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DUmmie FUnnies 03-28-06 (Ouija Board Polls)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | March 28, 2006 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

Posted on 03/28/2006 5:37:19 AM PST by PJ-Comix

When I was a teenager, I was told that I would someday be world famous. Leaders from many countries would make pilgrimages to my vast estates to seek my advice. I was even told that I would lead a punitive expedition across the galaxy to wipe out an alien civilization that dared to threaten our planet. Of course, I returned to Earth as a conquering hero. That same evening, other teenagers around the table I was sitting at, were told they would become famous actresses, captains of industry, or sports legends. Oddly enough, no one was told they would end up as an inconspicuous couch potato. The reason for these startling revelations was the Ouija Board we were using for the predictions. Of course, something deep down told us to approach the Ouija Board predictions skeptically since the planchette floating around the Ouija board was merely responding to our subconcious desires filtered through our fingers placed atop it.

Yes, most of us have learned to treat the "predictions" of the Ouija Board with a grain of salt, AND YET, most people look upon the EQUALLY unscientific polls with awe and respect. That's right. I said "UNSCIENTIFIC." Like Ouija boards, polls will reflect the results that the people commissioning the polls desire. Either in the actual wording of the polling questions or in the tone of voice used, the pollster can subtly (whether conciously or unconciously) guide the polling planchette in the desired direction.

And now a confessional. At one point in my life I also treated polls with all the awe and respect that I thought they deserved. Whenever I heard someone dismissing the accuracy of polls, I dismissed him as a cranky old kook who probably still thinks the Earth is flat. So what brought about the change? For me it was the 1994 Congressional Elections. About 6 weeks before the election, I remember reading the polls showing that the Republicans would make some important gains in Congress. My hopes were up only to be DASHED a couple of weeks before the election when many polls stated that the Republicans had "peaked too soon" and that the Democrats were overtaking the Republicans. As a result, I approached the TV set on Election Day in a glum mood. Therefore imagine my surprise when the Republicans scored an historic VICTORY in 1994 when the Republicans picked up 54 seats in the House and 8 seats in the Senate, capturing a majority of both legislative bodies.

I VOWED to NEVER be swayed by polls again. Not only that, I did some investigations and found out that polls, far from being scientific, are RARELY correct. Remember the dead heat 1980 election between Reagan and Carter? Well, at least it was a dead heat according to the polls, most of which did NOT predict the Reagan landslide victory. And the further away the elections are from the time the polling takes place, the more meaningless the results are to the point that you might as well consult a Ouija Board for more accurate results.

Even that most "accurate" of polls, based on "infallible" polling data taken directly from voters right after casting their ballots, the much vaunted Exit Poll was proven to be COMPLETELY inaccurate on Election Day 2004. The results of that faulty Exit Poll was written on the dour face of a drunken SUSAN ESTRICH on Election Night who proclaimed as part of a bizarre slurred ramble, "Either the exit polls are completely wrong or George Bush loses." Those faulty Exit Polls caused Estrich's Victory champagne to quickly turn into bitter medicine desperately downed by the Democrat News Analyst to kill the pain of DEFEAT. Of course, the professional pollsters later claimed that there was a series of "logical" reasons to explain away the huge error of the Exit Polls: overpolling certain groups, underpolling other groups, using amateur data collectors, etc., etc.. And I can give them "logical" explanations as to why the Ouija Board of my teenage experience was not accurate.

To sum up, polls will say what interest groups WANT them to say. They can be used as a TOOL in a very LIMITED basis to help candidates find out where to campaign or what issues to stress. Other than that, polls are notoriously INACCURATE as electoral predictors. Of course, the Mainstream Media LOVE polls since they can easily get them to validate their own liberal agenda. Hardly an evening goes by nowadays that a network newscast (often at the beginning of the program) cites Bush's "plunging" poll numbers. Yeah, and if those polls were not made via Ouija Board tactics to reflect what the media pays them to reflect, the pollster would find himself replaced by the news organization so he knows where to lead his planchette to keep his income stream steady.

