Skip to comments.I am now at the lowest point (Prayer Requests strongly and urgently requested!)
Posted on 12/27/2004 8:42:48 AM PST by Houmatt
I am not sure I know where to begin.
On Friday, December 17, I was arrested and charged with a Class B Misdemeanor, the first time I have been arrested and charged with anything.
Over the next seven days and six nights that I spent in the custody of the authorities awaiting bail, I found my wife of six years, the woman I had given my life and love to, had decided she had had enough of me, saying I had hurt her emotionally and she could trust, rely on or understand me. She intends to file for divorce next month.
I would guess I should have seen this coming. She had told me the feelings she had had for me before were not the same, and this was something she had been agonizing over for a while. It is not easy when the woman you love and are married to lives 200 miles away across the border in Canada. She would come over once a month and stay a weekend, but there was a five month period this year when she had been out of work due to an infection in her right leg. As I am sure you can understand, separation does not always make the heart grow fonder.
What I do know is I love her very, very much. She was my best friend, my lifeline, my reason for being. She helped fill the void in my life. I could apologize ten thousand times and tell her that, yes, I was not the husband she expected me to be. I know I failed her, and I not about to stand in her way when it comes to divorcing me, even if I am of the ilk those vows I took over six years ago were supposed to mean something. She needs a release, to not have to worry about getting me up to Canada or if I have money or food anymore. She needs that break.
I just would like it if we could at least be speaking terms, waving hi to each other on the phone or the net, trading e-mails and cards and so forth.
The other thing that scares me though is the possibility I may go back to jail. Even if it is my first offense, and a misdemeanor, I may still go back. Those days I had been inside scared me like nothing else in a very long time. I know I did something incredibly stupid and there is not a moment where I do not think about how I should have turned left instead of right that day. I also know I must take responsibility for my actions. I just don't want to go back to jail.
I have been praying ever since then for two simple things:
1) Terri (my wife) can receive the solace she is searching for and want to at least talk to me again.
2) That I get probation.
For those that are wondering: I have done enough stupid things. That is one stupid thing I will never do.
As much as I hate to admit it, yes, men do cry. I am right now. I am sorry.
Prayer is good, I suppose, but what you really need is a lawyer. Do you have one? And I don't mean a public defender, I mean, your own lawyer.
In a word, no. I cannot afford one at all.
Buffalo Ping! Houmatt needs Prayers and advice, Lawyers anyone?
What did you get arrested for?
Misdemeanor's usaully don't mean jail time.
Who is the Judge?
Where were you arrested?
By Erie County Sheriffs, State Police, Buffalo?
When is your next court date?
I was arrested in Amherst by Amherst Police and arraigned by Judge Klein. My court date is January 26. I am trying to get ahold of the lawyer assigned to me and my case since this morning.
What were you arrested for that they kept you in lock-up for 7 days? Amherst NY?
And, yes, Amherst NY.
Yup, Amherst labeled the safest community many years in a row.
The cops there are tough.
Massachusetts, if I go near that state the cops smell me and I end up in jail.
I was arrested 20+ years ago and still have a warrant out for my arrest.
No one knows why, no one can tell me how to get rid of it.
I even asked a judge 10 years ago about the statute of limitations, he said it doesn't apply in Mass.
I come from a family of cops, 2 cousins on Mass State police and my Grand Father was a Chief of Police in Hopkinton.
You still think I could get probation? I honest to God do not want to go back to jail, believe me.
What is the charge?
The details are critical before I could answer that honestly.
But, misdemeanors usaually don't carry a jail sentence especially if this is the first time you have ever been arrested and don't have a record.
One thing I've learned... once your name gets in 'the system'... it never gets 'deleted'. Justice often only comes with (1.) a good lawyer and (2.) a judge with common sense.
While the first just requires money... the latter requires luck.
#1 priority at this point is him and the current situation.
I'll leave the women thing up to you gals.. : )
Freep mail is a good thing for embarrasing or private info.
It is impossible to say if you do not post the charge.
Nobody can find the original charge.
No judge, no cop, no court, no probation dept.
I have resigned myself to staying out of my home state.
I pray that you can patch this up w/ your wife, but if you can't, I know that you can survive what is to come.
I have been through it and have come out stronger. You can too.
You have freepmail.
Prayers are up. It is hard to read your story without crying myself. I hope somebody will offer to take your case for free or something.
It is obvious he does not want to post the charge for embarrassment. If you are a lawyer, he may give it privately in Freepmail or something.
Dear Houmatt, place your trust in the Lord. He does not assign burdens too heavy for us to carry. If the load nonetheless seems crushing, ask Him to help you carry it. You never know, but in the end much good may come from what now seems so irredeemably bad and difficult for you. I'll be praying for you and your wife. God bless each of you, and by His Light and Grace lead you to His love, truth, and peace.
Amen Betty boop!
If you must know, I will Freepmail you.
Prayers going up.
I know my marriage is over. But I emotionally invested seven years of my life into that woman. She was the one I turned to when I needed someone to talk to; when I was lonely or upset.
I can assure you there is not a single person on this planet who knows me better than she does.
