Skip to comments.DUmmie FUnnies 03-28-06 (Ouija Board Polls)
Posted on 03/28/2006 5:37:19 AM PST by PJ-Comix
When I was a teenager, I was told that I would someday be world famous. Leaders from many countries would make pilgrimages to my vast estates to seek my advice. I was even told that I would lead a punitive expedition across the galaxy to wipe out an alien civilization that dared to threaten our planet. Of course, I returned to Earth as a conquering hero. That same evening, other teenagers around the table I was sitting at, were told they would become famous actresses, captains of industry, or sports legends. Oddly enough, no one was told they would end up as an inconspicuous couch potato. The reason for these startling revelations was the Ouija Board we were using for the predictions. Of course, something deep down told us to approach the Ouija Board predictions skeptically since the planchette floating around the Ouija board was merely responding to our subconcious desires filtered through our fingers placed atop it.
Yes, most of us have learned to treat the "predictions" of the Ouija Board with a grain of salt, AND YET, most people look upon the EQUALLY unscientific polls with awe and respect. That's right. I said "UNSCIENTIFIC." Like Ouija boards, polls will reflect the results that the people commissioning the polls desire. Either in the actual wording of the polling questions or in the tone of voice used, the pollster can subtly (whether conciously or unconciously) guide the polling planchette in the desired direction.
And now a confessional. At one point in my life I also treated polls with all the awe and respect that I thought they deserved. Whenever I heard someone dismissing the accuracy of polls, I dismissed him as a cranky old kook who probably still thinks the Earth is flat. So what brought about the change? For me it was the 1994 Congressional Elections. About 6 weeks before the election, I remember reading the polls showing that the Republicans would make some important gains in Congress. My hopes were up only to be DASHED a couple of weeks before the election when many polls stated that the Republicans had "peaked too soon" and that the Democrats were overtaking the Republicans. As a result, I approached the TV set on Election Day in a glum mood. Therefore imagine my surprise when the Republicans scored an historic VICTORY in 1994 when the Republicans picked up 54 seats in the House and 8 seats in the Senate, capturing a majority of both legislative bodies.
I VOWED to NEVER be swayed by polls again. Not only that, I did some investigations and found out that polls, far from being scientific, are RARELY correct. Remember the dead heat 1980 election between Reagan and Carter? Well, at least it was a dead heat according to the polls, most of which did NOT predict the Reagan landslide victory. And the further away the elections are from the time the polling takes place, the more meaningless the results are to the point that you might as well consult a Ouija Board for more accurate results.
Even that most "accurate" of polls, based on "infallible" polling data taken directly from voters right after casting their ballots, the much vaunted Exit Poll was proven to be COMPLETELY inaccurate on Election Day 2004. The results of that faulty Exit Poll was written on the dour face of a drunken SUSAN ESTRICH on Election Night who proclaimed as part of a bizarre slurred ramble, "Either the exit polls are completely wrong or George Bush loses." Those faulty Exit Polls caused Estrich's Victory champagne to quickly turn into bitter medicine desperately downed by the Democrat News Analyst to kill the pain of DEFEAT. Of course, the professional pollsters later claimed that there was a series of "logical" reasons to explain away the huge error of the Exit Polls: overpolling certain groups, underpolling other groups, using amateur data collectors, etc., etc.. And I can give them "logical" explanations as to why the Ouija Board of my teenage experience was not accurate.
To sum up, polls will say what interest groups WANT them to say. They can be used as a TOOL in a very LIMITED basis to help candidates find out where to campaign or what issues to stress. Other than that, polls are notoriously INACCURATE as electoral predictors. Of course, the Mainstream Media LOVE polls since they can easily get them to validate their own liberal agenda. Hardly an evening goes by nowadays that a network newscast (often at the beginning of the program) cites Bush's "plunging" poll numbers. Yeah, and if those polls were not made via Ouija Board tactics to reflect what the media pays them to reflect, the pollster would find himself replaced by the news organization so he knows where to lead his planchette to keep his income stream steady.