So with all the obsession over what are completely UNSCIENTIFIC polls, it is amusing to watch the DUmmies sweat beads over those very same polls as you can see in this THREAD titled, "What I find totally depressing about recent polls..." Yes, DUmmies, polls have almost NO BASIS in reality but guess what? If you get so upset over those phony polls, I'm just going to sit back and watch you agonize over that particular Ouija Board. So let us now watch the DUmmies mesmerized by polls that mean nothing in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Democrat Chairman Terry McAuliffe consulted a Ouija Board or a poll when he gloatingly declared, "Jeb Bush is gone," a few days before Governor Bush was re-elected in a LANDSLIDE, is in the [brackets]:

What I find totally depressing about recent polls...

[A DUmmie who believes in the AWESOME power of the Ouija Board Polls...as well as astrology, alchemy, and divining chicken entrails.]

...however positive the results may seem to us, is that there apparently exists a solid, unshakable 33%-40% bloc of support for a president with authoritarian leanings and a seemingly complete disregard for the Constitution and Bill of Rights...no matter how badly he does.

[Good news! That number just declined from 36.8% to 36.6% in the past month according to the Ouija Board Polls. Even more important the astrological chart shows the Moon rising in Uranus which does not portend well for Bush.]

Think on that awhile. In a way, I could better stomach genuinely high approval ratings (60%+) for Bush if things were going well (as they did for Reagan during the mid-'80s boom"). That way, I'd figure that it was merely the results of Bush's leadership they were approving of, not the philosophy behind it.

[Think about it. We have a strong economy now. Think about it.]

But, as it is, it seems to me that a third of the country or more just likes the idea of a right-wing dictatorship -- fascism without even making the trains run on time. And I hate to think what that bodes for the future.

[Maybe the trains aren't running quite on time but the rest of the economy is working well. Think what that bodes for the future of the poll takers when their predictions are ONCE AGAIN proven WRONG.]

It is rather discouraging.

[Yes, DUmmies. Toss yourselves over the cliff in frustration over poll results that are no more accurate than a Ouija Board.]

His numbers continue to slide downward and I take exception to your phrase "there apparently exists a solid, unshakable 33%-40% bloc of support". His support is neither solid nor unshakable and will continue its slow but inexorable decline.

[I can make the results of those polls rise or fall at least 10 points just in the way I say the word "Bush" while asking the "scientific" poll questions. Saying "Bush" in a sneering tone like a media pundit can easily drive those numbers way down.]

Maybe yes, maybe no...but I have to wonder what more it would take for current Bush supporters to turn. If they haven't concluded, in the face of all the current evidence, that Bush is a miserable failure, would he need to be caught tunneling into the local bank, or shoot someone in public (hey, it worked for Cheney!), or (gasp) be revealed to have received blow-jobs from a young intern? My point is that those who currently back Bush do so in spite of the results of his presidency. Which tells me that they are people who embrace his ideology of imposing a right-wing agenda (and the Constitution be damned), not his effectiveness. In other words, a bloc who prefer right-wing philosophy to democracy. And that's a chilling thought indeed, because, long after Bush is gone, they'll still be voting.

[We...are...mind- numbed ...robots...who...must...listen...to...Rush...to...be...told...how...to...think. And the FUnnie thing is that many liberals buy into that line. I was at a park once listening to Rush on a bench with my portable radio. After a while a liberal type old guy walked nearby and looked at the radio in disgust. "You listen to that guy?" he asked in disgust." "Yes," I replied, "I need to be told how to think." The liberal guy just sadly shook his head up and down and went on his way, totally missing the sarcasm in my reply. In his mind, I merely confirmed his belief in lock-step unthinking EVIL right-wingers.]

You hit it on the head!

[I think he fell on his noggin.]

His support will bottom out at no higher than 20% which corresponds to the percentage of hardcore RW religious fanatics who have supported him all along. No chance of change there, however their sway on American politics in general is slipping along with Bush's falling popularity. He has lost the great majority of Independents, has completely lost Dems and now many in his own party are finished with him. I can't be overly concerned with the 20% of fundies who still adore the nincompoop when they are all he has.

[And how is President Kerry doing since his big win as predicted by the Exit Polls? I hope he is enjoying the way Mama T is gliding his planchette over his Ouija Board.]

