GREEN BALLS

Roman Around ^ | 12 December 2008 | Andrew Roman

[andrew roman]

If you had to guess who would be courageous enough, brave enough, creative enough, caring enough to host an Inaugural Ball that was environmentally friendly, what name would pop into your head?

Yep.

Him.

From the Washington Times:

Former Vice President Al Gore will host a "green" inaugural ball the night before President-elect Barack Obama takes the oath of office.

"The Green Ball: Inauguration of a New Green Economy" will be held Jan. 19 at the Smithsonian's National Portrait Gallery in Washington.

I swear, I could read these things for hours.

A draft version of the invitation, obtained by The Washington Times, urges people to join Mr. Gore to "bring together a diverse coalition of environmentally-forward organizations, entrepreneurs, scientists and advocates, celebrating a commitment to growing the New Green Economy."

More than two dozen environmental organizations are listed on the invitation.

It also features a green-shaded image of Mr. Obama, along with a quote from the Democrat's interview with Time Magazine from the fall.

"There is no better potential driver that pervades all aspects of our economy than a new energy economy. ... That's going to be my No. 1 priority when I get into office."

Wait. It gets better:

Meanwhile, a second group is planning a "green inaugural ball," calling it the first "eco-friendly" inaugural celebration. It is planned for Jan. 17 at the Andrew W. Mellon auditorium in Washington.

A press release issued Wednesday notes the catering will be "100 percent organic" and that the bars will feature both local and organic beverages. The food waste and floral arrangements will be composted and the lighting scheme will be energy efficient. The group will also pay for wind power offsets and carbon credits to make the event carbon neutral.

It urges guests to sport green or black ties.

What isn't widely known is that there will be valet bicycle and tricycle service available at both events.

The bathroom facilities will be green as well.

Instead of toilet tissue, there will be nine tiny little windmills attached the toilet tanks, powered by bigger windmills outside, that will blow patrons clean.

Reusable water will be used for hand washing. Each sink basin will be allotted two-and-half quarts of water which will be poured into mini sink dispensers. The "used water" will drain into organic potato bags below the sink. When the dispenser runs dry, the potato bag water will be poured back into the dispenser to be used again for the next set of filthy hands.

In the spirit of conservation, only one song will be played all night long, over and over - 99 Luft Balloons by Nena.

Admit it. For a second, you believed the last half of this article.

-

[Dysart]

This is painful to read.

[Hatteras]

What is... the Jolly Green Giant?

[SumProVita]

GREEN Economy?....Hmmmmm...would that be the economy built by the green tax dollars of the citizens who work?

[IYAS9YAS]

One would think they’d use telecommute and teleconference for this to be “green.”

[GOPJ]

Reusable water will be used for hand washing. Each sink basin will be allotted two-and-half quarts of water which will be poured into mini sink dispensers. The "used water" will drain into organic potato bags below the sink. When the dispenser runs dry, the potato bag water will be poured back into the dispenser to be used again for the next set of filthy hands.

Yuck. People might attend, but few will "wash" their hands. It's a bet.

[MAD-AS-HELL]

you know what else is environmentally sound and will save the planet from increased co2 emissions? It’s suicide. Al Gore should lead by example and off himself this New Years.

[thecabal]

This has got to be satire, right? How can that be sanitary? Couldn’t the county shut that down?

[China Clipper]

Better green balls then Blue Balls.

Now THAT soounds painful......

[China Clipper]

soounds=sounds

[Keith Brown]

So why dont they have this event in a grassy field in tipi’s?

They can all wear grass skirts and loin cloths.

And eat tubers and roots for dinner.

[GOPJ]

This has got to be satire, right? How can that be sanitary?

It's nuts to us - but to a Gore greenie it might make perfect sense.

[70th Division]

Obama has “GREEN BALLS?” WOW!

[OKSooner]

Remember that National Lampoon issue way back when that had the crestfallen young writer standing before the desk of the hard-assed old editor, who said to him "Sorry kid, it's just not good enough for The Best of the National Lampoon?"

Please have the mods add "SATIRE" to your title.

[polymuser]

.

Everyone will be given a Bedouin wool Obama sweater to wear in the chilly auditorium. Lighting and sound will be powered by Democrat interns on pedal generators. Dinner will be a meatless, organic one-bowl meal. Bathroom wastes will be returned for composting to the organic farms which provided the feast. All attendees must take public transportation to and from the event.

.

[steelyourfaith]

 

Beam me to Planet Gore !

[GOPJ]

This has got to be satire, right?

If this was about conservatives, it would be satire. But it's about liberals - it might be true.