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NYC's First Professional Cuddler Will Spoon You For $60
Gothamist ^

Posted on 01/30/2014 11:53:42 AM PST by nickcarraway

Ali C is a handsome woman. She has a soothing voice, striking eyes and, I imagine, hair that smells like gardenias. She has an apartment in the Financial District, which is where she hosts her clients. But Ali C is not a prostitute, nor is she a masseuse or a dominatrix or any traditional career in which people "host clients" in their homes. She's a Professional Cuddler, and she claims to be the city's first.

Ali C (not her real name) is 47-years-old, and not particularly rotund, which does seem like it might afford a slight upper-hand in the pro-cuddle world, like height in basketball and prepubescence in women's gymnastics. Still, Ali C cut her cuddle teeth early on, she tells the Daily News, humble bragging about her innate, God-given cuddling skills despite (or, perhaps, because of) a lack of affection in her home growing up.

To Ali C, cuddling isn't associated with sex—it's a form of therapy. "Did you know that cuddling has been proven to lower blood pressure, lift serotonin levels, balance the nervous system and strengthen the immune system?" she writes on her website, CuddleUNYC.com.

Here we see Ali, clad in floral pajama pants and a light pink tank top, grinning somewhat maniacally as she plays little spoon to a mustachioed man dressed in his finest cuddle outfit: A beige thermal, Adidas workout pants and socks (they match!). He envelops Ali in his arms and grips her hand. She continues to smile toothily into the back of his hirsute hand, and they chat breezily about the Knicks season, probably. Just another day at the cuddle office.

Clients come to Ali C for many reasons—perhaps they're recently out of a relationship, perhaps they're just lonely, or perhaps they're still waiting for the patent to go through on their Girlfriend Pillow™. Sessions begin with a brief pre-cuddle discussion, in which Ali C lays her ground rules and allows clients to ask any questions they might have. ("Are we going to have sex? Are you sure? How about now?")

The answer to that one is, succinctly, no. "As far as I know, cuddling is legal," she says. "And if it weren't, that would be the crime."

On the topic of crimes, clients must, of course, sign a waiver, filled with the standard rules about keeping one's pants on and not attempting to subtly paw at Ali C's breasts. On her website, she asks that clients shower "close to appointment time," as well as brush their teeth and rinse with mouthwash immediately prior. ("If you've eaten or drank anything between brushing and your appointment, you'll need to brush again.") Ali C is accepting of sexual arousal, and promises "you will not be made to feel uncomfortable."

The standard cuddle package is $60 for 45 minutes, but more luxuriant indulgences are available. For $200, Ali C will treat clients to a Cuddle and a Movie, which are selected from a list of Films I Have On Hand. Each film on the list is designed specifically to keep romantic/sexual feelings on ice, except in the case of the Bourne Conspiracy, which is a video game, not a movie, and can therefore be anything. Somebody Up There Likes Me was a risky choice, as it's unclear whether Ali C charges extra for tear-staining her office/couch. There's also a $250 Holiday Cuddle, which includes "3 Hours of Cuddle time in front of a beautifully lit Christmas tree" and "Christmas Carols Playing" and/or "Holiday Movie."

She doesn't exactly own a TV yet, but says that if someone ever selects her movie package, she'd buy one.


TOPICS: Heated Discussion
KEYWORDS: hirsute; napl; newyork
I hope she never has Al Gore as a client.
1 posted on 01/30/2014 11:53:42 AM PST by nickcarraway
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To: Slings and Arrows

This is what happens when you pick the wrong major.


2 posted on 01/30/2014 11:55:15 AM PST by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

Asking for trouble....sooner or later...it will happen


3 posted on 01/30/2014 11:56:11 AM PST by Sacajaweau
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To: nickcarraway

She lives in a state with Eliot Spitzer AND Anthony Weiner, and yet chose THIS line of business?


4 posted on 01/30/2014 11:58:18 AM PST by Buckeye McFrog
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To: nickcarraway

LOL! Oh is that what it is called now?


5 posted on 01/30/2014 11:58:19 AM PST by bobby.223 (Retired up in the snowy mountains of the American Redoubt and it's a GREAT life!)
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To: Salamander; Vendome

I wonder if she went to cuddle college.


6 posted on 01/30/2014 11:58:42 AM PST by nickcarraway
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To: Sacajaweau

What’s the upside when trouble doesn’t happen? She’s cuddling with a loser who thinks it’s a good idea to pay someone to cuddle him?


7 posted on 01/30/2014 12:00:18 PM PST by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

Oh brother. Finding new ways to separate fools from their money, every day.