I wonder how the 33% compares to those with enough money to be profitting from all of the "mistakes" that have been made

[Let's be accurate. It is 33.2% according to the Ouija Board Polls.]

The 33% are the Christofascisti; they've been told Bush is God, err, good and they always believe what they've been told to believe. They would gladyly see most of us here exterminated so America could be more godly.

[Your statement is an OUTRAGE! The correct number is THIRTY-THREE POINT TWO PERCENT!!!]

I don't believe for a second that these polls accurately reflect anything...more than the opinions of the people who write them.

[And this DUmmie WINS a Kewpie Doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity. The chance of this recurring is 23.6% according to the polls.]

The only people I know who still support him are truly uninformed or stupid, or religiously insane.

[According to the latest CNN/Gallup Ouija Board Poll.]

they are like a religious cult..only more dangerous..and they are small in numbers...so why we give them any creedance is beyond me! we should be wiping the floors with them..instead we pander to this sick bunch..

[And could you mop up your drool spill in the corner of the room?]

It is my belief..... that if you took any country/society/culture you would find about that percentage of people who are drawn to authoritarian leaders, and are nascent fascists. It seems to be a certain personality type, thankfully in the minority. What we have seen it that 30-40 percent become empowered in this country, and it is indeed a scary experience. Having enjoyed a heyday, the fascist-leaning American minority will likely be harder to control in the future, and that is pretty depressing.

[33.8% according to the latest ABC News Poll which is within the Ouija Board margin of error of 33.6% according to the CNN/Gallup Poll.]

I'd worry more about the 60 - 67% who don't support him and how to get them to vote Demo in 2006. But first we must motivate the base.

[About the same percentage didn't support the Sandinista Opposition according to the polls in the 1990 Nicaraguan election. Those polls showing an overwhelming Sandinista electoral victory proved "accurate" until the day of the elections when the Sandinistas LOST in a landslide.]

It's the Apocalypse factor. It truly is religious based. Forget common sense. Forget all your normal reasons otherwise. They believe we are in our last days, deficits are meaningless, they have won the abortion argument, morality has been politicized and everything is under control. You have to love them for it though. They are sticking up for what they believe just as well as you are.

[What about the weird DUmmie belief in the Ouija Board Polls?]

Whatever people's personal reasons and motives for... Supporting the Bushco, I have a hard time believing that there is genuinely 30-plus percent of our populace that actually supports them.

[Me too. I believe that number is well above 50% although this is based on personal observation, not the Ouija Board Polls which actually reflect the opinions ONLY of the Media Types with their fingers guiding the polling planchette to the desired results.]

Mike Malloy.... coined a term for this years ago. He calls them the "30% idiot contingent". They are mostly deluded "christians". Bush could sprount horns, a tail and wave a trident and they would still support him. The only good thing is that they are not a majority, and they never will be.

[Must believe this! MUST BELIEVE THIS! Oh please tell me it is true my almighty Ouija Board Poll planchette. Verify my beliefs!]

Beyond being a non majority, a very slim minority.

[Yes! Yes! My Ouija Board Polling Planchette told me that LESS than 1% of the country supports Bush. I BEEEEEEELEEEEEEEVE!!!!!]

i truely believe * could......... screw a pink elephant on the front lawn of the white house with a million cameras catching the action..and they would find some damn excuse for him. they are sick people and why we pay one damn bit of attention to those sicko's is beyond me..they are not even a real minority.

[Methink you are being screwed by a pink planchette that validates the beliefs flowing through your DUmmie fingers.]

Conversely, the fact that this admin likely doesn't even have 30%, yet "we the people" haven't risen up and kicked these guys' asses is a far more troubling reality.

[30%. Down from 33.6% since this DUFU edition began according to the latest CNN/Ouija Poll.]

Interesting phenomena isn't it? Where is their ideology inculcated? Fascist families? Some institution for morons? Nazi school? Just where the f*ck does it come from is the burning question?

[It...comes...from...listening...to...Rush...who...has...programmed...our...mind-numbed...robotic...minds...]

I put a lot of the blame on the RW "Noise Machine".

[As opposed to the LW "Media Machine" which leads off their newscasts with the latest "low" Ouija Board Poll numbers for Bush.]

