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There Aren't Many Good Obama Jokes, Please Share Some Here
notoriouslyconservative.com ^ | 07 24 09 | notoriousnicholas

Posted on 07/24/2009 8:39:18 AM PDT by Notoriously Conservative

There are no really good Obama jokes out there, they are just too hard to find. I would like to have some funny ones to post on my site (notoriouslyconservative.com), so please share your best jokes. No racist ones though, we don't want the thread shut down.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: jokes; obama
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1 posted on 07/24/2009 8:39:19 AM PDT by Notoriously Conservative
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To: Notoriously Conservative

I’ll start things out:

What do Miley Cyrus and Barack Obama have in common? They both attract young people with mindless verses.


2 posted on 07/24/2009 8:39:43 AM PDT by Notoriously Conservative (http://www.notoriouslyconservative.com)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Aye, that’s what we need! Gallows humor!


3 posted on 07/24/2009 8:40:22 AM PDT by the invisib1e hand (The revolution IS being televised.)
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To: Notoriously Conservative
He IS a joke.
4 posted on 07/24/2009 8:40:30 AM PDT by Fintan
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To: Notoriously Conservative
“so please share your best jokes”

I have a good one.
Barack Obama is currently President of the United States.

5 posted on 07/24/2009 8:41:01 AM PDT by HereInTheHeartland (I agree with Rick..)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Hussein is the personification of a joke. A very bad joke.


6 posted on 07/24/2009 8:41:57 AM PDT by Jagdgewehr (The Office of the President of the United States is unoccupied.)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Who is the first U.S. President to call a law enforcement officer stupid?......Right!.....Stupid!


7 posted on 07/24/2009 8:42:05 AM PDT by AngelesCrestHighway
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Why doesn’t Obama pray?

It’s impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.


8 posted on 07/24/2009 8:42:43 AM PDT by SC DOC
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To: Notoriously Conservative
Q: Why does Obama want a 40% tax on aspirin?

A: Because it's white, and it works.

9 posted on 07/24/2009 8:42:56 AM PDT by tacticalogic ("Oh bother!" said Pooh, as he chambered his last round.)
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To: Notoriously Conservative
Q: Why couldn't Barak order a deli sandwich at the counter?

A: The portable teleprompter malfunctioned...

10 posted on 07/24/2009 8:43:22 AM PDT by central_va ( http://www.15thvirginia.org/)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

I’ll watch Letterman tonight and will report with all the new material on Monday.


11 posted on 07/24/2009 8:43:37 AM PDT by MNDude (The Republican Congress Economy--1995-2007)
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To: tacticalogic

Ha!


12 posted on 07/24/2009 8:43:39 AM PDT by Notoriously Conservative (http://www.notoriouslyconservative.com)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

The joke is unfortunately on us, and it’s not a bit funny.


13 posted on 07/24/2009 8:45:02 AM PDT by bitterohiogunclinger (America held hostage - day 163)
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To: SC DOC

“Why doesn’t Obama pray?”

The telepromter reads all backwards in the mirror.


14 posted on 07/24/2009 8:45:02 AM PDT by Jewbacca (The residents of Iroquois territory may not determine whether Jews may live in Jerusalem.)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

What is the difference between the Messiah Jesus and the ‘messiah’ Obama?

Jesus only had 12 apostles/disciples while Obama has 32+ czars.


15 posted on 07/24/2009 8:45:37 AM PDT by cranked
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Q: Why doesn’t Barack Obama pray?
A: He can’t read a teleprompter with his eyes closed.


16 posted on 07/24/2009 8:45:39 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Those who provide the least and demand the most have a voting majority.)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Did you hear the latest about President Obama? So has he.


17 posted on 07/24/2009 8:46:08 AM PDT by Homer1
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To: tacticalogic

Q: Why does Obama want a 400% tax on Ibuprofen?

A: Because it’s light brown and works for 12 hours.

(Told to me by a Hispanic fella.)


18 posted on 07/24/2009 8:46:18 AM PDT by Jewbacca (The residents of Iroquois territory may not determine whether Jews may live in Jerusalem.)
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Comment #19 Removed by Moderator

To: Notoriously Conservative

My Fav.:)

Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama go to heaven,

God addresses Al first. ‘’Al, what do you believe in?’’

Al replies: “Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I’ve come to understand that now.’’

God thinks for a second and says:

“Very good. Come and sit at my left.’’

God then addresses Bill. “Bill, what do you believe in?’’

Bill replies: “I believe in forgiveness. I’ve sinned, but I’ve never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.’’

God thinks for a second and says:

“You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.’’

Then God addresses Barrack. “Barrack, what do you believe in?’’

He replies: “I believe you’re in my chair.”


20 posted on 07/24/2009 8:46:39 AM PDT by fatima (Free Hugs Today :))
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Q: How is God like Barack Obama?
A: God doesn’t believe in Barack Obama either.

Q: What is the difference between God and Barack Obama?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Barack Obama.


21 posted on 07/24/2009 8:46:52 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Those who provide the least and demand the most have a voting majority.)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Anagram

President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish


22 posted on 07/24/2009 8:47:12 AM PDT by SC DOC
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To: Notoriously Conservative
Q: Why did Obama let his daughter ware a 'peace' sign t-shirt in public?

A: The Che-Guevera t-shirt was still in the laundry...

23 posted on 07/24/2009 8:47:13 AM PDT by central_va ( http://www.15thvirginia.org/)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Q. Why doesn’t Barack drink Pepsi?

A. He thinks that things go better with coke.


24 posted on 07/24/2009 8:47:56 AM PDT by SC DOC
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To: Notoriously Conservative
Here ya go! Daily Obama Jokes: http://twitter.com/dailyobamajokes
25 posted on 07/24/2009 8:48:58 AM PDT by Jen ("Oppressors can tyrannize only when they achieve standing army, enslaved press & disarmed populace.")
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.

“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shit?


26 posted on 07/24/2009 8:50:25 AM PDT by NMEwithin
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.”
Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.”

Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!”
Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!”

Harry Truman said, “The buck stops here!”
Barack Obama says, “Leave the bucks here!”


27 posted on 07/24/2009 8:51:19 AM PDT by SC DOC
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To: NMEwithin

These are pretty good, keep em coming!


28 posted on 07/24/2009 8:51:33 AM PDT by Notoriously Conservative (http://www.notoriouslyconservative.com)
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To: HereInTheHeartland
I have a good one.
Barack Obama is currently President of the United States.

I see that more as a nightmare. I hope I wake up soon.

29 posted on 07/24/2009 8:52:17 AM PDT by do the dhue (Hold my beer and watch this...)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2294094/posts


30 posted on 07/24/2009 8:53:14 AM PDT by Rio (Don't make me come over there....)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

I have a hard time being comical when I’m watching the intentional demise of our Republic going down in flames...


31 posted on 07/24/2009 8:53:23 AM PDT by WKUHilltopper
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To: Notoriously Conservative
Q: What do God and Obama have in common?

A: God doesn't have a birth certificate either.

32 posted on 07/24/2009 8:53:57 AM PDT by LimaLimaMikeFoxtrot ("The rights of the people have been bartered for promises of office". ~Andrew Jackson)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Pope Benedict, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and Barack Obama are all taken up to heaven, where they stand before God’s throne.

God tells them, “You three are among the most influential men on the earth, so I have chosen you to deliver My message. I am disgusted with what the world has become, so I will destroy it in two weeks. Relay My message to everyone on the earth so they may make themselves ready.”

The Pope calls an audience at the Vatican which is televised throughout Europe. He says, “My fellow Christians, I have some good news and bad news. The good news is, our God is real; I have seen Him with my own eyes. The bad news is, He is going to destroy the earth in two weeks, so get your affairs in order before His coming.”

Ahmedinejad calls a press conference which appears on all the Arab news outlets: “My fellow Islamic holy warriors, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God, but it is the God of the infidel Christians. The worse news is that he is destroying the earth in two weeks.”

Barack Obama calls a press conference which is carried by all the major networks (except Fox, of course; they want to earn a profit): “My fellow Americans, I have good news and great news. The good news is, God considers me one of the most influential people in the world. The great news is, we no longer have to worry about how we pay for universal healthcare.”


33 posted on 07/24/2009 8:54:26 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Those who provide the least and demand the most have a voting majority.)
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To: Notoriously Conservative
Q: What is black and white and red on the inside, throws like a girl, is sensitive to criticism, and wares 'mom' jeans in public?

Woops to real to be a joke....

34 posted on 07/24/2009 8:55:40 AM PDT by central_va ( http://www.15thvirginia.org/)
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To: do the dhue

“I see that more as a nightmare. I hope I wake up soon. “

A nightmare, a joke; I’m not sure where the dividing line is...


35 posted on 07/24/2009 8:56:28 AM PDT by HereInTheHeartland (I agree with Rick..)
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To: Notoriously Conservative
"TOTUS, TOTUS on the wall -
what should the POTUS say to all?

"Did I do that?"


36 posted on 07/24/2009 8:56:59 AM PDT by enviros_kill
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To: MNDude

Yeah, right.


37 posted on 07/24/2009 8:58:49 AM PDT by immadashell
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Barack Obama -vs- An Intelligent Little Girl

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.

“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shit?”


38 posted on 07/24/2009 8:59:13 AM PDT by winoneforthegipper
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To: Notoriously Conservative

But there are already over 1.6 trillion Omaba jokes about his health care deform policies!


39 posted on 07/24/2009 9:00:11 AM PDT by Robert A. Cook, PE (I can only donate monthly, but socialists' ABBCNNBCBS continue to lie every day!)
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To: fatima

Best of the lot...LOL


40 posted on 07/24/2009 9:01:19 AM PDT by patriot08
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To: Notoriously Conservative

There was mackdaddy, Obama
With a black sire and white hippie Momma.
..”I WAS Born in east Kenya,
..But I’ll only leave when ya
ALL are fed up with my drama.”


41 posted on 07/24/2009 9:02:59 AM PDT by tumblindice
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To: Jonx6

self ping


42 posted on 07/24/2009 9:05:02 AM PDT by Jonx6
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To: patriot08

:)


43 posted on 07/24/2009 9:05:30 AM PDT by fatima (Free Hugs Today :))
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To: Notoriously Conservative
Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers: one is currently serving a life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview > ... She is a part time 'working girl'.

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who svoted for Barack Obama for President?

Signed, Worried About My Reputation

 

44 posted on 07/24/2009 9:14:14 AM PDT by Lady Jag (Double your income. Fire the government)
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To: tumblindice

There now is a POTUS Barak
With the brains of a celery stalk
A post-racial guy
Giving bottomless pie
To constituents dumb as a rock

(I’ll be here all week...:)


45 posted on 07/24/2009 9:15:34 AM PDT by rlmorel ("The Road to Serfdom" by F.A.Hayek - Read it...today.)
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To: rlmorel

Can I use it if I quote you??


46 posted on 07/24/2009 9:18:37 AM PDT by cardinal4 (Dont Tread on Me)
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To: Lady Jag

Hehehe...I wasn’t expecting that one!

It kind of reminds me of the one about a member of Barack Obama’s cabinet who admonished his brother not to tell his mother what he did for a living because “Mom thinks I am playing the piano in a whorehouse...”


47 posted on 07/24/2009 9:19:26 AM PDT by rlmorel ("The Road to Serfdom" by F.A.Hayek - Read it...today.)
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To: rlmorel

Your’s better (ding dang darn you to diddly heck)


48 posted on 07/24/2009 9:22:54 AM PDT by tumblindice
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To: cardinal4

Heh...absolutely!

I have a thing for limericks...I had a girlfriend who gave me two thick books of limericks, categorized by subject and attributed to the authors. I realized after having them around for years and poking at them, that I have developed a facility with writing them...:)

LOL...great. I can’t understand the world of finance or how to write code for a computer, but I DO have a flair for totally useless party poetry!

Hm. Maybe I can do a Haiku...

Barak is President
The country is failing
I am sad

Agh. I guess not. Hard to be funny with those. Let me try again:

The ears protrude
Telepromters break
Nobody laughs

or

The Marxist Kenyan
Tells us lies
All your money are belong to us


49 posted on 07/24/2009 9:27:08 AM PDT by rlmorel ("The Road to Serfdom" by F.A.Hayek - Read it...today.)
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To: Notoriously Conservative

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Kenya

Kenya Who?

Kenya please show us your Birth Certificate!


50 posted on 07/24/2009 9:27:42 AM PDT by mowowie
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