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Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game, Too
New York Times ^ | July 12, 2013 | Kate Taylor

Posted on 07/13/2013 8:24:15 PM PDT by nickcarraway

At 11 on a weeknight earlier this year, her work finished, a slim, pretty junior at the University of Pennsylvania did what she often does when she has a little free time. She texted her regular hookup — the guy she is sleeping with but not dating. What was he up to? He texted back: Come over. So she did. They watched a little TV, had sex and went to sleep.

Their relationship, she noted, is not about the meeting of two souls.

“We don’t really like each other in person, sober,” she said, adding that “we literally can’t sit down and have coffee.”

Ask her why she hasn’t had a relationship at Penn, and she won’t complain about the death of courtship or men who won’t commit. Instead, she’ll talk about “cost-benefit” analyses and the “low risk and low investment costs” of hooking up.

“I positioned myself in college in such a way that I can’t have a meaningful romantic relationship, because I’m always busy and the people that I am interested in are always busy, too,” she said.

“And I know everyone says, ‘Make time, make time,’ ” said the woman, who spoke on the condition of anonymity but agreed to be identified by her middle initial, which is A. “But there are so many other things going on in my life that I find so important that I just, like, can’t make time, and I don’t want to make time.”

It is by now pretty well understood that traditional dating in college has mostly gone the way of the landline, replaced by “hooking up” — an ambiguous term that can signify anything from making out to oral sex to intercourse — without the emotional entanglement of a relationship.

(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...


TOPICS: Heated Discussion
KEYWORDS: culturewar; hookupculture; penn; sexpositiveagenda; slut; smashmonogamy; socialdisease; stds
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1 posted on 07/13/2013 8:24:15 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

(Shaking head.)


2 posted on 07/13/2013 8:25:39 PM PDT by TBP (Obama lies, Granny dies.)
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To: nickcarraway
“We don’t really like each other in person, sober,”

I can tell... she's a catch.

3 posted on 07/13/2013 8:31:15 PM PDT by John123 (US$ - I owe you nothing. Euro - Who owes you nothing.)
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To: nickcarraway
Very sad all around.

And this:

Keenly attuned to what might give them a competitive edge, especially in a time of unsure job prospects and a shaky economy, many of them approach college as a race to acquire credentials: top grades, leadership positions in student organizations, sought-after internships.

Aside from the sexual aspects of "hooking up", this is a culture of naked ambition and greed. It's narcissistic. To be so driven toward material success and personal power. This is a rot that runs very deep.

As the Founders noted, our system of government works, if society is composed of moral people. We've created a culture of "what's in it for me?"

No system of government can save us now. This has to collapse and burn out the rot.

4 posted on 07/13/2013 8:32:13 PM PDT by ClearCase_guy (21st century. I'm not a fan.)
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To: nickcarraway

Shows how nihilistic young people are these days - not surprising given the high divorce rate and huge number of out-of-wedlock births, meaning no father in the family.

My daughter (age 22) tells me WE, her parents are the ONLY intact family among all of her friends, the rest are either children of divorced parents or were raised by single mothers.


5 posted on 07/13/2013 8:32:36 PM PDT by Bon of Babble (Due to the current economic situation, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off!!)
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To: nickcarraway

Sex in college? Say it ain’t so!


6 posted on 07/13/2013 8:32:47 PM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: TBP

(Shaking head.) x 2


7 posted on 07/13/2013 8:33:48 PM PDT by volunbeer (We must embrace austerity or austerity will embrace us)
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To: TBP
“We don’t really like each other in person, sober,” she said, adding that “we literally can’t sit down and have coffee.”

So, dear . . . what's the difference between you and a female dog in heat?

Maybe that the female dog eventually reverts to normalcy?

8 posted on 07/13/2013 8:36:12 PM PDT by Vigilanteman (Obama: Fake black man. Fake Messiah. Fake American. How many fakes can you fit in one Zer0?)
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To: Larry Lucido

Don’t give me that. That’s the crap that always shows up on these threads.