Yes, and terrifying to realize just how many... People mentally digest such garbage while perceiving it as "reality."

[According to the latest CNN/Ouija Poll, 99.9% of all DUmmies BEEEEEELEEEEVE in creating their own alternate reality in which John Kerry was inaugurated as President due to his overwhelming victory in the Exit Polls.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 2004election; bullzogby; dummies; election2004; goebbelswouldbeproud; lyingliars; makingitup; mediabias; ouijaboard; ouijaboardpolls; polls; powerghraib; thebiglie; zogby; zogbyism
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To: PJ-Comix

Rush has fooled me into thinking that supporting the overthrow of tyrannies in the ME, supporting the growth of Democracy, appointing Judges that don't legislate, allowing people to keep more of their earnings and promoting an ownership society are all the opposit of Fascism.

These DUmmies are truly deluded.


21 posted on 03/28/2006 6:11:44 AM PST by CSM (Lick a finger, politicize the wind, and place the finger into the wind. - EGPWS, 1/26/2006)
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To: kevkrom

Spot on postulate, there.

I always find it entertaining that the DUmmies wax on and on about the mind-set and ideology of the Christian right. These, who find any concept of God or deity intervention and determination, abhorrent to the point of shoouting their gnosticism from the virtual rooftops, are somehow experts on religiosity ion America.

A bit later on, we hear them summarize their paranoid stupidity by saying (paraphrase), "I don't understand why the rest of America isn't politically rabid and drooling like us."

Dude, the rest of America has better things to do...like leave the basement and go to work each day.


22 posted on 03/28/2006 6:12:17 AM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel (GWBush for Commish of Baseball! It's in his blood! Pass it on.)
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To: PJ-Comix
>>>>>>>>The 33% are the Christofascisti; they've been told Bush is God,


If they are Christofascisti, and they've read the X Commandments; (This typical DUmbass has not) they would understand that worshiping Bush as God would be an act of apostasy that would get any true Christofascisti hanged.
23 posted on 03/28/2006 6:14:38 AM PST by .cnI redruM ("Brother, you can believe in stones, as long as you don't throw them at me. - W. Sultan)
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To: PJ-Comix
[Yes, DUmmies. Toss yourselves over the cliff in frustration over poll results that are no more accurate than a Ouija Board.]


24 posted on 03/28/2006 6:27:04 AM PST by LUV W (A free Iraq . ... will serve as an amazing example for people who are desparate for freedom! GWB)
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To: LUV W; PJ-Comix

Into the top 30 like a turtle on speed!


25 posted on 03/28/2006 6:39:47 AM PST by Mr. Silverback (GOP Blend Coffee--"Coffee for Conservative Taste!" Go to www.gopetc.com)
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To: PJ-Comix

I worked for several years as a Software Engineer for big Polling company. Take it from me -- polls can be systematically manipulated to produce the desired result. The question's wording, the sample demographics and the weighting that is applied to the results are all "art" not "science". Many polling practices are based in theoretical assumptions.

But the reputable polling companies do not produce many of these "public opinion" polls or partner with the MSM organizations. Public opinion polls may produce headlines and send our Dummies hearts a-thumpin', but these polls are not big revenue producers.

There is BIG money to be made in the market research arena.
Companies are willing to pay dearly for the opinions of the consumers of their goods and services. One example that was extremely lucrative is the pharmeceutical industry.
The drug producers need the polling companies to guage the effacacy and side-effect occurence of their products.
However, in my experience the market-research polls are conducted more scientifically than the public-opinion polls. The influence of the political agenda of the polls sponsors does not affect the methodolgy. The polling companies would lose credibility if the results were deemed unreliable. A polling company's reputation is their only asset.


26 posted on 03/28/2006 6:40:40 AM PST by Ludicrous (I support a woman's right to choose an effective contraceptive method.)
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To: PJ-Comix

"(and the Constitution be damned)"

They don't have a clue what the constitution even says. Acording to them it looks like the communist manifesto.


27 posted on 03/28/2006 6:45:26 AM PST by imskylark
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To: Ludicrous
Take it from me -- polls can be systematically manipulated to produce the desired result. The question's wording, the sample demographics and the weighting that is applied to the results are all "art" not "science".

i.e. The polling planchette.