I am reminded of the song Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now):
How can I just let you walk away?
Just let you leave without a trace?
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ohoo
You're the only one who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me?
When all I can do is watch you leave?
Cuz we shared the laughter and the pain
and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all
Crap, I always thought that song was depressing...even more so now.
Please see post #25.
Strive for at least a civil relationship.
You will find another. Probably right here on FR. ;-).
I don't understand why you and she lived 200 miles apart, her in Canada and you in New York. Was that the arrangement for the entire six years of the marriage?
Why didn't one of you join the other and make a home in one country or the other?
Please post your replies to Houmatt
Houmatt, My prayers going up for you right now. God's love and protection in your life. Also praying for your wife...that she may find what she needs most...peace. I am sorry you have gone through these things, and I will keep you in my prayers.
If you want on/off my prayer ping list, please let me know. All requests happily honored.
A big part of your rehab, is coming clean on why you were arrested. If you're unwilling to face that reality, I for one, am not willing to offer help.
I will pray that you both find comfort and peace.
My advice is pray about it and then let it go. Do what you think is right and trust the Lord to handle the rest. If I knew more I'd probably give the same advice.
Prayers for you, FRiend.
That happened last year, when the company she worked for sold off her division. We came up here, but she said she was going to live with her parents until she could get her own place to crash. For reasons still not clear to me, the option of living up there while we went through the motions was never explained to me. I would imagine her parents nixed the idea. I do not think Terri would have objected to it, as she lived with me for a year before we could get married and she got a work permit. While she got the odd pay from a telecommuting job, I was working and trying to support her.
Thank you. I am grateful more than words can say.
You got mail!
I am finding some people here do not need to know exactly what I did; for that I am grateful. I am sorry you do not feel the same.
I pray that your situation will improve, but remember "God helps those who help themselves".
You can stop being a jerk.
Get involved in a good, Bible-believing church, tell the pastor your problems, turn over a new leaf.
How am I being a jerk??
You definitely have my prayers.
I've been in some really, really low spots in life myself.
When my wife of twenty years, the mother of my children, divorced me, the whole world was nothing but blackness.
But that is the time when you just have to hit your knees and seek the Lord. There's no other solution. He's the Friend that is closer than any brother ever could be. He's promised to never leave you or forsake you.
And there's nothing you've done that is unforgivable with Him. He paid for it Personally, because of His great and eternal love for you.
I am a Pennsylvania lawyer. While I can't represent you in New York, I could look for the sentencing guidelines. Freepmail me charge and I will attempt to find the sentencing guidelines. Most misdemeanors are elligible for ARD or whatever New York's equivalent is.
I once created and told a lie so heinous, I could never admit I lied.
I went to my Pastor, and I admitted what I had done, that I felt so incredibly guilty, embarrassed, and shamed by it. I told him what a friend had said..the first part of your getting through this, is coming clean. And I asked Pastor, should I do that?
He saw how hurt I was, and how much I was hurting, he knew I was genuinely sorrowful for this act, that I would never do it again and, the hurt I caused would be indelibly etched in my head and my soul.
He looked at me, by now with tears in my eyes, hoping he would give an answer that would take away this pain, and he said...
Jesus Christ gave His life for YOUR sins. Allow Him to carry this burden and accept that you cannot undo what you have done.
And then he said, I hope this helps YOU make YOUR decision.
I'll Pray ya', man...
Getting arrested for a misdemeanor that's too embarrassing to post here.
God has probably brought you to this point so you could realize you need Him and you need to make changes.
When you hit bottom, there's only one way to go, and that's up!
You'll do it. You have my sincere best wishes.
You're welcome Houmatt. I pray everything works out to God's glory! Don't forget to give credit where credit is due...via "Thank you Lord"!!
If you doubt this, ask President Bush about driving infractions from 30 years ago.
A misdemeanor, while nothing to be proud of, is not the end of the world. You will do no more jail time. You probably will be fined and put on probation. Given the fact that you struggled to come up with $500 in a week, any fine imposed is going to be sufficient hardship in the eyes of the court.
Pay it in installments as the court permits and use this incident to re-evaluate who and what you are.
You're not stupid, Houmatt. You and I have had some differences in the past, but I'm offering this bit of advice as a fellow conservative. Use this unfortunate low point in your life as a wake up call, emotionally and spiritually. Ten years from now, you may look back and say that this is exactly what you needed to get your head back on your shoulders.
All I know is how much I feel about my wife. For seven years she has been everything to me.
Is it too much to ask that I can at least remain on speaking terms with her??
Please see post #47.
Trust in the Lord - He may not give you what you want, but He will always give you what you need. Prayers going up for you, brother.
Things with your wife will work out the way they will. Not according to your plan. Your wife has indeed broken her vows. Unfortunately, you both must live with her weakness. But you must let her go if that is what she wants. With regard to your marriage, that is the only way. Trust in Christ and love Him with all your heart and he won't let you down.
His plan for you may not be clear to you for some time but He will love you unconditionally and give you the strength to find and stay on the right path.
Good luck and be strong.
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