It’s NOT the same as it was decades ago.

Yes, people had sex in college in the 1800’s, and the 1920s and the 1950s and the 1980s. We know that it happened.

But not like this. No. It’s mendacious to say that the hook up culture we have today was always there to the degree it is now. The behavior we see today would have been classified as a mental illness not long ago. It’s not AT ALL healthy, and most people know that.

To pass it off as “same old same old” is BAD.


9 posted on 07/13/2013 8:37:22 PM PDT by ClearCase_guy (21st century. I'm not a fan.)
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To: nickcarraway

I think it is true that when I was a college-age guy, I’m not going to lie and say that I wouldn’t have wanted to meet a girl like that.

That said, what I find extremely sad about this is the overt repudiation of affection and romance. It would be one thing I think, to have a fling that is meaningless, but it completely different thing to come out and say “I think that meaningful relationships are childish, stupid and boring. I am going to eschew that intentionally, and focus on doing one night stands.”

I’ve always found it extremely sad to hear men say that (though I admit that it has been occasionally humorous as well) and there is something nearly obscene and unseemly seeing this type of thing advocated by a woman.

Many women do have a positive influence on men… We don’t always recognize it or appreciate it, but the truth of the matter is… They do. I find it depressing to think there are women who want to be like men in many ways… The bad ways.


10 posted on 07/13/2013 8:40:58 PM PDT by rlmorel (Silence: The New Hate Speech)
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To: ClearCase_guy

Its not like there has been much change in the last thirty five years.
With the introduction of cheap birth control and abortion women began behaving pretty much the same as men in private.

Now it isn’t even veiled except when they engage in sex with the underaged or hire prostitutes.


11 posted on 07/13/2013 8:42:36 PM PDT by MrEdd (Heck? Geewhiz Cripes, thats the place where people who don't believe in Gosh think they aint going.)
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To: ClearCase_guy; Larry Lucido

ClearCase_guy Is correct in this case, in my opinion.

I can without a doubt, even I never lived in that era, be certain that there was a time in this country not long ago where people would view that kind of attitude with actual shock.

And I certainly don’t think that it was ever prevalent. If there was a woman by the college campus who felt this way, I am pretty sure that the guys all over campus (and the women as well) would do exactly who she was.


12 posted on 07/13/2013 8:45:19 PM PDT by rlmorel (Silence: The New Hate Speech)
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To: ClearCase_guy

There were girls behaving exactly like this in my high school in the seventies. You saw only what you CHOSE to see. Yeah they hid it unless they decided not to get an abortion but the behavior was the same.


13 posted on 07/13/2013 8:45:54 PM PDT by MrEdd (Heck? Geewhiz Cripes, thats the place where people who don't believe in Gosh think they aint going.)
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To: TBP

I don’t have to shake my head, it’s an easy answer.

She is a pig. A slut. A scumbag.

Not that there is anything wrong with that, but lets call a Spade a Spade. She is a whore.


14 posted on 07/13/2013 8:47:19 PM PDT by Venturer
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To: Larry Lucido

“Sex in college? Say it ain’t so!”

I heard there’s drinking too!


15 posted on 07/13/2013 8:50:49 PM PDT by rey
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To: MrEdd
I went to college in the 1970s. Before AIDS. I was a deadhead. My entire college experience was wrapped up in drugs and rock and roll. I was a non-stop partier for the entire time. My morals were poor. The morals of everyone I knew were poor.

I had very little success with the ladies.
My friends had very little success with the ladies.
Friends of friends had little success with the ladies.
I knew girls -- they weren't getting much action either, because they were careful and picky.

This was in Boston, at the height of the Disco era, before AIDS.

The way people approach sex today is different than it used to be.