8 posted on 01/30/2014 12:00:29 PM PST by Cyber Liberty (H.L. Mencken: "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.")
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To: nickcarraway
They tried to do this in Madison, Wisconsin but they gave the proprietor such a hard time he folded. Madison is a college town with a source of young co-eds willing to spoon with you for $60.

The problem is, as everyone know, is this is just shy of prostitution and once established with many other such “businesses” you create a lot of community moral hazard zones, which to their credit, the City of Madison did not want.

The woman from the posted location here is attractive. My guess is that if Honey Boo boo’s mom was the one charging $60 to spoon with the business would go broke. The point is that you cannot get away from the sexual context of this type of business, which is really what it is.

9 posted on 01/30/2014 12:01:03 PM PST by Obadiah (I Like Ted.)
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To: nickcarraway

release my chakra


10 posted on 01/30/2014 12:01:22 PM PST by Craftmore
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To: nickcarraway

This is in New York. This woman is asking to get raped, mugged, mauled or worse.


11 posted on 01/30/2014 12:04:51 PM PST by LibsRJerks
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To: nickcarraway

12 posted on 01/30/2014 12:05:34 PM PST by Yo-Yo (Is the /sarc tag really necessary?)
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To: nickcarraway

“Did you know that cuddling has been proven to lower blood pressure, lift serotonin levels, balance the nervous system and strengthen the immune system?”

So will a cute puppy...


13 posted on 01/30/2014 12:06:01 PM PST by kcvl
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To: nickcarraway

This is up there with the professional pencil sharpener I read about last year.


14 posted on 01/30/2014 12:09:37 PM PST by Carpe Cerevisi
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To: Buckeye McFrog

There’s more than a couple of jokes in there.

OTOH, they may be running New York one of these days.

And then, ‘Escape From New York’ will be a reality show, not just a movie.


15 posted on 01/30/2014 12:09:41 PM PST by F15Eagle (1Jn4:15;5:4-5,11-13;Mt27:50-54;Mk15:33-34;Jn3:17-18,6:69,11:25,14:6,20:31;Ro10:8-11;1Tm2:5-6;Ti3:4-7)
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To: nickcarraway

16 posted on 01/30/2014 12:11:09 PM PST by kcvl
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To: nickcarraway

17 posted on 01/30/2014 12:11:54 PM PST by kcvl
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To: nickcarraway

Paraphrasing Groucho, I wouldn’t want to cuddle with a woman who would allow someone like me to pay to cuddle with her.


18 posted on 01/30/2014 12:14:24 PM PST by bigbob (The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly. Abraham Lincoln)
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To: nickcarraway
Now if a "professional cuddler" looked like this: this: or this: I'd be interested. Highly interested.
19 posted on 01/30/2014 12:14:39 PM PST by AnAmericanAbroad (It's all bread and circuses for the future prey of the Morlocks.)
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To: kcvl

That’s just a creepy photo. He could strangle her in a NY minute (pun intended).


20 posted on 01/30/2014 12:18:39 PM PST by CodeJockey (Christian, Freeper, Tea Party Member, Bitter Clinger, Creepy White Cracker)
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To: nickcarraway

This doesn’t sound like something one would invest in.

I have heard if one were to ask most any wife, she will say the biggest problem is

“He doesn’t cuddle. Never did. Wham Bham, Thank You Ma’am, roll over and go to sleep”.

So why would a man PAY FOR what he could get FREE at home - No strings attached...

How many wives would use ‘No Cuddling’ as a punishment?


21 posted on 01/30/2014 12:20:03 PM PST by xrmusn (6/98 --Because you have your head up your arse doesn't mean you have to have a crappy outlook.)
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To: AnAmericanAbroad
No, you want a degreed professional, and here he is.

Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos

22 posted on 01/30/2014 12:23:19 PM PST by Yaelle
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To: Yaelle

23 posted on 01/30/2014 12:32:04 PM PST by AnAmericanAbroad (It's all bread and circuses for the future prey of the Morlocks.)
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To: AnAmericanAbroad

And you could negotiate the terms of a happy ending — Oh...wait, that’s illegal. Never mind.


24 posted on 01/30/2014 12:52:12 PM PST by areukiddingme1 (areukiddingme1 is a synonym for a Retired U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer and tired of liberal BS.))
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To: nickcarraway
Will Spoon You for $60

How much to fork you?

25 posted on 01/30/2014 1:20:16 PM PST by Rinnwald
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To: Rinnwald

“Will Spoon You for $60

How much to fork you?”


Well played!

But if you knife her in the end . . .


26 posted on 01/30/2014 1:30:16 PM PST by LRoggy (Peter's Son's Business)
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To: nickcarraway

Good for this woman. She took her modest looks and created a legitimate, although a bit creepy, business.


