Posted on 07/07/2009 12:41:27 PM PDT by marthemaria
I am struggling with a very selfish grief. I am loosing it really. Everybody seems to be going on. But I am still in the middle of my grief. It is just a month ago. But I miss my mother so much. I know she would want me to be happy . But I am not there yet. I am in this selfish grief of why why why. I cant accept it. I miss her so much. I am sitting on her grave every day. I am crying and I am grieving. I talk to her. I look at her picture and listen to her voice on my cellphone.
When can I accept it and let her go. Right now I am clinging to her. I am at her grave all the time. I look at her pictures. I listen to her voice on my cellphone, I look at pictures of here. I just miss her so much
And I should not judge those who grieve for mr jackson. but it still feels absurd.
I would be fully lost without my mom.
Bless your heart. I am sending prayers your way. I know it must be tough. I know other FReepers will be better with words than me. Sorry I’m kind of short-winded.
I am so sorry. No words.
I pray that God gives you comfort. He is the only one that can in this situation.
It is right and proper that you grieve for your mother, who passedaway just a month ago. It takes a long, long time toassuage the grief of losing the most important person in your life.
I lost my mother 25 years ago, and I still long for her every day.
Having lost my Mom at age 24 and my Dad fairly recently..
There is no right way to grieve, there is no wrong way to grieve...
Honor your feelings and pray a lot.
You hurt because you loved deeply.
Trust that one day that every tear will be wiped away.
Your mom left a very special gift on this Earth. She left her heart and soul with that gift. Take care of that gift for your mom. That gift is you.
I’d say the thing you need to figure out how to do is to move on without giving up your connection with her. Maintain the emotions you now feel (missing her, loving her, grieving for her) without letting it dictate your actions. Life must go one. I’m sure that what she’d expect from you...
Grieving is difficult. However, if you have children, you must not neglect them in your grief. They need you.
Think of your mother often. Try to act as she would. Handle the situation as she would. Talk to her anytime (you can now).
And rest assured that she is the one now enjoying paradise, and you will surely see her again.
Time will separate you from the minute by minute grief flow...changing it to hourly, daily, weekly and even monthly. Softening the memory until when it smacks you, it makes you smile.
You, too, are going to die. And no doubt be with her, and what stories you will have to tell...
Cry and grieve, there is a reason for it. Soon enough, you will find yourself letting go.
I understand it takes a while. I lost my mother when I was in my 20s and I still miss her.
The pain will lessen in time and you will be able to go on. This is actually quite normal, as difficult as it is. In the meantime, you have our prayers.
Prayers for your loss.
/johnny
My prayers are with you. Keep in mind that your mother would no doubt urge you not to let your grief become disabling or otherwise divert your from your tasks in life.
Prayers for your mom, for the repose of her soul in the loving arms of Almighty God. And prayers for you, for consolation in your sad loss.
It’s alright, take as long as you wish to be sad. Your mom will understand, God will understand. You just have to remember to soldier on. Be good to yourself and don’t blame yourself for being sad.
Someday you will think of your mom and be happy again. It just takes time.
Like when I whipped out my phone to call dad for a technical question about pouring concrete... only to realize that he's been gone these 8 years.
/johnny
Remember that each moment.
I lost my mom in 1979 to breast cancer when she was 52 years old. I miss her daily, but I'm reminded that she would not want me to grieve.
Please let your mom rest....not by forgetting, but by letting go. It takes love to let go. Show her that you do.
Prayers for strength and comfort.
(((marthemaria)))
I know. I thank god for giving me such a loving mother. I have so many good memories.
But I am still selfish. I want more. I want her kind hugs and comfort. I cant let go yet. Even though I have to.
It’s ok to still be grieving, and grieving hard. You’ll wake up one morning and you will feel better. You’re fortunate to love someone so much.
I still have my grandmothers number in my cellphone. I just can’t bring myself to delete it. Praying for the Lord to help you with your grief.
One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. That is how you get through it. There is no other way. My Mom passed at age 46 in 1979 I still miss her.
There is a great book called Motherless Daughters - it might help to read that.
My Mom was in tremendous pain from cancer and emphysema, so I think of her no longer being in pain. I think of her in heaven and in joy. I think of her being reunited with all of her 'gone befores' of relatives and friends. I think of her enjoying everything that her illness denied to her at the end. I, finally, think of her faith and how she is in the eternal sunshine of Our Lord and Savior.
Having said this, PLEASE let me warn you on the danger of depression - it is DEADLY! If you are a singleton at home, DO NOT wall yourself up. Even if you only go to the mall and sit, go to where other people are around you! Second, FORCE YOURSELF to be happy for even a short time EACH DAY! FORCE yourself to smile, practice it in a mirror and WEAR IT OUTSIDE! Your friends will KNOW you are GRIEVING but will credit you for being stronger for it. If you have any religion - USE IT, that is a PRIME REASON for it to exist.
