Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Homeowner to Be Prosecuted for Shooting at Thieves (Satire)
Semi-News/Semi-Satire | 11 July 2010 | John Semmens

Posted on 07/11/2010 11:43:41 AM PDT by John Semmens

Wheat Ridge, Colorado homeowner, 82-year-old Robert Wallace, has been charged with attempted first degree murder for firing shots at two men who stole his trailer. The thieves—Damacio Torres and Alvara Cardano—have prior arrest records and are suspected of being in the country illegally.

Jefferson County District Attorney, Scott Storey called the shooting completely unjustified. “First of all, at best, Wallace was confronting persons engaged in a property crime. The appropriate response is to let the property be taken. If it can later be located and he can prove it is rightfully his he may get it back. As it turned out, Cardano will carry the scars of his bullet wound on his face the rest of his life.”

“Second, even though Torres and Cardano took the trailer it is not proven that they are thieves. Perhaps they thought it was abandoned property. This is a matter for courts, not Wallace to adjudicate and enforce.”

“Finally, in a broader social context, it’s possible that Torres and Cardano’s need for this vehicle is greater than Wallace’s claim to it. They can’t get jobs if they’re in the country illegally, yet they still need money to live. Until we have comprehensive immigration reform we will continue to be faced with such conundrums.”

Storey hinted that the charges against Wallace might be reduced if “he can work out a mutually agreeable compromise solution with Torres and Cardano. Threatening to ‘throw the book at him’ gives us leverage to encourage him to cooperate along these lines.”

Unmentioned were the statistics that affect the County’s budget for the Prosecutor’s Office. Inducing Wallace to plead to a lesser charge is recorded as a “resolved case.” Trying to prosecute illegal aliens, who likely will skip out before trial, will leave an “unresolved case.” The ratio of resolved to unresolved cases factors into the DA’s performance rating—affecting salaries and overall budget allocations for the next fiscal year.


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics; Travel
KEYWORDS: crime; illegals; justice; notfunny; satire

1 posted on 07/11/2010 11:43:45 AM PDT by John Semmens
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

So is the DA also the defense attorney as well? What a jerk.


2 posted on 07/11/2010 11:49:00 AM PDT by miele man
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Please let me be on one of these jury’s!


3 posted on 07/11/2010 11:49:20 AM PDT by Cheetahcat (Zero the Wright kind of Racist! We are in a state of War with Democrats)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: miele man
So is the DA also the defense attorney as well? What a jerk.

From just under the headline: Semi-News/Semi-Satire.

4 posted on 07/11/2010 11:51:30 AM PDT by bcsco (First there was Slick Willie. Now there's "Oil Slick" Barry...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens
Jefferson County District Attorney, Scott Storey called the shooting completely unjustified. “First of all, at best, Wallace was confronting persons engaged in a property crime.

This DA must be a Democrat.

Wallace was a member of the militia shooting at foreign invaders.


5 posted on 07/11/2010 11:55:21 AM PDT by Uri’el-2012 (Psalm 119:174 I long for Your salvation, YHvH, Your law is my delight.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cheetahcat

i almost fell for this one, lol!


6 posted on 07/11/2010 11:56:08 AM PDT by Tennessean4Bush (An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

I would make them spend their money prosecuting me! Since the man is elderly they probably figure they can intimidate him.


7 posted on 07/11/2010 11:56:08 AM PDT by jerri (Is it over yet?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jerri

satire


8 posted on 07/11/2010 11:56:48 AM PDT by Tennessean4Bush (An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: jerri

Crap, another one I fell for!


9 posted on 07/11/2010 11:57:17 AM PDT by jerri (Is it over yet?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: bcsco

Yeah, I saw that just as I hit the “post” button. Still, how many lawyers and DAs have you heard of who will do this very kind of action? Several.


10 posted on 07/11/2010 11:57:55 AM PDT by miele man
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Tennessean4Bush

lol, this is the second time.


11 posted on 07/11/2010 11:58:02 AM PDT by jerri (Is it over yet?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens
Almost got me on this one. It's getting harder to weed the satire from the news.

/johnny

12 posted on 07/11/2010 11:58:15 AM PDT by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

The DA should be fired. He’s going to try to put an 82 year old man in prison for this?


13 posted on 07/11/2010 11:58:28 AM PDT by popdonnelly (Democrats = authoritarian socialists)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: miele man; John Semmens

Just keep “John Semmens” in the back of your mind. That’s John’s method of writing.


14 posted on 07/11/2010 12:00:10 PM PDT by bcsco (First there was Slick Willie. Now there's "Oil Slick" Barry...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Satire. I wouldn’t use real names and real events like this.