16 posted on 07/13/2013 8:54:37 PM PDT by ClearCase_guy (21st century. I'm not a fan.)
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To: nickcarraway
nothing new...
17 posted on 07/13/2013 8:55:14 PM PDT by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -ww- NO Pity for the LAZY)
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To: nickcarraway

I saw a bit of this sort of thing when I was in college back in the mid-1990s. Not to the degree that it’s probably taking place now, but I did see it. It was not unheard of for a first date to end with a Lewinsky, and I knew or knew of several coeds who were as big a pickup artists as any guy. I will never forget one gal in particular who admitted that she “wasn’t sure” how many partners she had had, but that it was “at least forty.”


18 posted on 07/13/2013 9:02:40 PM PDT by DemforBush (Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia!)
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To: Lazamataz

University of Pennsylvania, Laz. Write it down: University of Pennsylvania.


19 posted on 07/13/2013 9:06:32 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler (Harriet Meiers is looking pretty good right about now.)
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To: ClearCase_guy
When I was in college I had sex with girls I didn't like that much. I didn't hate them or anything. They were ok. But there was no strong connection or feeling.

It's not something I'm proud of. I'm just saying it happened a lot back in the 70’s and 80’s.

It was part of growing up.

20 posted on 07/13/2013 9:07:42 PM PDT by detective
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To: MrEdd; DemforBush

I think there’s a difference from 20 years ago. I remember if you were at a party and you stood talking to one of that certain type of girl, the other girls would give you the cold shoulder for the rest of the night.


21 posted on 07/13/2013 9:07:43 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: DemforBush
. . . one gal in particular who admitted that she “wasn’t sure” how many partners she had had, but said, "Here, let me count my chancres."
22 posted on 07/13/2013 9:09:24 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler (Harriet Meiers is looking pretty good right about now.)
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To: ClearCase_guy

I went to a small town high school and graduated in eighty. We had a lot of kids very active and about thirteen of our thirty five non graduates dropped out due to pregnancy rather than failing out.
Maybe this behavior was hit and miss. I didn’t go to college on a campus until between military tours and by that time I was already engaged. Non the less a couple of places I have worked over the years had coworkers pretending to be bunnies and at one there were leaving their soiled skivies around to get a rise from the rest of us.


23 posted on 07/13/2013 9:10:33 PM PDT by MrEdd (Heck? Geewhiz Cripes, thats the place where people who don't believe in Gosh think they aint going.)
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To: nickcarraway
girls would give you the cold shoulder for the rest of the night.

I've been out of the dating scene for a long time, so I'm not familiar with that position.

The other day a guy asked me if I was getting any on the side. I said it's been so long I didn't know they moved it.

24 posted on 07/13/2013 9:11:32 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler (Harriet Meiers is looking pretty good right about now.)
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To: Bon of Babble
"My daughter (age 22) tells me WE, her parents are the ONLY intact family among all of her friends, the rest are either children of divorced parents or were raised by single mothers."

Both our kids told US the same (they both are now happily married).

25 posted on 07/13/2013 9:12:22 PM PDT by traditional1 (Amerika.....Providing public housing for the Mulatto Messiah)
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To: All

So she’s okay with being some guy’s sex toy/slam piece.. she will regret it in ten years.


26 posted on 07/13/2013 9:12:48 PM PDT by newnhdad (Our new motto: USA, it was fun while it lasted.)
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To: Jeff Chandler

LOL. Well, I mean that the “normal” girls shunned the girls they concerned loose, and would, to some degree, penalize the guys who hung out with them.


27 posted on 07/13/2013 9:13:41 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: Jeff Chandler
The other day a guy asked me if I was getting any on the side.

Mashed potatoes and creamed spinach?

28 posted on 07/13/2013 9:14:50 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

Another Fluke?


29 posted on 07/13/2013 9:16:22 PM PDT by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.......)
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To: nickcarraway

Aren’t they supposed to be there to study? No wonder degrees are meaningless.


30 posted on 07/13/2013 9:24:56 PM PDT by livius
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To: nickcarraway

and young people have been duped into believing this is the smart and cool way to do things with the opposite sex.

yowwww.

how can it go wrong? /s

“gee i have sex with a person i can’t stand if we’re sober”

fricking darwin award winners right there. they deserve the std’s they will ultimately wind up getting. good grief.


