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My Modest Proposal: The U.S.A.R. (Liberals Discussing Secession)
BoingBoing ^ | 11/05/04 | C.B. Shapiro

Posted on 11/05/2004 4:20:50 PM PST by bourbon

MY MODEST PROPOSAL: THE U.S.A.R. By C. B. Shapiro I feel bad for the Red States.

Yes, they won the White House, Congress, the Supreme Court and most of the state houses. But they still can't have the country they really want because the last few Blue States won't roll over. So I am making a simple proposal:

Secession. Divorce. Splitsville.

Personally, I think we made a huge mistake not letting them go when we had the chance back in 1862. Well, no time like the present to correct an old mistake.

Then, they would finally be free to have the kind of society they've always wanted; church and state can be fused so they build the kind of theocracy they've dreamt of, with Jesus at the helm. Then the new USAR (United States of America Red) can ban books, repeal civil rights, persecute gays and have all the wars they like. They want prayer in schools? More power to them. They can ban abortion and post the Ten Commandments in every federal building in their country. Bring back slavery, if they want. We'll be free to live with our like-minded countrymen who believe in science, modernism, tolerance, religion as a personal choice, and truly want limited government intrusion in our personal lives. Why should each side be driven mad by the other any more, decade after decade?

Call the Culture War a tie and everyone go home.

Of course, we in the U.S.A.B. get the Gross Domestic Product, businesses and universities of California, New York, Massachussetts -- basically the whole Northeast and Northwest (plus Illinois and Michigan if they want to come along). They get Wal-Mart and Duke and most of the Nascar tracks. But they can feel free to import movies, TV shows, financial services, and defense technology. We'll import country music, bibles and Confederate flags.

The two countries will by necessity have open immigration policy: anyone who feels they are living in the wrong country can just move across the border, no questions asked.

Ultimately, why should I have to convince my fellow countrymen that Darwin may have had a point and that the word “liberal” is not equivalent to “godless communist?” And why should they be forced to live in a country with morally corrupt non-believers? I'll stay in the messy, free-thinking U.S.A.B. And to the U.S.A.R. I say…

God bless you all, and see you at the U.N


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This was posted on BoingBoing w/ the following editorial comment: "My friend wrote this. It's very funny, mainly because it's true."

Now, I realize this piece is supposed to be satirical, but let me take this occasion to ask: "Just who is being 'divisive' again?"

1 posted on 11/05/2004 4:20:50 PM PST by bourbon
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To: bourbon

"See you at the UN?"

Who??? ME?!

I don't think so bucky!


2 posted on 11/05/2004 4:23:01 PM PST by austinaero
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To: bourbon

I say that we arrange with Canada for all of their conservatives to move here and all our liberals could move to Canada.


3 posted on 11/05/2004 4:24:34 PM PST by dfwgator (It's sad that the news media treats Michael Jackson better than our military.)
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To: bourbon
I suggest a slightly different approach to the brie and croissant crowd:

1. Purchase a ticket from the international airport nearest you to Paris.

2. Apply for political asylum (or insane asylum. They are both about the same in France.)

3. Find a place to live in France.

4. If you need to do so, find a job in France.

5. Present yourself at the U.S. embassy in Paris and renounce your U.S. citizenship.

Problem solved for us and for you.

4 posted on 11/05/2004 4:25:27 PM PST by Lunkhead_01
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To: dfwgator

GREAT IDEA.


5 posted on 11/05/2004 4:25:29 PM PST by RKV ( He who has the guns, makes the rules)
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To: dfwgator

No...trade the PacNW to Canada in exchange for Alberta--Alberta has more oil reserves that Saudi.


6 posted on 11/05/2004 4:25:41 PM PST by twntaipan (Bush won a majority of the votes! Clinton never did that!)
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To: bourbon
But they can feel free to import movies, TV shows, financial services, and defense technology. We'll import ... bibles

Now why do I find that highly unlikely?

7 posted on 11/05/2004 4:26:24 PM PST by shezza (We will not tire, we will not falter, we will not fail.)
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To: bourbon

Loony and misinformed. (not you, the author) The GDP of the blue states only made up about 53% of the total in 2002.
Plus, if we divide anything, we're doing it by county.