15 posted on 07/11/2010 12:05:24 PM PDT by Bryan24 (When in doubt, move to the right..........)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JRandomFreeper

That’s because the story is basically true. I just embellished it a bit.


16 posted on 07/11/2010 12:07:11 PM PDT by John Semmens
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: Morgan in Denver

Who is this clown


17 posted on 07/11/2010 12:11:22 PM PDT by rodguy911 ( Sarah 2012!!! Home of the free because of the brave.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: rodguy911; Morgan in Denver

busted its a joke


18 posted on 07/11/2010 12:12:40 PM PDT by rodguy911 ( Sarah 2012!!! Home of the free because of the brave.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Unfortunately this is much closer to news than satire.


19 posted on 07/11/2010 12:14:10 PM PDT by devere
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Unfortunately, it sounds like the truth to me, John.


20 posted on 07/11/2010 12:15:22 PM PDT by ViLaLuz (2 Chronicles 7:14)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Bryan24
Satire. I wouldn’t use real names and real events like this.

Let us know when you start writing, I love made up names and events.

21 posted on 07/11/2010 12:18:36 PM PDT by tx_eggman (Liberalism is only possible in that moment when a man chooses Barabas over Christ.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

If you’d mark the title “sarcasm” I wouldn’t have to waste time with these.

I like humor but I don’t like dead alleyways when reading news.


22 posted on 07/11/2010 12:19:43 PM PDT by Larry Lucido (You can evade reality, but you cannot evade the consequences of evading reality. ~Ayn Rand)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

You know it took me until the fourth paragraph to realize it was satire.


23 posted on 07/11/2010 12:34:28 PM PDT by sanjoaquinvalley (Longtime Lady Lurker)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: rodguy911

Actually, if you lived here something close to this is happening. An 82 year old man shot at a truck that tried to run him down. The guys had a stolen trailer, belonging to the man, and they got away. One perp dropped one guy off at the hospital, with a bullet wound. Turns out these guys had robbed him before too.

Long story short, the bad guys are illegals and the prosecutor is now filling 8 counts of attempted murder against the old man. The illegals? They told the court they promised to stay out of trouble and were released.

Only in America and only with dumb assed politicians. Oh yeah, the prosecutor is a Republican. Go figure.


24 posted on 07/11/2010 12:52:13 PM PDT by Morgan in Denver (Democrats: the law of unintended consequences in action.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

John, today I got an email ‘forward’ with a rant about Obama’s disregard for flag etiquette......I Snoped it up to show the sender, and was tickled to see that the “source” was John Semmens.


25 posted on 07/11/2010 12:59:38 PM PDT by ErnBatavia (It's not the Obama Administration....it's the "Obama Regime".)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tennessean4Bush
i almost fell for this one, lol!

The incident itself is real, and was posted earlier. The older gentleman is indeed still facing charges for shooting them, and not just at them, he hit one of them in the face.

It would have been a "good shoot" in Texas. Grand Jury would return a "No Bill" and that would be that for the guy defending his property.

26 posted on 07/11/2010 2:07:23 PM PDT by El Gato ("The second amendment is the reset button of the US constitution"-Doug McKay)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens
At first I thought "somebody posted that story again ???

But then, he-he!

27 posted on 07/11/2010 2:09:08 PM PDT by smokingfrog ( - Eccl. 10:18 -)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: miele man

The first paragraph is neither fiction nor satire.

Here is the thread for the real news story about the old man being prosecuted for shooting at the thieves.
28 posted on 07/11/2010 2:13:34 PM PDT by PapaBear3625 (Public healthcare looks like it will work as well as public housing did.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: El Gato

Please send me a link to the real story.


29 posted on 07/11/2010 2:30:36 PM PDT by Tennessean4Bush (An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: Tennessean4Bush

PapaBear already did, but here it is again.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2550548/posts


30 posted on 07/11/2010 4:59:10 PM PDT by El Gato ("The second amendment is the reset button of the US constitution"-Doug McKay)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 29 | View Replies]

To: PapaBear3625

Thank you for the link to the truth. Obviously, my reaction is justified as is the similar and logical reaction of normal, law abiding citizens. The DA is still a jerk and probably holding this office for the last time.


31 posted on 07/11/2010 5:31:13 PM PDT by miele man
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 28 | View Replies]

To: El Gato

Yeah, I saw it just after I asked you. Read it. Still cannot believe it. The world is going crazy.


32 posted on 07/11/2010 7:08:40 PM PDT by Tennessean4Bush (An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 30 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson