Fox Shows Ugly Divorce

GlennSacks.com ^ | 7/24/08 | Glenn Sacks

[PercivalWalks]

Earlier this week, the Mike and Juliet Morning Show featured a segment about divorce and the damage it can wreak on children's lives.

Texan Mario and his ex-wife Brenda appeared on the show with their two teenage kids to discuss how the divorce has affected them. Mario was in a tough situation, due to the angry and accusatory Brenda, but I thought he handled himself well.

I'm sure Mario was not a perfect husband/father -- we men aren't as perfect as women are -- but she threw accusation after accusation at him and little seemed to stick. Mario and Brenda are pictured.

The divorced couple's two teenage children also appeared on the show, as well as a couple of psychologists/experts on divorce. It is very sad to see these young people have to go through something like this, and it will probably always throw a shadow over their lives.

Mario's main gripe with Brenda is that he says there is little or no discipline in her home, and the two teenage children are allowed to run wild. There seemed to be at least some truth to this.

This is, of course, a common conflict between mothers and fathers -- fathers think mothers don't enforce rules, whereas mothers think fathers are too strict. It's an argument I've had with my wife many times.

To be fair, I can also sympathize to some degree with Brenda. In the latter part of their marriage she was injured in a car accident. Her mobility was limited, at least for a while, and she put on a lot of weight. She also had significant scars on her body from the accident and the subsequent surgeries.

She had once been very attractive, and she seemed to be very angry that her husband did not find her as attractive after the accident and surgeries. It sounds as if Mario did his best to try to reassure her, but he was in a very difficult position.

I believe that much of what drives Brenda's anger is simply this -- once privileged with beauty, she found herself feeling unattractive and undesirable, both to her husband and later to men on the dating market. Unfortunately, whether she wants to admit it or not, she is focusing her hurt and anger on Mario, and it's hard to see that he did much to merit it. Of course, one never knows what goes on behind closed doors.

One thing I've noticed in women is that when they feel abandoned, they become very angry and lash out, which drives men away and increases their feelings of abandonment. Not only was Brenda stripped of her beauty via this accident, but her husband was often out of town for his work. I'm sure Mario believed that he was doing the right thing for his family and doing what he needed to do to support them. However, Brenda probably saw this as abandonment also.

To watch the show, click here for part one, and here for part two. Thanks to all of you who responded to my request for divorcing fathers.

Glenn Sacks, www.GlennSacks.com

[Note: If you or someone you love is faced with a divorce or needs help with child custody, child support, false accusations, Parental Alienation, or other family law or criminal law matters, ask Glenn for help by clicking here.]

[ktscarlett66]

I’d say that when *people* feel abandoned, they lash out. In the end of a relationship, women tend to direct their anger at themselves (depression, alcohol, weight loss or gain, self-blame) and men tend to direct it at others. How many women have been killed by husbands or boyfriends when they finally take the steps to end the relationship?

One thing I found interesting is that he mentions the ‘once beautiful’ wife and describes her as having lost her beauty. I kept going back to look at the pic - she’s STILL beautiful! Any time someone is scarred or injured, there are issues with self-confidence. But geeze, she’s still gorgeous, IMO.

[ktscarlett66]

Omg, I watched the videos. Those parents ought to be on their knees, thankful that they have the two kids they do! Those kids - I wanted to reach out and hug ‘em both. And the parents - I wanted to turn them both over my knee and spank them before putting them in time out. Because they’re BOTH acting like a couple of spoiled little kids. “Me me me”. Get over it and be parents to your children!

[driftdiver]

IMO the scars and weight are only secondary items impacting his feelings. The bitterness and anger would be primary IMO.

[Diana in Wisconsin]

I was 19 when my folks divorced, and already out of the house and married (I moved out at 17 before there was any hint of discord; I was ready to fledge early.)

Mom left Dad for someone else, and Dad had a very hard time dealing with it and was very bitter. He’s a great guy, but I can see where he’d drive someone mad after 25 years...

Anyhow, for my OWN mental health, it finally got to the point where I just flat-out told Dad that he could NOT speak ill of Mom in my presence, no matter HOW mad we BOTH were at her. See...I’m HALF of her, and her actions were disturbing to me on many levels.

Would I turn out to do what she did? (I didn’t.) Would I still be able to have any kind of relationship with her if Dad kept running her down to me? (We eventually patched things up, but it took a very long time and we’re cordial. I’m closer to my Mother-in-Law than I am to my own Mom. It’s sad, but she brought this upon us, not me.)

Twenty-eight years later, I “tolerate” her husband at best. Sorry. The man helped to break up my family. I’ve never seen him as any more than a selfish interloper. (He left his wife and his two kids, too!)

Yep. Divorce, for any reason, can screw up your kids, no matter what their age.

So keep your mouth SHUT about your Ex when talking to your kids, unless she or he is an actual, physical threat to you or your kids.

If so, all bets are off. Safety first.

[driftdiver]

“Because they’re BOTH acting like a couple of spoiled little kids. “Me me me”. Get over it and be parents to your children!”

How could you go on TV and embarrass your children like that? Narcissistic and lack of shame.