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DUmmie FUnnies 02-08-09 ("Someone please remind me why America is so great.")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | 02/08/2009 | DUmmie leftofthedial, DUmmies, and Paul Heinzman

Posted on 02/08/2009 10:16:35 AM PST by Paul Heinzman



Liberals are wont to bristle when their patriotism is questioned and then proceed to spout off that dissent is patriotic and that they can hate their government and still love their country. While these are valid points, the tables have turned; conservatism is now the dissenting view. Sadly, these guys won, and won big. They should be happy, right? They finally got the government they wanted. More than a trillion dollars worth of the government they wanted.

Well that isn't the case. Oddly, less than three weeks after the coronation of Obama, a stroll through the DUmp will turn up dozens of complaint threads about the Democrat controlled Executive and Legislative branches, as we've seen on numerous DUmmie FUnnie episodes since the election.

But, as we all know, patriotism is about love of country, not of government. Every so often, liberals will let down their guard and reveal their true feelings about their country, as is witnessed in this DUmmie THREAD, "Someone please remind me why America is so great."

So let us now witness the underlying hatred of America being debated with only the feeblest of arguments to the contrary in Bolshevik red while the comments of your humble guest correspondent, Paul Heinzman, are in the [brackets].

Someone please remind me why America is so great.

[“If you have to ask ... you'll never know.”--Louis Armstrong.]

About 30 million of us can't get a job at all.

[I thought it was 500 million a month.]

Millions of those who do have a job (or three or four) work the longest hours in the civilized world for below-poverty wages and no benefits.

[Maybe they're just not applying themselves.]

Those anachronistic middle class people who make a "living" wage and have benefits must now work longer and longer hours and find that the benefits are often unusable or have become worthless now that the economy is in the toilet.

[401K's are currently the best bargain this side of PJ's $1.50 DiGeorno pizza source.]

Our political "leaders" work for our enemies and simply ignore our votes when it suits them.

[You voted for those "leaders."]

Our roads, bridges, schools, power grid and other public infrastructure have not been up to current standards since the 1960's.

[Every time a code changes we have to tear down everything and rebuild? Oh, no! My drywall is only 1/2" thick. Might as well burn this dump to the ground and start over.]

Our health care system serves only insurance companies, wealthy doctors and the ultra-wealthy elite who can afford care. Sick citizen? You are f**ked, pal.

[I'm not your pal, friend.]

Our education system is an underfunded, overly politicized joke.

[The NEA told me so.]

Our economic system has been hijacked by a relative handful of predatory, greedy vermin who now own virtually everything, including our homes.

[You are talking about the Congress of the United States, sir. Show some respect. They are a handful of DISTINGUISHED predatory, greedy vermin.]

We no longer have a viable manufacturing base. Indeed, we couldn't last two weeks without importing poisonous crap from China.

[We would THRIVE without importing poisonous crap from China.]

Our civil liberties have gone the way of the dodo bird; we now must shuffle through lines like a bunch of docile concentration camp inmates just to travel from one state to another.

[Yeah, those welcome signs at the state line are so insincere.]

And god forbid your name (or one similar to it) ends up on the wrong government shitlist.

[We were more than happy to let Bill Ayers go to Canada. It was their government that turned him away.]

Our media are owned by our enemies, so the LAST thing you'll ever hear on the "public airwaves" is an ounce of truth.

[That explains why Obama gave his first interview with our allies at Al Arabia.]

How is this all that different from, say, the Soviet Union circa 1965?

[I'd really, REALLY love to have a time machine right now to send DUmmie leftofthedial back to 1965 Moscow with a stack of copies of his rant and a box of thumbtacks.]

I mean except for the part where we don't really have health care or a manufacturing base or an education system.

[The USSR was known for their healthcare, manufacuring and education in the mid-60's. They were the envy of the world. My Sociology 101 prof told me so.]

More to the point, how is this really any different from, say, England in the 1300's?

[They didn't have the Internet in 14th century England, though it was quite popular in Italy. Did you know that The Decameron started out as a blog? Now let's hear from the rest of the Dummies.]

the difference: they say "have a nice day" as they kick you in the teeth

[In the gulags, when they kicked you in the teeth, they REALLY DID kick you in the teeth. And that was how they said "have a nice day." If they didn't want you to have a nice day, they came back and worked on other parts.]

And the rightwing answer is: "If you don't like it, then you can leave."

[That's not the "rightwing" answer--that's the RIGHT answer.]

do it, leave, I did, I am far happier in France than I was in the USA

[And we are happier without you.]

How did you go about moving to France? Was it difficult to orchestrate?

[Invading France is easy, so I imagine moving there is a breeze.]

I met and fell in love with a French woman in Chicago, so I got nationality really easily.

[It was a buy one get one free sale in Chicago.]

I know it is much more difficult/impossible with dogs, so we will have to wait, but we are really serious about getting out while it is still possible.

[It probably is easier with a French woman than with a French poodle, but why not give it a try.]

The difference between Canada and the USA is that Canadians have the common sense to protect themselves first and foremost.
Canadians are really more like the French than I'm sure many of them would be willing to admit.


[The whole world knows that if they mess with either of them, they'll answer to the US. With a bodyguard like that, who needs to go to the gym?]

living in Canada is like going to prom with your sister. Sure she may be pretty, and has good manners...
but wouldn't you rather go with the punk chick that lives one street south of your sister--the one that drives the Camaro and drinks Jack Daniels and dances and stays out till 4am having a good time?

[DUmmie Raskolnik only got to second base with his sister on prom night.]

Times are tough, but this country has been through worse. America will never be a utopia, but even with all our current problems, we still have it pretty damn good.

[Quit pepping my downer!]

Yup. Our system of government allows for non-violent "civil wars".

[I'm betting your political science professor taught you to call the peaceful transition of power in America a "non-violent civil war."]

You sure the beaten, neutralized, bushified System is still capable of such?

[Still Bush's fault!]

Explain how we have been through worse?

[Got food?]

You cannot compare this to the great depression in any sense.

[No, you cannot. In the Great Depression, poor people were starving. There was not one overweight poor person then.]

So just how have we been through worse? What are you using to compare this to?

[Jimmy Carter's America was much worse than this. But be patient, we'll get there.]

We had a real media then and people knew where they stood and people were much in the same boat where we are not now. Corporations did not amount to a few who owned and controlled everything .

[Franklin Roosevelt got on TV the day of the Crash of '29 to calm the people down. Joe Biden told me so.]

If I hear this again I'll go mad.

[That train has already left the station.]

The list is endless of how different it is now than then , endless.

[Like the list of your mental disorders.]

the Civil War and the Great Depression were probably worse, yes.

[Ya THINK?]

Compared to many parts of the world, we're doing pretty well.

[Compared to ANY parts of the world, we're doing pretty well.]

I don't think life is all that bad for most Americans. Yes it can and should get better, and this is why I think highly of this country.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!]

yes, my life will be a wonderful bed of roses and delicious elixirs, all because for at least another month or two I have access to the Internet...

[They have access to the Internet in China, too, DUmmie leftofthedial. The difference is you have the freedom to use it fully.]

Our immediate needs are being met, we're free to bash our government

[If that's your immediate need then I'd say you have it pretty good.]

Well, it's like you just got hired to run a big-ass farm

[And you just got benburch's attention.]

When the bosses in the 1300's shafted the people they didn't telll them it was for their own good.

[When they shafted people, they REALLY shafted people.]

"We're Number One!"
is such a load of number two.


[Sounds like you're pissed off.]

English toilets of the 1300's would have been ghastly. Plus I think they were actually still burning folks at the stake. The plague was doing brisk business, too. Science was in the pits, thanks to the Church.

[But aside from that, how is America so much better?]

I'm no big "USA!" cheerleader...

[So you're the one who read Will Pitt's book.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: blameamericafirst; du; dummiefunnies; lefties
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
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There's a lot of other material on the DUmmie thread, for those of you with the stomach for it.
1 posted on 02/08/2009 10:16:35 AM PST by Paul Heinzman
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To: Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; tje; ml1954; ...

PING!


