Skip to comments.DUmmie FUnnies 10-23-09 (The gasbag has landed! "Baloney Boy" Pitt back from the honeymoon)
Posted on 10/22/2009 10:36:00 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson
The gasbag has landed! No, not the good ship Jiffy Pop. No, I'm talking about "Baloney Boy" Will Pitt. Mr. Pitt has just gotten back from his honeymoon! Our Little Willie is now a married man! WOOOO HOOOO!!!!! Congrats, Will! We here at DUmmie FUnnies are very happy for you and your bride, and we wish you all the best. I'm series. If I could, I would buy you a beer at Bukowski's and raise a toast in your honor. Li'l Beaver would give you a cigar. We may have our political differences--oh, kind of like the difference between night and day--but on a personal level, we bear you no ill will . . . Will. We kid because we love.
So several threads to get to. A couple weeks ago, Will previewed his wedding in this THREAD, "So I'm getting married this weekend...." Then, a few days after the October 11 wedding, he posted this THREAD, "...so I have some wedding photos here...." Yes, follow that link and you will see actual photos from the actual wedding! Now finally Will reports that he has returned from the seclusion of his honeymoon and is back on the job (whatever that is, exactly), in this THREAD, "Catching Up With The Crazy."
And away we go! The words of Will and his well-wishers are in Blushing Bridegroom Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, somewhat miffed that Will didn't ask me to perform the wedding, is in the [brackets]:
So I'm getting married this weekend...
[Will wonders never cease!]
Picking up my Best Man at the airport in an hour.
[The best man is a luggage handler.]
Heading to rural New Hampshire tomorrow morning. Rehearsal and rehearsal dinner tomorrow evening; dinner, btw, will be at my mom's house (DUer Raven for the uninitiated). . . .
[Will's having a hard time leaving the Raven's nest.]
Wedding on Sunday here:
[So I follow the LINK, and there's a pic of the church. But, lo and behold, the URL identifies it as "Nelson Congregational Church." It's a congregation of the United Church of Christ! But I thought Pitt was Roman Catholic! And the UCC is a very liberal mainline Protestant denomination! And the pastor is actually a pastorette! "Rev." Dawn E. Garrett-Larsen! Wha' hoppen, Will??? I know the RCs don't go for female impastors! Didn't you just recently say, when Teddy Kennedy died, that you were a "Kennedy Catholic"?? Oh, wait, now I get it. Teddy wasn't too true to Catholic teaching, either.]
[No, it's not Bukowski's, silly!]
Wish me luck.
[I think we should wish the BRIDE luck! Now to the DUmmie well-wishers . . .]
Must be a bye week for the Pats. . . .
[And a buy week for the Pitts.]
Please don't let this interfere with your major contributions to our community.
[You are a great boon to us insomnia sufferers!]
congrats and much happiness to you and Raven.
[Uh, Raven is Pitt's MOTHER!]
Note to Raven: Not losing a son, gaining a son-wrangler?
[The Bondage of the Will.]
DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO STOP STALKING YOU????
[Is that you, benburch?]
Best Wishes! Are you taking her name?
[No, but the husband of "Rev." Dawn E. Garrett-Larsen really did take HER name, which is on one side of that hyphen there. Yes, the "Rev." Garrett-Larsen is that rare bird, a NON-lesbian female minister. Speaking of birds, DUmmie Raven (Pitt's mom) checks in . . .]
He's getting married and I'm getting a daughter. . . . Will's Cailen is a GIFT, a wonderful, wonderful Gift.
[Well, that's sweet. I mean it. No joke here. . . . OK, after that brief interlude, now back to the jokes . . .]
May the road rise to meet you. . . .
[Usually the floor rises to meet Will.]
Love is grand! --asdjrocky
[Love Is Blue --Paul Mauriat]
Don't regale the guests with too many stories, Will Pitt.
[Asleep at the Will.]
We were married in NH, August '02, with a pig on the fire and kegs on ice - ya can't beat the Karma!
[The pig would probably disagree.]
Good luck and Darwin Bless
[The Survival of the Pittest.]
Are you William Pitt the Younger or the Elder?
[He's William Pitt the Balder.]
I heard once that two printer color inkjet cartridges got married. A short time later the bride said excitedly to her groom, "Darling, I think I'm pigment."
[That was the beginning of the Cartridge Family.]
I hope it's fantastic, the weather is perfect, and you're not so drunk that you pass out before it's over.
[This man knows his Pitt. . . . Next thread, after the nuptials . . .]
...so I have some wedding photos here...
[The new Mrs. Pitt looks quite lovely. How'd you manage that, Will?? I guess the old saying holds true: There's a lid for every pot--and Pitt!]
The deal goes down
[Pitt refers to this PHOTO, with a good view of the best man/luggage handler, the bald bridegroom, the tattooed bride, and the pastorette with the funky stole. Now to the DUmmies . . .]
Who is the bald dude?
[Pitt, in an altared state.]
Enjoy your time off the planet, sweetie...
[Off to Planet Pitt!]
Looks like one god-damned, liberal-assed affair if you ask me!
[The Day When Everything Finally Changed!]
Love the color of those bridesmaid's gowns!
[Bolshevik Red was a nice touch.]
Now let your hair grow back!
[Pitt's almost 38 now. More likely hair's going to grow ON his back.]
Will ??? - What Did You Do With Your Hair ???
[It's sealed in an envelope in Washington, D.C.]
Is this some sort of Sampson and Delilah thing???
[It's more like a Homer Simpson thing.]
Congratulations! . . . from someone who has admired your writing for so long.
[So YOU'RE the one!]
I'm sure your better half is very intelligent and will help keep your feet on the ground.
[That's always a challenge with Will.]
