Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

In Honor of Our New President - Jokes!
President-Elect Obama is a Giant Helmet ^ | 11-05-08 | Mikey

Posted on 11/05/2008 2:30:11 PM PST by ThreeYearLurker

How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. The room is illuminated by the light of Barack's halo.

-------------------

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Obama.

Obama who?

"Sweethome" Al Obama

---------------

How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. Barack holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

---------------

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Barack

Barack who?

If this place is barackin' don't come a knockin'

-------------

Now an unfunny one!

How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. President Obama outlawed incandecent lightbulbs in 2009, and now we have a CF lightbulb that costs $10 and gives out funky lightwaves that makes my house look like K-mart.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: freepun; humor; jokes; nobama08

1 posted on 11/05/2008 2:30:12 PM PST by ThreeYearLurker
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: ThreeYearLurker

Very cute!


2 posted on 11/05/2008 2:41:12 PM PST by Joann37
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ThreeYearLurker

...................so then Obama says, “For a nickel I will”


3 posted on 11/05/2008 2:43:15 PM PST by DogBarkTree (Now it's all Obama's fault)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Joann37

Thank you for the jokes.
This is the first time I have smiled today.

Somehow, with the help of FReepers, I will get thru 4 years.
Just one day at a time.


4 posted on 11/05/2008 2:44:19 PM PST by mason-dixon
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: mason-dixon

I heard they are gonna turn the rose garden into a watermelon patch.


5 posted on 11/05/2008 2:46:15 PM PST by unixfox (The 13th Amendment Abolished Slavery, The 16th Amendment Reinstated It !)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: ThreeYearLurker

Barack Obama was walking down the street when he saw a little boy giving away pupies. Obama asked the boy what kind of puppies they were. The little boy said they were Democrat puppies. Never shying away from a photo op, Obama came by the next day with an army of reporters and video cams. He asked the little boy to tell Mr Blitzer what kind of puppies they were. The little boy said they were Republican puppies. Obama was very surprised. He asked the little boy why they weren’t Deomcrat puppies any more. The little boy said, “That was yesterday, today they opened their eyes.”


6 posted on 11/05/2008 2:47:25 PM PST by Pelagius of Asturias
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ThreeYearLurker

Here’s something unfunnier. Modern CF bulbs put out a nice steady warm light, and they only cost about $2 when bought in packs of four.


7 posted on 11/05/2008 2:47:26 PM PST by Moonman62 (The issue of whether cheap labor makes America great should have been settled by the Civil War.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: unixfox

Does Obama celebrate Christmas?


8 posted on 11/05/2008 2:47:58 PM PST by getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL (****************************Stop Continental Drift**)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: ThreeYearLurker
Keep the humor coming...I need it.

RightWingIt.com

9 posted on 11/05/2008 2:49:22 PM PST by GaryLee1990 (www.RightWingIt.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: GaryLee1990

Nothing funny at all. We are in for the fight of our lives...
Anyway...my joke about this animal would lead to my banishment
from FR.


10 posted on 11/05/2008 2:58:32 PM PST by maineman
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: mason-dixon
Somehow, with the help of FReepers, I will get thru 4 years. Just one day at a time.

Obama and the Dems may mess up things so bad that it's not hard to imagine it reaching the point of almost being amusing. As the old saying goes, the Dems often become a circular firing squad.

11 posted on 11/05/2008 2:59:36 PM PST by Starboard
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: ThreeYearLurker; Slings and Arrows; maggief; martin_fierro; Spotsy; Smartass; Happy2BMe; Allegra; ..
MORE JOKES!!!



Priest's last request

An old priest who for years had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital, lay dying in the hospital.  He motioned for his nurse to come near.

'Yes, Father?' said the nurse.

'I would really like to see Barack Obama and Joe Biden before I die,' he whispered.

'I'll see what I can do, Father,' replied the nurse, and she respectfully forwarded the request to the DNC and waited for a response.

Surprisingly, soon the word arrived.  Obama and Biden would be delighted to visit the priest. <

As they made their way to the hospital, Obama commented to Biden, 'I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but the media coverage will certainly help our images.'

Biden couldn't help but agree.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Biden's hand in his right hand and Obama's hand in his left.  There was silence and a look of serenity on the ancient cleric's face.

Finally Biden spoke, 'Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?'

Taking a deep breath, the old priest painfully replied, 'I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior.'

'Amen,' said Obama.

'Amen,' said Biden.

The old priest continued, 'He died between two lying thieves and I would like to do the same..'




12 posted on 11/05/2008 3:06:38 PM PST by Lady Jag (DONATE NOW at https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ThreeYearLurker
I brought this up before but anyone else remember how much fun we had with Clinton/Gore/Kerry? For the life of me I can find almost nothing funny about Obama. it's not going to be a good next four years for anyone but Obama.
13 posted on 11/05/2008 3:11:12 PM PST by Hillarys Gate Cult (The man who said "there's no such thing as a stupid question" has never talked to Helen Thomas.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Starboard

 

Critics say that Presidential candidate Barack Obama tries to "be all things to all people" and that he makes too many "pie-in-the-sky" promises. At a recent political rally, Obama tried to overcome these criticisms by emphasizing his commitment to principles. Afterwards, audience members lined up at a microphone to ask Obama questions.

