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Vanity - Anyone have to do Performance Goals and assesment for their job (Professionals)
N/A | 12/2/2009 | Me

Posted on 12/02/2009 10:59:32 AM PST by CarmichaelPatriot

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1 posted on 12/02/2009 10:59:32 AM PST by CarmichaelPatriot
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To: TPluth
I am print production manager at a libertarian think tank and we get to write our own performance reviews. My advice is to be as positive you can be. Write yourself a good review.

Hope this helps.

2 posted on 12/02/2009 11:02:23 AM PST by GSWarrior
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To: TPluth

Just suck it up, play the game, and write down the standard crap. No need to make waves.


3 posted on 12/02/2009 11:02:42 AM PST by the_devils_advocate_666
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To: TPluth

As a software application developer, I resemble your situation.


4 posted on 12/02/2009 11:03:24 AM PST by LiteKeeper (When do the impeachment proceedings begin?)
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To: TPluth
I have to do the same thing, both for myself and the people that wok for me. I look at them as does the manager and VP of operations. Being Sarcastic is not the way to go.

If you have issues with the training bring it up in a paositive light that more training in the field you are working in would make you more profitable for the company.

As long as your goals and quality are good for the company you might see some change in how they react to your review.

5 posted on 12/02/2009 11:04:09 AM PST by sniper63 (Silent and stealthy - one shot - one kill)
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To: TPluth

I am working on mine today. Got about 80% complete this year. Picked up additional locations on west coast and not able to complete personal development portion due to time. Be cautious on your comments, as this tight job market will create a tighter focus on such as this.


6 posted on 12/02/2009 11:04:34 AM PST by jb257mag
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To: TPluth

Google all that stuff and cut and paste away. Then drink a beer, knowing that management has plans, and an H1-B will be breathing down your neck soon. Be thankfull you didn’t get a raise, they’d fire you then.


7 posted on 12/02/2009 11:05:14 AM PST by central_va ( http://www.15thvirginia.org/)
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To: TPluth
yep. twice a year. goals, training, etc.

it seems like a pain, but in the end I'm glad it's required.

8 posted on 12/02/2009 11:05:31 AM PST by SGCOS
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To: TPluth

“Any thoughts? I wonder if anyone other than my direct manager (who is a joke) even looks at this stuff. I’m thinking of being really sarcastic in my entries, just for the heck of it.”

If you want the truth, from what I read, they might be looking for a way to dump you...you hate the company, the policies and the people...why are you there? You wouldn’t exactly be the “team player” that a downsizing organization would want to hang on to...I’d look for something else if I was that miserable...before they dumped me...


9 posted on 12/02/2009 11:05:35 AM PST by jessduntno (Take a minute and watch it: -> http://www.youtube.com./watch?v=uoeuh-EGj7s <-)
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To: TPluth
I have been doing these targets and growths for my team for three years now. Coming into it new the first time I got HR to give me a copy of past targets, growths, goals, etc. then used that as the satring point for each team member.

Change the words a little bit, switch them around from person to person, and use the old ideas, to trigger new ones.

10 posted on 12/02/2009 11:06:17 AM PST by Michael.SF. (At least Hitler got the Olympics for Germany)
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To: TPluth
We do that annually. It is my boss's golden opportunity to kick s^%$ in my face and otherwise humiliate me. It is the only time in the year she says more than 3 sentences to me at once.

In the mean time, I go on doing this job as I did before she got here and it was ‘excellent’ for her predecessor. What's that tell you?

The system we use is bovine excrement and is in NO way constructive or functional. I measures NOTHING except my boss's inimical character. Incessant reprimand passes for supervision here. That's what happens when you get a woman on a power trip for a boss.

11 posted on 12/02/2009 11:06:38 AM PST by SMARTY ("What luck for rulers that men do not think. " Adolph Hitler)
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To: TPluth

Is this really the time and the economy to start acting out? So what you don’t impact directly in the categories. Take the categories and expand on them to impress how you contribute.
Should there be lay offs, do you want to be waving a red flag saying pick me?


12 posted on 12/02/2009 11:06:49 AM PST by IrishCatholic (No local Communist or Socialist Party Chapter? Join the Democrats, it's the same thing!)
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To: TPluth

I have to do this happy happy BS every year. It’s a wink and a nod exercise in pencil whipping.