28 posted on 03/28/2006 6:47:30 AM PST by PJ-Comix ((Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: NRA1995
This DUmmie seems to be talking about Bill Clinton and his penchant for domestic spying...

I wonder if it is too late to censure Klintoon for possessing all those FBI files on private American citizens? Or better yet, how about censuring Hildabeast............?

29 posted on 03/28/2006 6:47:48 AM PST by AxelPaulsenJr (More people died in Ted Kennedy's car than hunting with Dick Cheney.)
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To: Mr. Silverback

You should try the Columbian blend...meth cut with crack and mellowed with coke.

That'll get near the top twenty.

Oh...and Will Pitt is the Bob Schrum of our time...


30 posted on 03/28/2006 6:56:51 AM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel (GWBush for Commish of Baseball! It's in his blood! Pass it on.)
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To: chesley

"My theory is this. The pollsters were actively trying to influence the elections by making it seem that Kerry had ALREADY won."

What is funny is that it had the opposite effect. We went into high gear making phone calls encouraging people to vote. Most of the people I spoke to were very determined to cast their vote for Pres. Bush. It was so cool having the people you call give you the pep talk.


31 posted on 03/28/2006 6:57:47 AM PST by imskylark
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To: PJ-Comix
Even more important the astrological chart shows the Moon rising in Uranus which does not portend well for Bush.

Wait a minute...isn't their anus part of their moon...I'm confused, but have no desire to dwell on the subject.

32 posted on 03/28/2006 6:58:23 AM PST by Mr. Silverback (GOP Blend Coffee--"Coffee for Conservative Taste!" Go to www.gopetc.com)
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To: PJ-Comix

...planchette...

? emphasis on the first syllable or second? I'm guess second.


33 posted on 03/28/2006 6:58:29 AM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel (GWBush for Commish of Baseball! It's in his blood! Pass it on.)
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To: Incorrigible

That "wonder" is NO.


34 posted on 03/28/2006 6:58:35 AM PST by justshutupandtakeit (If you believe ANYTHING in the Treason Media you are a fool.)
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To: Mr. Silverback

Dude...if the Moon were rising with Uranus, all would be in order.

There is no order in DUmmie land.


35 posted on 03/28/2006 7:00:30 AM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel (GWBush for Commish of Baseball! It's in his blood! Pass it on.)
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To: Cletus.D.Yokel

Correct.


36 posted on 03/28/2006 7:03:24 AM PST by PJ-Comix ((Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: Mr. Silverback

Hee-hee! Good to see you at any speed! Hi!


37 posted on 03/28/2006 7:03:35 AM PST by LUV W (A free Iraq . ... will serve as an amazing example for people who are desparate for freedom! GWB)
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To: PJ-Comix

top 50 from an aeroplane, no less ;)


38 posted on 03/28/2006 7:19:22 AM PST by freedumb2003 (Don't call them "Illegal Aliens." Call them what they are: CRIMINAL INVADERS!)
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To: chesley
My theory is this. The pollsters were actively trying to influence the elections by making it seem that Kerry had ALREADY won. Then the Evil Republican voters would stay home, and not vote.

Certainly was the case. Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh were on the radio saying don't believe the poll and described how it was an unbalanced sample of voters.

It was a last minute attempt to further make up the news (as happened repeated in the 2004 election, including the forged National Guard memos). The lead 7 minutes of the election coverage ON ALL 3 networks after the polls closed was "Well, Bush lost this election for the same reason as his father, the economy..." Then they realized that their script was obviously wrong.

When they cooked the books on polling figures, they forgot to keep a true accounting so they knew how much they'd still have to make up in knock and drag or dead voter efforts.

39 posted on 03/28/2006 7:20:41 AM PST by weegee ("Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but Democrats believe every day is April 15.")
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To: Cletus.D.Yokel

...planchette...

? emphasis on the first syllable or second? I'm guess second.




Why use a fancy, unpronouncable French word when there is a perfectly good English term like "plastic slidey doohickey"?

SD


40 posted on 03/28/2006 7:23:24 AM PST by SoothingDave
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