2 posted on 02/08/2009 10:18:15 AM PST by Paul Heinzman
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To: Paul Heinzman

I can’t figure out why they want to leave now. Didn’t their dreams just come true electing the messiah?


3 posted on 02/08/2009 10:21:04 AM PST by dforest (life is now good again....he has been inaugurated)
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To: Paul Heinzman
How is this all that different from, say, the Soviet Union circa 1965?

If you really believed that, DUmmie, you wouldn't sound so depressed.

Paul, you have my admiration for wading through more of this self-pitying crap.

More evidence that DUmmies are fat slobs sitting in their mom's basement, eating Cheetos and flaming strangers they wouldn't say "Boo!" to in real life.

4 posted on 02/08/2009 10:22:06 AM PST by Darkwolf377 (Pro-Life Capitalist American Atheist and Free-Speech Junkie)
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To: Paul Heinzman

Number 5 - that’s what I get for reading before replying :)


5 posted on 02/08/2009 10:22:47 AM PST by Tennessee_Bob (Save the Hispaniolan Solenodon!)
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To: Paul Heinzman
About 30 million of us can't get a job at all.

More like "don't want to get a job"


6 posted on 02/08/2009 10:22:49 AM PST by darkwing104 (Lets get dangerous)
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To: Paul Heinzman
Our roads, bridges, schools, power grid and other public infrastructure have not been up to current standards since he 1960's.

Have you ever noticed how liberals can't have an original thought? All the garbage they regurgitate on DU are actually the DNC's daily talking points.

7 posted on 02/08/2009 10:24:03 AM PST by FlingWingFlyer ( Elections have consequences.)
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To: Paul Heinzman

LOL!


8 posted on 02/08/2009 10:24:47 AM PST by Dallas59 ("You know the one with the big ears? He might be yours, but he ain't my president.")
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To: Paul Heinzman

IN


9 posted on 02/08/2009 10:34:31 AM PST by granite
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To: Paul Heinzman
I've always wondered why the DUmmies are so damn DUmb. Now I know. They're FRENCH!!!

Back to "the 60s" thing, I don't know how old these DU pixies are but back in the 60s, Route 66 was Route 66. Now, it's Interstate 40 with "orange barrels" every quarter mile.

10 posted on 02/08/2009 10:35:40 AM PST by FlingWingFlyer ( Elections have consequences.)
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To: indylindy

They’re really going to have something to be pissed about when their messiah;
the narcissistic, arrogant, Hamas loving (add your own description here) who wants to be the “One” that does what no one has ever done and many have tried,
and that is bringing down America by looting the guvmint till and making slaves of citizens that have no way of protecting themselves. And that’s only part of it.

Although we know he’s not alone in doing this, we’ll give him the award for now.


11 posted on 02/08/2009 10:38:53 AM PST by TribalPrincess2U (Welcome to Obama's America... Be afraid, be very afraid)
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To: indylindy
I can’t figure out why they want to leave now. Didn’t their dreams just come true electing the messiah?

I know. You'd think they would quit griping at least for awhile. But no. Liberals are intrinsically unhappy people. All the surveys show it. They embrace their misery because it is self-inflicted and they'd rather wallow in it than let it go. After all, it's part of who they are.

12 posted on 02/08/2009 10:41:34 AM PST by hinckley buzzard
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To: Paul Heinzman

How is America different from Russia in the 60’s?

Obviously from someone who’s never been there. Back in the 70’s it was still the armpit of the world. The bozo’s forgot to put toothbrushes on the “things to be made” list one year so no toothbrushes were made. A store might sell two items and it was guaranteed the two didn’t relate in any way, i.e. sewing machings and pencils. Street venders with produce (again, just one type) would have what looked like soup lines of people waiting to buy a cabbage or a handful of berries. Back in the 70’s there was one person who handled American tourists for the entire country... not that they allowed in any more than one person could handle. First thing upon entering the country, you surrendered your passport until moments before boarding the once a week Pan-Am flight home. And the only hair dye color was some gosh-awful brassy orange-red. Yeah, right, I can see how close America is to the Russian lifestyle. Did I say I cried when I saw that beautiful blue circle logo on the plane’s tail knowing I was coming home to the US? To the Dummies, there’s the door, don’t let it hit you in the backside.


