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Should I Tell My Husband Our Last Child Isnít His?
The Root ^ | June 27 2014 | DEMETRIA L. LUCAS

Posted on 06/27/2014 2:36:24 PM PDT by nickcarraway

ear Demetria:

I am the mother of two. I have an amazing husband and father to my children. The last child is not his, and he is unaware. His best friend and I had a one-night stand two years ago when my hubby was out of town. I can’t bring myself to come clean.

I just started going to therapy about this. The guilt is making me miserable. I feel honesty would break our whole family apart. I'm afraid to find out what my husband may do. —Anonymous

My grandmother had a saying about truth: “What’s done in the dark will always come to the light.” You’ve been carrying some huge secrets, and despite trying to ignore and avoid them, they’ve come to the forefront of your mind nearly three years later with a crippling vengeance that’s making you miserable.

I’m glad you’re in therapy. That’s a good starting point. If you have a good therapist, she or he will help you find the courage to “come clean,” as you put it, and tell your husband the truth about your affair and the child that resulted from it. It’s not the easy thing to do, but it is the right course of action here for everyone involved, including you.

Your husband deserves to know the truth, and sooner rather than later.

(Excerpt) Read more at theroot.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: marriage; moralabsolutes; oops
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1 posted on 06/27/2014 2:36:24 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

The choices we make. Nobodies fault but your own.


2 posted on 06/27/2014 2:38:16 PM PDT by Dallas59
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To: nickcarraway

Today is my daughters 18th birthday.......
I’m so glad that this is my last child support payment.
Month after month, year after year, those payments!

I called my baby girl to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, “Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over to your Mama’s house; You tell her that this is the last check she’s ever going to get from me, then I want you to come back here and tell me the expression she had on her face.”

So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was so anxious to hear what the ex had to say and how she took it.

As my baby girl walked through the door, I said, “Well now .. what did she have to say?”

“She told me to tell you that you ain’t my Daddy.”


3 posted on 06/27/2014 2:38:30 PM PDT by MNDude (In Heaven pizza is from Chicago and there are no politicians. In Hell...)
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To: MNDude

oooh. dat’s cold


4 posted on 06/27/2014 2:40:28 PM PDT by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> ---)
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To: nickcarraway

In the era of DNA, the child needs to know. It’s one of those secrets that can’t be kept anymore, and learning later on his/her own would be irreversibly devestating.


5 posted on 06/27/2014 2:41:41 PM PDT by grania
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To: nickcarraway

why would you post this from a Black rapper website??
what is the point?


6 posted on 06/27/2014 2:43:22 PM PDT by Recovering Ex-hippie (Bush won the War in Iraq, Obozo lost the peace..and gave Iraq back to the Terrorists!)
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Let the secret be your penance....you suffer and everyone else lives in peace...why spread the misery around.


7 posted on 06/27/2014 2:43:52 PM PDT by TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig (This town needs an enema)
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To: nickcarraway

8 posted on 06/27/2014 2:44:34 PM PDT by Jacquerie (The two branches of government, Republican and Democrat, will soon be one.)
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To: nickcarraway
Your husband deserves to know the truth, and sooner rather than later.

As a husband and father, I wouldn't want to know. I would prefer to be blissfully ignorant.

If my wife 'fessed up something like this to me, I just don't think our family could ever recover from the hurt, anger and resentment that would ensue.

9 posted on 06/27/2014 2:45:46 PM PDT by Drew68
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To: nickcarraway

If the kid is only 2 years old, she has to “man up” and tell the husband, come what may. She may be afraid to do it but imagine the scenario where the kid is 16 or 17 or 20 and everyone still believes he is the father’s son. That would create so much more damage than telling the husband now. If she loves the child, she will tell the husband now.

(Btw, the same issue comes up — in an obviously different context — in adoption. One of my family members adopted a son, who is now 25, and never told him that he is adopted. They live in fear that he will find out one day and hate them for not telling him.)


10 posted on 06/27/2014 2:46:40 PM PDT by Opinionated Blowhard ("When the people find they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic.")
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To: nickcarraway
I feel honesty would break our whole family apart. I'm afraid to find out what my husband may do. —Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Dishonesty already broke your whole family apart.

