HUMOR: Freeper Silly gets four items published in the New York Times [unabashed vanity]

The New York Times ^ | various | Silly

[Silly]

The New York Times has a Monday column for readers to submit stories about life in NYC. Here are four of my items the Times has published, in reverse chronological order:

No. 4: The Lollipop

Our B train was being held at 96th Street a few weeks ago. After repeated pleas for passengers to stop blocking the closing doors, the conductors began running out of patience. “Is there a police officer on the platform?” one of them called out. No response.

So one of the crew passed through our car, determined to find the problem himself.

When he returned, he had a big grin on his face, and announced cheerfully, “There was a lollipop stuck in the door!”

Sweet? Yes. Trivial? No. Our train was taken out of service!

Paul Klenk

[Silly]

One of the items, the Tourists, inspired the Times to hire cartoonist Lars Leetaru to illustrate (see above).

No. 3: The Goose

My arms were loaded with shopping, so I decided to treat myself to a taxi ride home. I motioned to a waiting cabby, and he popped his trunk.

“Luggage?” he asked, assuming it was an airport run. “No, Christmas presents,” I answered.

“Oh, yes, Christmas is coming!” he said.

“The goose is getting fat!” I quipped.

“The goose?”

So began my ride from Forest Hills to Kew Gardens the Saturday before Thanksgiving last year. The driver, Ricardo Valenti from Sicily, was exceedingly curious about the song — where it came from, why you put the penny not in the old man’s cap but in his hat (rhymes with fat), what a ha’penny is, and why you say “God bless you” to someone who hasn’t got one. We even sang it as a round! “It sounds better that way!” he exclaimed.

We exchanged Thanksgiving greetings as the ride ended, and as I walked to my apartment I could hear him calling out to me: “Eat lots of turkey! Drink lots of wine!”

My holidays were off to a roaring start.

Paul Klenk

No. 2: The Tourists

During the cold snap in early February, three women — Melinda, Paige and Roxanne — visiting from Lake Charles, La., bustled into the Irish pub at Seventh Avenue near 54th Street. Our conversation warmed up quickly:

Me: “What’s been your favorite part of your trip to New York City?”

Melinda: We rode the subway to ground zero yesterday, and then we visited Ladder 10! The firemen gave us a tour of the station with their clothes on!”

Of course she meant their uniforms and gear, but I was laughing so hard, she made sure I understood. Come visit New York when it’s warmer, ladies. There’s so much more to see!

Paul Klenk

No. 1: The Everything Bagel

The Everything bagel has always made me smile. It combines seasonings from sesame, garlic, poppyseed, onion and salt bagels — and it's really delicious. In New York City, it makes perfect sense to order "Everything with nothing" — an Everything bagel, plain, without butter or cream cheese.

One morning this month, a mother and her boy were placing a breakfast order at the Market Cafe in Citigroup Center. The store was busy and ready to get busier, with fresh sandwiches, pizzas, fruit, rolls and salads stocked behind the counter.

"A plain bagel toasted, with butter; an Everything with ham, and a sesame with cream cheese," said the lady.

"We're out of Everything," replied the cashier.

Neither of their faces registered a hint of irony, and the lady revised her order.

Paul Klenk

[Silly]

I truly hope you enjoy each of these stories!

[Bon mots]

Now that you have been 'outed' as a Conservative and FR contributor, the Times will never publish one of your stories again.

[Silly]

Nah...!

[Bon mots]

(Very nice vignettes, by the way!)

[Silly]

Thanks! I have to tell you, it was awfully exciting to get the phone calls from the editor before each one was published.

[nw_arizona_granny]

LOL.

[magslinger]

Very nice stories, but I almost quit reading at the cartoon. Until I read “The Tourists” I thought it was about the San Francisco Fire Department...

[Silly]

LOL!

[Red_Devil 232]

I enjoyed them.

[IreneE]

Darling stuff. Keep writing, silly boy.

[GOP Poet]

They are fantastic and now I absolutely hate you as I am craving an Everything with nothing (okay I lied, toasted with cream cheese) and I am in Santa Barbara where even if they made an Everything it just wouldn't taste like NY.

Bless you Silly. You have a gift! They will continue to publish no matter what your politics (regarding the second comment on this thread) as you are very talented. Wonderful work. Thank you for sharing. Please ping me with any new published work.

