Posted on 12/02/2009 10:59:32 AM PST by CarmichaelPatriot
Anybody else here have to annual goals identification and assesment as part of their annual review?
I was looking at what they want me to enter. The categories are Quality, Growth (company), Profitability (company), and Human Capital/Development. I am a software developer. I write what they tell me to write, so I don't see where I have anything to contribute here, except to the Quality item. The company won't pay for training, so the Human Capital/Development issue is completely out of my hands. The "free" training that is offered is either BS "touchy / feely" crap I don't want or need, or technical in nature at a level I could've used about 30 yrs ago.
I work for a medium size company (6000 employees or so) that primarily provides staffing and technical solutions to federal, state and local government agencies, so the way I see it, company growth is all based on what bids we win or lose and I have nothing to do with the bidding process (and I don't want to). Profitability is driven by requirements, project management and business process improvement. I've done quite a lot of BPI in the past, but management doesn't seem too interested in it and I received almost no recognition for it. Now recently our CEO has come out with a letter to all employees that we will be experiencing "Flat Salary Growth" this year (ie. no raises, you suckers) and he hopes they'll be able to fund the bonus pool this year (didn't happen last year or the year before).
Any thoughts? I wonder if anyone other than my direct manager (who is a joke) even looks at this stuff. I'm thinking of being really sarcastic in my entries, just for the heck of it.
Hope this helps.
Just suck it up, play the game, and write down the standard crap. No need to make waves.
As a software application developer, I resemble your situation.
If you have issues with the training bring it up in a paositive light that more training in the field you are working in would make you more profitable for the company.
As long as your goals and quality are good for the company you might see some change in how they react to your review.
I am working on mine today. Got about 80% complete this year. Picked up additional locations on west coast and not able to complete personal development portion due to time. Be cautious on your comments, as this tight job market will create a tighter focus on such as this.
Google all that stuff and cut and paste away. Then drink a beer, knowing that management has plans, and an H1-B will be breathing down your neck soon. Be thankfull you didn’t get a raise, they’d fire you then.
it seems like a pain, but in the end I'm glad it's required.
“Any thoughts? I wonder if anyone other than my direct manager (who is a joke) even looks at this stuff. I’m thinking of being really sarcastic in my entries, just for the heck of it.”
If you want the truth, from what I read, they might be looking for a way to dump you...you hate the company, the policies and the people...why are you there? You wouldn’t exactly be the “team player” that a downsizing organization would want to hang on to...I’d look for something else if I was that miserable...before they dumped me...
Change the words a little bit, switch them around from person to person, and use the old ideas, to trigger new ones.
In the mean time, I go on doing this job as I did before she got here and it was ‘excellent’ for her predecessor. What's that tell you?
The system we use is bovine excrement and is in NO way constructive or functional. I measures NOTHING except my boss's inimical character. Incessant reprimand passes for supervision here. That's what happens when you get a woman on a power trip for a boss.
Is this really the time and the economy to start acting out? So what you don’t impact directly in the categories. Take the categories and expand on them to impress how you contribute.
Should there be lay offs, do you want to be waving a red flag saying pick me?
I have to do this happy happy BS every year. It’s a wink and a nod exercise in pencil whipping.
We did have a very senior employee, with a retired Colonel’s pension who hated it with a passion (had topped out, so why write a review?). The last one he did was a selection of appropriate Dilbert cartoons taped to the paperwork.
Training can include conferences, or even reading stuff if it’s for your job.
Training- Attended “Future of C++ as it relates to Labview VI Coding” conference in Las Vegas, read “Fortran is Not Dead” to gain insight in future directions, attended mandatory fire exit safety training”, watched the CEO’s Ethics and You miniseries online,
Even if it sounds like making stuff up to you, blow your own horn as much and as loudly as you can. You are competing with other people and other programmers and the guy who stuffs his assessment full is ahead of the guy who leaves it blank.
Suck it up. Write up what you’ve done and what you’re doing in the most obtuse, dense corporate-speak you can muster. For the training stuff, write something like, “maintained and developed function-specific knowledge through professional journals, internet resources, and other media.” In other words, you read at least one magazine article, read one web page, and watched one TV show even tangentially related to what you do.
See the nov. 22nd dilbert.com strip. As for me, I have to deal with the theme of the nov. 29th strip.
My boss is completely impotent and ineffectual. He seldom if EVER gets back to me. He lets a 27 year old shrew keep his manly objects in her purse. Of course said shrew is jealous of me and hates me (see nov 29th dilbert strip)
I have a self review as well. Basically it’s pointless busy work. OH yeah and I work in IT as well.
Take it serious and blow the idiots away.
Make sure that ANY “goal” follows the MMA principle.
Mutually defined. If they “give” you a goal, it is a directive, not a goal.
Attainable: If they say increase revenue by 20% and its only ever grown by 5%, they are idiots.