Your husband should get sole custody of his child.

That would leave you free to negotiate with the father of the other child for the expense of raising him/her.

11 posted on 06/27/2014 2:47:01 PM PDT by meadsjn
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To: MNDude
"Today is my daughters 18th birthday.......
I’m so glad that this is my last child support payment.
Month after month, year after year, those payments!

I called my baby girl to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, “Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over to your Mama’s house; You tell her that this is the last check she’s ever going to get from me, then I want you to come back here and tell me the expression she had on her face.”

So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was so anxious to hear what the ex had to say and how she took it.

As my baby girl walked through the door, I said, “Well now .. what did she have to say?”

“She told me to tell you that you ain’t my Daddy.”"


A dear friend who is a pastor, now 70, took me to the Boston area, we sat in the van and watched inner city blacks on Friday night, on the way home I asked him how any of them knew who their fathers were, who their half brothers and sisters are?

He said "there is no way for them to know so they knowingly and unknowingly interbreed and the problem only get's worse and worse."

I think he is right.

12 posted on 06/27/2014 2:47:17 PM PDT by The_Republic_Of_Maine (Be kept informed on Maine's secession, sign up at freemaine@hushmail.com)
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To: TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig

I get what your saying but the dad and the kid have a right to know. Wow, what an awful situation, come clean and let the cards fall where they may. Hopefully someone will learn something from the pain this person is suffering and the pain they are about to inflict on others.


13 posted on 06/27/2014 2:48:47 PM PDT by VaRepublican (I would propagate taglines but I don't know how. But bloggers do.)
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To: nickcarraway

The important thing for all three adults to remember is this, The Baby did nothing wrong and should not have to bear the brunt.


14 posted on 06/27/2014 2:48:57 PM PDT by The_Republic_Of_Maine (Be kept informed on Maine's secession, sign up at freemaine@hushmail.com)
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To: Drew68

“If my wife ‘fessed up something like this to me, I just don’t think our family could ever recover from the hurt, anger and resentment that would ensue. “

My view is that the hurt and anger will be there anyway and likely build.
If the woman is totally broken and remorseful; she should bring the secret out and ask for forgiveness.
If she tries to hold it in, it will cause great issues.
The dad can still love the child as his own; and be a great role model for forgiveness and healing to the kids.


15 posted on 06/27/2014 2:50:28 PM PDT by HereInTheHeartland (Obama lied; our healthcare died.)
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To: smokingfrog; All
(iirc) there was study (30 years ago); that said 25+% of kids, had siblings from another father.
The bride was dishonest/sluttin' around, had to find a cuckoo/substitute father.

16 posted on 06/27/2014 2:51:14 PM PDT by skinkinthegrass (The end move in politics is always to pick up a weapon...0'Jihadist/"Rustler" Reid? d8-)
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To: nickcarraway

Imho, confessing to her husband would be a selfish act. This is her problem, and her penance is not making it her husband’s.


17 posted on 06/27/2014 2:51:22 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Drew68

She would be admitting that she cheated on him and that could very well be the end of the marriage.


18 posted on 06/27/2014 2:52:16 PM PDT by GeronL (Vote for Conservatives not for Republicans)
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To: nickcarraway

What a worthless wench to be in the advice industry. That married couple have children. Likee or no Likee - they have children who need their parents. Those children don’t know or care about DNA.

There is the other factor of their marriage having had a third party, assuming they had a religious marriage.

But, when nuts advise sluts, what difference does it make?

To the children, the quest for absolution will be both vain and destructive to the children. But the Slut wants to follow the advise of that nut - so who are we to say anything?


19 posted on 06/27/2014 2:53:05 PM PDT by GladesGuru (Islam Delenda Est. Because of what Islam is - and for what Muslims do.)
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To: TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig

Thank you - let the secret be your penance, indeed and Amen.


20 posted on 06/27/2014 2:53:11 PM PDT by bboop (does not suffer fools gladly)
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