Posted on 03/06/2005 5:49:38 PM PST by InHisService
Fat, But not an Actress
Tomorrow is the big premier of Kirstie Alley's new show "Fat Actress." I'm excited because I too, am fat. But to clarify, I'm NOT an actress. However, I'm starting another "Big Diet" tomorrow, maybe even inspired by this show. It's one of many diets I've been on over the years. My last one was successful, having lost about 50 pounds in, oh, about 6 months. But alas, after a few years, back surgery, and a new boyfriend (who claims he loves "all" of me) I gained it all back. I consider him responsible for 99 percent of my weight gain, but that's subject for another blog. I even wrote about my successful weight loss, because at the time I was working for a local newspaper, but now I have to face my critics and tell the world - I'm fat again.
Kirstie, honey, from the previews I've seen, honestly, the show looks kind of ridiculous. I for one, have never weighed myself and started crying and rolling around on the floor. Although for a large woman, this may be an ideal way to clean the bathroom floor, in one giant sweep. Usually I head for the kitchen and stuff my face. Also, how many of us, realistically, will get a call from Jenny Craig asking us to be a spokersperson? People don't know me as well as Kirstie, but I know I could make one heck of a spokeswoman.
Which leads me to wonder, did Kirstie gain all this weight with the Fat Actress sitcom in the wings, knowing she'd probably be touted for a weight loss program, just like Sarah the former duchess of Pork did for Weight Watchers? Or Anna Nicole-Smith and TrimSpa?
I read Kirstie's post on the Jenny Craig Website, and she claims she doesn not have a chef preparing her gourmet diet meals, (yeah, right) like Oprah and many others with tons of money have. (I have tons of fat, but not tons of money.) These stars all have personal trainers, people who are paid handsomely to motivate them and get their fat selves in gear. No wonder J Lo looks as good as she does, even with that big butt. Anyway, I'm going to watch Kirstie's show, because there's really nothing else on at 10 p.m. on Monday night, and I want to see just how fat she is. I'm better looking and younger than her, so I have that to my advantage. But I am fatter than her, and she has more money than me... hmm. And by the way, I don't like her dyed blonde hair, she looked much better as a brunette.
According to the weight charts, I should be about 9 feet tall for my weight, or at my present height, I need to lose about 100 pounds. I'm hoping miraculously that at age 41, I still have a lot of growing to do, at least about four more feet, so I can bypass this whole painful diet thing. I'm not planning on doing low-carbs, the South Beach Diet, or any other mass-marketed diet. I will do exactly what I did six years ago - well- almost. At that time I did Tae-Bo several times a week, (not so sure about that with my back) walking on the bike trail with a friend, and simply watched what I ate, cutting down on fat, and downsizing portions, from three plates of dinner to two... Two wonderful platefulls of roast beef, with mashed potatoes, swimming in butter and gravy, biscuits... and oh, sorry. There I go again. OK, one lousy plate of a cassette sized piece of meat and some veggies. How exciting.
I'd love to hear your opinion on Kirstie's show, and other weighty matters.
I used to find something about her eyes somewhat sexy, but now that she's gained so much weight that her eyes are practically swollen shut, she's not such a doll. Am I alone in this line of thinking? Her former eyes anyone?
My boyfriend actually pointed out that her eyes look weird, and said she was ugly. This was also after he saw her on "Stars without makeup."
Well, you are pretty funny, too. Great blog. Good luck. I keep my weight down by exercising and one simple rule: don't eat if you're not hungry and stop when you're full. You'll be in my prayers.
Thank you, but can I show up at your house in the middle of the night for a snack??
Well my 6 y.o. informed me this morning that he didn't eat his breakfast because he got up in the middle of the night for some "Gushers" (fruit snacks, gag). I never heard a thing. I'm sure Tobie would share his Gushers with you. And he's a pretty good conversationalist. Just don't wake the rest of us up.
I don't have Showtime so do let us know what happens.
He was one of the few Star Trek characters you really did want to die.
Best ST film of all.
I'm not really responding to anything but I wanted to make a statement. I get sick of some fat people saying they are proud of their bodies. If you are proud of being fat then you have problems. Why do some people try to glorify the flaws that have resulted from their actions?
Where's the logic in pretending you are proud of yourself? No ones really proud that they are fat they just say it to make themselves feel better, even though it makes them look like idiots in my opinion.
Hey what in the hell is wrong with you? Was that nonsense really necessary? Are you one of those guys that always corners people at a party to try to explain to them who really killed Bruce Lee?
Sorry, but I couldn't read past this.
That was a joke, darling. I am responsible for my weight gain.
Oh, ok. I'll read on then.
LOL! Now that's a joke. That's something no one would ever seriously say.
"Although for a large woman, this may be an ideal way to clean the bathroom floor, in one giant sweep"
lol!
It took me three hours today just to clean out my medicine cabinet and the one shelf in the linen closet with "stuff". Maybe I should try her method, although I'm not fat, and with my bad knees I don't think it would work.
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