So with all the obsession over what are completely UNSCIENTIFIC polls, it is amusing to watch the DUmmies sweat beads over those very same polls as you can see in this THREAD titled, "What I find totally depressing about recent polls..." Yes, DUmmies, polls have almost NO BASIS in reality but guess what? If you get so upset over those phony polls, I'm just going to sit back and watch you agonize over that particular Ouija Board. So let us now watch the DUmmies mesmerized by polls that mean nothing in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Democrat Chairman Terry McAuliffe consulted a Ouija Board or a poll when he gloatingly declared, "Jeb Bush is gone," a few days before Governor Bush was re-elected in a LANDSLIDE, is in the [brackets]:
What I find totally depressing about recent polls...
[A DUmmie who believes in the AWESOME power of the Ouija Board Polls...as well as astrology, alchemy, and divining chicken entrails.]
...however positive the results may seem to us, is that there apparently exists a solid, unshakable 33%-40% bloc of support for a president with authoritarian leanings and a seemingly complete disregard for the Constitution and Bill of Rights...no matter how badly he does.
[Good news! That number just declined from 36.8% to 36.6% in the past month according to the Ouija Board Polls. Even more important the astrological chart shows the Moon rising in Uranus which does not portend well for Bush.]
Think on that awhile. In a way, I could better stomach genuinely high approval ratings (60%+) for Bush if things were going well (as they did for Reagan during the mid-'80s boom"). That way, I'd figure that it was merely the results of Bush's leadership they were approving of, not the philosophy behind it.
[Think about it. We have a strong economy now. Think about it.]
But, as it is, it seems to me that a third of the country or more just likes the idea of a right-wing dictatorship -- fascism without even making the trains run on time. And I hate to think what that bodes for the future.
[Maybe the trains aren't running quite on time but the rest of the economy is working well. Think what that bodes for the future of the poll takers when their predictions are ONCE AGAIN proven WRONG.]
It is rather discouraging.
[Yes, DUmmies. Toss yourselves over the cliff in frustration over poll results that are no more accurate than a Ouija Board.]
His numbers continue to slide downward and I take exception to your phrase "there apparently exists a solid, unshakable 33%-40% bloc of support". His support is neither solid nor unshakable and will continue its slow but inexorable decline.
[I can make the results of those polls rise or fall at least 10 points just in the way I say the word "Bush" while asking the "scientific" poll questions. Saying "Bush" in a sneering tone like a media pundit can easily drive those numbers way down.]
Maybe yes, maybe no...but I have to wonder what more it would take for current Bush supporters to turn. If they haven't concluded, in the face of all the current evidence, that Bush is a miserable failure, would he need to be caught tunneling into the local bank, or shoot someone in public (hey, it worked for Cheney!), or (gasp) be revealed to have received blow-jobs from a young intern? My point is that those who currently back Bush do so in spite of the results of his presidency. Which tells me that they are people who embrace his ideology of imposing a right-wing agenda (and the Constitution be damned), not his effectiveness. In other words, a bloc who prefer right-wing philosophy to democracy. And that's a chilling thought indeed, because, long after Bush is gone, they'll still be voting.
[We...are...mind- numbed ...robots...who...must...listen...to...Rush...to...be...told...how...to...think. And the FUnnie thing is that many liberals buy into that line. I was at a park once listening to Rush on a bench with my portable radio. After a while a liberal type old guy walked nearby and looked at the radio in disgust. "You listen to that guy?" he asked in disgust." "Yes," I replied, "I need to be told how to think." The liberal guy just sadly shook his head up and down and went on his way, totally missing the sarcasm in my reply. In his mind, I merely confirmed his belief in lock-step unthinking EVIL right-wingers.]
You hit it on the head!
[I think he fell on his noggin.]
His support will bottom out at no higher than 20% which corresponds to the percentage of hardcore RW religious fanatics who have supported him all along. No chance of change there, however their sway on American politics in general is slipping along with Bush's falling popularity. He has lost the great majority of Independents, has completely lost Dems and now many in his own party are finished with him. I can't be overly concerned with the 20% of fundies who still adore the nincompoop when they are all he has.
