Skip to comments.Carter-Mondale Team Up to Boost Jack Carter's Senate Campaign
Posted on 08/14/2006 11:25:54 AM PDT by John Semmens
Former President Carter and his vice president, Walter Mondale, have joined forces to give verisimilitude to Carter's son, Jack's "back to the seventies" campaign theme. Jack Carter is seeking to unseat Nevada Republican Sen. John Ensign.
The Carter-Mondale campaign event took place in Minnesota as a precautionary measure. It is duck season in Nevada and there were fears that the speeches given by Carter and Mondale might be misunderstood by trigger-happy duck hunters.
"My dad and Walter are treasured reminders of the happy days of 1970s America," Jack Carter said. "Those were humbler times for Americans. We shared shortages at home. We turned the other cheek abroad."
The cookout was marred when a fistfight broke out in the beer line. As part of the "back to the seventies" theme, beer was dispensed in five-ounce servings and partiers were required to observe an "odd/even" hour procedure--those whose Social Security numbers ended in an odd digit were allowed refills in the odd hours of the party, which ran from 4 to 7 p.m. The fight broke out near the end of the five o'clock hour amidst jostling for space in the line as the end of eligibility for "odds" neared.
"It wasn't fair," complained Bud Miller. "The 'evens' were getting two hours access to the beer to our one. I spent the whole hour in that line, but before I could get my 14th refill--5 ounces isn't really much of a drink--our hour was up. I thought, at least they'd serve everyone who was in line before the time ran out, but I was wrong. When this smug 'even' said 'rules are rules' I socked him."
Before the dispute could be resolved dozens had joined in. The 'odds' took several 'evens' hostage and tried to exchange them for unrestricted access to their own kegs of beer.
"I was one of the odds, but I tried to mediate," said Jimmy Carter. "No one would listen to me. Walter got a black eye--he was one of the 'evens' taken hostage. Eventually, the police came and busted up the party. Still, it brought back memories."
Despite the unexpected expenses resulting from the fight, Jack Carter said he was hopeful that it would yield a net gain for his campaign, at least for now. Many of the attendees were lawyers and a spate of lawsuits can be anticipated.
"I don't worry about possible lawsuits," said Carter. "At the pace our courts move, by the time a judgment could be reached my campaign will be out of money anyway."
yeah THATS going to help ....
Jack "A$$" Carter, a chip off the old blockhead.
"My dad and Walter are treasured reminders of the happy days of 1970s America," Jack Carter said.
Unbelievable. Treasured reminders of the national malaise. Jack, can you say "double digit inflation?" "70% tax bracket?" "Cold war?" "Ayatollah?"
I didn't think you could.
At that point, I asked myself, "Is this satire, I can't believe it isn't butter, er ... real."
Two losers pushing a third loser! All riiiiiight!
This is from the "Onion", right?? Gotta be. The good old Carter Days? Yeah, before and after he was POTUS. Had to love those 12% mortgage rates too.
Liberalism in America at work, folks. Watch the nation get pushed around by 4th rate dictators while the folks at home suffer. Those sure were great times.
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