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[BitPig] The Trouble With Old Folks
BitPig Online ^ | 2005.04.21 | BitPig [B-Chan]

Posted on 04/20/2005 10:12:22 PM PDT by B-Chan

The Trouble With Old Folks
The BitPig Rant 2005.04.21

I have an honest question: What's with the whole "old-timers stealing sugar/sweetener packets" and "retirees bringing Baggies full of food home from the buffet" thing? I mean, most of the old folks I see swiping sugar, etc. from restaurants drive away in brand-new Caddies that cost more than my yearly income, so it can't be poverty. Some say it's a holdover from the Depression years, when scarcity forced people to do whatever they had to, but my late grandparents, my aunts, my uncles, and many of my other folks all survived the Depression and yet I never saw them swiping food or condiments from restaurants. I also never see poor students, obvious illegal immigrants, bums, etc. do it -- instead, it's always the bluehaired 60-something lady in the Neiman-Marcus outfit and her husband the former aerospace industry worker (pension + Social Security + investment income = $$) who scoop a dozen packets of Equal into purses and pockets on the way out or drop four chicken-fried steaks into a Baggie at the Golden Corral. No, it's not poverty; it's like some "gimme" gene turns on at age 65.

The sweetener-stealing thing really baffles me. It's not like sugar substitutes are pricey or anything. A whole box of Sweet 'n' Low at Sam's or Costco runs a couple of bucks. Yet the Starbucks near our house cannot keep sweetener packets out on the bar anymore. It ends up being either stolen or doused in coffee and/or milk by the seniors who congregate there each morning. Now, I can see how someone with a trembling hand might accidentally slop their coffee into the container of packets from time to time, but every day?

It's not just condiments that some oldsters have a fetish for. Like giant, hairy toddlers, some senior citizens want what they want and they want it now. Case in point: a few weeks ago, I was reading a magazine at the public library when I saw two alter kackers almost get into a physical fist fight over a newspaper. It seems the first AK had got to the paper before the second AK, who felt that he wasn't reading it fast enough. Every few minutes AK #2 would tap AK#1 on the shoulder and say "Are you done yet?" or "Could you hurry it up?", to which AK#1 would say "no". After ten or fifteen repetitions of this, AK#1 folded the paper and got up in an attempt to escape his tormentor. AK#2 responded by following him all over Periodicals, berating him in a loud voice about "hogging the damned newspaper". Finally, AK#1 had enough, and told AK#2 to lay off or he'd hand-deliver the paper to him in a most unpleasant way. Intimidated but angry, AK#2 stalked out of the library in a huff, pausing as he left to yell over his shoulder "I FOUGHT FOR YOUR FREEDOM!"

Now, neither of these old guys was drunk or homeless -- one was wearing a fancy watch and the other a veteran's organization cap. To make things more ludicrous, there is a newspaper machine right outside the library from which AK#2 could have easily purchased a newspaper of his own. (I guess fifty cents is too much to pay for some people). Why, then, all the aggro?

It's not that I mind sharing the library with older folks. Our library is full of old duffers during the day. Most of them spend their time snoozing, using the Internet, or quietly looking up new ways to collect benefits or whatever. But when I saw Grandpaw AARP in there ready to assert his rights as a proud member of the Greatest Generation, I couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't just the prospect of these two graying geezers going at it in the middle of the library over a Fort Worth paper that amused me; I just found it funny that this one alter kacker thought he had a right to read the newspaper RIGHT DAMN NOW because he "fought for our freedom".

In my opinion, the world is meant for the young. The old have their rights, yes, but they also have the duty to gradually step out of the picture and let the next generation take their shot at living. I'm forty this year, but when I turn sixty-five (God willing) I'm sure as hell not going to spend my time out in public demanding my rights and inconveniencing other people with my bad driving, boredom, crotchetiness, and fading senses. Instead, I'm going to stay home and drink all day, which is what God intended the elderly to do.

There is no "trouble with old folks". The trouble is with folks who refuse to accept that they are old. My plan is to stay out of everyone's way when I get old and to enjoy my elder years at home. If more older people would follow the B-Chan Plan, we'd all have less trouble and a happier life.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: aarp; agedseniorcitizens; aks; alterkackers; buffets; elderly; oldfolks; oldtimers; retirees; seniors; snowbirds; stealing; sweeteners; thieves
When I retire, I intend to quit eating meals and survive on a single bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne per day.
1 posted on 04/20/2005 10:12:23 PM PDT by B-Chan
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To: B-Chan

I'm already have way retired :) i have a full time job, i'm not old nor do i have alot of money saved up. I just feel like it :) Also i like to stay out of people's way and try to mind my own business, it's when they stick their nose in my business, is when we got a problem.

2 posted on 04/20/2005 10:17:30 PM PDT by 1FASTGLOCK45 (FreeRepublic: More fun than watching Dem'Rats drown like Turkeys in the rain! ! !)
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As long as you're not scrapping in the library over the newspaper. That's the important thing.

3 posted on 04/20/2005 10:19:02 PM PDT by B-Chan (Catholic. Monarchist. Texan. Any questions?)
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To: B-Chan

B-Chan wrote:
As long as you're not scrapping in the library over the newspaper. That's the important thing.

--> Free republic baby! Who needs a newspaper when i got FreeRepublic. :)

4 posted on 04/20/2005 10:21:03 PM PDT by 1FASTGLOCK45 (FreeRepublic: More fun than watching Dem'Rats drown like Turkeys in the rain! ! !)
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