[And how is President Kerry doing since his big win as predicted by the Exit Polls? I hope he is enjoying the way Mama T is gliding his planchette over his Ouija Board.]
I wonder how the 33% compares to those with enough money to be profitting from all of the "mistakes" that have been made
[Let's be accurate. It is 33.2% according to the Ouija Board Polls.]
The 33% are the Christofascisti; they've been told Bush is God, err, good and they always believe what they've been told to believe. They would gladyly see most of us here exterminated so America could be more godly.
[Your statement is an OUTRAGE! The correct number is THIRTY-THREE POINT TWO PERCENT!!!]
I don't believe for a second that these polls accurately reflect anything...more than the opinions of the people who write them.
[And this DUmmie WINS a Kewpie Doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity. The chance of this recurring is 23.6% according to the polls.]
The only people I know who still support him are truly uninformed or stupid, or religiously insane.
[According to the latest CNN/Gallup Ouija Board Poll.]
they are like a religious cult..only more dangerous..and they are small in numbers...so why we give them any creedance is beyond me! we should be wiping the floors with them..instead we pander to this sick bunch..
[And could you mop up your drool spill in the corner of the room?]
It is my belief..... that if you took any country/society/culture you would find about that percentage of people who are drawn to authoritarian leaders, and are nascent fascists. It seems to be a certain personality type, thankfully in the minority. What we have seen it that 30-40 percent become empowered in this country, and it is indeed a scary experience. Having enjoyed a heyday, the fascist-leaning American minority will likely be harder to control in the future, and that is pretty depressing.
[33.8% according to the latest ABC News Poll which is within the Ouija Board margin of error of 33.6% according to the CNN/Gallup Poll.]
I'd worry more about the 60 - 67% who don't support him and how to get them to vote Demo in 2006. But first we must motivate the base.
[About the same percentage didn't support the Sandinista Opposition according to the polls in the 1990 Nicaraguan election. Those polls showing an overwhelming Sandinista electoral victory proved "accurate" until the day of the elections when the Sandinistas LOST in a landslide.]
It's the Apocalypse factor. It truly is religious based. Forget common sense. Forget all your normal reasons otherwise. They believe we are in our last days, deficits are meaningless, they have won the abortion argument, morality has been politicized and everything is under control. You have to love them for it though. They are sticking up for what they believe just as well as you are.
[What about the weird DUmmie belief in the Ouija Board Polls?]
Whatever people's personal reasons and motives for... Supporting the Bushco, I have a hard time believing that there is genuinely 30-plus percent of our populace that actually supports them.
[Me too. I believe that number is well above 50% although this is based on personal observation, not the Ouija Board Polls which actually reflect the opinions ONLY of the Media Types with their fingers guiding the polling planchette to the desired results.]
Mike Malloy.... coined a term for this years ago. He calls them the "30% idiot contingent". They are mostly deluded "christians". Bush could sprount horns, a tail and wave a trident and they would still support him. The only good thing is that they are not a majority, and they never will be.
[Must believe this! MUST BELIEVE THIS! Oh please tell me it is true my almighty Ouija Board Poll planchette. Verify my beliefs!]
Beyond being a non majority, a very slim minority.
[Yes! Yes! My Ouija Board Polling Planchette told me that LESS than 1% of the country supports Bush. I BEEEEEEELEEEEEEEVE!!!!!]
i truely believe * could......... screw a pink elephant on the front lawn of the white house with a million cameras catching the action..and they would find some damn excuse for him. they are sick people and why we pay one damn bit of attention to those sicko's is beyond me..they are not even a real minority.
[Methink you are being screwed by a pink planchette that validates the beliefs flowing through your DUmmie fingers.]
Conversely, the fact that this admin likely doesn't even have 30%, yet "we the people" haven't risen up and kicked these guys' asses is a far more troubling reality.
[30%. Down from 33.6% since this DUFU edition began according to the latest CNN/Ouija Poll.]
Interesting phenomena isn't it? Where is their ideology inculcated? Fascist families? Some institution for morons? Nazi school? Just where the f*ck does it come from is the burning question?