If you do find yourself unable to resist the 'black dog' of depression, GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!! Depression is a MEDICAL CONDITION and there are medications to help you. GOD BLESS YOU!
My deepest condolences for your loss. I can only tell you from experience I’ve learned you don’t have to let go to function with daily events. I can still remember her while functioning each day. It doesn’t have to be an either or proposition. I hope that helps some for what it is worth.
Prayer BUMP
Prayers to you during this difficult time.
It would be truly sad if you didn't grieve at all.
God Bless you and your family.
I have a video with her in it, where she is talking to us. It's strange, but no one in my family is able to look at it since she died.
I think the pain of seeing her again would be too much to bare. Maybe one day..
sw
Hang in there. I lost my mum suddenly 2 yrs ago. Yes, she is gone, but in many ways, now closer than ever.
Memories will never die, remember always the good times and hold them close. Your mom is part of you, hold her in your heart and share your good times with her. Love knows no borders.
Cling to something else that you love.
Don’t isolate yourself. Time heals somewhat.
From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving,
Whatever gods may be
That no life lives forever,
That dead men rise up never,
That even the weariest river
Winds somewhere safe to sea.
— Swinburne
I lost my Dad in 2003, and I still find myself drifting off to happy memories. The smell of his oily work shirt and Old Spice, his cup of hot coffee that seemed to always be in his hands, the roughness of his five-o’clock shadow, his size 12 shoes that looked like clown shoes on my small feet, the piggyback rides. But when exploring that gallery of my mind, I start to drift of to sadness, knowing my own little 7-year old boy will not get to know him. And how much I miss him myself.
But you know what gets me past those sad times, and I am having one right now as I write this, it is knowing Gods promise, that for ALL of who are Christians, this life is not the end, but just a small punctuation mark on the first page of a book yet to be written. I will see Dad again, I am certain, and the reunion will be beyond joyous. And he is not looking down with sadness, and your Mom is not looking down on you grieving? No. They are in Heaven, and its wonderfulness is beyond explanation, and they are so looking forward to the day they can welcome us Home. Yes, they are the ones who are Home.
I heard it said once that, - “as a Christian, the day I die will be the best day I’ve ever lived. But it won’t be the best I will ever live.”
Prayers to you my friend.
Prayers for you, hun.
Prayers for you in your grief and for all of you who have suffered the loss of a loving parent. You all are so very lucky! Many of us, myself included, have long ago lost parents not to death, but to the much more painful abandonment and mental disorder. My parents are both alive, but my father abandoned me and my mother is mentally ill and I cannot have a relationship with her. So, remember, in your grief, how incredibly blessed you were to have what you had. So many of us have never truly known love from a parent.
You have mail.
Prayers up.
Prayers for you, your mom, and your family.
I was well when she died but still the guilt of putting her through all this about five years ago
Maybe this is my curse
You'll never forget your mom, of course, and will miss her until the day you leave this earth. But you should cry less and be able to function more easily as time passes. If that doesn't happen, it is time to seek out a grief counselor or support group.
It sounds like you might need some help grieving in a more productive manner. One that allows you to feel, accept and move on. There is a lot of help out there, individual grief counseling, and groups. Please reach out. Your mother loved you very much and would want you to find peace.
You are not cursed. God did not take your mother to punish you for past mistakes. These types of thoughts are destructive to healthy grieving. Please do find someone to help. Begin with hospitals or hospice groups. Often their services are free.
You are in my prayers.
Prayers for confort and peace.
Condolences over passing of your mother.
THERE IS NO DEATH - In one sense there is no death. The life of a soul on earth lasts beyond their departure. You will always feel that life touching yours, that voice speaking to you, that spirit looking out of other eyes, talking to you in the familiar things they touched, worked with, loved as familiar friends. They live on in your life and in the lives of others that knew them.
Angelo Patri
My wife lost her mom and she was in serious grief for a long time. Se said that our 5 year old, then 3 years old, saved her life, keeping things into perspective and injecting joy in the grief filled days which kept her upright. If you have children keep them into perspective. If you don’t, go to church and get into a grief support group. This intense grief can last around 2 years, you need help or at least someone to talk to.
My wife lost her mom and she was in serious grief for a long time. Se said that our 5 year old, then 3 years old, saved her life, keeping things into perspective and injecting joy in the grief filled days which kept her upright. If you have children keep them into perspective. If you don’t, go to church and get into a grief support group. This intense grief can last around 2 years, you need help or at least someone to talk to.
Words at a time like this are not enough. Here’s a hug. ((()))
Blessings.
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