Skip to comments.NYC's First Professional Cuddler Will Spoon You For $60
Posted on 01/30/2014 11:53:42 AM PST by nickcarraway
Ali C is a handsome woman. She has a soothing voice, striking eyes and, I imagine, hair that smells like gardenias. She has an apartment in the Financial District, which is where she hosts her clients. But Ali C is not a prostitute, nor is she a masseuse or a dominatrix or any traditional career in which people "host clients" in their homes. She's a Professional Cuddler, and she claims to be the city's first.
Ali C (not her real name) is 47-years-old, and not particularly rotund, which does seem like it might afford a slight upper-hand in the pro-cuddle world, like height in basketball and prepubescence in women's gymnastics. Still, Ali C cut her cuddle teeth early on, she tells the Daily News, humble bragging about her innate, God-given cuddling skills despite (or, perhaps, because of) a lack of affection in her home growing up.
To Ali C, cuddling isn't associated with sexit's a form of therapy. "Did you know that cuddling has been proven to lower blood pressure, lift serotonin levels, balance the nervous system and strengthen the immune system?" she writes on her website, CuddleUNYC.com.
Here we see Ali, clad in floral pajama pants and a light pink tank top, grinning somewhat maniacally as she plays little spoon to a mustachioed man dressed in his finest cuddle outfit: A beige thermal, Adidas workout pants and socks (they match!). He envelops Ali in his arms and grips her hand. She continues to smile toothily into the back of his hirsute hand, and they chat breezily about the Knicks season, probably. Just another day at the cuddle office.
Clients come to Ali C for many reasonsperhaps they're recently out of a relationship, perhaps they're just lonely, or perhaps they're still waiting for the patent to go through on their Girlfriend Pillow. Sessions begin with a brief pre-cuddle discussion, in which Ali C lays her ground rules and allows clients to ask any questions they might have. ("Are we going to have sex? Are you sure? How about now?")
The answer to that one is, succinctly, no. "As far as I know, cuddling is legal," she says. "And if it weren't, that would be the crime."
On the topic of crimes, clients must, of course, sign a waiver, filled with the standard rules about keeping one's pants on and not attempting to subtly paw at Ali C's breasts. On her website, she asks that clients shower "close to appointment time," as well as brush their teeth and rinse with mouthwash immediately prior. ("If you've eaten or drank anything between brushing and your appointment, you'll need to brush again.") Ali C is accepting of sexual arousal, and promises "you will not be made to feel uncomfortable."
The standard cuddle package is $60 for 45 minutes, but more luxuriant indulgences are available. For $200, Ali C will treat clients to a Cuddle and a Movie, which are selected from a list of Films I Have On Hand. Each film on the list is designed specifically to keep romantic/sexual feelings on ice, except in the case of the Bourne Conspiracy, which is a video game, not a movie, and can therefore be anything. Somebody Up There Likes Me was a risky choice, as it's unclear whether Ali C charges extra for tear-staining her office/couch. There's also a $250 Holiday Cuddle, which includes "3 Hours of Cuddle time in front of a beautifully lit Christmas tree" and "Christmas Carols Playing" and/or "Holiday Movie."
She doesn't exactly own a TV yet, but says that if someone ever selects her movie package, she'd buy one.
This is what happens when you pick the wrong major.
Asking for trouble....sooner or later...it will happen
She lives in a state with Eliot Spitzer AND Anthony Weiner, and yet chose THIS line of business?
LOL! Oh is that what it is called now?
I wonder if she went to cuddle college.
What’s the upside when trouble doesn’t happen? She’s cuddling with a loser who thinks it’s a good idea to pay someone to cuddle him?
Oh brother. Finding new ways to separate fools from their money, every day.
The problem is, as everyone know, is this is just shy of prostitution and once established with many other such “businesses” you create a lot of community moral hazard zones, which to their credit, the City of Madison did not want.
The woman from the posted location here is attractive. My guess is that if Honey Boo boo’s mom was the one charging $60 to spoon with the business would go broke. The point is that you cannot get away from the sexual context of this type of business, which is really what it is.
release my chakra
This is in New York. This woman is asking to get raped, mugged, mauled or worse.
“Did you know that cuddling has been proven to lower blood pressure, lift serotonin levels, balance the nervous system and strengthen the immune system?”
So will a cute puppy...
This is up there with the professional pencil sharpener I read about last year.
There’s more than a couple of jokes in there.
OTOH, they may be running New York one of these days.
And then, ‘Escape From New York’ will be a reality show, not just a movie.
Paraphrasing Groucho, I wouldn’t want to cuddle with a woman who would allow someone like me to pay to cuddle with her.
That’s just a creepy photo. He could strangle her in a NY minute (pun intended).
This doesn’t sound like something one would invest in.
I have heard if one were to ask most any wife, she will say the biggest problem is
“He doesn’t cuddle. Never did. Wham Bham, Thank You Ma’am, roll over and go to sleep”.
So why would a man PAY FOR what he could get FREE at home - No strings attached...
How many wives would use ‘No Cuddling’ as a punishment?
And you could negotiate the terms of a happy ending — Oh...wait, that’s illegal. Never mind.
How much to fork you?
“Will Spoon You for $60
How much to fork you?”
But if you knife her in the end . . .
Good for this woman. She took her modest looks and created a legitimate, although a bit creepy, business.
Look like HE is the cuddler and she is the cuddlee.
Lol! Come on; he gives great conversation! ;)
I just have to say, this is one of the most enjoyable threads ever.
$60/hour. She's not going to get that working retail.
You know... I bet I could make this work here in Japan. I’m often told by the Missus that I am a wonderful cuddly teddy bear. Lots of lonely ladies might enjoy drifting off to sleep next to my warm comfy belly. I even have a slogan already.
“Debu demo kimochii”
I wonder if I can talk my wife into letting me try it as a side business.
Or a kitten purring in your lap.
I would set up a hidden camera before you ask her.
You might get enough web traffic to pay your medical bills...
Massage parlors ‘round here are often raided for providing *more* than a massage.
When I need a cuddle I cuddle my teddy bear. Or a pillow.
Just saved sixty dollars! And I can cuddle all night......
How much for the Aunt Jemima treatment?
My tomcat sleeps snuggled against my legs. For $60/hour he can start earning his keep.
What happens if Carlos Danger calls? :-)
What does she charge to fork you?
WARNING: Spooning can lead to forking.
Impossible. He only Tweets.
I don’t see anything wrong with this business, in theory. In practice, it could easily be dangerous for her. I hope she runs a video cam.
But overall, I think it’s neat that someone can offer a simple highly personal non-sexual service. Of course there’s a sexual undertone, but there’s that in almost every interaction between the sexes when one or both are reasonably attractive.
I wish her luck and good business success.
Warning to Arizona heteros thinking of this as a profession: you CANNOT deny service to someone of the same sex.
Worst bad day at work ever.
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