Posted on 11/14/2009 3:05:10 AM PST by Scanian
No, I'm not referring to marriages between blacks and whites, or Christians and Jews. I'm talking about marriages where one person is liberal and the other is conservative. To be more specific, I'm writing about my own marriage and I invite my esteemed AT readers to offer their advice.
My husband and I were liberal Democrats for most of our lives. On occasion we used to talk about couples who were not politically aligned and wondered how they dealt with that in their relationship. Did they argue? Did they just not talk politics? Were they able to have interesting discussions and then agree to disagree? Did one sway the other's opinion over time? It was a puzzle.
Now I find that I am in one of those relationships! In recent years, I have moved farther and farther to the right and now find that I am quite conservative on most issues. My husband, however, has remained for the most part, liberal.
It's difficult, to say the least.
(Excerpt) Read more at americanthinker.com ...
I’m sure that FReepers, with their uncommon intelligence and wisdom, can come up with some excellent advice for this couple.
Scripture asks, “Can two walk together except they agree?”
I feel he’s wrong and want to help him see the light. (Not to mention, sometimes I just feel appalled.) At the same time, I realize he may well feel that way about my views.
As with most issues in life, it isn’t about right and left, it is all about right and WRONG.
“It’s difficult, to say the least.”
HOw can you love someone and at the same time not like their opionions and views of the world?
I don’t get it either but I’m often accused of having a black or white view of things.
I posted the article because I’ve seen these type marriages where the parties seem to get along fine despite their differences but I don’t comprehend how they do it. I thought some of our always perceptive FReepers might be able to shed some light on it.
We both cared about people, we just differed in our views of how people should be cared for; she believed in big government, while I am sane.
i can’t understand it either, my political/ideological views are too big a part of who i am, To be on any sort of intimate terms with someone who had diametrically opposed views, because, face it, they are not just different points on the spectrum, they are rather two different sides of a coin- seems unfathomable to me. I feel for this woman though, because she evolved and he did not. In my case, my husband and i were both liberal democrats and we evolved TOGETHER. What i truly can’t get are the couples like Carville/Matalin because they knew going in they were on opposite sides of the coin.
Key is respect.
In my situation, it’s a bit more complicated. It isn’t straight right/left. We both agree on the important family issues, I’m very political and she is not. On some issues she is to my right, death penalty. On others she is to my left, such as health care. Makes for some interesting discussions. Depending on the test, she usually tests out as a true moderate, and I am generally libertarian scoring, (high on personal liberties, but quite fiscally and social conservative).
Only rule we have is that she initiates all the political conversations, and when we get into it, we go all the way. Everything and anything gets discussed. Any comment made isn’t, “gosh that’s such a stupid idea”, we try to tackle the why’s and wherefores. Why do you believe in this? What about this is compelling to you?
In the end, I’d rather have someone who I love and care for and who loves and cares for me, than someone who agreed with me on everything. As far as I’m concerned, there are some non-negotiables, and we agree on those. Beyond that, if she wants to vote for Obama, I don’t care. That is her decision to make, not mine. It doesn’t make me respect her less, because I know where her heart is at. She is the most amazing gal I’ve ever met.
Thanks for sharing that. Gives me hope.
I guess, then, it depends on how integral politics are to your daily life. We live in suburban VA, we eat, sleep and breathe politics, it's our LOCAL news. my 3 kids, ages 21, 18 and 15 are all well versed in politics because it's what we talk about at the dinner table and always have. i have a colleague whom i like very much, who is a liberal Jew from NY. we have not spoken of politics since the election. Hence, we don't speak much any more, other than now and again about our kids, office goings-on etc. I am dying to know if he is disgusted with Obams, but my fear is he will be approving of him and then i will just have to lose my mind. so i never ask, and he never volunteers.
It ultimately didn't work out, not because she was a liberal, but because she was a loon. But I repeat myself.
that is what makes it work, then. i can see that being possible. but in the case of carville/matalin, presumably they are BOTH political, and BOTH ideologically committed, but on opposite sides of the coin. those are the relationships i can't fathom.
My husband grew up Democrat and I grew up Republican. His family was poor and uneducated while mine was upper middle class. He joined the Army right out of high school, got an education and did well in life. When we married he was still Democrat but he has evolved over the years into a Republican. He realized several years ago that the Democrats didn’t have anything in common with his beliefs any longer. The last Democrat he voted for was Clinton. When he did that my first (and frequent) words were “how could you?” He thought the first term Clinton was the greatest until he opened his eyes and really saw what was going on. Since then he has voted Republican. He’s extremely conservative, probably even more conservative than I am, so the evolution was inevitable. He spent his early life as a poor conservative Democrat until he realized that he couldn’t stay there. Sometimes it just happens. :-)
Well my husband and i will have been married for 25 years next June. He took off a semester and worked for Mo Udall for president when in college. I was depressed when Ronald Reagan won the election, i was in law school at the time. So we have always been on the same page, and migrated together. We actually gave money to Walter Mondale. So yeah, we WERE loons. He got a job on the Hill working for a conservative Republican, and so began our joint transformation. I remember going out with the people from his office and thinking OMG they are REPUBLICANS. Once we started on the path to the Light, there was no looking back. We were right wing extremists within a year : ) But my husband remains convinced that it helps argue against leftists to have been one at one point, because you know what they think and you know why they are wrong.
I'd recommend something that would create "brain swelling" ~ Louisville Slugger possibly, or a sudden braking action when out driving on the Interstate.
There are a variety of methods available to everyone, but be sure to make he is disarmed first. You wouldn't want him pulling a gun on you although that might well be the first sign of his recovery!
I realize my above post doesn’t really concern being Liberal. My husband was never a Liberal. If he had been we wouldn’t be married because I would have NO respect for him. When Democrats took the Liberal turn, he left them.
Wow, we both posted almost the identical same thing.
I added that for the sake of their kids I hope that their marriage isn’t an act.
On the other hand, some of my closest friendships I haave had over the years with various co-workers have been with Ultra-liberals.
At the one school people would come into the faculty lounge just to watch us debate.
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