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DUmmie FUnnies 05-07-10 (Pitt gets a JOB! As a BOUNCER!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 7, 2010 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and Charles Henrickson

Posted on 05/07/2010 6:01:41 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson

Will wonders never cease? Wee Willie Pitt has gotten a JOB! As a BOUNCER, no less! Remember Pitt's Bukowski buddy Ty the Bouncer? Well, Pitt has BECOME Ty the Bouncer! Trust-fund baby, pedagogue, pundit, press secretary, best-selling author, essayist, activist, ditch-stander-inner, indictment-scooper--now add BOUNCER to the résumé! Is there no LIMIT to this man's talents? Read about it here in this THREAD, "Do The Right Thing."

How the mighty have fallen! You see, once upon a time, Our Boy was a rising star in the progressive ranks. Pied Piper to the DUmmies, Wee Willie had attracted quite a following. But then came that fateful Fitzmas Day, May 12, 2006, when Journalist Pitt broke the scoop that the indictment of Karl Rove was already "sealed" and ready to be revealed "within 24 business hours." Well, the clock is still ticking on that one, and Pitt became the laughingstock of the internets. William Rivers Pitt, poster child for failed expectations.

So show some ID and proceed on in, as we enter the nightime domain of Will the Bouncer. Pitt and his pals are in Hand-Stamp Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, is in the [brackets]:

Do The Right Thing

[Do the Write Thing. Please proceed, Will.]

For a number of years, the running joke about me among my friends was that, because I write for a living, I'm a bum.

[Imagine that!]

They didn't really mean it . . .

[ *muffled laughter* ]

and there was definitely a tinge of envy in their voices when they cracked on me about it. . . .

[A tinge of envy, right.]

after all, my commute to work is the 15 feet from my bed to my desk, and wearing pants is entirely optional. . . .

[Please, no word pictures, Will.]

These friends of mine are people who bust their asses for a living, as security guards and in hot restaurant kitchens and in windowless offices and in crowded classrooms and behind bar tops and pedaling bicycle rickshaws filled with inebriated low-tipping tourists back and forth between downtown hotels and Fenway Park. . . .

[Will Pitt, Friend of the Working Man.]

That all changed when the economy got eaten by a bunch of white-collar hedge fund bandits in Washington and New York.

[I see it coming: It's BUSH'S FAULT that Wordsmith Will had to go out and get a real job!]

I stopped hearing the jokes about my profession when my own financial security required I take a second job.

["A second job" = "one real job, far below my station"]

Since nobody anywhere was hiring anyone for anything. . . .

[Translation: Nobody in politics wanted to hire the Laughingstock of Fitzmas.]

I took the best gig I could find, which turned out to be bouncing at a bar.

[Pitt was more used to falling down at a bar than bouncing.]

Several nights a week, I pushed away from my keyboard to stand outside a door on a frigid street in a black shirt and check IDs, throw out drunks and keep the peace, such as it was. The gig also involved hauling out garbage, sweeping up cigarette butts, dumping beer swill buckets, polishing tables and dragging dripping boxes of empty beer bottles out behind the building at the end of the night. The pay wasn't great, and my work on average wasn't done until 4:00 AM. . . .

[Cue world's smallest violin.]

but it was enough to make the difference between eating and not eating, and I've been at it ever since.

[Eating? From your recent pictures, I'd say so!]

The job is as blue-collar as you can get, which is nothing new for me.

[Will Pitt, poet, longshoreman, philosopher. . . .]

I had my first job before I was ten years old . . .

[. . . boring my fifth-grade teacher with my "themes."]

Growing up, I never had less than two jobs. . . .

[That all changed when I turned 25 and started living off the trust fund.]

I've cleaned septic tanks, served ice cream. . . .

[Eewwww on the juxtaposition!]

and for one memorably nightmarish season, sold men's underwear. . . .