The first person at the microphone said, "I oppose the war in Iraq. If you are elected, what will you do about that?"

"I will end the war in Iraq within two weeks of taking office," answered Obama. "All our troops will come home, and I will simultaneously make sure the Iraqi government is functioning and secure."

The second person in line said, "I'm an illegal alien. What will you do for people like me?"

"If I am elected," answered Obama, "every illegal alien will receive U.S. citizenship, free health coverage, and a scholarship to the university of your choice."

The third person in line said, "I'm a conservative. If elected, what will you do for me?"

"I'll send that first guy to Iraq, and the second guy back to Mexico."




14 posted on 11/05/2008 3:15:41 PM PST by Lady Jag (DONATE NOW at https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: Lady Jag
Critics say that Presidential candidate Barack Obama tries to "be all things to all people" and that he makes too many "pie-in-the-sky" promises.

Bundles of promises from a guy who has never accomplished anything. In my experience, people like this usually fail to deliver.

15 posted on 11/05/2008 3:24:13 PM PST by Starboard
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: ThreeYearLurker
Obama voter: "WE GONNA GET PAID!!"
16 posted on 11/05/2008 3:25:07 PM PST by LiberConservative ("Typical white guy")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ThreeYearLurker
This is all redundant.

He is a joke.

17 posted on 11/05/2008 3:32:27 PM PST by grobdriver (Let the embeds check the bodies!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Starboard
people like this usually fail to deliver.

Never did anything, either, as far as we can tell. Didn't show up for the jobs listed on his resume but the info on those experiences is all locked up so no one can see. Some claim he did leaves of absence and wrote books, good way of making extra dough if you can get away with it. How come he got away with it? I know I wouldn't.

18 posted on 11/05/2008 3:53:14 PM PST by Lady Jag (DONATE NOW at https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: grobdriver; Starboard; ThreeYearLurker


NOT ENOUGH BALLS

SIGNS SOMEONE IS AN OBAMA SUPPORTER

* Blank stare.
* Unable to communicate complex thoughts.
* Fits of excitement followed by bouts of depression with no noticeable causes.
* Easily distracted by anything that is shiny or new.
* Defines political beliefs with vague, trite phrases.
* Irrational risk taking with finances.
* Submissive urination.
* Stupidity.
* Hates crackers.

If you realize someone is an Obama supporter, make sure to give him or her a new, shiny red ball to play with on election day. The person may be so distracted by the ball, he'll forget to vote, or become so enamored with the ball that'll he'll vote for the ball instead as a write-in.

 

 

19 posted on 11/05/2008 3:58:05 PM PST by Lady Jag (DONATE NOW at https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: Lady Jag
Didn't show up for the jobs listed on his resume but the info on those experiences is all locked up so no one can see.

What? Are you expected to be physically present on your job? Do you actually have to substantiate and document your experiences to be considered for another job? Do you have to produce anything of value while you're at work? You must not be special. /sarc

20 posted on 11/05/2008 4:43:56 PM PST by Starboard
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: mason-dixon

Yes, let’s view the coming administration as entertainment... much less painful.


21 posted on 11/05/2008 4:52:06 PM PST by La Enchiladita
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Starboard
That's what I though but apparently I was wrong. Turns out that hard work doesn't pay off fast enough whereas with our new president, laziness pays off now.
22 posted on 11/05/2008 6:14:09 PM PST by Lady Jag (DONATE NOW at https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Lady Jag

Little Johnny Meets Barack Obama


Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he
visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a
discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the presidential candidate if
he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our
illustrious democrat presidential candidate asked the class for an example
of a 'tragedy.'

One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him,
that would be a tragedy.'

'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove
over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.'

'I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great loss.'

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the
room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet
voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a
'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that
would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says the boy, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't
be a great loss...and it probably wouldn't be an accident either.'

 


23 posted on 11/05/2008 8:48:30 PM PST by ForGod'sSake (ABCNNBCBS: A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth gets its shoes on!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: Lady Jag; devolve; potlatch; y'all

hehehe!

I forwarded that on to a couple of folks, thanks! :)


24 posted on 11/05/2008 9:47:21 PM PST by MeekOneGOP (Obama, WHO is Bill Ayers and WHY are you still friends with him? Please RSVP asap!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: Hillarys Gate Cult

This is a feminist bookstore; there is no humor section!


25 posted on 11/05/2008 9:55:30 PM PST by ThreeYearLurker (Read my informative new blog, http://obamisagiantasshelmet.blogspot.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Starboard
There's a good chance he could deliver, just not something we would look forward to.


26 posted on 11/06/2008 9:22:06 AM PST by Lady Jag (DONATE NOW at https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: MeekOneGOP; ForGod'sSake; devolve; potlatch

27 posted on 11/06/2008 9:33:38 AM PST by Lady Jag (DONATE NOW at https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: Lady Jag; PhilDragoo; ForGod'sSake; devolve; potlatch

hehehe! :)

- - - - - - - -

Say, I’ve been think about this new PREZ we are gettin’
come January 20th.

Would it be inappropriate to refer to him as “President
Bro” or the “HBIC” (Head Bro in Charge)??? :)


28 posted on 11/06/2008 10:09:46 PM PST by MeekOneGOP (Obama, WHO is Bill Ayers and WHY are you still friends with him? Please RSVP asap!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson