DUmmie FUnnies 03-15-07 (DUmmies Speculate About What Happened To Chuck Hagel)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | March 15, 2007 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[SIDENET]

As you can see, unlike what they claim to remember, Chuck, for the most part, always looks disheveled and depressed.

It could be worse.

[franksolich]

Well now, don't be too hard on Charles Hagel.

Remember, other than his Vietnam-era thinking about the war in Iraq, Charles Hagel is consistently ranked as the most conservative U.S. Senator. If Iraq weren't an issue, I'm sure most here would be enthusiastic boosters of my fellow Nebraskan.

However, Iraq is an issue.

This is what I think happened:

For about a year, once in a while there would be a whole slew of "letters to the editor" in the state newspapers, in which Hagel was fulsomely praised for his "statesmanship," his maverickness, his non-partisanship (sic), and that Nebraska and Nebraskans should be proud of him.

However, occasional Google seaches of these letter-writers betrayed that they tended to be, uh, Democrats who had never voted for Hagel, and never had any intention to vote for Hagel.

On the other hand, the past three months, the "letters to the editor" in Nebraska newspapers have been jampacked with criticism of Hagel (100% of it being his Vietnam-era thinking about Iraq, and no other issue)--letter-writers who have voted for Hagel in the past, and who really wish to do so again, but he has to do something about his archaic Vietnam-era way of thinking first.

I think Charles Hagel is reading these letters, and they are affecting him.

Myself, as long as Hagel has that (R) at the end of his name, Hagel has my unqualified support and enthusiasm despite this serious chasm regarding Iraq.

But that's just me; other Nebraskans, and other Republicans here, don't think the way I do. I think Hagel realizes he has some serious fence-mending to do.

I think he's just going to run for re-election to the Senate in 2008; he won the last race with 87% of the vote (open honest election, no "machine politics" here in Nebraska), and if he does some serious fence-mending, he could do it again.

[Paul Heinzman]

You're supposed to wear your tee shirt under your sweater.

[Paul Heinzman]

Blackmailed by the Bush family?

A more plausible explanation is that a little birdie told him what really happened to Vince Foster.

[Paul Heinzman]

Remember, Ross Perot still says Bush operatives threatened his daughter.

That story never made sense: Ross Perot is probably three or four times richer than the Bush family. Perot could afford to hire the Army of most any of the world's nations to protect his daughter.

[Paul Heinzman]

In any event, it wasn't the Chuck Hagel of confidence speaking today with his head down reading his speech line by line.

Picture the scene: The senator wakes up in a brothel next to a dead hooker. In walks James Carvel...

[socal_parrot]

I think Chuck was shaving that morning, looked and the mirror, had a moment of clarity and muttered...

"What the f*** was I thinking?"

[MagnoliaMS]

That "whatever-it-is" in the pic does not even have any SHOULDERS, for Pete's sake. I've never seen anyone so slope-shouldered, male or female. Maybe that's part of why it's so vicious.

[soccermom]

THE Feebees and NSA have been spying on their perceived domestic enemas for years now. Now,now, I'm sure the administration has differences with lots of people -- but he would never call them enemas.

[RatsDawg]

I never heard that story, what did Ross ever say about it?

[Watery Tart]

Picture the scene: The senator wakes up in a brothel next to a dead hooker. In walks James Carvel...

[Paul Heinzman]

As I recall, he quit campaigning in the 1992 presidential campaign claiming that his daughter had received threats around her wedding. It didn't make sense to me because since he was a presidential candidate he would have the Secret Service protection. If he didn't feel that was enough, he could easily have hired his own security force on the scale of the Bolivian army.