We did have a very senior employee, with a retired Colonel’s pension who hated it with a passion (had topped out, so why write a review?). The last one he did was a selection of appropriate Dilbert cartoons taped to the paperwork.


13 posted on 12/02/2009 11:06:51 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim (Live jubtabulously!)
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To: TPluth

Training can include conferences, or even reading stuff if it’s for your job.

Training- Attended “Future of C++ as it relates to Labview VI Coding” conference in Las Vegas, read “Fortran is Not Dead” to gain insight in future directions, attended mandatory fire exit safety training”, watched the CEO’s Ethics and You miniseries online,

Even if it sounds like making stuff up to you, blow your own horn as much and as loudly as you can. You are competing with other people and other programmers and the guy who stuffs his assessment full is ahead of the guy who leaves it blank.


14 posted on 12/02/2009 11:07:02 AM PST by DBrow
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To: TPluth

Suck it up. Write up what you’ve done and what you’re doing in the most obtuse, dense corporate-speak you can muster. For the training stuff, write something like, “maintained and developed function-specific knowledge through professional journals, internet resources, and other media.” In other words, you read at least one magazine article, read one web page, and watched one TV show even tangentially related to what you do.


15 posted on 12/02/2009 11:07:07 AM PST by Bubba Ho-Tep ("More weight!"--Giles Corey)
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To: TPluth

See the nov. 22nd dilbert.com strip. As for me, I have to deal with the theme of the nov. 29th strip.

My boss is completely impotent and ineffectual. He seldom if EVER gets back to me. He lets a 27 year old shrew keep his manly objects in her purse. Of course said shrew is jealous of me and hates me (see nov 29th dilbert strip)

I have a self review as well. Basically it’s pointless busy work. OH yeah and I work in IT as well.


16 posted on 12/02/2009 11:07:13 AM PST by AbolishCSEU
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To: LiteKeeper

Take it serious and blow the idiots away.

Make sure that ANY “goal” follows the MMA principle.

Mutually defined. If they “give” you a goal, it is a directive, not a goal.
Attainable: If they say increase revenue by 20% and its only ever grown by 5%, they are idiots.
Measurable: If they want something improved, they should be able to define what that means. A feeling is not measurable. A “I’ll know it when I see it” measurement is good for pornography, but not for a performance review.

The measurement part is usually what fails. That, and ten minutes after the meeting the goals change. And no one looks at them anymore.

I guess you can play the game, but jerking them around is always more fun.

And that is why I work for myself.


17 posted on 12/02/2009 11:07:31 AM PST by Vermont Lt (My wife reads my posts. In case the FBI shows up, we will have cookies.)
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To: TPluth

In today’s job market I don’t think I’d be sarcastic in my comments. Is this for your own job performance? They want you to write a blurb on your goals in those four categories? If so you can freepmail me and I’ll be glad to help with what I do for myself and those on my team that I do reviews for. By the way, be glad your salary will remain flat. Their are a few FReepers, myself included that received more than one pay cut this past year alone.


18 posted on 12/02/2009 11:07:41 AM PST by snippy_about_it (Looking for our Sam Adams)
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To: TPluth
I'm thinking of being really sarcastic in my entries, just for the heck of it.

I find your desire to be the next person fired refreshing. I hope you work in a department of my company, as you are going to be the lightning rod for future job shrinkage, thus doing your part to protect me.

19 posted on 12/02/2009 11:08:08 AM PST by Cyber Liberty (Ram "Health Care Reform" down our throats in '09, and we'll ram it up your @ss in '10.)
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To: CougarGA7

Care to get a couple shots in?


20 posted on 12/02/2009 11:08:14 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim (Live jubtabulously!)
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To: TPluth

Being able to write your own PR is a definite plus.


21 posted on 12/02/2009 11:08:18 AM PST by Paladin2
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To: TPluth

Just invent some gold-plated BS. Throw in a lot of impressive MBS-speak terms like “paradigm”, “embrace the change” and “process improvement”. Remember that executives rise to the level of their own incompetence so you only have to worry about what your immediate supervisor thinks. No one above him is smart enough to understand what you are doing.