8 posted on 11/05/2004 4:26:34 PM PST by pro libertate
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To: twntaipan

That would work too.


9 posted on 11/05/2004 4:26:42 PM PST by dfwgator (It's sad that the news media treats Michael Jackson better than our military.)
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To: bourbon

But where will the USAB get it's food? Ya can't eat entertainment or the arts.


10 posted on 11/05/2004 4:27:16 PM PST by Roccus
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To: bourbon
Personally, I think we made a huge mistake not letting them go when we had the chance back in 1862.

January 1861, actually. Idiots (and they are idiots) that don't learn from history are bound to repeat it.

11 posted on 11/05/2004 4:27:36 PM PST by canalabamian (Common sense, unfortunately, is not very common)
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To: pro libertate

Hey we could do like the South Africans did and set up little liberal enclaves like they used to do with the black homelands.


12 posted on 11/05/2004 4:28:09 PM PST by dfwgator (It's sad that the news media treats Michael Jackson better than our military.)
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To: wardaddy; stainlessbanner

Irony ping.


13 posted on 11/05/2004 4:30:02 PM PST by bourbon
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To: bourbon

"Of course, we in the U.S.A.B. get the Gross Domestic Product, businesses... But they can feel free to import movies, TV shows, financial services, and defense technology. We'll import country music, bibles and Confederate flags."




But...but, I thought big business was the realm of Republicans. How do these girlie men propose to keep up the GDP when all those rich, evil Republicans are gone.


14 posted on 11/05/2004 4:31:47 PM PST by cwb (Defeat after defeat, Democrats are still living in denial.)
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To: bourbon

That is one funny-but-sad example of the contradiction that is liberalism. It was obviously written by a knothead who not only can't comprehend why it is riddles with contradictions, but doesn't even have a clue as to where he himself stands.

And they wonder why that can't win elections.


15 posted on 11/05/2004 4:31:50 PM PST by Outland (Socialists/liberals/greens/progressives/commies: You're done. Go home to France.)
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To: bourbon; All
"We'll import country music, bibles and Confederate flags."

You will also plan to import Natural Gas and Crude Oil.

16 posted on 11/05/2004 4:36:04 PM PST by David
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To: bourbon
Er...I wouldn't advise secession. We tried it once, and, well... it didn't work out...because of Ohio, ironically:


17 posted on 11/05/2004 4:37:36 PM PST by wimpycat (John Kerry has a fevah, and the only prescription is "MORE COWBELL".)
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To: canalabamian

You beat me to it.

Of course the idiotic writer also fails to realize that Ohio, Indiana, and Iowa (as well as some of Missouri) were key players FOR the North in the "War of Secession".

Of course, we all know, that History is NOT a required subject for the liberals.


18 posted on 11/05/2004 4:38:04 PM PST by SONbrad
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To: bourbon

I guess this would work except they would be sneaking across the border to eat our big juicy steaks and potatoes. They would have to ride their bicycles to do so since we would have most of the oil wells. They might have to invite criminals in to live with them because they wouldn't have enough jails to house them and no guns to use as a deterent against them. Oh yes, I believe this is an enlightened idea!


19 posted on 11/05/2004 4:38:49 PM PST by Reb Raider
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To: bourbon
From his mouth to God's ear. Can you imagine the problems this would solve? The crime rate in the "red" states would plummet, welfare would nearly disappear, socialism would be a thing of the past, etc. Don't know how 'USAB' is going to defend itself, since almost all the military in this country are in the red states (much less the soldiers, themselves) and who they think will pay for their harebrained leftist programs, once they lose all those productive workers and small businesspeople. LOL
20 posted on 11/05/2004 4:40:02 PM PST by The Loan Arranger ("This We'll Defend")
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To: canalabamian

I wonder if he knows Lincoln was a Republican?


21 posted on 11/05/2004 4:40:24 PM PST by Rocko (Congratulations, President Bush!)
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To: bourbon

22 posted on 11/05/2004 4:41:45 PM PST by JoJo Gunn (More than two lawyers in any Country constitutes a terrorist organization. )
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To: canalabamian

We could have split up in 1862, although not peacefully.

As a matter of fact, it dang near happened.