31 posted on 07/13/2013 10:07:41 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; Not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: Secret Agent Man

“gee i have sex with a person i can’t stand if we’re sober”

It’s not that purposeful.

The fact is that the person you like having sex with the most is sometimes not the same person you like to go out for coffee with and have a meaningful conversation.

Most people would like it to be the same person but it takes a long time to meet them.


32 posted on 07/13/2013 10:55:25 PM PDT by varyouga
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To: varyouga

I think these young women have already had an abortion or abortions. It reinforces in them that the first one wasn’t really a baby because look, there’s no love in this so how could it be.


33 posted on 07/13/2013 11:28:30 PM PDT by If You Want It Fixed - Fix It
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To: newnhdad
So she’s okay with being some guy’s sex toy/slam piece.. she will regret it in ten years.

Yeah, she'll be mid-late 30s, or even 40s, complaining about how all the "good guys" are taken.

I've seen it before. My wife and I married relatively young for our immediate peer group (mid 20s) about 18 months after meeting. A couple times we've run into female friends of mine that I knew before we met occasionally (small world) - women who I would have had an interest except for how they none in me - and (not that I'm really the greatest guy out there - just one with a very strong sense of fidelity and loyalty) they've asked my wife "why can't I find a guy like (me)". My wife - who has zero tolerance for that kind of self-pitying whining - will usually respond with something like "well didn't you know (me) back when he was single?" Message sent, and (I think) received.
34 posted on 07/13/2013 11:54:49 PM PDT by tanknetter
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To: varyouga

this isn’t about finding one she likes, she has made a decision not’to find someone she’d fall in love with.

this is sick. the guy is just a dildo with a heartbeat to her. because that’s the way she wants it.

this stuff may appear to “work out” just fine, but i dare say it is going to mess up her relationships in the future. it is like porn, impersonal sex.


35 posted on 07/14/2013 12:07:31 AM PDT by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; Not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: Bon of Babble
My daughter (age 22) tells me WE, her parents are the ONLY intact family among all of her friends, the rest are either children of divorced parents or were raised by single mothers.

No fault divorce, birth control and welfare. The pope and Daniel Moynihan were right.

36 posted on 07/14/2013 12:15:21 AM PDT by St_Thomas_Aquinas ( Isaiah 22:22, Matthew 16:19, Revelation 3:7)
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To: rlmorel
I’m not going to lie and say that I wouldn’t have wanted to meet a girl like that.

Quite a while back I had a discussion with the sister in law over this type of subject. I noted that guys can do this stuff, and then when they are 40 find a nice woman and marry her and have kids, but the woman who does this, at 40 ends up collecting cats (more often than not).

Man, she went apesh*t. She saw this as some type of huge injustice, and knowing her (huge libtard, and she is employed corrupting the minds of youth), she would whole heartedly have supported some type of law requiring men to marry these women.

You just can't out argue nature and logic though...

37 posted on 07/14/2013 1:03:27 AM PDT by Axenolith (Government blows, and that which governs least, blows least...)
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To: nickcarraway

You need to thank pop culture for such upbringing.


38 posted on 07/14/2013 1:03:42 AM PDT by cunning_fish
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To: nickcarraway

Sex is supposed to be about the bonding of souls as well as bodies. This loveless, casual “hookup” behavior is very damaging in the spiritual sense (to say nothing of the physical consequences).


39 posted on 07/14/2013 1:35:36 AM PDT by thecodont
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To: nickcarraway

So the woman is thinking, “I am rebellious and doing this until a better guys comes around. Some day I will stop doing this and find a new man. And not tell him that I did this. Or tell him and he BETTER be ok with it because I am liberated and women are allowed to be big sluts just like men. This sucks but everyone does it and men do it so I can do it, too. It’s only fair.”

The man is thinking, “Sex.”

The ultimate outcome for each of them is likely to be a lot better for the man.