13 posted on 02/08/2009 10:43:07 AM PST by bgill
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To: Darkwolf377

It’s these blatantly anti-American rants that are the most difficult, but I think the most important ones to feature. With this one, I found myself having to re-write most of my original comments to sublimate my anger into something (hopefully) FUnnie.


14 posted on 02/08/2009 10:45:29 AM PST by Paul Heinzman
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To: bgill

Welcome home.


15 posted on 02/08/2009 10:47:07 AM PST by TribalPrincess2U (Welcome to Obama's America... Be afraid, be very afraid)
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To: Paul Heinzman

ruminating... Do you think their moms ever told them that it’s probably not a good idea to voice everything that comes into their bird-brain heads?


16 posted on 02/08/2009 10:48:52 AM PST by xtinct ("There's a sucker born every minute." P.T. Barnum)
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To: xtinct
Do you think their moms ever told them that it’s probably not a good idea to voice everything that comes into their bird-brain heads?

If they did, Joe Biden has only served to prove you can go a long way by disregarding their mothers' advice.

17 posted on 02/08/2009 10:52:36 AM PST by Paul Heinzman
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To: darkwing104
About 30 million of us can't get a job at all.

I think I've fired about half their worthless butts myself.....twice.
18 posted on 02/08/2009 10:54:26 AM PST by cripplecreek (The poor bastards have us surrounded.)
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To: Paul Heinzman

These idiots lament the good old days and our lost country, never understanding that the very thing they support, liberalism, is the reason the good old days have all but disappeared.


19 posted on 02/08/2009 10:56:49 AM PST by beckysueb (Palin/Jindahl in 2012)
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To: FlingWingFlyer

LOL.

Good one.


20 posted on 02/08/2009 10:56:52 AM PST by se_ohio_young_conservative ("A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not why the ship is built" Sarah Palin)
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To: indylindy
I can’t figure out why they want to leave now. Didn’t their dreams just come true electing the messiah?

Yeah, but after 8 years of Bushco, not even the glorious Obamessiah can right all the wrongs and cure all the ills of this country....

It's still Bush's fault, no matter what....

21 posted on 02/08/2009 10:57:14 AM PST by dirtbiker (Obama is America's first Affirmative Action president....)
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To: Paul Heinzman

Joe Biden —> a terrific example of foot-in-mouth disease (mental disorder)


22 posted on 02/08/2009 10:58:21 AM PST by xtinct ("There's a sucker born every minute." P.T. Barnum)
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To: Paul Heinzman

I love to read these! Great job. I just can’t go over there. Their stupidity makes me ill. Especially the ones that can’t spell and blindly follow their fake Messiah now matter what he does.


23 posted on 02/08/2009 11:03:41 AM PST by mojitojoe (If you can't make them see the light, make them feel the heat)
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To: Paul Heinzman

I miss the old days when all we had to do was hate Bush


24 posted on 02/08/2009 11:06:43 AM PST by woofie
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To: xtinct

Any person who truly hates the United States (and I know several of them), the anarchists who pretended they were sincerely democrats until they got their liberal president and still bemoan their nation, who does not identify the place that they believe is closest to getting it right on their terms and does not make every attempt to emigrate to that place, is a dispicable sell-out loser who cannot self actualize and never will. When we say, “If you don’t like it, leave.” We are really saying, stop being a sell out loser and do something about it. Go. Be yourself. Stop complaining.

If you go there and are still complaining, you are the problem. If you stay here and are still complaining, you are the problem. The only solution for anarchist anti-Americans is to go to the place you think you will be happy and be happy. Anything less is a disservice to yourself and whatever country you call home.


25 posted on 02/08/2009 11:06:45 AM PST by johnnycap
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To: Paul Heinzman
Millions of those who do have a job (or three or four) work the longest hours in the civilized world for below-poverty wages and no benefits.

[Maybe they're just not applying themselves.]

Working in your parent's basement for call centers 24 / 7 is not going to pay much.