23 posted on 11/05/2004 4:42:12 PM PST by Restorer (Europe is heavily armed, but only with envy.)
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To: SONbrad
Ran across an interesting factoid recently. The people of every secessionist state except South Carolina raised at least one regiment for the Union Army.
24 posted on 11/05/2004 4:44:29 PM PST by Restorer (Europe is heavily armed, but only with envy.)
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To: bourbon

Boy they really are know it alls...smug as hell.

Who has ever said to bring back slavery?...hell not even David Duke or Pete Peters that I know of.

This Red versus Blue is really no contest if one looks at it seriously.

Folks in such cultural decline and with nearly all the urban multi-generational cesspools would quickly evolve into an Omega Man or Escape From New York scenario in short order.

They need us more than vice versa. We pay the bills for all the blight.


25 posted on 11/05/2004 5:50:21 PM PST by wardaddy (The only thing we share with collectivists and ragheads is death.)
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To: bourbon

If you look at the blue state maps it is actually the blue cities not the entire state.


26 posted on 11/05/2004 5:52:23 PM PST by Rik0Shay
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To: bourbon

How's your wife btw?

It just dawned on me to ask.


27 posted on 11/05/2004 5:53:37 PM PST by wardaddy (The only thing we share with collectivists and ragheads is death.)
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To: bourbon

Red states have the oil, the food, the minerals, the space coast, the gold coast, and 50 million more people than they've got, the largest army base, the largest navy base, the largest air force base, not to mention over 5000 nuclear weapons......

Blue states have wine, hollywood, no steaks, no potatoes, and no oranges?

Gee... sounds like a Fair trade. where do we sign? Would it be against the law to offer San Fransisco for sale on ebay?


28 posted on 11/05/2004 6:59:18 PM PST by PokeyJoe (The United State of Texas.... I like the sound of it..)
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To: bourbon
There they go again. Grabbing things that don't belong to them. There are only one or two "blue" states. The county map shows the truth. Everything is red. Let 'em have the territory by county, or, better yet: precinct.

On that basis the PDRTI (Peoples Democratic Republic of Turtle Island) will have all the crime, poverty, communicable disease, cultural waste, and most of the racism. Sounds great to me.

29 posted on 11/05/2004 7:05:09 PM PST by FredZarguna (Ready now thy pajamas. For the Dark Queen begins to gather all evil things unto herself.)
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To: bourbon
This is scary. Has anyone here read William W Johnston's Ashes Series?
30 posted on 11/05/2004 7:13:53 PM PST by horizondb
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To: canalabamian; bourbon; wardaddy; sheltonmac
Just like states rights in support of gay marriage.

The left is about rights/sovereignty only when it fits their limited agenda (gay marriage/abortion/atheism/socialism).

31 posted on 11/05/2004 7:38:23 PM PST by stainlessbanner
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To: pro libertate

Yes!! by county.
I live in San Bernardino county,Ca
It's all red


32 posted on 11/05/2004 8:51:44 PM PST by rah379
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To: JoJo Gunn
Red/Blue looks more like this


33 posted on 11/05/2004 9:00:10 PM PST by exhaustedmomma (Free Republic: Grassroots activism making a difference!! Salute, Freepers!!)
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To: stainlessbanner
Just like states rights in support of gay marriage. The left is about rights/sovereignty only when it fits their limited agenda (gay marriage/abortion/atheism/socialism).

True. Any other time they say "states rights" is a code word for racism. Duplicity is inherent in their position. Maybe this will educate them a bit.

34 posted on 11/06/2004 6:24:18 AM PST by canalabamian (Common sense, unfortunately, is not very common)
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To: JoJo Gunn

Admin, can you please remove post 22? Alaska isn't correct. Thanks.


35 posted on 11/06/2004 10:15:52 AM PST by JoJo Gunn (More than two lawyers in any Country constitutes a terrorist organization. )
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To: bourbon

I almost heard Geraline Ferraro say the same thing last night on Hannity, claiming the US would have nothing if it left.


36 posted on 11/06/2004 10:27:58 AM PST by KC_Conspirator (I am poster #48)
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To: bourbon

If the U.S. were to split, exactly who would object? Neither side seems to particularly like the other.


37 posted on 11/07/2004 12:42:42 AM PST by supercat (If Kerry becomes President, nothing bad will happen for which he won't have an excuse.)
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