Energy: The Unconscionable Liberal Gamble

Just as it is true that “Man shall not live by bread alone,” it is equally true humanity cannot live upon words alone. Yet dangerous words that represent nothing more than figments of the liberal imagination (think of “free love”) are the stock-in-trade of supposed liberal intellects.

That fact was surprisingly reinforced in a recent column by Thomas L. Friedman of the NY Times, a man who usually knows better than to associate himself with stupidity but wrote admiringly of Al Gore as follows:

“Mr. Gore proposed dramatically improving our national electricity grid and energy efficiency, while investing massively in clean solar, wind, geothermal and carbon-sequestered coal technologies that we know can work but just need to scale. To make the shift, he called for taxing carbon and offsetting that by reducing payroll taxes: Let’s ‘tax what we burn, not what we earn,’ he said.”

How could Friedman align himself with the anti-drill, anti-nuclear thinking that embraces a big government answer to a problem that, unsolved, will destroy the nation’s economic and social stability?

Perhaps because Mr. Gore makes fixing the energy mess sound so greenishly simple. But aren’t liberal intellects the ones always dinning our ears with pleas to avoid the error of seeking all black or all white answers to problems that are intricately gray?

Methane gas has increased 150% in the atmosphere since the mid 1700’s. (During the same time period, Carbon dioxide increased only 30 %.) A gram of methane gas has more than 25 times the greenhouse gas impact as a gram carbon dioxide. As many know, flatulence, “farts,” are almost entirely methane gas.

Therefore, Al Gore has developed a new program to combat this obviously increasing peril to our planet, and make a little money for himself at the same time.

Everyone will be required to wear a “fart meter,” (Cost $75, available only from Al Gore) which will record and automatically transmit to a new government agency (the Federal Automatic Recording Technology Department) the occasion of each fart and the volume thereof.

For an additional fee of $4,500, interested parties can purchase a fart capture mechanism (available only from Al Gore). This 25 pound device can be conveniently worn under the special clothing available also from Al Gore in attractive shades of brown.

When full, the interested consumer can present his fart capture device to Al Gore’s recycling center, where for a fee of $0.10 per fart, the captured farts will be recycled into the US natural gas distribution system. Al Gore also will receive a modest fee of only $0.015 per fart for the energy content of the gas.

The interested consumer will also receive “fart credits” for the number of farts he recycles. These “fart credits” can be traded to other consumers, who elected not to purchase a fart capture mechanism, through Al Gore’s Fart Trading Exchange. Al Gore will extract only a small commission of $0.01 per fart for each trade.

All Consumers will be required to be “fart neutral” by a “Cap and Trade” regulation, administered by the new Federal Automatic Recording Technology Department. Legislation is being developed as we speak, by the concerned Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, and her erstwhile compatriot in the Senate, Harry Reid.

Get ahead of the mandated stampede to control this growing threat to our planet. Get you fart capture mechanism now.

Simply contact Al Gore and follow his instructions.

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