Measurable: If they want something improved, they should be able to define what that means. A feeling is not measurable. A “I’ll know it when I see it” measurement is good for pornography, but not for a performance review.
The measurement part is usually what fails. That, and ten minutes after the meeting the goals change. And no one looks at them anymore.
I guess you can play the game, but jerking them around is always more fun.
And that is why I work for myself.
In today’s job market I don’t think I’d be sarcastic in my comments. Is this for your own job performance? They want you to write a blurb on your goals in those four categories? If so you can freepmail me and I’ll be glad to help with what I do for myself and those on my team that I do reviews for. By the way, be glad your salary will remain flat. Their are a few FReepers, myself included that received more than one pay cut this past year alone.
I find your desire to be the next person fired refreshing. I hope you work in a department of my company, as you are going to be the lightning rod for future job shrinkage, thus doing your part to protect me.
Care to get a couple shots in?
Being able to write your own PR is a definite plus.
Just invent some gold-plated BS. Throw in a lot of impressive MBS-speak terms like “paradigm”, “embrace the change” and “process improvement”. Remember that executives rise to the level of their own incompetence so you only have to worry about what your immediate supervisor thinks. No one above him is smart enough to understand what you are doing.
So...I'm pretty much self employed now and slowly going broke, lol. But I guess that is the price to be paid for not being able to put up with such idiocy. I'm hoping hard times will make companies quit being stupid, but I see no signs of it yet.
Oh, BTW, I handed mine in about an hour ago....
Aint' that the truth!
Gawd yes. I’m a low-level cog, but the “career development tool” wants me to answer questions like I’m a stinkin’ mid-level manager. I’m not going to “drive innovation” or “create followership”. I’m a trained monkey who pushes a button. It’s a damned joke. But if you knew as many HR people like I have, you would understand exactly how it got that way.
As a developer running his own show, I don’t have to deal with that kind of crap.
;-)
My advice: Use Access and Excel to make way cool graphs and charts. Make them pretty.
Worked for me.
oh and p.s. you can do a sarcastic one, just hang it on your frig (providing the boss never comes over) it will make you feel better!! The real “office space” one goes to your boss.
I am in the same situation. Not a good time (with the job market what it is) to make waves. I have been writing the same basic performance review for years and have accumulated a nice library of comments. Mix and match new ones every year and when you get a new boss, you can recycle complete reviews.
Agreed. I just write down what the managers want to hear.
Remember, Adolph Eichmann worked in HR.
Professional Development. Get some “alphabet soup” behind your name.
Cletus D. Yokel, CHMM, CECM
You work in the Chinese food business? :o)
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible
I loathe that corporate crap. What I’m seeing is, they’re even starting to make the contract workers (like me) participate in this bs. That used to be one of the perks of BEING contract.....not having to put up with the bs. Things change.
I tried to get Tijeras_Slim HMFWIC on my business card...
In a lot of cases, the managers (ie people over you) are just trying to get and gather ideas to put on their OWN performance review form.
Some of the manager level ees are so dense they can’t come up with stuff on their own. At least, that’s been my observation.
Heterosexual male fat white ... conservative
what’s the ‘I’?
Head Mother ****** Whos In Charge...
Your’s is pretty good too, but not fat (like the name’s not a tip off)
---------------
You asked for thoughts. First, could I ask how old you are, and if you need the job?
If you are over 40, and you need the job, you are a stupid moron for putting anything sarcastic in something that may not be read immediately, but will go into your little file for ready reference later if need be. And I understand that stupid, smart @ss morons usually get fired first. Odd thing that.
If you are under 40, and you don't need the job, best of luck to ya. Sarcasm has always seemed to work out real well for me in the corporate world. /sarc
I am a (retired) human resoruces executive and hated this crap with all of my being. The problem is that common sense, good will and trust has been replaced by management theory, political correctness and social engineering.
I am a (retired) human resoruces executive and hated this crap with all of my being. The problem is that common sense, good will and trust has been replaced by management theory, political correctness and social engineering.
It is a blessing to be employed. Your post cemented for me that as dull as the process is, staying positive throughout is the only way to go. It is hard I want to tell them where to go....not because of the money. The workplace has become SO volitile in the past year. I do not sleep well. Thanks
First, watch “Office Space” again, then..............
LOL! Were you watching that History Channel show, “Hitler’s Managers”?
No, just a casual student of history.
Our HR people are so inept they couldn’t cater the Donner Party if you drugged them and duct taped them to a buffet table.
Just play the game and make yourself sound like you hung the moon. It’s just an exercise in keeping the yahoos in the H.R. department employed.
I wouldn’t be sarcastic, and yes I have to do these every year too. The only one I can really give advice on is the human/capital issue. For this one, I generally list any workshops/courses/conferences I would like to attend provided there are funds(with specifics such as how they would help me, cost). Up until this year, I got at least one paid for per year. At the most you have it documented that you are paying attention to what needs to be done for improvement.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.