40 posted on 07/14/2013 4:39:34 AM PDT by ReagansShinyHair
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To: cunning_fish

It was happening in the 80’s.


41 posted on 07/14/2013 4:42:52 AM PDT by AppyPappy (Obama: What did I not know and when did I not know it?)
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To: nickcarraway

sluts

we need to bring back shame


42 posted on 07/14/2013 4:45:37 AM PDT by GeronL
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To: AppyPappy
It was happening in the 80’s.

I'm told it was happening during the 70s, too.

I was too busy drinking in college to have a relationship with a woman that was serious enough for sex.

But I will always have the summer of 79 to reminisce.

43 posted on 07/14/2013 4:50:18 AM PDT by Night Hides Not (The Tea Party was the earthquake, and Chick Fil A the tsunami...100's of aftershocks to come.)
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To: Night Hides Not

It happened in the 70’s but nowhere near as much as the 80’s.

In 1979, a girl came to my room but she was 17 so I sent her packing. It happened more in the 80’s.


44 posted on 07/14/2013 4:52:42 AM PDT by AppyPappy (Obama: What did I not know and when did I not know it?)
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To: ReagansShinyHair

a good man would avoid that trainwreck


45 posted on 07/14/2013 4:53:46 AM PDT by GeronL
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To: AppyPappy

The point to the entire discussion is not whether it was happening in this or that era - it was happening in the 12th century, for whatever that’s worth - but whether it is continuing to grow, and whether it is normalizing in the ethic of the culture. The discussion is not about the occurrence, but about the frequency.

Also, men tend to make jokes about this, because there are moments when we all wanted to meet this type of woman. (I was 16 once, too.) Fine, have a chuckle here in the locker room. Then, when you marry and have children, you grow up, and you realize what a tragedy sexual promiscuity is for both genders. And you may still make a joke among other men, but as you chuckle you are mentally blanking the face of the woman who is at the center of the story of the day, and you are certainly not thinking of your daughter or your once-future wife.


46 posted on 07/14/2013 4:55:40 AM PDT by Taliesan
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To: nickcarraway

Lol....ALL women have a “secret life”. Most men are really clueless about females & their private behavior. Women are careful about how they express themselves concerning their sexual history. In general they do an excellent job in keeping that aspect of their behavior to themselves. They do it much better than men.


47 posted on 07/14/2013 5:02:40 AM PDT by LongWayHome
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To: DemforBush
I will never forget one gal in particular who admitted that she “wasn’t sure” how many partners she had had, but that it was “at least forty.”

I think I met her.

48 posted on 07/14/2013 5:15:03 AM PDT by Oratam
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To: Night Hides Not

The social/dating scene was not like this in 1962, when I started college. Things began to change in the mid-60’s. But even in the 70’s, which were pretty free and easy compared to a decade before, affection and mate seeking were still primary. The behavior discussed in the article is just sad; these people are emotionally crippled.


49 posted on 07/14/2013 5:15:58 AM PDT by VietVet (I am old enough to know who I am and what I believe, and I 'm not inclined to apologize for any of)
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To: ClearCase_guy
Aside from the sexual aspects of “hooking up”, this is a culture of naked ambition and greed. It's narcissistic.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I see it a reality that was planned by the Gramsci Marxists in their quest to destroy Western Civilization. Young adults are now well into their mid-20s and even early 30s ( and burdened with thousands in debt) before that have the credentials to get a career path job.

By destroying K-12 schooling and cheapening the value of a college degree through grade inflation, it now necessary to have master degrees and more to prove to employers that one is literate, numerate, and trainable.

While an 8th grade education was more than sufficient for my grandmother's generation ( born 1894) for nearly any job in the U.S., it was a high school diploma for my parents , a bachelors degree for mine, and now masters and more for my kids and grandchildren.

It is SICK and its been intentionally driven by the Marxists who run the education-industrial complex.

50 posted on 07/14/2013 5:17:07 AM PDT by wintertime (Yuri Bezmenov was a prophet.)
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