By the way I loved the illustration of the firemen story. :-D.

[Silly]

Thank you for the wonderful words!

[GOP Poet]

Congratulations! Absolutely. Absolutely.

Maybe people here do not know how impossible it can be to get published there. Many great renowned writers have never gotten a line accepted by the New York Times. To some it was the stitch in their side even with all the awards they had won or the millions they made in their career. They just could not get a thing published in the New York Times.

For any writer famous or not it is a very, very big deal to be published and to have so many and to go as far as to illustrate, folks this is major! Plus it looks outstanding on any resume, especially when it comes to approaching agents or publishers. Awesome Possum!!!!

[Philo1962]

I’ve had a few things published by Newsmax and so forth, but this is excellent. Congratulations.

[Silly]

Thanks, friend.

[Allegra]

Enjoyable reading. Well done.

Congratulations!

[geezerwheezer]

Jeez....big deal getting published in the New York Times and all...When you get a letter to the editor published in the Savannah Morning News, as I have, then you might have bragging rights! (congrats anyway!)

[Kevmo]

I’m glad there are Silly people in New York. I just do not understand the big city mentality.

We get a few New Yorkers who move here to Silicon Valley and they compare & contrast the two. I have heard on more than one occasion, “Why do you guys complain so much about paying for parking? In New York, we can’t even find parking.” Or they’ll say, “You think real estate prices are high here, you shoud see what an apartment on Long Island costs.” But my favorite is: “You guys haven’t seen change until you’ve been in New York.”

Here’s the rub: 2 generations ago, city slickers in New York were having trouble finding parking, complaining about the price of housing, all the usual stuff. Today, they still complain about the SAME THING; the only thing that’s really changed is the signs on the tall buildings. 2 generations ago in Silicon Valley, this was all Indian Territory. 1 generation ago, this was all orchards. Today it is the highest priced land in the country. Now THAT’s change.

[Silly]

It sure is a change from Minnesota, where I grew up.

[Silly]

late night bttt

[Silly]

bump

[Silly]

Hope you enjoy.

[NicknamedBob]

Now, if you work this right, like Scott Adams, people will begin sending you e-mails about amusing incidents that occurred to them, and you can do the re-write, and rake in all the moolah.

I told someone today, that I was once walking along a Baltimore street, and I saw a store that had calendars for sale, at fifty percent off. It seemed fair, because this was in July.

[Silly]

LOL!

:-)

[patton]

Cool! Laconic, even.

[Silly]

As my Strunk and White taught me, “Omit needless words! Omit needless words! Omit needless words!”

[MeekOneGOP]

Way to go!

Hey! Maybe you can use your influence and get them to
publish McCain’s OpEd they refused. You know, the one
they refused after publishing Obama’s OpEd in their rag !!!

[Silly]

Thanks. Lately I’ve thought of trying my own hand at a letter to the editor.

[Robert A. Cook, PE]

Cool!

(Robt pats Silly on the, umh, er, “back” in congratulations.)

Had two little ones printed in Readers Digest many years ago:

Pair-a-phrasing one of them from Life in These United States:

My son wrote us from Connecticut, with driving instructions to his house in Groton: “Get on I-10 East in San Antonio, turn left at Jacksonville, FL on I-95 North and drive by Joe’s place in South Carolina. Take a right on Route 12 in Groton, and go 3 stoplights. We’re the third house on the left.

[Silly]

LOL!

[Robert A. Cook, PE]

Thanks. Lately I’ve thought of trying my own hand at a letter to the editor.

A letter to the editor is always good start, but the more advanced writers usually go with a lower case “k” or even a “Y” ...

[Silly]

I’m still trying to figure that one out.

[firebrand]

BTTT

[Silly]

Late night bump.

[Silly]

This deserves a ping tonight.

[Silly]

Christmas bump.

[firebrand]

New Year's bump to you.

I'm still waiting for someone else to do the H O L I D A Y party. Want to take over? Anyone else?

[Silly]

Wish I could. Won’t have the time, however. Nice hearing from you.

[Moonman62]

That’s probably the best the NYTimes has ever printed. Sorry I couldn’t come up with a better compliment.