Cheater's Chili

The Cypress Times ^ | 9/8/09 | Stacey Winder

[Patriot1259]

Living in Texas, there is absolutely no way I'm going to claim to have the best chili recipe. People here are serious about their chili and have very strong opinions about it. We even have complete festivals and cook offs for bragging rights revolving around this beloved Texas favorite. Having given my disclaimer, here's a quick and easy version that your family is sure to love!

[Mrs. Don-o]

Chili is a ..uh...hot pepper, isn't it?

As in "Chili con Carne"? Literally, "Peppers with Meat"?

So, just like the basic ingredients of a PB&J would be (1)peanut butter and (2)jelly, the basic ingredients of chili con carne would be (1)chilis and (2)meat?

I'm just askin'...

[vikzilla]

ilike beans in mine. big juicy kidney beans.

[vikzilla]

ilike beans in mine. big juicy kidney beans.

[Lancey Howard]

“I don’t know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don’t you, Clark?”

[Deaf Smith]

Chili is a Texas Thing...
http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/Chili/ChiliHistory.htm

[The Shrew]

Anyone got a good Chili recipe that uses pork instead of beef (yeah, I know: “Heresy!”). However, my wife is Hindu, so the whole beef thing doesn’t really go over well. I know that the basic recipe is pretty simple, so it might work, but Pork cooks so differently from beef that I didn’t know if there might be changes required.

The Shrew's White Bean Chile

Ingredients:
2 lb of pork shoulder cut into 1/2" cubes
2 Tablespoons of Olive Oil
2 cans of White Cannelini Beans
6 cups of chicken stock
1 Sweet Medium Onion - diced
2 Tablespoons of minced garlic
1 Tablespoon of White Balsamic Vinegar
1 teaspoon of Ground Cumin
1 - 2 teaspoons of Sea Salt
1 teaspoon of Ground White Pepper
1/2 teaspoon of Ground Coriander
1 - 2 Sprigs of Fresh Cilantro
12 Roasted, Peeled, Anaheim chilies, diced

Recipe:
1. Roast chilies, peel, dice.
2. Saute cubed pork in olive oil. Stir often.
3. Add onions, garlic and saute.
4. Add Vinegar and deglaze.
5. Add Chilies and beans - cook thoroughly stirring continuously.
6. Add Chicken Stock, Spices, bring to a simmer. Garnish with Fresh Cilantro Leaves - Serve with Warm Flour Tortillas.

Viva La Chili

TS

[Verbosus]

Radl wrote:
“The fool doesn’t realize the best chili comes from Cincinnati.”

When you wrote that, did you have a straight face or were you laughing as hard as I was when I read it?

[Deaf Smith]

"Chili is a ..uh...hot pepper, isn't it?"

Yes...

CHILI CONTEST These are notes from an inexperienced chili taster named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from New Jersey... "Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th attendee at the State Fair in Texas and was asked to fill in to be a judge at a chili cook-off.

Apparently the original Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there when the call came in and was assured by the other two Judges (Native Texans) that it would be a fun event and a true taste of Texas hospitality. They assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event."

Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy s***, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting s***-faced.

Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills, that 300 lb bit** is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick.Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me burst into flames. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!

Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. An aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic. Superb. FRANK: My intestine�s are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: �Ho hum�, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like s*** to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided too stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it,I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending... this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank. FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

[Mrs. Don-o]

:o)

:o/

*oP

[theymakemesick]

I wonder whose eyes teared up more, mine or Franks. ‘Course mine were from laughing!

[Freedom56v2]

Two rules:
1) you probably can’t put in too much garlic
2) you absolutely can’t put in too much cumin, but do please add MOST of the cumin toward the end of simmering.

---

OK, please don’t flame me—I know it is not authentic chili.

For years, I have been making what I call “everything but kitchen sink chili.” It is probably more like a stew in that I add tomato, beans, celery, corn to slip in veggies; sometimes I even add leftover brewed coffee as one time we read a story that the old time cowboys did.

