Skip to comments.President Targets Lifestyle Modification
Posted on 06/19/2010 8:14:16 PM PDT by John Semmens
This week President Barack Obama signed an Executive Order establishing the National Prevention, Health Promotion, and Public Health Council. The task of this council will be to monitor the nations health and prescribe the behavior modifications needed to ensure optimal health.
Now that the federal government has taken on the responsibility of ensuring that all persons residing in America will have health insurance it is only fitting that we take aggressive steps to control the cost of this undertaking, the President said. We all know that bad habits are the major cause of preventable illnesses. Individuals who are unable to refrain from these bad habits on their own need our help. And the fiscal solvency of this nation requires that we impose this help where necessary.
An initiative the Council will be asked to consider is a mandate for all employers to institute a mandatory exercise period as part of each work shift. Lack of exercise and sedentary behavior are factors most experts cite as crucial health threats, said US Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius. By making physical exercise part of every workday well kill two birds with one stone.
Sebelius contended that the mandate wont cost us a cent. In fact, itll save us money over the long run. You go to the office and spend your first 30 minutes getting a physical workout at instead of gabbing, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. What used to be wasted time is now used to boost your health. Its a win-win deal.
Jobs that already entail a large component of physical labor will be allowed to apply for waivers, but we will be looking very closely at these to ensure that the right balance of physical activity is still maintained, Sebelius added. Menus at company cafeterias will also be scrutinized to avoid losing the gains from the exercise regimen. Only the most wholesome fare in strictly measured portions will be permitted.
In a show of solidarity, President Obama has pledged to boost his basketball and golf workouts threefold and has limited gala White House dinners to a maximum of one per week.
Will they know it’s semi-satire?
I know this is satire, but I see this ‘logic’ as a means to confiscate firearms. They are ‘unhealthy’!
are you SURE this isn’t for real? I don’t trust them at all not to try this.
Did you forget the Reuters tag?
Resident Zero can blow me; and that is no satire.
It is highly encouraging to me to see Obama tripling his efforts at being better at golf and African handball, seeing how he so miserably fails at all else he touches.
Might not be satire. Still puts a smile on your face.
Another good one John. Thanks once again for the head shakin’ chuckle.
You could use that to ban gays, couldn't you??
That provision got scrubbed out, but don't think it's not coming back.
Otherwise, this was a great half-news/half-satire article! It was just the Ohio legislators that were "for real", not the Obama administrators!
The air space over and the area immediately around Dunkin Donuts, Pizza Hut and Popeye’s Chicken are now under Federal control and immediately off limits. s/c
They try screwin’ around with Taco bell’s fourth meal and it’s ON...
The task of this council will be to monitor the nations health and prescribe the behavior modifications needed to ensure optimal health
Uhm, would that include;
Ministry of Semi Physical Health
Ministry of Semi Family and Genetic Approval
Ministry of Semi Mental Health
Ministry of Semi Physical Exercise
Ministry of Semi Dietary Intake and approval
Ministry Semi Correct Thought
Ministry of Semi Government Consent
Ministry of Semi Travel Authorization
Ministry of Semi Domical and Better Living
The last people you want caring for you, your health or family are the same people that run government departments and have the power to incarcerate you.
No, because gays get offsetting credits for avoiding the health risks related to pregnancy and child birth.
Now that’s good humor;
let’m try it and the revolution is on, starting with every fat frack in government 20lbs over weight and a MBI 26+; and they know who they are, especially the ones who get cost of living increases out of line with the citizenry.
November 6, 2012 - he’ll get a lifestyle modification, to be sure.
On Friday, Playboy offered Sarah Palin $4 million to pose nude in their next issue.
Also on Friday, National Geographic offered Michelle Obama 50 bucks to pose.
That’s $45 too much!!!!!!
Much better satire than Stalin’s “Dizzy with Success” article, although both are about “lifestyle modifications”.
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