[Did the men object to having their underwear sold?]

and then a full-time writer, which I suppose you could define as "no collar" to go along with "no pants."

[No underwear either, I suppose.]

I'd been in my own cushy writing bubble long enough to forget what sore feet and long nights feels like at the end of a week. . . .

[Those several hours spent standing in the ditch in Texas, battling the fire ants--oh, it seems so long ago. . . .]

The best part about my night job is that most everyone who goes there to drink works very, very, very hard for a living.

[Unlike me.]

A great many of them smoke. . . .

[I try to get up close to their clothes and take a whiff.]

and since Boston banned butts in bars. . . .

[Butts in Bars: The Ben Burch Story]

I get to spend a great deal of time talking to the customers out on the sidewalk . . .

[. . . before they run away.]

in a very weird and interesting way, I have become something of an informal pollster on the issues of the day. It is a wildly unscientific process, to be sure, given that the people I "poll" are at least partially if not fully in the bag, and that our conversations tend to last only as long as it takes them to choke a butt. . . .

[Very weird and interesting, Will. . . . *muffled laughter* ]

The short version of my "findings" boils down to this: people are pissed off and scared.

[It would help if you wouldn't talk their ears off, Will.]

They've watched their jobs, futures and family security explode like the Hindenburg . . .

[. . . while Will sails along like Balloon Boy in mid-flight.]

if the politicians who have thus far failed to get this done were on fire in front of them, they wouldn't piss on them to put them out.

[A common image for a bouncer, I guess.]

So, screw my writing, my political analysis and my cushy little no-collar perspective.

[You can do that on your own, Will.]

This is the bouncer talking. . . .

[This is the beer talking. . . .]

This push for financial regulation and reform that's about to happen had better be the real deal, had better have some big sharp teeth, and had better include putting some fat Wall Street fillet-mignon asses in prison . . .

[. . . or you'll have WILL THE BOUNCER to deal with!]

I am here to tell you, the view from the sidewalk is nothing but livid little people. . . .

[Will Pitt, Friend of the Little People.]

I'd say more, but I can't right now. My night job is expecting me.

[Hooray for the night job! . . . Now to the Pitt crew . . .]

You make it live, my dear Will...you make it live.

[DUmmie CaliforniaPeggy, Will Pitt groupie, first in line, and again with the "my dear Will." How many times do we have to tell you, CaliforniaPeggy, Will is now a MARRIED MAN!]

Such vivid, strong writing. . . .

[From such a vivid, strong MAN! . . . Stop it, CaliforniaPeggy!]

Your glimpse of this world is priceless!

[You make the street scene COME ALIVE, my dear Will! So authentic, so gritty!]

Right on, Will Pitt.

[Signed, Will Pitt]

If I could piss gasoline, I'd piss on a few.

[Now playing: Urine Man II]

Well, Pitt....my blue-collar upbringing declares this one of the best pieces you've ever written.

[Tied for first.]

That was "lyrical" to read.

[That was "laughable" to read.]

A beer right now sounds good.

[May I see some ID?]

I think The Bouncer should write a book. A manifesto.

[Das Klientèle: A Bouncer Rubs Shoulders with the Little People]

I've read all of Will Pitt's books. . . .

[So YOU'RE the one!]

I've read all of Will Pitt's books. . . .

[Was this some sort of plea-bargain deal?]

Now if we all would agree on who to piss on maybe we could get something done.

[I see benburch with his hand up. . . .]

I feel the hot breath of financial ruin just behind me.

[That's just Will belching.]

You'll always be our Roadhouse Patrick Swayze!

[You'll always be our Bukowski's Keyser Söze!]

Will Pitt throwing drunks out of a bar?

[Taste the irony!]

I wish I had the guts to write. I remember sending PMs to Will and Larissa A. several years back looking for some advice on a writing career... It was always up to me to just do it, but even necessity is seemingly not enough to break me out of my torpor.

["Torpor"--that's a good start, if you want to become The Next Will Pitt.]

So You are working in the belly of the beast in Bean Town at a 'bar' that can afford to pay for a 'bouncer' sounds real blue collar.

[In the belly of the beast, man! Effin' A! Under the thumb of THE MAN, man! The little man just ain't got no CHANCE, man! Effin' A!]

What about ol' Bump? I had a couple cold ones with him last week. He was tellin me a story about some judge up noth, stole millions out of trust accounts, never did a day in jail. Said even the governor would'nt do nuthin' about it, 'cuz the people complainin' were the wrong sort of folks. Fairbanks, I think he said the judge's name was. And the judge was playin' the stock market with the money, with one of the Wall street big boys.

[Stories from the street. Real life, man.]

His ego is the bouncer on his posts

[Hee! Hee!]

Kick for THE MAN without pants. . . .

[Pantless Will Pitt, Friend of the Angry Drinking Puking Man.]

William, bouncer or teacher, white collar, blue collar or no collar. . . .

[William Pitt, Friend of Collared People.]

I find it disingenuous and tiresome, however, when a college-educated bestselling author picks up a job among the "little people" and then reports back what he's heard and speaks on their behalf.

[William Pitt, Friend of Fraud.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: boston; bouncer; dufu; dummie; dummiefunnies; dummies; job; pitt; williamriverspitt; willpitt
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1 posted on 05/07/2010 6:01:42 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson
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To: PJ-Comix; Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; ...

Follow the bouncing PING!


2 posted on 05/07/2010 6:03:10 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Practicing Pittologist)
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To: Charles Henrickson

1st


3 posted on 05/07/2010 6:09:14 PM PDT by Kaslin (Acronym for OBAMA: One Big Ass Mistake America)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Do you see the sign in the side window? It reads “Dead Authors Club”. What a fantastic reference to Pitt that is...


4 posted on 05/07/2010 6:11:19 PM PDT by bcsco (Obama: Hokus Pokus POTUS)
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To: bcsco

Under 10


5 posted on 05/07/2010 6:13:20 PM PDT by NathanR (,)
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To: Charles Henrickson

TOP 10?


6 posted on 05/07/2010 6:19:05 PM PDT by freedumb2003 (The frog who rides on a scorpion should not be surprised when he last hears "it is my nature.")
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To: Charles Henrickson

Top 10! WooHoo!


7 posted on 05/07/2010 6:25:06 PM PDT by Incorrigible (If I lead, follow me; If I pause, push me; If I retreat, kill me.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

TOP TEN!!


8 posted on 05/07/2010 6:31:02 PM PDT by chesley (Lib arguments are neither factual, logical, rational, nor reasonable. They are, however, creative.)
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To: Charles Henrickson; Roscoe Karns
     
     
    D*mmit, Pitt, quit BS-ing and get back to work!   >>>>>

9 posted on 05/07/2010 6:32:24 PM PDT by mikrofon (Don't forget that bar tab you have here!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

If that is pitt’s Bukowsky’s then it is across from the hotel I was staying at when I had a gig in Boston.

I checked quite a few times and he was never there,

Also, it is a beer bar — no hard booze.


10 posted on 05/07/2010 6:33:17 PM PDT by freedumb2003 (The frog who rides on a scorpion should not be surprised when he last hears "it is my nature.")
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To: Charles Henrickson

Oh lord.

I saw not one whit of blame for the politicians who did this, supported all the way by the left and RINO’s. The government has overspent and overpromised and at the same time pursued anti-business regulations and taxes that were certain to destroy our economy.

We are going to go through what Greece is going through, and there will be no bailouts, even at 18% interest.

William Pitt’s trust fund is drawing a third of a percent in interest and its a pittance he is getting in the mail each month.

lol.

He is, as always, blaming the wrong people.

Look in the mirror liberals.


