Posted on 05/03/2010 3:36:07 PM PDT by John Semmens
Overseas, the US Army has banned Burger King, Pizza Hut and Subway food vendors from serving troops stationed in Afghanistan. General Stanley McChrystal characterized the new policy as “aimed at preserving the lives and health of our men in uniform. The cholesterol and salt in the foods served by these vendors are as deadly as the IEDs our soldiers have to face on a daily basis. What good will it do a soldier to dodge the bullets and bombs in Afghanistan only to be felled 40 or 50 years later by heart failure?”
The General dismissed some soldiers’ contentions that “these friendly reminders of home are a real morale booster after a hard day of fighting.” “We can’t put the immature cravings of people barely out of their teens ahead of the advice of nutritional experts,” McChrystal asserted. “Teaching good dietary discipline is every bit as important as anything else we could teach our troops.”
At home, the Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors passed an ordinance prohibiting the inclusion of toys in fast food restaurants’ “Kids’ Meals.”
Board member, Liz Kniss, called the move “a necessary offset to poor parental judgment. Too many parents are failing to demonstrate adequate parenting skills when they let their children consume unhealthy products. This makes it necessary for government to intervene to correct their errors.”
What idiots these people are.
WTF???
Suckered me again. Waaaaaay too close to the truth.
Oops. I didn’t see the source. My bad.
The General has a new title: “Nanny-In-Chief”
Heh. I know it’s satire, but the first thing that came to my mind was “This author needs to try some MREs.”
In that case, they need to be given a Purple Heart every time they consume those foods.
Tort lawyers will soon file a suit to compel a retroactive award of purple hearts.
Congrats!
“. I know it’s satire, but the first thing that came to my mind was “This author needs to try some MREs.””
or c-rats, especially chopped ham and eggs whhich i LOVED cold, or ham and mother-F***ers, which everybody hated.
I would appreciate a designation of what is semi-news and what is semi-satire so I don't go off the deep end over it. Perhaps using SN and SS would help us out?
His posts don't need a banner out front saying THIS IS SATIRE ... that would be like a comedian announcing upfront THIS IS A JOKE COMING UP ... it would kill the whole effect of the joke ...
My point was that for over a year now, the liberal government has made proclamations which were SO far more outrageous than anything John could've come up with, that John's satirical posts almost resembled a direct line-for-line reading of the WH and Congress statements ... not John's fault of course, but why should I read John Semmens satire when I can read the exact same thing in the NYT, for REAL! /laughs
The Dems are trying to upstage you, Mr Semmens ... don't back down, keep up the good work :)
-- MM
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