I add beans because with 2 boys, it made meal go further. Served topped with cheese & with tortillas. Everyone likes it btw :)

Anyway, obviously, I never used recipes much for my chili, but I do use lots of cumin and garlic. So I have never heard that most cumin should be added towards END of simmering. Why is that?!! Inquiring minds want to know ;)

[mkjessup]

Chili is a ..uh...hot pepper, isn't it?
As in "Chili con Carne"? Literally, "Peppers with Meat"?
So, just like the basic ingredients of a PB&J would be (1)peanut butter and (2)jelly, the basic ingredients of chili con carne would be (1)chilis and (2)meat?
I'm just askin'...

The basic ingredients are:

a.) tomatoes b.) onions c.) beef

You can certainly add anything else you want, but the above 3 items ARE the basic ingredients.

MKJ Trivia Tidbit: his wacko and marijhootchie politics aside, Willie Nelson himself endorses the addition of two ingredients, HONEY (in place of sugar to kill the acid) and CHOCOLATE (I thought it was crazy too until I tried it).

Add those two items to your next batch of chili and I would be very surprised if you ever left them out again.

Happy cookin' Mrs. Don-O! :)

[mkjessup]

Good points SAJ, in addition to your spices, I like adding some curry powder sometimes (not every time) and as opposed to our friends in Cincinnati with a bowl o’ spaghetti, I prefer serving my chili up over a bowl of good ol’ Uncle Ben’s white rice, with shredded cheese and chopped raw onions optional.

And I might add that a cup of Jack Daniels has NEVER failed to improve any chili that I was cooking, lol

[mkjessup]

Oh I’ll take Cincinnati style chili over *any* fast food, any day of the week. As I mentioned, it’s not bad, I found that what is critical is the TYPE of spaghetti and how long it gets cooked, i.e., angel hair spaghetti is best (IMHO), cooked al dente (I don’t know who that guy Al Dente is, but he seemed to know what he was talking about lol).

[SAJ]

Cumin is a relatively fragile spice. Extended simmering degrades it, even to the point of it losing its aromatic properties and flavour.

I would add 1/4 of the intended amount after about 10 minutes of simmering, then the remainder about 10 minutes before removing from heat/serving. I generally simmer the stockpot for 60-75 minutes, but I use V8 juice as part of the base, and a lot of the water in it has to be cooked off.

If you 'brown' your beef thoroughly and add it to the stockpot at the end of simmering (terrible technique, but I know some folks who do so), you might consider adding cumin to the beef while browning. Just a thought.

[Just another Joe]

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

“Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1: Mike’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
- JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
- JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
- FRANK: Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur’s Afterburner Chili
- JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
- JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
- FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3: Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
- JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
- JUDGE TWO: A bean-less chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
- FRANK: Call the EPA, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting sh*t-faced from all the beer.

Chili # 4: Bubba’s Black Magic
- JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
- JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
- FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. b*tch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I’m eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5: Linda’s Legal Lip Remover
- JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
- JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
- FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!

Chili # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety
- JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
- JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
- FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric inferno flames. I crapped myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone!

Chili # 7: Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili
- JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
- JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a canof chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
- FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a damn thing. I’ve lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like poop to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful. Screw it, I’m not getting any
oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Helen’s Mount Saint Chili
- JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
- JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he’d have reacted to a really hot chili?
- FRANK: (editor’s note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

[SAJ]

Agreed. Sipping a cup of Jack while cooking ALWAYS improves flavour.   ;^)

No quarrel with curry powder, but fenugreek just doesn't say 'chili' to me, whereas cumin definitely does.

[mkjessup]

That sounds positively delicious, thank you!

I’m going to try out that recipe next opportunity I have.

Have you ever tried shredding the pork (or beef) before adding it to the chili? (This is good for senior citizens with any denture issues, of which our family has a few)

Take a fully cooked pot roast (or pork roast) and after it cools overnight, just shred that rascal on a big cheese grater so the meat comes out literally, well, “shredded”, add that to the chili and it is really quite good.

Damn I’m getting hungry! :)

[mkjessup]

No! I mean ADDING the Jack to the chili!

(of course drinking a cup or two might not be a bad idea lol)

And negatory on that fenugreek, that stuff is reputed to stimulate breast growth, so be sure to serve it up to the females only. ;)

[SAJ]

Well, most American curry powder is loaded with fenugreek...

My good lady does not need any, er, assistance in that department.