn't bother to read the 2nd paragraph, did you?

[motor_racer]

I think it was the late (very lamented) George Carlin who observed, “Did you ever notice how your own farts don’t smell that bad? (Farts) That was fairly decent!”

[billorites]

If it wakes me up out of a deep sleep then I consider it pretty noteworthy.

[Trod Upon]

So why bother participating in the thread? The title gives ample warning.

[The Great RJ]

I bet some university could get millions of TARP dollars to do further research.

[Neets]

Yea, you just pull the cover over your head and inhale.

[SunkenCiv]

Well, this guy here looks like a fart smeller:

[unkus]

I was just expressing my opinion. You’re right.

[Malone LaVeigh]

As part of the dims Cap & Trade legislation, we’ll probably all have one of these gizmo’s installed in our homes and cars.

[Jaxter]

"..he accidentally crapped his pants."

His name wasn't Lord Windesmere was it?

[massmike]

[real saxophonist]

When I was a kid I knew another kid who could fart at will.

I bet Will didn't like that very much.

[eyedigress]

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

I would think if Al Gore has you named as the number one hazard to the environment, they’re bad.

[BOBWADE]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIJMf24N3YY&feature=PlayList&p=8CAECB6827A26B78&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=7

[Chickensoup]

The Merk Manual had a good descriptive paragrah for evaluation in it’s print version.

The paragraph didnt survive the move to the internet.

[silentreignofheroes]

Ask my Wife.

Knows All.

Sees All.

And “Smells All.”

[USMCPOP]

Anyone can measure them. I’ve concentrated my energy on the generation side.

[Chode]

leave it to BigRed...

[rockinqsranch]

“....Emanuel’s body language...”

I’d love to see his face shaped like a Pug.

[Randy Larsen]

It’s better to fart and waste it than to burp and taste it.

[NonValueAdded]

First, get a wagon and then some buzzards. Next, find some cattle ...

[webschooner]

Easy ... if you ax any dog, they all smell jus’ great!

“And please fart more and often, and poop on the floor so I can smell that too”, saith the dog.

[Route395]

"It’s hard to fart something really smelly on command”..... Just eat a pot of Andersons Split pea soup and you will fart at will.....

[FreeStateYank]

I laughed so hard my eyes watered...or was that caused by the other thing?

[Mad Dawgg]

"Just eat a pot of Andersons Split pea soup and you will fart at will....."

How does Will feel about such a prospect?

[airborne]

Trust me.

Nothing is worse than a fart from my 14 year old Dalmation!

[Nik Naym]

“...fart at will.”

Must have sucked to be Will.

[this_ol_patriot]

...assembled a fart detector from a sensitive hydrogen sulfide monitor...

Bah, detecting the toot is child's play, only a well trained human nose can whiff the subtle overtones that lets one detect a beer fart from an egg fart, a cheese fart from a broccoli fart, a peanut fart from a chili pepper fart and the multiple "nose" farts like the Domino's fart from a Taco Bell fart. Science can only go so far, it is the noses of highly trained men that are the ultimate fart experts.

three pillars of fart quality: stench, temperature and sound...

Totally ignores controllability, the keystone of historic farting.

[Saije]

I can see why you might think that but what I found interesting about the article wasn’t so much the tee hee aspect but that these college kids actually invented something that might be useful. They’re the whiz kids of the future. Today it’s a class project with a certain frat boy yuck yuck element but once they grow up a little they might just invent something truly amazing.

[unkus]

OK ..I’m too old I guess.

[roamer_1]

Ahh... a kinda sewer connoisseur...

[thecodont]

I can see why you might think that but what I found interesting about the article wasn’t so much the tee hee aspect but that these college kids actually invented something that might be useful. They’re the whiz kids of the future. Today it’s a class project with a certain frat boy yuck yuck element but once they grow up a little they might just invent something truly amazing.

They'll get an NIH grant.

I'm serious.

[hoagy62]

Now...if they want a rating system, they need to consider the KIND of fart they’re trying to rate.

For instance, a room-clearing SBD (Silent But Deadly) might garner a high rating. But is it better than, say, a fart that’s so loud and prolonged that it wakes up 3 men out of a sound sleep?

(Think such an animal doesn’t exist? Oh yes it does...because I did it. Lots of German beer + a good night’s sleep + horrid gas pains in the morning = the world’s worst alarm clock. Nearly ended my life, too. Not the fart itself, but I was almost pummeled to death by my 3 roommates.)

[floozy22]

Flatulence in a can.

[shibumi]

"This is a disgisting, useless post."

No post is useless if it offers an opportunity to revere the memory of he who made the greatest contribution to the French national identity and pride since the egalitarian revolution.

None other than Joseph Pujol - Le Petomane

[Markos33]

Pepe Le Pew?

[dalereed]

I’s how many rows you can clear out in a theater!

I had a friend that was proud to be able to clear at least 3 by eating pickled boiled eggs and beer before going to the theater!

[PLMerite]

“After learning in class how breathalyzers work...”

I swear, if a cop ever pulls me over and tells me to...

[Markos33]

“I There A Scientific Way to Measure How Bad a Fart Smells?”

Yes. If it doesn’t make the folks in the elevator puke, then it wasn’t a good one.

That’s Powerful Stuff.

[Slings and Arrows]

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