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The Chili Cook-Off Story - Hilarious!
Interesting E-mail Forwards ^ | 04 06 09 | Nick

Posted on 04/06/2009 3:15:23 PM PDT by Notoriously Conservative

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chile cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILE # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILE

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILE # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILE

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

(Excerpt) Read more at interestingemailforwards.blogspot.com ...


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: chili; funny; rofl; story

1 posted on 04/06/2009 3:15:24 PM PDT by Notoriously Conservative
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To: Tijeras_Slim; Squantos

Ping.


2 posted on 04/06/2009 3:17:06 PM PDT by DuncanWaring (The Lord uses the good ones; the bad ones use the Lord.)
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To: Pharmboy

you will cry from this email. in a good way.


3 posted on 04/06/2009 3:21:53 PM PDT by thefactor (yes, as a matter of fact, i DID only read the excerpt)
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To: DuncanWaring

I’ve had this on my hot sauce site for years. It is timeless!


4 posted on 04/06/2009 3:23:25 PM PDT by Edgar3 (America is suffering from "Sorosis" of the Presidency)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Thank you for the much needed LOL


5 posted on 04/06/2009 3:24:37 PM PDT by Kimmers (Working hard so Obamas friends don't have to)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

One of my all-time favorites.


6 posted on 04/06/2009 3:29:14 PM PDT by kimmie7 (Phasers are set to "Sarcasm")
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To: Notoriously Conservative

I’ve been to chili cookoffs.... almost every word of this is true - except they offer fruit between entries. Fruit and chili - not really a good combo. I think they should have offered frozen crackers.


7 posted on 04/06/2009 3:35:44 PM PDT by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA (Serkit 3/19/09 "Slow Joe needs to stay out of the deep end of the Think Tank")
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Iamagine the day after!!!!


8 posted on 04/06/2009 3:37:41 PM PDT by philly-d-kidder (Why is the USA upside down Morally??)
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To: Notoriously Conservative
From elsewhere on the same page:

Click the link.

Cheers!

9 posted on 04/06/2009 3:38:24 PM PDT by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Next time I come in contact with a snow cone, people will be staring at me..I’ll be lmfao.


10 posted on 04/06/2009 3:38:54 PM PDT by AirForceMom (Locked and loaded, and sharpening wooden stakes.)
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA

Cucumber for Cooling effect!! or watermelon


11 posted on 04/06/2009 3:38:55 PM PDT by philly-d-kidder (Why is the USA upside down Morally??)
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To: Notoriously Conservative; penelopesire; BulletBobCo; seekthetruth; television is just wrong; ...

I’m CRYING, I’m laughing so hard.

Thank you ........ I needed that !!


12 posted on 04/06/2009 3:42:47 PM PDT by STARWISE (They (LIBS-STILL) think of this WOT as Bush's war, not America's war- Richard Miniter)
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
I’ve been to chili cookoffs.... almost every word of this is true

Hey gal! If you really want to make someone (not your friends) have a bad time, tell them to drink a cold Coke or Pepsi after eating hot chili.

