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How to Tell A Witch
Vanity

Posted on 09/19/2010 8:41:14 AM PDT by mnehring

Mahar: We have found a witch, may we burn her?

Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!

Freeper: But how do you *know* she is a witch?
Mahar: She looks like one!
Other Mahars: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
Freeper: Bring her forward.

(O’Donnell is pushed through the crowd of Mahars to the platform. She is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her face on top of her nose, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks funny because her nose is closed by the carrot.)


O’Donnell: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
Freeper: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
O’Donnell: THEY dressed me up like this.
Mahars: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
O’Donnell: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!

(Freeper lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is in

fact rather small.)


Freeper: Well?
One Mahar: Well, we did do the nose.
Freeper: The nose?
Mahar: And the Hat. But she's a witch!
Mahars: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
FREEPER: Did you dress her up like this?
Mahars: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
One Mahar: yes.
Mahars: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
Another Mahar: (hopefully) She has got a wart...
FREEPER: What makes you think she is a witch?
Mahar: Well, She turned me into Newt!!

(pause)


Freeper: Newt?

(long pause)

Mahar: I got better...


Mahars: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
FREEPER: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIETA There are ways of *telling* whether she is a witch!
Mahars: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us!
FREEPER: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
FREEPER: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Mahar: More Witches!
Other Mahar: Ballots.
FREEPER: So. Why do witches burn?

(long silence)

(shuffling of feet by the Mahars)


Mahar: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....Ballots?

FREEPER: Goooood!
Other Mahars: oh yeah... oh....
FREEPER: So. How do we tell whether she is made of Ballots?
One Mahar: Try to steal an election out of 'er!

FREEPER: Aah. But can you not also steal elections with machines?
Mahars: oh yeah. oh. umm...
FREEPER: Do Ballots sink in water?
One Mahar: No! No, no, it floats!
Other Mahar: Throw her into the pond!
Mahars: yaaaaaa!

(when order is restored)


FREEPER: What also floats in water?
Mahar: Bread!
Another Mahar: Apples!
Another Mahar: Uh...very small rocks!
Another Mahar: Cider!
Another Mahar: Uh...great gravy!
Another Mahar: Cherries!
Another Mahar: Mud!
Another Mahar: Churches! Churches!
Another Mahar: Lead! Lead!
Jim Robinson: Pelosi’s Face!

Mahars: (in amazement) ooooooh!
FREEPER: exACTly!
FREEPER: (to a Mahar) So, *logically*...
Mahar: (very slowly, with pauses between each word) If... she.. .weighs the same as a Pelosi’s Face...... she's made of Ballots.
FREEPER: and therefore...

(pause)


Mahar: A Witch!
All Mahars: A WITCH!

(they do consequently weigh her across from a Pelosi’s Face on Freeper's largest scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the Pelosi’s Face.)

O’Donnell: It's a fair cop.


TOPICS: Humor; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: mahar; odonnell; vanity

1 posted on 09/19/2010 8:41:15 AM PDT by mnehring
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To: mnehring

Do you have to tell a witch anything—or does she just know?


2 posted on 09/19/2010 8:42:10 AM PDT by 9YearLurker
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To: mnehring
omg you should get at least Post of The Year, Most Creative, for this.
3 posted on 09/19/2010 8:44:37 AM PDT by the invisib1e hand
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To: Vision; MotleyGirl70; sauropod; gondramB; Loud Mime; sneakers; toomanygrasshoppers; jasoncann; ...

Idunno how many of you still exist but such as do, gotta see this...


4 posted on 09/19/2010 8:45:49 AM PDT by the invisib1e hand
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To: mnehring

Witch?... That would be Helen Thomas.. or Barb Streisand.. its all in the NOSE..


5 posted on 09/19/2010 8:48:16 AM PDT by hosepipe (This propaganda has been edited to include some fully orbed hyperbole....)
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To: mnehring

6 posted on 09/19/2010 8:48:16 AM PDT by paulycy (Demand Constitutionality: Islamo-Marxism is Evil.)
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To: mnehring; Jim Robinson
ROFLMAO!

This one deserves to be in the FR Hall of Fame, if there is one.

7 posted on 09/19/2010 8:49:38 AM PDT by justlurking (The only remedy for a bad guy with a gun is a good WOMAN (Sgt. Kimberly Munley) with a gun)
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To: mnehring

Hilarious!


8 posted on 09/19/2010 8:50:23 AM PDT by rabidralph
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To: All

What can I say, let’s not try to figure out the Dem’s mind, tis a silly place.


9 posted on 09/19/2010 8:50:56 AM PDT by mnehring
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To: mnehring

Tell me again Sir Bedevere, how to make ships sails out of lamb’s bladders.


10 posted on 09/19/2010 8:51:55 AM PDT by sauropod (The truth shall make you free but first it will make you miserable.)
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To: mnehring

11 posted on 09/19/2010 8:52:04 AM PDT by warpsmith (Any commas, trademark Meghan McCain, all rights, reserved.)
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To: mnehring

Well done!


12 posted on 09/19/2010 8:52:09 AM PDT by humblegunner (Pablo is very wily)
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To: warpsmith
So, Hermine Emma grew up! ... I feel so old
13 posted on 09/19/2010 9:00:01 AM PDT by MHGinTN (Morg, believing they cannot be deceived, it's nye impossible to convince them when they're deceived.)
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To: mnehring

Good post. Maher is a rodent.


14 posted on 09/19/2010 9:02:47 AM PDT by Joe 6-pack (Que me amat, amet et canem meum)
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To: mnehring

Wow! The “Witch” scene is a comedy classic, and you did a great job with this post. Thank you.


15 posted on 09/19/2010 9:04:41 AM PDT by ReluctantDragon
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To: mnehring
I sent a pail of newts with my donation, so she can cast a spell on Coons.

Until November 3, we're all witches.

16 posted on 09/19/2010 9:06:22 AM PDT by Jim Noble (If the answer is "Republican", it must be a stupid question.)
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To: mnehring

Hey Baby... Your Pentagram or mine? *wink*

17 posted on 09/19/2010 9:09:08 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (III, Alarm and Muster)
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To: mnehring

Hey, come on! FReepers are stodgy “regressives”. They’re not supposed to be bitten by the Python! ;-)


18 posted on 09/19/2010 9:26:31 AM PDT by rockrr ("I said that I was scared of you!" - pokie the pretend cowboy)
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To: mnehring
Post needs pictures!

19 posted on 09/19/2010 9:28:14 AM PDT by Kartographer (".. we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.")
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To: mnehring

Here are some witches for you. But, I don’t think you wil want to burn though.

http://www.oakgroveconservatives.com/ogc.html


20 posted on 09/19/2010 10:02:31 AM PDT by bilhosty (Don' t tax people tax newsprint)
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To: mnehring

I wish somebody’d turn Bill Maher into a newt.


21 posted on 09/19/2010 10:05:40 AM PDT by Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus (The success of Darwinism was accompanied by a decline in scientific integrity. - Dr. Wm R. Thompson)
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To: Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus

a newt would an upgrade for BM...


22 posted on 09/19/2010 5:37:56 PM PDT by castlebrew (Gun control means hitting where you're aiming!)
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To: 9YearLurker

To be honest, some of us ‘know’, some of us have our own means of finding things out.


23 posted on 09/19/2010 8:20:12 PM PDT by Prussianone
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To: bilhosty

They have made a pretty concrete “statement of beliefs”, and as a solitary practitioner/teacher/priest, I agree that they are a good bunch to keep around! As I read it, when times may come, when the order “Dress right!”, they would be counted of the line, as I would.

Blessed be!


24 posted on 09/19/2010 8:25:45 PM PDT by Prussianone
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To: mnehring

Damn near as good as “Anatomy of a Zot.”


25 posted on 09/19/2010 8:29:33 PM PDT by Cyber Liberty (I am Derek Fenton! (me) Enjoying freedom ourselves requires tolerating it for others. (Jedidah))
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To: mnehring
I correct myself:

Behind the Scenes of a ZOT!

26 posted on 09/19/2010 8:31:57 PM PDT by Cyber Liberty (I am Derek Fenton! (me) Enjoying freedom ourselves requires tolerating it for others. (Jedidah))
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To: Dead Corpse

Nice try!

The Pentagram represents so many things. It’s five points represent: 1) Earth, 2) Air, 3) Fire, and 4) Water; the elements defined by Pythagoras, as the foundation of all things, with the 5th point representing Spirit. The circle that surrounds the five points represents the Sacred circle that we form, the place between worlds, the place where the physical and the ethereal meet, the place where the practitioner and divinity meet, and within which we hold our sacred rites.


27 posted on 09/19/2010 8:35:13 PM PDT by Prussianone
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To: paulycy

That wand is rather pricey. Look up ‘Alivan’s Wands’, a take off on HP “Olivander’s”. It is, also, more a ‘collector’s item’. But yes, there are folks that use these, too. I have one made from redwood (another story, another time).


28 posted on 09/19/2010 8:42:06 PM PDT by Prussianone
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To: Prussianone

Merry meet


29 posted on 09/20/2010 3:06:09 AM PDT by bilhosty (Don' t tax people tax newsprint)
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To: Prussianone
Actually, Air, Earth, Fire, Water, and Spirit. The four cardinal points of sacred space are marked as you say. Normally with candles of the appropriate color and are variously referred to as "Guardians", "Watchtowers", "Spirits", etc... Statuary, icons, substances representing each element, or even figurines of Gods/Goddesses associated with each can also be used. The invocation and closure of a sacred space varies even further depending on the Tradition, purpose of the Rite, number of people who have freely entered into said sacred space, etc...

I was a practicing solitary Eclectic for ten years. These days, I'm more of an Agnostic.

30 posted on 09/20/2010 4:24:42 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (III, Alarm and Muster)
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To: mnehring

Is she was still a witch, Karl Rove would be sitting on a lily pad, snagging flies with his tongue.


31 posted on 09/20/2010 5:57:21 PM PDT by Keith in Iowa (FR Class of 1998 | TV News is an oxymoron. | MSNBC = Moonbats Spouting Nothing But Crap.)
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