22 posted on 12/02/2009 11:08:38 AM PST by Seruzawa (If you agree with the French raise your hand - If you are French raise both hands.)
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To: TPluth
I can tell by your observations that you will probably be self employed one day. I notice and rebel against this corporate crap everytime I see it. It's the biggest waste of time anyone ever dreamed up, and the fools who are being paid to dream it up should be horsewhipped for wasting countless hours of productive time.

So...I'm pretty much self employed now and slowly going broke, lol. But I guess that is the price to be paid for not being able to put up with such idiocy. I'm hoping hard times will make companies quit being stupid, but I see no signs of it yet.

23 posted on 12/02/2009 11:08:48 AM PST by badbass
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To: TPluth

Oh, BTW, I handed mine in about an hour ago....


24 posted on 12/02/2009 11:08:57 AM PST by Cyber Liberty (Ram "Health Care Reform" down our throats in '09, and we'll ram it up your @ss in '10.)
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To: central_va
and an H1-B will be breathing down your neck soon

Aint' that the truth!

25 posted on 12/02/2009 11:08:59 AM PST by snippy_about_it (Looking for our Sam Adams)
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To: TPluth

Gawd yes. I’m a low-level cog, but the “career development tool” wants me to answer questions like I’m a stinkin’ mid-level manager. I’m not going to “drive innovation” or “create followership”. I’m a trained monkey who pushes a button. It’s a damned joke. But if you knew as many HR people like I have, you would understand exactly how it got that way.


26 posted on 12/02/2009 11:09:21 AM PST by thecabal (Destroy Progressivism)
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To: LiteKeeper; TPluth

As a developer running his own show, I don’t have to deal with that kind of crap.

;-)


27 posted on 12/02/2009 11:09:55 AM PST by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (God punishes Conservatives by making them argue with fools.)
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To: TPluth

My advice: Use Access and Excel to make way cool graphs and charts. Make them pretty.

Worked for me.


28 posted on 12/02/2009 11:10:04 AM PST by Skooz (Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us)
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To: TPluth

oh and p.s. you can do a sarcastic one, just hang it on your frig (providing the boss never comes over) it will make you feel better!! The real “office space” one goes to your boss.


29 posted on 12/02/2009 11:10:10 AM PST by AbolishCSEU
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To: TPluth

I am in the same situation. Not a good time (with the job market what it is) to make waves. I have been writing the same basic performance review for years and have accumulated a nice library of comments. Mix and match new ones every year and when you get a new boss, you can recycle complete reviews.


30 posted on 12/02/2009 11:10:38 AM PST by Energizer45678
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To: the_devils_advocate_666
Just suck it up, play the game, and write down the standard crap. No need to make waves.

Agreed. I just write down what the managers want to hear.

31 posted on 12/02/2009 11:11:09 AM PST by IndyTiger
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To: thecabal

Remember, Adolph Eichmann worked in HR.


32 posted on 12/02/2009 11:12:02 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim (Live jubtabulously!)
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To: TPluth

Professional Development. Get some “alphabet soup” behind your name.

Cletus D. Yokel, CHMM, CECM


33 posted on 12/02/2009 11:12:36 AM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel
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To: sniper63
I have to do the same thing, both for myself and the people that wok for me.

You work in the Chinese food business? :o)

34 posted on 12/02/2009 11:13:04 AM PST by wastedyears (You tell 'em I'm coming, and Hell's coming with me! - Wyatt Earp)
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To: TPluth
Be careful, or this could be your performance review. Read between the lines!

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible

35 posted on 12/02/2009 11:13:43 AM PST by FatherofFive (Islam is an EVIL like no other, and must be ERADICATED. Barack OBORTION is a close second.)
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To: TPluth

I loathe that corporate crap. What I’m seeing is, they’re even starting to make the contract workers (like me) participate in this bs. That used to be one of the perks of BEING contract.....not having to put up with the bs. Things change.


36 posted on 12/02/2009 11:14:05 AM PST by XenaLee
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To: Cletus.D.Yokel
Get some “alphabet soup” behind your name.

I tried to get Tijeras_Slim HMFWIC on my business card...

37 posted on 12/02/2009 11:15:29 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim (Live jubtabulously!)
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To: TPluth
I think I used to work there!

Here's my advice. Play the game. Save the criticisms for your exit interview when you finally escape the place. That's what I did.
38 posted on 12/02/2009 11:17:25 AM PST by grateful
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To: thecabal; All

In a lot of cases, the managers (ie people over you) are just trying to get and gather ideas to put on their OWN performance review form.

Some of the manager level ees are so dense they can’t come up with stuff on their own. At least, that’s been my observation.


39 posted on 12/02/2009 11:17:41 AM PST by XenaLee
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To: Tijeras_Slim

Heterosexual male fat white ... conservative

what’s the ‘I’?


40 posted on 12/02/2009 11:17:42 AM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel
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To: Cletus.D.Yokel

Head Mother ****** Whos In Charge...

Your’s is pretty good too, but not fat (like the name’s not a tip off)


41 posted on 12/02/2009 11:19:13 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim (Live jubtabulously!)
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To: TPluth
"Any thoughts? I wonder if anyone other than my direct manager (who is a joke) even looks at this stuff. I'm thinking of being really sarcastic in my entries, just for the heck of it."

---------------

You asked for thoughts. First, could I ask how old you are, and if you need the job?

If you are over 40, and you need the job, you are a stupid moron for putting anything sarcastic in something that may not be read immediately, but will go into your little file for ready reference later if need be. And I understand that stupid, smart @ss morons usually get fired first. Odd thing that.

If you are under 40, and you don't need the job, best of luck to ya. Sarcasm has always seemed to work out real well for me in the corporate world. /sarc

42 posted on 12/02/2009 11:20:16 AM PST by freedomlover (Make sure you're in love - before you move in the heavy stuff)
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To: TPluth

I am a (retired) human resoruces executive and hated this crap with all of my being. The problem is that common sense, good will and trust has been replaced by management theory, political correctness and social engineering.


43 posted on 12/02/2009 11:20:39 AM PST by yetidog
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To: TPluth

I am a (retired) human resoruces executive and hated this crap with all of my being. The problem is that common sense, good will and trust has been replaced by management theory, political correctness and social engineering.


44 posted on 12/02/2009 11:20:42 AM PST by yetidog
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To: GSWarrior
Been writing my self appraisal at my company every year being here 22 years. Besides the salary decrease we had last year and no increase this year, the self appraisal is such a chore every year. Being positive is the only way to go.....The Emperor has such a lovely suit and I ain't gonna be the one to tell him he is naked!

It is a blessing to be employed. Your post cemented for me that as dull as the process is, staying positive throughout is the only way to go. It is hard I want to tell them where to go....not because of the money. The workplace has become SO volitile in the past year. I do not sleep well. Thanks

45 posted on 12/02/2009 11:20:57 AM PST by Uversabound (Our Military past and present: Our Highest example of Brotherhood of Man & Doing God's Will)
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To: TPluth

First, watch “Office Space” again, then..............


46 posted on 12/02/2009 11:21:10 AM PST by RightOnline
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To: Tijeras_Slim

LOL! Were you watching that History Channel show, “Hitler’s Managers”?


47 posted on 12/02/2009 11:21:10 AM PST by thecabal (Destroy Progressivism)
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To: thecabal

No, just a casual student of history.

Our HR people are so inept they couldn’t cater the Donner Party if you drugged them and duct taped them to a buffet table.


48 posted on 12/02/2009 11:23:41 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim (Live jubtabulously!)
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To: TPluth

Just play the game and make yourself sound like you hung the moon. It’s just an exercise in keeping the yahoos in the H.R. department employed.


49 posted on 12/02/2009 11:23:52 AM PST by OB1kNOb (All FReepers need to pray Psalms 109:8 daily for Barack Obama. (Look it up. I'm serious.))
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To: TPluth

I wouldn’t be sarcastic, and yes I have to do these every year too. The only one I can really give advice on is the human/capital issue. For this one, I generally list any workshops/courses/conferences I would like to attend provided there are funds(with specifics such as how they would help me, cost). Up until this year, I got at least one paid for per year. At the most you have it documented that you are paying attention to what needs to be done for improvement.


50 posted on 12/02/2009 11:24:25 AM PST by PrincessB (The comments written under this section shall not be treated as comments)
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