27 posted on 01/30/2014 1:31:16 PM PST by Balding_Eagle (Over production, one of the top 5 worries for the American Farmer every year.)
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To: kcvl

Look like HE is the cuddler and she is the cuddlee.


28 posted on 01/30/2014 1:35:49 PM PST by RetSignman
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To: nickcarraway; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ...


29 posted on 01/30/2014 1:43:35 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: AnAmericanAbroad

Lol! Come on; he gives great conversation! ;)


30 posted on 01/30/2014 1:45:37 PM PST by Yaelle
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To: nickcarraway

31 posted on 01/30/2014 1:48:56 PM PST by dfwgator
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To: nickcarraway

I just have to say, this is one of the most enjoyable threads ever.


32 posted on 01/30/2014 1:54:35 PM PST by Mason
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To: dfwgator
She's a spofessional prooner? let's see who gets it...
33 posted on 01/30/2014 1:55:16 PM PST by null and void (<--- unwilling cattle-car passenger on the bullet train to serfdom)
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To: nickcarraway
What’s the upside when trouble doesn’t happen?

$60/hour. She's not going to get that working retail.

34 posted on 01/30/2014 2:28:54 PM PST by Tax-chick (... for the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead ...)
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To: null and void

You know... I bet I could make this work here in Japan. I’m often told by the Missus that I am a wonderful cuddly teddy bear. Lots of lonely ladies might enjoy drifting off to sleep next to my warm comfy belly. I even have a slogan already.

“Debu demo kimochii”

I wonder if I can talk my wife into letting me try it as a side business.


35 posted on 01/30/2014 2:32:59 PM PST by Ronin (Dumb, dependent and Democrat is no way to go through life - Rep. L. Gohmert, Tex)
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To: kcvl
So will a cute puppy...

Or a kitten purring in your lap.

36 posted on 01/30/2014 2:33:50 PM PST by JimRed (Excise the cancer before it kills us; feed & water the Tree of Liberty! TERM LIMITS NOW & FOREVER!)
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To: Ronin
I wonder if I can talk my wife into letting me try it as a side business.

I would set up a hidden camera before you ask her.

You might get enough web traffic to pay your medical bills...

37 posted on 01/30/2014 2:43:17 PM PST by null and void (<--- unwilling cattle-car passenger on the bullet train to serfdom)
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To: nickcarraway

ROFLOL

Massage parlors ‘round here are often raided for providing *more* than a massage.


38 posted on 01/30/2014 2:45:54 PM PST by Daffynition ("If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." ~ Henry Ford)
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To: null and void

ROFL!!!


39 posted on 01/30/2014 3:11:07 PM PST by Ronin (Dumb, dependent and Democrat is no way to go through life - Rep. L. Gohmert, Tex)
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To: nickcarraway

When I need a cuddle I cuddle my teddy bear. Or a pillow.

Just saved sixty dollars! And I can cuddle all night......


40 posted on 01/30/2014 3:12:36 PM PST by Gefn (RIP Holly, April 1999-December 31, 2013 the best cat ever)
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To: nickcarraway

How much for the Aunt Jemima treatment?


41 posted on 01/30/2014 3:14:50 PM PST by RichInOC (No! BAD Rich! (What'd I say?))
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To: JimRed; kcvl

My tomcat sleeps snuggled against my legs. For $60/hour he can start earning his keep.


42 posted on 01/30/2014 3:32:31 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Buckeye McFrog

What happens if Carlos Danger calls? :-)


43 posted on 01/30/2014 4:38:23 PM PST by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped.)
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To: nickcarraway

What does she charge to fork you?


44 posted on 01/30/2014 5:54:32 PM PST by Larry Lucido (If you like your all your base, you can keep your all your base. - CATS)
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To: nickcarraway

WARNING: Spooning can lead to forking.


45 posted on 01/30/2014 6:02:43 PM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: Georgia Girl 2

Impossible. He only Tweets.


46 posted on 01/30/2014 6:43:14 PM PST by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

I don’t see anything wrong with this business, in theory. In practice, it could easily be dangerous for her. I hope she runs a video cam.

But overall, I think it’s neat that someone can offer a simple highly personal non-sexual service. Of course there’s a sexual undertone, but there’s that in almost every interaction between the sexes when one or both are reasonably attractive.

I wish her luck and good business success.


47 posted on 01/30/2014 7:36:33 PM PST by dayglored (Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is...sounding pretty good about now.)
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To: nickcarraway

Warning to Arizona heteros thinking of this as a profession: you CANNOT deny service to someone of the same sex.

Worst bad day at work ever.


48 posted on 03/22/2014 4:43:12 AM PDT by ReaganGeneration2
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