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The Great Reveal - total vanity (rant?)
09/02/2010 | HushTX aka Devon W

Posted on 09/02/2010 1:17:54 PM PDT by HushTX

This weekend I'm going out of town to visit family. First we're going to see my wife's side of the family, and following that we're going to see my parents and younger sisters. Part of me is looking forward to this, part of me is dreading it.

I will be telling both sides of the family that I am joining the Army. Seems like a good thing, right?

Here's the problem: My wife and I have decided that she will be moving and taking a job near her family. This means giving up her current job and taking a $10K a year pay cut from what she makes now. This decision was made entirely because I will be gone for an undetermined amount of time- I haven't signed yet, so don't know how long AIT and such will be- and this will be the first time in her life she will be living on her own. I want her to have family around so she has a good support network. Unfortunately, her father learned about her plan to take a different job with a pay cut, but does NOT know it is because I am going into the military. As you might expect, he came unglued. I can understand. If we were just moving and losing 10K a year that would seem insane, especially given the state of the economy.

I had hoped to have my contract signed already and be on DEP so that this weekend could be a positive reveal, a nice surprise that most of the family will respect and be excited about. Instead, it has turned into something negative because of the drama that has ensued. Bring on the curse of the in-laws, I guess.

On the other hand, I have no idea how my parents are going to react. I expect them to be supportive, since I almost joined the Army quite a few years ago. Circumstances led me down a different path, but I've decided to finally finish what I started. I think they will understand, but even if they don't it's my life. Still, I wanted to make it a nice occasion.

In any event, look back to what I said about my wife's father. I know he is very pro-military, and I think he would normally accept and support this. However, I am dreading this weekend's gathering because he is so livid over the whole mess, due to having only half the story. HOW this happened, I am not sure, but that's irrelevant. All I know is that this man is not known for his patience or his tolerance, or his ability to keep his cool. I know he has a great deal of passion when it comes to taking care of his family, and I know right now he sees this as an irresponsible and STUPID step, and is probably cursing my name for putting his daughter in such a bad position. Honestly, though, while she will be taking a $10K a year cut, together our annual income will increase because of my enlistment, my educational opportunities (that I have been struggling with) will improve, and I will finally be able to satisfy my desire to serve.

I don't know what I am looking for with this post. Maybe advice on how to handle it. Maybe input from fathers who have had daughters in similar situations, or husbands who have gone through similar. Maybe all I need is a "go get 'em, Tiger" from my fellow FReepers, whose support and fellowship I have always valued. Maybe I just needed to get this off my chest and am fine with nobody giving a damn.

All I really know is that this is going to be one damn wacky weekend, and if things go south it's going to make basic training seem like a paradise in my mind's eye. Man... I really hate family gatherings.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Military/Veterans
KEYWORDS:
Thanks for humoring me with this post. Pax.
1 posted on 09/02/2010 1:17:58 PM PDT by HushTX
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To: Ajnin

Update for you bro.

Gimme a call this week so I can fill you in on the details.


2 posted on 09/02/2010 1:19:54 PM PDT by HushTX (Numbers 11:18-20)
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To: HushTX

WHY?
What are you going in for?
Meaning what type of job are they promising you?


3 posted on 09/02/2010 1:24:06 PM PDT by Joe Boucher ((FUBO) ")
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To: HushTX

Why do you want to join the Army? You do know that Muslim Brotherhood and other Islamics have infiltrated the entire govt, military, Pentagon and are leaking intel to Al Qeada and the Taliban on how to kill our troops more effectively.

All of TV supports Obama. I would not be joining they army when a m**lim is in control.


4 posted on 09/02/2010 1:26:00 PM PDT by Frantzie (Imam Ob*m* & Democrats support the VICTORY MOSQUE & TV supports Imam)
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To: HushTX

You have to do what YOU want, and what you think is right. I get along well with my in-laws, but in the early years of our marriage, I based some of my decisions on what my family thought. Now, I do what I think is right. Life is a never ending learning experience. You’ll make good decisions and bad decisions. If they are bad, the good thing about them is that they are learning experiences that you’ll profit from later on. Go with what your gut tells you. Good luck.


5 posted on 09/02/2010 1:26:30 PM PDT by Born Conservative ("I'm a fan of disruptors" - Nancy Pelosi)
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To: HushTX

Two things....

1) you can’t pick your family

2) thanks in advance for your service to our country!


6 posted on 09/02/2010 1:27:52 PM PDT by Reddy (B.O. stinks)
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To: HushTX

Sometimes it isn’t good timing to see relatives. Tell them you think your wife brought home the flu from work.


7 posted on 09/02/2010 1:29:49 PM PDT by Dem Guard (Islam is using religion like a Trojan Horse against us.)
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To: HushTX
I enjoyed that you let us into your life and asked our opinions. If others complain this is not the place for that, so what. FReepers often like to help other FReepers even with personal situations.

I congratulate you on your decision to join the military and wish you Blessings and God Speed.

As to your family situation. Can you email your father in law first and explain the situation to him? Sometimes it is easier to put it in writing and he can read it and there would be no face to face confrontation.

That would also help you test the waters, so to speak, and know what you should be prepared for, actually. You might end up nicely surprised.

If no emailing is possible...go there wrapped in a flag or the most patriotic get up you can muster. Dress like Uncle Sam or something. But something that would initiate a comment and questions from the other relatives about why you dressed that way. (Not just wearing a red shirt and blue pants but a real patriotic costume type outfit)

Then, you can reply to the family that you are dressed the way you are...because...and tell them about your enlistment plans. That should get you a lot of support and probably even the father in law would be softened and caught off guard and not going to make any nasty remarks about the daughter's job change. Just a thought, anyway. Good Luck.

8 posted on 09/02/2010 1:29:52 PM PDT by CitizenM ("Do you miss me yet?" Yes, George, we do.)
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To: Joe Boucher

The Army under Obama means you are a MUCH bigger target, you cannot shoot back, you have mu*l*ms in the ranks who want to kill you, mu*l*ims in the intelligence part of the former USA leaking intel to the Taliban and Al qeada to kill our troops.

Keep watching TV folks cause they keep serving up 24x7 propaganda. I support the military 100% but the islamics want to make sure as many of our troops get killed as possible.

I think the UK got better because they kicked out the labour party and intel leaks to the enemy stopped. Not in the islamoUSA. Our poor kids are being pawned.


9 posted on 09/02/2010 1:30:48 PM PDT by Frantzie (Imam Ob*m* & Democrats support the VICTORY MOSQUE & TV supports Imam)
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To: HushTX; pax_et_bonum
Pax.

Courtesy ping!

10 posted on 09/02/2010 1:31:40 PM PDT by humblegunner (Pablo is very wily)
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To: HushTX

How old are you?

Is there some overriding reason you have to do this right this second rather than wait a couple of years for a hopefully better economy?

I admire your desire to serve, but this REALLY doesn’t seem like the right time to give up ANY stable job, let alone take a $10,000 hit in the bargain.


11 posted on 09/02/2010 1:32:36 PM PDT by JennysCool (My hypocrisy goes only so far)
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To: HushTX
The in-laws would likely view this more positively if you had solid, long-term plans for your career.

I'm assuming you and your wife are in your early 20s or so.

Do you plan to make the military your career? (Don't dismiss this...I only did 4 years...if I had stayed in, I could have been drawing retirement and benefits in my 40s...I kick myself daily for not having done so.)

If you don't plan to stay in (or even if you do), is your M.O.S. in a field that you can use in civilian life?

Let them know (and make the commitment to yourself) that you will be using the education benefits, both while you are in and after you get out, to their fullest extent.

If they see that you both are making serious, well thought-out, future-conscious decisions for your life and that of your wife, it will be easier to accept.

12 posted on 09/02/2010 1:33:55 PM PDT by Washi
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To: HushTX

Your FReep page says you’re 29.

So why are you acting like a scared little kids - all worried about the approval of your parents and hers?

Sorry - I don’t mean to be unkind here - but you’re making a man’s decisions - and good for you! - so don’t get your knickers in a knot over what the parents may say.


13 posted on 09/02/2010 1:35:36 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd (PALIN/MCCAIN IN 2012 - barf alert? sarc tag? -- can't decide)
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To: JennysCool

@Jenny,

I would generally agree with you.

HOWEVER, I have been struggling with MY work situation for some time now. I have been struggling with my education, as in finishing my degree, and as such any job worth a darn has been out of reach for some time. The one opportunity I thought would work out fell through.

