Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

America Writes A "Dear John" Letter
Webcommentary.com ^ | 10/26/2004 | Ron Marr

Posted on 10/26/2004 3:27:30 PM PDT by George Stupidnopolis

In less than a week we will finally be spared the coma-inducing drone of John Kerry. His interminable lies will cease to dirty the airways, his false posturing will drop from the scene. No more fake hunting vignettes. No more windsurfing. No more stage shots of the elitist forcing down old Chex Mix and the contents of a bottle of Miller Genuine Draft. His followers will no longer rob and trash the campaign headquarters of his opponents. His chance to commit voter fraud - Democratic thugs and henchmen registering the dead and suing to overturn the choice of legal voters - will have come and gone. He will return to his life as an ineffectual Senator, fetching Teddy Kennedy his hourly rum ration and toting his wife’s massive ego.

Speaking of which, in less than a week we will finally be spared the mushroom cloud of insanity which is Teresa Heinz Kerry. It will be back to the Xanax cabinet and ketchup trust for Teresa. No more grimaces as she is forced to touch the hands of commoners. No more slams at the President’s wife. No more spastic shouting matches with reporters who overstep their bounds by asking her a question which she has not pre-approved.

In less than a week we will finally be spared the spitting, gasping tirades of John Edwards. The shyster lawyer will no longer receive national airplay when he raves of how, under a John Kerry administration, the late Christopher Reeve would have suddenly leaped from his wheelchair and engaged in a rousing set of jumping jacks. We will no longer have to seek therapy after being mentally pummeled by Edward’s Medusa-like grin, the baring or teeth which is the result of either reconstructive surgery or an intense desire to portray The Joker in the next 15 Batman sequels.

In less than a week we will finally be spared the sight of what Barney the Dinosaur really looks like sans costume. Elizabeth Edwards will take refuge in the confines of the closest available Wendy’s - sucking down those disturbing square burgers, grazing the all you can eat chili-bar and laughing hysterically as her 24 hour IV of Frosty malts pumps into her veins. No more will she tell us that Lynne Cheney is ashamed of her daughter. No more will she assure us that there will not be post-election riots...as long as her cymbal-monkey husband is on the winning side.

In less than a week all will be well with the world. The terrorists will be angry, for they had prayed to Allah for the victory of John Kerry. Their dream was the election of a man who supports stem cell research in the hope that he may someday grow a spine, a brain and a soul. The Muslims wanted a President of the Carter mold, one who can make a decision only after months and years of meetings and consideration, one whose legacy could be defined with the phrase “too little too late.” They know that, under the Bush administration, they will be attacked, harassed and killed. They knew that, under a Kerry administration, they would have free rein to butcher Americans without fear of reprisal.

There is a reason America has not been attacked since September 11th. It’s called George Bush. The terrorists know that his response to another attack would be total and complete. The terrorists may want their 72 virgins...but they ain’t real fond of being vaporized.

There is a vast difference between John Kerry and George Bush, but that difference is simply defined The former is a bald-faced liar who believes Americans to be impotent and stupid. The latter tells the truth even when the truth is painful, and trusts that people are much happier and productive when allowed to exercise their intellect and individuality.

A perfect example of this difference lies in a comment made by the President, just this week past, to Sean Hannity of Fox News. When asked if America will ever be totally safe from terrorism, The President responded “whether we can ever be fully safe is up in the air.”

That is a truthful answer. No matter what one does, in any scenario, one is not 100% safe. Ronald Reagan was shot - and John Kennedy was killed - despite an impenetrable barrier of protection. People can watch their diet, exercise frequently and avoid stress...and yet they may still be squished by a drink driver. Bush simply pointed out, honestly, that it only takes one madman, one anomaly, to prevent 100% security. He trusted Americans to understand that.

Kerry, on the other hand, ridiculed the statement. This is because Kerry seeks to deceive others rather than define himself. His response to the question was that, should he be elected “It's not going to be up in the air whether or not we make America safe." This is of course total nonsense, a lie designed to bring comfort to the feckless, desultory and frightened.

Kerry says he will make America 100% safe, which is not surprising since he also promised he would prevent the flu and rid Michael J Fox of Parkinson’s. Honestly, I was amazed he didn’t claim that, with a wave of his hand, he would eliminate leprosy, body odor, obesity, ragweed and re-runs of “Murder She Wrote.” Kerry promised he will make France love us, provide free health care, eliminate racial tension and make sure everybody has a job that they love. He promised to protect the rights of dirt, trees and shrubs by curtailing logging, mining and drilling. At the same time he promised to lower construction costs, deliver unlimited energy and create zero dependence on foreign oil.

Yes, John Kerry has a promise for everybody. To his mindless followers he is a secular humanist Santa, zipping through the sky in a hybrid sleigh, dropping his largesse down the pollution-free chimneys of good little girls and boys who are perfectly happy being wholly dependent on the whims of a draconian nanny state. John Kerry is courting the votes of the drones who reside in the shadow of the big rock candy mountain, smoking safe cigarettes and shooting low-carb crack while humming the theme song from “Bless the Beast and the Children.” He is running for President of Fantasy Land, the mentally barren desert that all good liberals regard as Xanadu.

In Fantasy Land, John Kerry will win this election hands down.

Luckily for us, George Bush will be re-elected President of the United States.


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: bogus; bush; campaign; cheney; edwards; election; elizabeth; explosives; heinz; kerry; liar; liz; polls; teresa
I'm about to asphyxiate with laughter from this column. If you hate Kerry, you'll love this!
1 posted on 10/26/2004 3:27:34 PM PDT by George Stupidnopolis
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: George Stupidnopolis

pretty damn good!


2 posted on 10/26/2004 3:37:38 PM PDT by cajungirl (Kerry:Bad for Geese, Bad for America)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: George Stupidnopolis

Excellent!
I wonder if the NYT will print your op-ed? Town hall might!


3 posted on 10/26/2004 4:03:26 PM PDT by Nathan Zachary
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: George Stupidnopolis

Too funny! Who is this guy, and why isn't he on television?


4 posted on 10/26/2004 4:22:35 PM PDT by The Loan Arranger (At least Jane Fonda "apologized".)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson