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President Targets Lifestyle Modification
A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 18 June 2010 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/19/2010 8:14:16 PM PDT by John Semmens

This week President Barack Obama signed an Executive Order establishing the National Prevention, Health Promotion, and Public Health Council. The task of this council will be to monitor the nation’s health and prescribe the behavior modifications needed to ensure optimal health.

“Now that the federal government has taken on the responsibility of ensuring that all persons residing in America will have health insurance it is only fitting that we take aggressive steps to control the cost of this undertaking,” the President said. “We all know that bad habits are the major cause of preventable illnesses. Individuals who are unable to refrain from these bad habits on their own need our help. And the fiscal solvency of this nation requires that we impose this help where necessary.”

An initiative the Council will be asked to consider is a mandate for all employers to institute a mandatory exercise period as part of each work shift. “Lack of exercise and sedentary behavior are factors most experts cite as crucial health threats,” said US Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius. “By making physical exercise part of every workday we’ll kill two birds with one stone.”

Sebelius contended that the mandate “won’t cost us a cent. In fact, it’ll save us money over the long run. You go to the office and spend your first 30 minutes getting a physical workout at instead of gabbing, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. What used to be wasted time is now used to boost your health. It’s a win-win deal.”

Jobs that already entail a large component of physical labor will be allowed to apply for waivers, “but we will be looking very closely at these to ensure that the right balance of physical activity is still maintained,” Sebelius added. “Menus at company cafeterias will also be scrutinized to avoid losing the gains from the exercise regimen. Only the most wholesome fare in strictly measured portions will be permitted.”

In a show of solidarity, President Obama has pledged to boost his basketball and golf workouts threefold and has limited gala White House dinners to a maximum of one per week.

read more...

http://azconserv1.wordpress.com/2010/06/18/president-defends-delay-in-approach-to-gulf-oil-spill/


TOPICS: Food; Government; Health/Medicine; Humor
KEYWORDS: democrats; diet; exercise; satire

1 posted on 06/19/2010 8:14:16 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Will they know it’s semi-satire?


2 posted on 06/19/2010 8:15:26 PM PDT by Grizzled Bear (Does not play well with others.)
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To: John Semmens

I know this is satire, but I see this ‘logic’ as a means to confiscate firearms. They are ‘unhealthy’!


3 posted on 06/19/2010 8:17:27 PM PDT by bamabound (teach them how to think, not what to think!)
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To: John Semmens

are you SURE this isn’t for real? I don’t trust them at all not to try this.


4 posted on 06/19/2010 8:18:07 PM PDT by tioga
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To: John Semmens

Did you forget the Reuters tag?


5 posted on 06/19/2010 8:21:31 PM PDT by concentric circles
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To: John Semmens

Resident Zero can blow me; and that is no satire.


6 posted on 06/19/2010 8:25:05 PM PDT by clee1 (We use 43 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, and 2 to pull a trigger. I'm lazy and I'm tired of smiling.)
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To: John Semmens

It is highly encouraging to me to see Obama tripling his efforts at being better at golf and African handball, seeing how he so miserably fails at all else he touches.


7 posted on 06/19/2010 8:26:52 PM PDT by bigheadfred (I said free association. Not freely associate.)
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To: clee1
satire

Might not be satire. Still puts a smile on your face.

8 posted on 06/19/2010 8:28:07 PM PDT by bigheadfred (I said free association. Not freely associate.)
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To: John Semmens

Another good one John. Thanks once again for the head shakin’ chuckle.


9 posted on 06/19/2010 8:28:14 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (The Left draws criminals as excrement draws flies. The Left IS a criminal organization.)
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To: John Semmens
“We all know that bad habits are the major cause of preventable illnesses. Individuals who are unable to refrain from these bad habits on their own need our help. And the fiscal solvency of this nation requires that we impose this help where necessary.”

You could use that to ban gays, couldn't you??

10 posted on 06/19/2010 8:31:15 PM PDT by wendy1946
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To: tioga; John Semmens; All
The Ohio Legislature (must've been the House) recently tried to mandate a 30-minute exercise/"recess" period daily for public school kids (although they did provide an "opt-out" possibility) as part of a school funding bill...

That provision got scrubbed out, but don't think it's not coming back.

Otherwise, this was a great half-news/half-satire article! It was just the Ohio legislators that were "for real", not the Obama administrators!

11 posted on 06/19/2010 8:31:46 PM PDT by 88keys (they will pry my salt shaker from my cold dead hands)
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To: Grizzled Bear

The air space over and the area immediately around Dunkin Donuts, Pizza Hut and Popeye’s Chicken are now under Federal control and immediately off limits. s/c


12 posted on 06/19/2010 8:32:57 PM PDT by Mtn Pass
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To: Mtn Pass; Grizzled Bear

They try screwin’ around with Taco bell’s fourth meal and it’s ON...


13 posted on 06/19/2010 8:35:44 PM PDT by bigheadfred (I said free association. Not freely associate.)
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To: John Semmens

The task of this council will be to monitor the nation’s health and prescribe the “…behavior modifications needed to ensure optimal health…”

Uhm, would that include;

Ministry of Semi Physical Health
Ministry of Semi Family and Genetic Approval
Ministry of Semi Mental Health
Ministry of Semi Physical Exercise
Ministry of Semi Dietary Intake and approval
Ministry Semi Correct Thought
Ministry of Semi Government Consent
Ministry of Semi Travel Authorization
Ministry of Semi Domical and Better Living

The last people you want caring for you, your health or family are the same people that run government departments and have the power to incarcerate you.


14 posted on 06/19/2010 8:35:57 PM PDT by ntmxx (I am not so sure about this misdirection!)
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To: John Semmens
Like this sort of life-style?:


15 posted on 06/19/2010 8:37:45 PM PDT by Oceander (The Price of Freedom is Eternal Vigilance -- Thos. Jefferson)
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To: wendy1946

No, because gays get offsetting credits for avoiding the health risks related to pregnancy and child birth.


16 posted on 06/19/2010 8:40:15 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: Mtn Pass

Now that’s good humor;

let’m try it and the revolution is on, starting with every fat frack in government 20lbs over weight and a MBI 26+; and they know who they are, especially the ones who get cost of living increases out of line with the citizenry.


17 posted on 06/19/2010 8:41:34 PM PDT by ntmxx (I am not so sure about this misdirection!)
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To: John Semmens

November 6, 2012 - he’ll get a lifestyle modification, to be sure.


18 posted on 06/19/2010 8:47:20 PM PDT by Wally_Kalbacken
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To: John Semmens

On Friday, Playboy offered Sarah Palin $4 million to pose nude in their next issue.

Also on Friday, National Geographic offered Michelle Obama 50 bucks to pose.


19 posted on 06/19/2010 9:04:39 PM PDT by Rembrandt (.. AND the donkey you rode in on.)
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To: Rembrandt

That’s $45 too much!!!!!!


20 posted on 06/20/2010 2:38:48 PM PDT by Mtn Pass
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To: John Semmens

Much better satire than Stalin’s “Dizzy with Success” article, although both are about “lifestyle modifications”.


21 posted on 06/20/2010 2:47:42 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim (Live jubtabulously!)
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To: Rembrandt

OUCH! LOL


22 posted on 06/20/2010 2:48:56 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim (Live jubtabulously!)
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