So, enlisting now is actually going to IMPROVE our finances. We will effectively be doubling our income once my pay begins. Additionally, while my wife is working, the department in which she works is up for review by the state, and there is always the chance that it will not be approved in the budget and cuts will have to be made. There’s no guarantee she’ll have anything at that point.

Hope that clears that issue up.


14 posted on 09/02/2010 1:37:51 PM PDT by HushTX (Numbers 11:18-20)
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To: JennysCool

How old are you?

____________________________

I wondered the same thing. So I checked his FReep page. He’s 29.

Hard to believe, huh?


15 posted on 09/02/2010 1:37:57 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd (PALIN/MCCAIN IN 2012 - barf alert? sarc tag? -- can't decide)
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To: HushTX

At your age I would only join the air force and only as an officer candidate. Just my opinion.


16 posted on 09/02/2010 1:37:59 PM PDT by ThisLittleLightofMine
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To: HushTX
Your recruiter could not tell you how long your AIT is????

Example - Infantry - 13 weeks for Basic and AIT. Not really that long a time period and NO reason for your wife to quit her job...

17 posted on 09/02/2010 1:39:39 PM PDT by 2banana (My common ground with terrorists - they want to die for islam and we want to kill them)
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To: humblegunner
Pax.

Courtesy ping!


LOL, sorry... I sign a lot of my personal messages Pax, as in peace. It's a habit I picked up from one of the priests at our parish.
18 posted on 09/02/2010 1:39:50 PM PDT by HushTX (Numbers 11:18-20)
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To: Frantzie

Alright Jane Fonda, we all hear you, America sucks and no one should enlist.

Are you saying that the only reason that you served was because of who the President was?


19 posted on 09/02/2010 1:40:24 PM PDT by ansel12
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To: HushTX; pax_et_bonum

No worries.
Pax used to post here and I remain pretty fond of her.

Just humor.


20 posted on 09/02/2010 1:42:53 PM PDT by humblegunner (Pablo is very wily)
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To: Washi

I am 29. She is 31.

I am hoping this will result in a long term career. I will, however, be holding out for assignment to an MOS that offers training that can be used outside the military as well. Ideally, I will do well enough on the Defense Language Aptitude Battery that I can attend the Defense Language Institute, which will increase my opportunities in both the military and civilian sectors.

My education has always been paramount, though is not a sole motivation for enlistment. It is simply one part of my life plan that I am simply NOT achieving as things stand, and will be able to achieve while fulfilling my desire to serve in the military. Two birds, one high velocity round.


21 posted on 09/02/2010 1:43:01 PM PDT by HushTX (Numbers 11:18-20)
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To: ansel12

You are a really stupid person or a troll. I am not Jane Fonda but you have a govt unlike anything America ever has. The goal for the islamics is to get as many American troops killed as possible. Would I join when the entire intelligence community has been compromised and is helping the enemy? No. You really have no clue what is going on.


22 posted on 09/02/2010 1:44:42 PM PDT by Frantzie (Imam Ob*m* & Democrats support the VICTORY MOSQUE & TV supports Imam)
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To: HushTX

Give the guy a chance is my advice. You might be surprised.


23 posted on 09/02/2010 1:45:09 PM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: Frantzie
The Army under Obama means you are a MUCH bigger target, you
cannot shoot back, you have mu*l*ms in the ranks who want
to kill you, mu*l*ims in the intelligence part of the
former USA leaking intel to the Taliban and Al qeada to kill our troops.

We should just scrap our Military then, huh?

I'll shoot my oldest son an email and tell him to desert.

Bugger off, hosebag.

24 posted on 09/02/2010 1:46:18 PM PDT by humblegunner (Pablo is very wily)
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To: HushTX

Thanks for that, and lots of good luck to you!


25 posted on 09/02/2010 1:46:32 PM PDT by JennysCool (My hypocrisy goes only so far)
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To: Frantzie

Who was President when you enlisted?


26 posted on 09/02/2010 1:47:37 PM PDT by ansel12
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To: HushTX

Trying to get an education while in the military is not very easy. Good luck.


27 posted on 09/02/2010 1:47:55 PM PDT by Terry Mross (o)
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To: Frantzie
Would I join when the entire intelligence community has been compromised
and is helping the enemy? No. You really have no clue what is going on.

Brilliant. We don't need any Military anyway.

Let's all just bend over and get shagged by the folks that hate us.

Since the Military doesn't meet your standards, what good is it?

Let's just give up. The hell with it all, right?

28 posted on 09/02/2010 1:50:47 PM PDT by humblegunner (Pablo is very wily)
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To: Frantzie
Would I join when the entire intelligence community has been compromised and is helping the enemy?

My husband is MI and I can assure you that the entire intelligence community is not compromised and helping the enemy.

I do get your general point and things have been a bit harder with the new CIC; however, overall, military life is as it's always been.

Right now, I'm thankful that my husband has job security. We have faith in our commanders and they're executing our CIC's ridiculous plans in the best possible way.

I think that part of the reason we're doing well right now is that we're used to being undermined by our press and leftist officeholders. Now that it's the current administration doing the undermining, we're just biding our time. He'll leave and our servicemembers will still be here, doing what they always do - faithfully serving our country.

29 posted on 09/02/2010 1:51:45 PM PDT by Marie (Obama seems to think that Jerusalem has been the capital of Israel since Camp David, not King David)
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To: humblegunner

I pray for your son and all of the troops. But the simple fact is we’re at war with islam while we’re allowing them to join our military. What would have happened during WWII if we’d have allowed Nazis to join? Or the Viet Nam war if we’d allow the Viet Cong to join?

The way it is today if your son suspects a muslim of planning something and reports it it’ll be your son standing before a court martial. Not the muslim.

Tell you son to desert? Never! Tell your son I said “Thank you.” And tell him to be alert.


30 posted on 09/02/2010 1:52:08 PM PDT by Terry Mross (o)
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To: HushTX

Here’s my two cents. You can’t please everyone. As long as you and your wife have made this decision as the best one for you and your family, then it shouldn’t really matter what they think. You are the head of your household, not her Father. Although it’s always nice to have the blessing of family, it’s not necessary. You seem like a fine man. I hope this all works out for you. God Bless you.


31 posted on 09/02/2010 1:53:12 PM PDT by Hildy
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To: Responsibility2nd
I wondered the same thing. So I checked his FReep page. He’s 29.

Gee, thanks. I'll assume you've never run something by people you respect just to discuss it and get your head wrapped around it.

I'll be clear: The decision is made. All parts have been decided. My wife and I are handling our business, and nobody is going to dictate to us how to do that. However, there is a great deal of frustration attached to the situation due to crossed lines of communication, and being that I have not been faced with this sort of situation before, I thought it worth the while to express it in a forum of individuals who might have some insight.

Discussion of a delicate topic is not the same as acting like a "scared kid." I am inclined to believe that it shows a maturity and sense of self that I am strong enough to open this up to criticism and insight, and to acknowledge that I do NOT have all the answers and may be able to learn from someone else.

Please do not take this blunt statement as any form of insult, because it is not, but frankly I don't give a damn if you or anyone else approve of my opening this up to discussion. Even the most sure footed individual has to check his footing at times. Even Christ had a moment where he struggled with the choice He faced, and I am much less of a man than Christ. So, with all due respect, if your only contribution is to call me childish because I value the discussion of my fellow FReepers, you may wish to find a liberal to target with your insults, because they'll be more responsive.

To everyone else, thank you for the input. I am actually surprised at the number of responses, and am honored by the support. I'll let you folks know how this goes, and once everything is finalized I will tell those who are interested about the details.

Cheers!
32 posted on 09/02/2010 1:53:46 PM PDT by HushTX (Numbers 11:18-20)
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To: Marie

Welcome to Texas! And thank your husband for me and thank you to you and your kids. You’re serving, too.


33 posted on 09/02/2010 1:54:30 PM PDT by Terry Mross (o)
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To: ThisLittleLightofMine

I am outside the age requirement for the Air Force. Luckily, I meet the age requirement for the Army, and am interested in that branch anyhow.

My plan is to serve as an enlisted soldier, work towards my degree and once that is finished pursue an opportunity of commission.