11 posted on 05/07/2010 6:35:55 PM PDT by GeronL (http://libertyfic.proboards.com << Get your science fiction and fiction test marketed)
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To: freedumb2003

I think he should go back to teaching doe eyed students. He did however call me a flaming ZZZhole to my face 15 years ago.

WRP and I have history.


12 posted on 05/07/2010 6:39:05 PM PDT by MrNeutron1962
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To: Charles Henrickson
and for one memorably nightmarish season, sold men's underwear. . . .

My first job was a buyer of little girls underwear.
I pulled down two hundred a week.

13 posted on 05/07/2010 6:40:25 PM PDT by eddie willers
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To: freedumb2003; PJ-Comix; franksolich
If that is pitt’s Bukowsky’s. . . .

I don't know which is "Pitt's" Bukowski's. There are two of them in Boston.

I don't even know if Pitt is a bouncer *at* Bukowski's. Could be a different bar.

14 posted on 05/07/2010 6:41:01 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Practicing Pittologist)
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To: Charles Henrickson

God, what a navel-gazing twit. Willy could not hold the pencil of a PFC currently serving his/her country in a sand box thousands of miles from home.


15 posted on 05/07/2010 6:45:44 PM PDT by alarm rider (The left will always tell you who they fear the most. What are they telling you now?)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Top 20!


16 posted on 05/07/2010 6:46:05 PM PDT by Ballygrl
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To: Charles Henrickson

That would be enough to get me to quit drinking AND smoking in one fell swoop.


17 posted on 05/07/2010 6:48:17 PM PDT by cripplecreek (Remember the River Raisin! (look it up))
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To: Charles Henrickson

A bouncer where? a health food store? liberals aren’t tough, no way could they break up a fight, and BTW aren’t liberals supposed to love everyone? how right is it that they throw someone out of a bar? afterall that person fighting might of had a miserable childhood and a hard life.


18 posted on 05/07/2010 6:52:40 PM PDT by Ballygrl
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To: mikrofon
and for one memorably nightmarish season, sold soiled men's underwear. . . .

There, fixed it.

19 posted on 05/07/2010 6:53:20 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson ("Soiled vs. Sold")
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To: Ballygrl

BTW Pitt should be celebrating because unemployment is 9.9% and the libs keep telling us the market is great to get a job.


20 posted on 05/07/2010 6:54:36 PM PDT by Ballygrl
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To: Charles Henrickson
WokeUpTwoDogs,OneCat while LOL!!!!

This is a classic Charles!

21 posted on 05/07/2010 7:22:21 PM PDT by investigateworld (Abortion Stops A Beating Heart)
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To: Charles Henrickson

I can’t imagine WR Pitt being any sort of intimidating bouncer. I guess in San Fran the physical requirements for a bouncer are... shall we say... less needful.

Where I come from, and the bars I hang out in... the bouncer needs to be biggest, meanest SOB in the county.


22 posted on 05/07/2010 7:32:00 PM PDT by Ramius (Personally, I give us... one chance in three. More tea?)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I find it disingenuous and tiresome, however, when a college-educated bestselling author picks up a job among the "little people" and then reports back what he's heard and speaks on their behalf.

Darby O'Pitt and the Little People.
23 posted on 05/07/2010 7:33:06 PM PDT by Army Air Corps (Four fried chickens and a coke)
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To: Ramius

Or to quote Roadhouse:

“I thought you’d be bigger.”

“Yeah, I hear that a lot.”


24 posted on 05/07/2010 7:34:27 PM PDT by Ramius (Personally, I give us... one chance in three. More tea?)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Bouncing can be a dangerous job. 'Doorman' is what the job is known as.

I wouldn't willingly confront inebriates at watering holes anywhere, much less a major metro area.

This shouldn't last long.

25 posted on 05/07/2010 7:35:14 PM PDT by The KG9 Kid
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To: Ballygrl
A bouncer where? a health food store? liberals aren’t tough, no way could they break up a fight, and BTW aren’t liberals supposed to love everyone? how right is it that they throw someone out of a bar? afterall that person fighting might of had a miserable childhood and a hard life.

Hey, don't sell Pitt short. Sometimes, there can be a full-on hissy fit of a slap fight at the wine bar and such a confrontation demands the services of a delusional hack writer.
26 posted on 05/07/2010 7:35:52 PM PDT by Army Air Corps (Four fried chickens and a coke)
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To: Charles Henrickson
The gig also involved hauling out garbage, sweeping up cigarette butts, dumping beer swill buckets, polishing tables and dragging dripping boxes of empty beer bottles out behind the building at the end of the night

As opposed to writing garbage, sucking at cigarette butts, swilling beer in buckets, polishing a bald pate and dragging fellow drips into empty discussions all night...

27 posted on 05/07/2010 7:41:53 PM PDT by mikrofon (Bumbles Bounce!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

LOL!!! What maroons they are. Nice job.


28 posted on 05/07/2010 7:42:34 PM PDT by mojitojoe (banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. Thomas Jefferson)
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To: Ramius
I can’t imagine WR Pitt being any sort of intimidating bouncer.

You don't find the Mr. Clean (dressed in black) look intimidating?

Imagine running into THIS outside a bar:

As Count Floyd would say, "Ooh, that's scary!"


29 posted on 05/07/2010 7:46:02 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Will the Bouncer, Scourge of Beantown.)
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To: Ramius; Roscoe Karns; franksolich; PJ-Comix
I guess in San Fran the physical requirements for a bouncer are... shall we say... less needful.

Mother Pitt's Bouncing Baby Boy is located in Boston, not San Fran. That picture of him by the Golden Gate Bridge was from a trip out there, with Poop-Pated Pitt photoshopped in where his girlfriend was.


30 posted on 05/07/2010 7:53:46 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Will the Bouncer, Scourge of Beantown.)
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To: Charles Henrickson; mikrofon; investigateworld

31 posted on 05/07/2010 7:57:41 PM PDT by Roscoe Karns
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To: Charles Henrickson

Pitt is just so annoying, he’s “pitt-i-ful”. Who in their right minds would let that lush work for a bar?


32 posted on 05/07/2010 8:02:30 PM PDT by rdl6989 (January 20, 2013- The end of an error.)
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To: Roscoe Karns

33 posted on 05/07/2010 8:10:38 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Will the Bouncer, Scourge of Beantown.)
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To: mikrofon

34 posted on 05/07/2010 8:11:45 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Will the Bouncer, Scourge of Beantown.)
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To: Roscoe Karns
LOL !!! I suspect this is going to be a FR Classic a la Sporkweasel
35 posted on 05/07/2010 8:17:08 PM PDT by investigateworld (Abortion Stops A Beating Heart)
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To: Army Air Corps

ROTFLMAO!


36 posted on 05/07/2010 8:26:25 PM PDT by Ballygrl
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To: All

Imagine that. Wee Willy slumming. Raven must be so ashamed. Her boy having to do physical labor and mingle with the working class. The horror of it all ! He was destined for much greater things !

What I find hilarious, besides the pictures posted here, is the fact that not only does he pretend to like his new job but he pretends he’s made friends with the patrons. We all know Willie is a snob.

Anybody live near that bar ? Get a pic of him outside so we can see how friendly he really is.


37 posted on 05/07/2010 9:09:38 PM PDT by Busta Rhymes
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To: Charles Henrickson
I've cleaned septic tanks, served ice cream. . . .

Not at the same time, I hope!

38 posted on 05/07/2010 9:33:00 PM PDT by Rainbow Rising (I'm suffering from Obama Fatigue Syndrome. Does Obamacare cover that?)
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To: Roscoe Karns

That is hysterically funny!


39 posted on 05/07/2010 9:35:26 PM PDT by lonevoice (If Fox News is the only outlet reporting it, did it really happen?)
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To: Roscoe Karns

LOL!


40 posted on 05/08/2010 12:10:47 AM PDT by Pinkbell
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To: The KG9 Kid

I’ve been doing this for eight years.

We don’t like to use “the B word” because it implies you regularly need to throw people out. We may have to kick someone out once every two or three weeks and break up a fight every one to two months.

I prefer the term “drunksitter” and the keys are having a really long fuse, really not giving a damn what people say, and being able to calm down drunks at least enough that they don’t decide to be stupid. It helps to be at least decent sized and look like you can handle yourself.

Oh, the people I talk to don’t really give too much of a you-know-what about corporations in general but they can’t *stand* BHO.


41 posted on 05/08/2010 12:51:17 AM PDT by E Rocc (The Census form says to use blue or black ink. Methinks *red* ink is more apropos.)
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To: E Rocc
You have my respect. I haven't touched a drop in ages.

I can't stand to be around drunks.

42 posted on 05/08/2010 1:14:59 AM PDT by The KG9 Kid
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To: Charles Henrickson
To paraphrase an old rat politician..
"I knew Bouncers. And Wee Willie Pitt, you're no Bouncer."

The day that tub of lard could throw a drunk anywhere let alone, out of a bar, is the day pigs fly.

Wait, he could be a Bouncer at a Lesbian Bar...... nah ..... they'd kick his butt too.

43 posted on 05/08/2010 5:01:59 AM PDT by Condor51 (SAT CONG!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

I call B.S. to The Drunkards claim. He far too lazy to actually get a real job. I’m sure Mrs. and Mrs. Pitt can do quite nicely on the trust fund cash. Also I’ve yet to see any bicycle rickshaws anywhere near Fenway Park. If there are any they are taking their lives into there own hands. Traffic around Fenway is lunacy.


44 posted on 05/08/2010 5:38:05 AM PDT by GQuagmire ( We are no longer Massholes)
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To: The KG9 Kid

When dealing with drunks it helps not to be one of them. :)


45 posted on 05/08/2010 9:28:16 AM PDT by E Rocc (The Census form says to use blue or black ink. Methinks *red* ink is more apropos.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Will Pitt...the Charles Bukowski wannabee. And if wants to be like Bukowski, Pitt will have to give up his trust fund.


46 posted on 05/08/2010 7:28:35 PM PDT by PJ-Comix ( Redundancy Can Be Quite Catchy As Well As Contagious)
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To: Condor51
Theeee goriest homicide scene I ever attended was one involving two lesbians - one caught the other cheating and before the lady could UHaul outta there, she was sliced and diced.

Ron Popeil's products couldn't have done any better - and a bump for a classic!

47 posted on 05/09/2010 5:09:02 PM PDT by investigateworld (Abortion Stops A Beating Heart)
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To: investigateworld

And another bump!


48 posted on 05/10/2010 4:05:55 PM PDT by investigateworld (Abortion Stops A Beating Heart)
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To: Charles Henrickson; franksolich; bcsco
DING! DING! DING!

Big news! Big news!

Pied Piper Pitt is NO LONGER listed in the DUmmie Journals section! Is he no longer a member of DUmmieland or did this DUFU by Charles drive him over the edge so he just up and quit? Inquiring minds would like to know. And what do you know about this situation, Frank?

49 posted on 05/10/2010 6:52:56 PM PDT by PJ-Comix ( Redundancy Can Be Quite Catchy As Well As Contagious)
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To: Charles Henrickson; franksolich; bcsco
And now I have found a very cryptic Will Pitt appreciation THREAD. Where is the "over there" the DUmmie was referring to and why was the thread locked?
50 posted on 05/10/2010 6:57:01 PM PDT by PJ-Comix ( Redundancy Can Be Quite Catchy As Well As Contagious)
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