Our health care system serves only insurance companies, wealthy doctors and the ultra-wealthy elite who can afford care. . . .

[I'm not your pal, friend.]

Axe yo congress critter how their health care system works.


Our media are owned by our enemies, so the LAST thing you'll ever hear on the "public airwaves" is an ounce of truth.

But, but, but you took chrissy mathews and overbite as truth during the campaign.


And the rightwing answer is: "If you don't like it, then you can leave."

[That's not the "rightwing" answer--that's the RIGHT answer.]

Go right ahead DUmmie. Make my day!


Yup. Our system of government allows for non-violent "civil wars".

I'm ready for a violent civil war, using REAL bullets.


Well, it's like you just got hired to run a big-ass farm

Looks like the ant farm at DU is needing some attention.


I'm no big "USA!" cheerleader...

DUmmies all bash the US. Everything is America's fault.

26 posted on 02/08/2009 11:08:06 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 ((D) = Taking the Culture of Corruption to lower standards.)
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To: cripplecreek
I think I've fired about half their worthless butts myself.....twice.

You need to check with HR...You liberated them from preforming unsatisfactory labor...:-)


27 posted on 02/08/2009 11:11:01 AM PST by darkwing104 (Lets get dangerous)
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To: beckysueb

I personally think that the reason they are angry with Obama is they don’t think he’s doing enough to ruin the country.


28 posted on 02/08/2009 11:11:13 AM PST by Paul Heinzman
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To: darkwing104

I released them from corporate oppression.


29 posted on 02/08/2009 11:12:21 AM PST by cripplecreek (The poor bastards have us surrounded.)
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To: Paul Heinzman

I’ll answer the DUmmie’s question, the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.


30 posted on 02/08/2009 11:52:19 AM PST by NeoCaveman (down with porkulus)
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To: Paul Heinzman
living in Canada is like going to prom with your sister. Sure she may be pretty, and has good manners...
but wouldn't you rather go with the punk chick that lives one street south of your sister—the one that drives the Camaro and drinks Jack Daniels and dances and stays out till 4am having a good time?

[DUmmie Raskolnik only got to second base with his sister on prom night.]


And after all his buddies swore to him that Sis was easy....
31 posted on 02/08/2009 12:24:00 PM PST by Cheburashka (Liberalism: a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.)
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To: Paul Heinzman
Someone please remind me why America is so great.

America MUST be a great country, right, DUmmie? I mean, we just elected a Democrat Congress, a Democrat President--an AFRICAN-AMERICAN Democrat President, no less! No more racism! We have reached the Age of Enlightenment! Nicht wahr?

32 posted on 02/08/2009 12:39:02 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (NOW can we question your patriotism?)
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To: Paul Heinzman
About 30 million of us can't get a job at all.

I didn't realize there were that many basement dwellers in DUmmieland.

33 posted on 02/08/2009 12:40:34 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (NOW can we question your patriotism?)
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To: Paul Heinzman; Cletus.D.Yokel; bcsco
Millions of those who do have a job . . . work the longest hours in the civilized world for below-poverty wages. . . .

I didn't realize there were that many Lutheran pastors.

34 posted on 02/08/2009 12:43:50 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (Lutheran pastor)
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To: Paul Heinzman
Our media are owned by our enemies, so the LAST thing you'll ever hear on the "public airwaves" is an ounce of truth.

If you're talking about Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow, I agree.

35 posted on 02/08/2009 12:48:48 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (NOW can we question your patriotism?)
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To: Paul Heinzman

IMO, it’s a mark of how awesome this country is that these losers can sit and rail on about how awful it is with no worry of consequence. I’m sticking with the “right wing” answer. Leave if you don’t like it. There, I said it.


36 posted on 02/08/2009 12:55:26 PM PST by USMCWife6869
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To: Paul Heinzman; Watery Tart; shhrubbery!
how is this really any different from, say, England in the 1300's?

"We're living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--Aha! Now we see the violence inherent in the system! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!"


37 posted on 02/08/2009 1:02:00 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (NOW can we question your patriotism?)
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To: USMCWife6869
Leave if you don’t like it. There, I said it.

