Skip to comments.The Sex Life of the Prophet (Allah be Praised - Booty A Plenty)
Posted on 02/08/2007 4:50:32 PM PST by Rodney Kings Brain
Question: Was Islam's perfect man sexually restrained?
Summary Answer: Muhammad had sex with just about anyone he pleased, thanks to Allah's remarkable interest in his personal sex life.
Muhammad was married to eleven women at one time, relegating them to either consecutive days or (according to some accounts) all in one night. He married a 9-year-old girl and even his adopted son's wife. On top of that he had a multitude of slave girls and concubines with whom he had sex - sometimes on the very days in which they had watched husbands and fathers die at the hands of Muhammad's armies.
So, by any realistic measure, the creator of the world's most sexually restrictive religion was also one of the most sexually indulgent characters in history.
(Excerpt) Read more at thereligionofpeace.com ...
Typical terrorist leader: Do as I say, not as I do.
How do you say
"F* the polish right off the doorknob"
Many years ago, in the Khwarism kingdom, the empire centered around the cities of Samarkand, Bukhara, and Gurgange in the territory now called Uzbekistan, there was a bridge across a narrow section of the Syr Daria river and this bridge was guarded by a troll, named Ali Mohammed Qa-eelbasi. This was before the padishah Mohammed of the Khwarism empire burned the beards off of four of the infidel dog Chengis Khan's ambassadors and Chengis Khan reduced that entire territory to a smoking ruin (may he who cannot take a joke endure Allah's curse).
Now, this Ali Mohammed Qa-eelbasi was quite wealthy by inheritance and by dint of clever investment strategies and stock trading and, having no need of money or wealth beyond his possessions, and being an islamic troll, rather than demanding money from travellers seeking to cross his bridge, was in the habit of demanding various other favors from them.
One morning while Ali Mohammed was guarding his bridge and attempting to catch fish in the Syr Daria, he heard the light clatter of little hooves on the wooden planks of his bridge and looked up to see a little billygoat traipsing across the bridge, trippity, clippity, clippity, trippity, and this little goat (Allah be praised!!) had glossy white fur and flowers in his mane, and was wearing a silk petticoat with what appeared to be lace panties underneath, Ali Mohammed could not be quite certain, and a little training bra from Bloomingdales', and had a coy smile upon his face.
"ALLAH BE PRAISED"!! shouted Ali Mohammed! Surely the faithful shall prosper, this must be my lucky day!!!!
And, the little goat looked at Ali Mohammed, the coy smile still on his lips, and said:
"Verily, I should be happy for you to have your way with me and ravish me to your heart's content but, were you to do that, you would then be too exhausted to appreciate my brother when he passes this way. He is only a short distance behind me and he is a larger, finer and more lovely goat than I; he buys ALL of his clothing from Victoria's Secret."
Now, when Ali Mohammed heard this, he was overcome with passion and desire, and could scarcely restrain himself; nonetheless, he replied: "Go then, with Allah's blessing", and allowed the little goat to cross the bridge unmolested. "I shall (eagerly) await your brother!"
Ali Mohammed went back to his efforts to catch fish and, about a half hour later, he heard a somewhat heavier fall of hooves across the wooden planks of his bridge: clippity cloppity clop, clippity cloppity clop, and Ali Mohammed looked up to a sight which aroused within him a veritable paroxism of passion. This was a larger goat with a gossamer veil over his face, red roses braided into his glossy white silky fur all around, a golden necklace and the thinnest sort of a purple gossamer bodice of finest khitan silk, and dark, brown bedroom eyes.
"ALLAH BE PRAISED!!!" shouted Ali Mohammed, "Verily, this must be the luckiest day of my life, for surely no troll has ever beheld so lovely, and desirable, and alluring a goat as thee!"
"Patience!" replied the goat. "Surely you might have me if you wish, but then you would be too exhausted to appreciate my eldest brother, who travels only a short distance behind me. He is the sexiest and most voluptuous and alluring goat in all the world, and he buys ALL of his clothing at Sexy Sadies Midnight Boutique. Verily, were he standing here beside me, you would not notice me at all!"
Ali Mohammed somehow or other managed to restrain his lust and passion and allowed this goat to pass as well and, after ten or twelve minutes when he collected his wits and got his pulse and breath back under control, returned to his fishing poles.
Now when the eldest brother amongst the three goats came up to the bridge over the Syr Daria river and walked upon its wooden planks, Ali Mohammed did not notice at first, because this goat's hooves, for some reason, made no noise. Ali Mohammed was in fact taken by complete surprise as this third goat walked up to within five feet before the troll ever saw him at all. This goat had a silken veil as did the second goat, and gossamer clothing but, underneath the gossamer, appeared to be a very strange goat indeed, yellowish with black stripes, a long tail, fearsome claws, and huge, very non-goatlike teeth. This third goat spoke these words:
Bless, O Lord, this food to my use and me to thy service, and make me ever mindful of the needs of others through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.and, with that, seized the unlucky troll in his mighty jaws, chewed him into bitesized pieces, and wolfed him down.
I hope not.
I don't know why as everything in the post is accurate.
RKB may be a newbie, but - in just a short time - he has posted and replied in a FReep-worthy manner.
I guess Islam doesn't include the concept of love, just lust, sex, and depravity. And deflowering virgins is their concept of heaven? Disgusting. Nothing wrong with lust and sex, but not as the basis for a religion.
Guess this explains the muslim birth rate.
He sounds like the Mormons' Joseph Smith.
more like Solomon although he'd have to go a ways to get to 700.
moslems are irrational and contradictory when it comes to their bizarre belief system. Do not listen to them.
Look at what islam is, in reality. IT IS MOHAMMED-WORSHIP.
mo is the Perfect Man, the Perfect Example. In islam, mo is always put on a par with his psychopathic creation, allah.
The entire point of islam is to ASSOCIATE MO WITH ALLAH. The belief system is meaningless unless mo is associated with allah.
Do not for a second believe islam is a monotheistic religion. islam is the worship of a Jim Jones, Charles Manson, L Ron Hubbard sociopath/psychopath. islam is the perfect anti-religion. So perfect, it controls the minds of many non-mohammed-worshippers, who are scared to criticize mohammed worship or to call it what it is, because they are scared about the implications it has for their own belief system.
Hugh Hefner should read this article. He might finance a movie that will be the talk of the mosque.
Why did they leave out the young boys from the list? Pretty well known proclivity of muzzie men, musta got in from old Mohammed himself............
The best description I have heard of Islam.
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