34 posted on 09/02/2010 1:55:30 PM PDT by HushTX (Numbers 11:18-20)
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To: HushTX

HTX, you’re making a good move. Military life is a tought life, but you’ll get much more out of it than you can imagine. Getting an education while in the military is easier than it’s ever been. My husband is currently working for his BA. (He plans on finishing up during his next deployment to Afghanistan.) There are online classes and, in a few years, all that military experience will translate into college credits.

Moving your wife closer to family is a great move. She’s going to need their support over the next few years. For me, the hardest parts were the PCS moves. It was always easier when I was able to go home for a few months with the kids and let my husband close things out in the old place and set things up in the new.

Do you two have children? If not, do you plan to?


35 posted on 09/02/2010 1:56:54 PM PDT by Marie (Obama seems to think that Jerusalem has been the capital of Israel since Camp David, not King David)
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To: HushTX

Great reply.

Even if it was directed to me.

Now. Take that same approach to the parents (if needed) and you’ll be fine.

And again - congrats on your decision.


36 posted on 09/02/2010 1:59:03 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd (PALIN/MCCAIN IN 2012 - barf alert? sarc tag? -- can't decide)
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To: Terry Mross

Thank you for the support!

My husband insisted that I hang up all of my “certificates of Appreciation” and my “Achievement Medal for Civilian Service” this morning. “You served, too!”

It’s good to see that others understand that families sacrifice as well as the soldiers! lol!


37 posted on 09/02/2010 1:59:21 PM PDT by Marie (Obama seems to think that Jerusalem has been the capital of Israel since Camp David, not King David)
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To: Marie

We do not have children. We want children, but our rocky and incredibly unstable financial situation over the past few years has prevented us from trying. We haven’t tried not to, mind you, as we believe that if God wants us to have kids, we’re going to have kids, but we certainly haven’t been attempting it.

I grew up as a foreign service kid, the son of a former Marine who went to work for the civil service. We moved quite a bit, so I know how to handle that. I believe it did me a great deal of good, and I think what children God blesses us with will benefit from my service as much as I will benefit from the opportunity.

The pay cut she will take from leaving her current job and taking the job “down there” will be minimal compared to the benefits of being so close to her sister and extended family. I never anticipated valuing her family quite the way I do, but over the years I have pretty much dropped the “in-law” bit when speaking about them. That is one reason this resonates so strongly with me. Besides, with the whole PCS issue, giving her time to be close to family while I am away at training is a big deal.

We’re going broke trying to get my education finished. We simply cannot afford it as things stand. Even with the financial aid I am eligible for, all the stupid rules and regulations about aid and the ridiculous application of “affirmative action” in education has screwed us and I’m between a rock and a hard place. I see nothing but potential for us with this “new” course.

That doesn’t make it any less frustrating that things spiraled out of control, though.


38 posted on 09/02/2010 2:04:15 PM PDT by HushTX (Numbers 11:18-20)
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To: Responsibility2nd

LOL, I’m going to go ahead and pretend you intended to get that reaction out of me so you could make that very point.

Well played, my FRiend.


39 posted on 09/02/2010 2:05:53 PM PDT by HushTX (Numbers 11:18-20)
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To: HushTX

LOL, I’m going to go ahead and pretend you intended to get that reaction out of me so you could make that very point.

__________________________________________

Nahhh. Go with your first instincts - that I’m a know-it-all jerk.

:)


40 posted on 09/02/2010 2:08:11 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd (PALIN/MCCAIN IN 2012 - barf alert? sarc tag? -- can't decide)
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To: Marie

Sometimes I think the families suffer more. The troops have “3 hots and a cot” everyday. (Of course those on mission only have the hard ground to sleep on.) But the family sometimes worries about the grocery bill. When I was in the Navy’s attitude was “If the Navy wanted you to have a wife it would have issued you one.”


41 posted on 09/02/2010 2:11:13 PM PDT by Terry Mross (o)
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To: Terry Mross
Sometimes I think the families suffer more. The troops have “3 hots and a cot” everyday. (Of course those on mission only have the hard ground to sleep on.) But the family sometimes worries about the grocery bill. When I was in the Navy’s attitude was “If the Navy wanted you to have a wife it would have issued you one.”

Why get into the past, the current military pays very well, and married is the normal status of a modern soldier.

42 posted on 09/02/2010 2:24:42 PM PDT by ansel12
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