13 posted on 04/06/2009 3:45:29 PM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (It took almost 250 years to make the USA great and 30 days for "The Failure" BO to tear it down.)
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To: June K.

~~~ PING ~~~


14 posted on 04/06/2009 3:46:31 PM PDT by Mr_Moonlight
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To: Notoriously Conservative
"My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone."

Reminds me of summers in Baja.

15 posted on 04/06/2009 3:47:47 PM PDT by Candor7 (The weapons of choice against fascism are ridicule, and derision. (member NRA)
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To: Notoriously Conservative
The comments from "Judge #3" remind me of a dish I had when I lived in Indonesia.

It was described as stir-fried beef and peppers. I don't know what kind of peppers they were, but when I bit into one, it felt like someone poured molten steel into my mouth. It was so hot I literally went blind for probably thirty seconds. I have never tasted anything so hot before or since.

It was absolutely delicious! I've been hooked on Indonesian food ever since.

16 posted on 04/06/2009 3:49:27 PM PDT by sima_yi ( Palin / Jindal 2012)
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To: grey_whiskers

LOL!


17 posted on 04/06/2009 3:54:16 PM PDT by patton (I hope that they fight to the death and both sides win.)
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To: philly-d-kidder

Imagine the day after>>>>

I thought I was the only one! LOL!


18 posted on 04/06/2009 3:57:39 PM PDT by Ditter
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To: Notoriously Conservative; cabojoe; Conspiracy Guy; Lady Jag; glock rocks; MeekOneGOP; sam_paine; ...

Pinging my humor ping list - freepmail me if you want on or off this list.
(This is usually a low volume ping, as I don’t search for humor threads, but I do ping when I find something really funny.)


19 posted on 04/06/2009 4:00:23 PM PDT by RebelTex (Freedom is everyone's right, and everyone's responsibility.)
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To: thefactor

Very funny and well-done...good ping.


20 posted on 04/06/2009 4:03:08 PM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must...)
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To: RebelTex
So, after he gave up chili for posterity, he got hooked on baked beans:

Baked Bean Fart Surprise

Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to him.

Then one day he met a woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry he thought to himself, "She is such a sweet and gentle woman, she would never go for this carrying on."

So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later his car broke down on the way home from work. Since he lived in the country he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home.

On his way he passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than he
could stand. Since he still had miles to walk, he figured that he would walk off any ill effects by the time he reached home. So, he stopped at the diner and before he knew it, he had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. And upon arriving home he felt reasonably sure he could control it.

His wife seemed excited to see him and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the table. He seated himself and just as she was about to remove the blindfold from her husband, the telephone rang. She made him promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned.

She then went to answer the phone.

The baked beans he had consumed were still affecting him and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while his wife was out of the room he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. He took his napkin and fanned the air around him vigorously. Then, he shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded him of cooked cabbage.

Keeping his ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, he went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of his freedom, he fanned the air a few more times with his napkin, placed it on his lap and folded his hands upon it, smiling contentedly to himself.

He was the picture of innocence when his wife returned, apologizing for taking so long, she asked her if he peeked, and he assured her that he had not.

At this point, she removed the blindfold, and he was surprised!!

There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish him a "Happy Birthday"!!!

 

21 posted on 04/06/2009 4:04:50 PM PDT by Lady Jag (Hezbollah - Al Qaeda - Obama - Stone Age)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Owwy!. Owwy! Owwy!


22 posted on 04/06/2009 4:18:12 PM PDT by mylife (The Roar Of The Masses Could Be Farts)
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To: Edgar3

Yep it goes back a bit. But it is still funny


23 posted on 04/06/2009 4:18:57 PM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (I voted Republican because no Conservatives were running.)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Too funny


24 posted on 04/06/2009 4:21:45 PM PDT by mel
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To: Notoriously Conservative

thanks for posting this.


25 posted on 04/06/2009 4:29:44 PM PDT by mel
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To: mel

“Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.”

Just too dang funny.


26 posted on 04/06/2009 4:38:43 PM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Bow down to me. I am TOTUS.)
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To: EQAndyBuzz
Just too dang funny.

Spelling???....DUNG?

27 posted on 04/06/2009 4:43:04 PM PDT by Young Werther (Julius Caesar (Quae Cum Ita Sunt. Since these things are so.))
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Job I would not like ... cleaning out the Porta-Potties after the open civilian tasting gets done.


28 posted on 04/06/2009 5:17:43 PM PDT by SES1066 (Cycling to conserve, Conservative to save, Saving to Retire, will Retire to Cycle.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

What does coke or pepsi do?


29 posted on 04/06/2009 6:10:45 PM PDT by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA (Serkit 3/19/09 "Slow Joe needs to stay out of the deep end of the Think Tank")
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA

Makes the sensation worse. That is why I added (not you friends) to the other reply. If you want the burning sensation to go away, use cold milk or ice cream.


30 posted on 04/06/2009 6:22:00 PM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (It took almost 250 years to make the USA great and 30 days for "The Failure" BO to tear it down.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

Haha - ok thanks


31 posted on 04/06/2009 6:31:36 PM PDT by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA (Serkit 3/19/09 "Slow Joe needs to stay out of the deep end of the Think Tank")
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To: Notoriously Conservative

An oldie but a goodie.

I wish I could use some of Judge #3’s descriptions for the chili at the restaurant where I work. But I don’t think I should. I like having a job ;-)


32 posted on 04/06/2009 6:46:44 PM PDT by Cloverfarm
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To: SES1066

“Job I would not like ... cleaning out the Porta-Potties after the open civilian tasting gets done.”

That is a job I wouldn’t like under any circumstance. I camped once at an outdoor rock festival that averaged about 10,000 people per day. There where 12 sets of johnnys off the to the side of the stage. Every morning 3 trucks came in and sucked them out and hosed them down. By the end of the night they were literally full to the top.


33 posted on 04/06/2009 7:36:55 PM PDT by Rebelbase
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Hilarious! I’m still laughing. I could feel some of judge #3 pain especially when I remember eating hot banana peppers.


34 posted on 04/06/2009 8:52:48 PM PDT by lilylangtree (Veni, Vidi, Vici)
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To: Lady Jag

ROTFL

Note to self:
1. give up baked beans
2. warn everyone not to give me suprise birthday parties
3. always check the chili for beans before sampling


35 posted on 04/06/2009 9:10:38 PM PDT by RebelTex (Freedom is everyone's right, and everyone's responsibility.)
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