Didn't we tell you not to get married at the Temple of Manos, Hands of Fate?
[I now pronounce you Manos and Wife.]
dude , where is you hair ?
[Inquiring minds want to know.]
Does she know you have the power to move people with words?
[They tend to move away quickly.]
Mr. Pitt, any president who is not paying you to write speeches is not using America's best talent.
[Will the Shill blew any chance of a paying political job on May 12, 2006, the day of Rove's "indictment."]
There is something a-shimmering in you.
[That's one way to put it.]
Do I see a female clergy officiant? Hoot Hoot!
[Yep, Will Pitt, the loyal "Kennedy Catholic," got hitched in a UCC church by a female impastor. . . . Now for a little bit of Will's back-from-the-honeymoon thread . . .]
So, I got married two weekends ago, and spent all of last week honeymooning with my wife in front of a stone fireplace. . . .
[Better in front of a stone fireplace than in front of a fireplace stoned.]
in a tiny cabin by a tiny lake in the woods of New Hampshire.
[A cabin in the woods of New Hampshire? Hmmm, sounds familiar. . . . Nahh, couldn't be! Not on a man's honeymoon!]
No cell phone reception; no TV channels because the tube was still hooked up to an analog antenna on the roof that looked to have been there since the Truman administration. . . .
[D*mn Republicans! Maybe Obama can get us universal cable.]
Coming home, in retrospect, may have been an egregious tactical error. . . . One hour of television news . . . made me want to pile back into the car and race back to that cabin. . . . "Balloon Boy"? Seriously?
[Kid already can puke like the Pittster. . . . Finally, let's go to the comments, to this one in particular . . .]
How dare you cast asperations on that little cabin!!!! It's a gem on a golden pond.
[It's DUmmie Raven, AKA Mother Pitt! Yes, it's true! William Rivers Pitt, nearly 38 years old, took his bride, on their honeymoon, TO STAY WITH HIS MOTHER IN HER CABIN IN THE WOODS!!!]
Norman! The loons!
[William! The loons!]
This thread is the pitts...
PING me to the church on time!
Some poor girl must be desperate.
Being married to him has to be the pitts, but dig that tattoo on the blushing bride.
FReepers and DUmmies actually agree on something.
Married in NH, Honeymoon in NH
Spare no expense!
Anyway, Congratulations and Best Wishes, W Pitt. I can’t wish him ill will, at least he didn’t marry a guy.
OK, so I looked at the pics out of morbid curiosity. I will say that I believe the “bride” was born with two X chromosomes, but it’s downhill from there at the church of anything goes.
Interesting li'l Fun Fact: the bride's elegant, off-the-shoulder tattoo is actually the ancient Urdu symbol for "Over Three Billion Served."
When did an above-the-waist muffin top become fashionable?
Nice tattoo, though. Looks good in a wedding photo. NOT!
I would have bet he had married a tree or a gay seal.
Maybe his wife is “UCC,” however WICCA would have been just as acceptable.
Or maybe a combo of UCC and WICCA-—WUCCA.
Oh, that's the industry standard, actually. One "fluffer" per every two performers. ;)
Also known as Fugly Will.
'Moo.... Moo... Moo'
oh well, at least the original owner Branded the cow.
(Or, Willie's gonna find she's a runaway Biker Chick. That her old man get's out of prison in May after ten years for Bank Robbery and is gonna start hunting her down. Oh happy days.)
It’s really very nice. Maybe he’ll grow up now. The stole on the pastorette, though... wuff! Makes the tattoo look tame. I know somebody on DU’s gonna point you to this, Will, so sincerely, really, truly, all politics aside, my best wishes to you both.
The tattoo on her back gives direction to the man she happens to be with.
She should have worn a LITTLE make-up at least.
I was wondering if he married a man or woman. Thanks for the photo to clear it up.
Congratulations . . . from someone who has noticed that your writings are SO long!
"To you I dedicate my life
But don't you EVER call me 'Wife'.
Mmm mmm mmm, Williams Rivers Pitt..."
Unbelieveable, next you’ll be telling me Kuchinich is sthupin’ a tall redhead.
Looks like a ships wheel.
Maybe she’s a schooner, I guess we won’t know until they haul anchor and sailors crawl into the rigging...
Oh man, this was the first thing I looked at on FR this morning. :( I gotta go make some coffee and clear my head. It’s gonna be a bad day!
Awwwww,I wish them Republican children is they choose to pro-create.
Not to be catty, but the bride has her hair in a bun on her wedding day. A bun! Come on, Pitt, spring for a hairdresser!
Hmmm, does this mean his bar tab at Bukowski’s will double? Will he be settling tabs for two stools instead of just one? Does his inheritance go that far? Inquiring minds want to know...
Whenever I see a tattoo like that on a gal, I think it looks like a giant scab or melanoma. Very unattractive, on an otherwise nice-looking gal.
Like I said, its a compass/sexual aid for her DUmmie boyfriends
This Thread Is Useless Without Pitts.
Sealed vs. Seal.
Perhaps. But if Pitt were such a staunch Roman Catholic, he would have insisted on an RC ceremony, in an RC church, with an RC (male) priest.
Well said. And that was the difficulty in doing this DUFU: Making it FUnnie while at the same time wishing Will and his bride well personally. I think it turned out OK on that score.
That makes Pitt a Roamin' Catholic.
Curly, Girlie, and Burly.
No-Hairy and Curly.
Well, he can get it validated by one in about fifteen minutes assuming they're both free to marry in the Catholic Church. That's not counting time in Confession, of course! A friend of mine got his validated after ten-plus years civil marriage and three kids and said he didn't realize how good it would feel.
The bald Kurt Grove almost had me falling off my chair!!! LOL
Oh man, I wish I thought of that!