Hear! hear! I remember hearing that when I was young (and a liberal myself) and thought it was perfectly reasonable. Regardless of your political stripe, this great Republic allows for dissent from the government, and opportunities for you to change the government. If that isn't good enough for them, they SHOULD get the hell out. And good luck to them finding another place with that kind of opportunity.

France has lots of free speech, but let's face it, their government never really changes much. Plus, even with all that free speech, it's still, well...France.

38 posted on 02/08/2009 1:04:52 PM PST by Paul Heinzman
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To: Charles Henrickson; All
About 30 million of us can't get a job at all.

Does anyone else hear George Thorogood singing:

"I don't believe you're tryin' to find no job"
Said "I seen you today you was standin' on a corner,
leaning up against a post"
I said "But I'm tired, I've been walkin' all day"

when they read that line?

39 posted on 02/08/2009 1:11:54 PM PST by Paul Heinzman
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To: Paul Heinzman
do it, leave, I did, I am far happier in France. . . .

"You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English K...kaniggets."


40 posted on 02/08/2009 1:12:54 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (NOW can we question your patriotism?)
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To: Paul Heinzman
How did you go about moving to France? Was it difficult to orchestrate?

The first try didn't work out too well:


41 posted on 02/08/2009 1:24:05 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (NOW can we question your patriotism?)
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To: Paul Heinzman
I know it is much more difficult/impossible with dogs. . . .

Some of the retrievers are good water dogs.

42 posted on 02/08/2009 1:30:27 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (NOW can we question your patriotism?)
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To: Paul Heinzman
going to prom with your sister. Sure she may be pretty, and has good manners...but wouldn't you rather go with the punk chick that lives one street south of your sister--the one that drives the Camaro and drinks Jack Daniels and dances and stays out till 4am having a good time?

DUmmie stevenumbers can't even get his SISTER to go to the prom with him.

43 posted on 02/08/2009 1:33:37 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (NOW can we question your patriotism?)
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To: Paul Heinzman; LUV W
the Civil War and the Great Depression were probably worse, yes.


44 posted on 02/08/2009 1:40:45 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (NOW can we question your patriotism?)
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To: Paul Heinzman
Compared to many parts of the world, we're doing pretty well.

Sorry, only one Kewpie Doll per thread.

45 posted on 02/08/2009 1:42:22 PM PST by Charles Henrickson (NOW can we question your patriotism?)
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To: Paul Heinzman

Well, since they still want to leave, I’ll toast them farewell with an Elijah Craig. Not that I need a reason to enjoy one...


46 posted on 02/08/2009 2:03:01 PM PST by bcsco (Illinois politicians should be read their Miranda rights when sworn in to office...)
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To: bcsco

Oh, bringing the theme of another thread over here. I like it. I think I was finally able to sneak enough folding money into my wallet that I’ll be picking up a bottle of Elijah Craig on my way home from work tomorrow.


47 posted on 02/08/2009 2:26:20 PM PST by Paul Heinzman
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To: Paul Heinzman
I think I was finally able to sneak enough folding money into my wallet that I’ll be picking up a bottle of Elijah Craig on my way home from work tomorrow.

Good for you. I hope you enjoy it. I ran out last weekend and haven't had the time to refill the larder. Oh, well. That'll be corrected sometime this week. But after my lovely wife's birthday. First things first, you know...

48 posted on 02/08/2009 2:33:46 PM PST by bcsco (Illinois politicians should be read their Miranda rights when sworn in to office...)
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To: Paul Heinzman
Our roads, bridges, schools, power grid and other public infrastructure have not been up to current standards since the 1960's.

Wow, so all the roads, bridges, schools, and power grid imporvements since the 1960s have been to 1960's standards? DU teaches you something new every day.
49 posted on 02/08/2009 3:12:25 PM PST by Army Air Corps (Four fried chickens and a coke)
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To: Charles Henrickson

...even...because it's SO rare!
50 posted on 02/08/2009 3:22:01 PM PST by LUV W (SARAH PALIN FOR PRESIDENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!)
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