I put a lot of the blame on the RW "Noise Machine".
[As opposed to the LW "Media Machine" which leads off their newscasts with the latest "low" Ouija Board Poll numbers for Bush.]
Yes, and terrifying to realize just how many... People mentally digest such garbage while perceiving it as "reality."
[According to the latest CNN/Ouija Poll, 99.9% of all DUmmies BEEEEEELEEEEVE in creating their own alternate reality in which John Kerry was inaugurated as President due to his overwhelming victory in the Exit Polls.]
Bill Clinton never got much more than 40% of the vote in either election yet he had a solid base of 37% or so who believed that he could do no wrong that couldn't be excused when the pollsters came around.
"Not a real minority" means that they are not a Politically Correct minority so it is alright to attack them, refuse them service/employment, and spit on their children because they "don't count".
I always vote. No matter what. At least I have done what I could to avert disaster.
I can't post here the fate I'd like for the two of them.....
Actually this Dummie stumbled into a truth. We do prefer a right wing philosophy. In other words we prefer the Constitution as written, to the cancerous growth we have today, and we prefer a republic to a democracy. We also intend to be around a long long time.
B-b-but I thought Bush stole Ohio! /sarc
I read your essays and pass them around, briefly explaining the purpose of DUFU, but the essays stand on their own.
When my husband read the Madness of King George essay, he asked where he could read your other work.
Revealing the disorderly mental state of the Democrat base,(a base that drives the modern Democrat Party,) with intelligence and wit, as you do in DUFU, is really a public service. There has to be a way to get a wider readership.
The fact is, DUmmies, that there are about 40% of Americans who simply DISAGREE with you and your friends. We see the miniscule tinkering with civil rights, and see it as REASONABLE. We know the economy is doing PHENOMENALLY well, considering what the country has been through the last 5 years, and that includes Republicans who forgot how to cut spending. We don't believe in your ludicrous fantasies and delusions, we think YOU are the whackjobs, not us.
We aren't inclined to evil, we aren't all Christophiles. We're decent folk, heck, everyone tells me I'm a nice guy. If we met out in public, you'd probably like me, and your girlfriend would probably wanna do me. There is no need to fear me.. well, except for that part about your girlfriend...
Is that so? I guess thats why Bush won by what was it 4 million votes?
Jesus loves the little children 'Cept for that one and those two over there
Yesssss yessss! Thank God we got President Kerry in '04.
Here's their bigger problem. If a pollster asked me, I'd probably take a neutral view on Bush these days... Between disagreements with him from the start and things he and his administration have done that range from annoying me to getting me PO'ed, I can't say I support him.
However, I think back on Algore and Kerry and how I thought their administrations would have turned out and it certainly would've been worse under either of them (especially Algore) than it is now.
So.... Perhaps they're expecting supprt from the two-thirds who say they don't approve of Bush in the upcoming elections. Well, Bush doesn't get my support right now, but, at least at the federal level, I'm not going to voting for Dems, either.
Presidents: Average Job Approval
|Kennedy||70 percent||17 percent|
|Eisenhower||65 percent||21 percent|
|G.W. Bush||65 percent||32 percent (to date)|
|G.H.W. Bush||63 percent||33 percent|
|Reagan||57 percent||39 percent|
|Clinton||57 percent||39 percent|
|Johnson||56 percent||31 percent|
|Nixon||49 percent||38 percent|
|Ford||49 percent||38 percent|
|Truman||47 percent||39 percent|
|Carter||46 percent||39 percent|
Love your tagline, but why stop there! Pitt for DNC Chair! He could hardly do worse that Howie "The Scream" Spendthrift Dean.
I was in SUCH a funk on Electino Day 2004 because of those "exit polls". Funny how the media never seemed all that interested in getting to the bottom of why those polls were so wrong.
I love how the DUmmies insist on pushing this as the reason Clinton was impeached--for having oral sex outside of marriage. Their inability to get it and their inability to gain a majority in Washington--see a connection, DUmmies?
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