Skip to comments.How to Tell A Witch
Posted on 09/19/2010 8:41:14 AM PDT by mnehring
Mahar: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
Freeper: But how do you *know* she is a witch?
Mahar: She looks like one!
Other Mahars: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
Freeper: Bring her forward.
(ODonnell is pushed through the crowd of Mahars to the platform. She is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her face on top of her nose, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks funny because her nose is closed by the carrot.)
ODonnell: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
Freeper: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
ODonnell: THEY dressed me up like this.
Mahars: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
ODonnell: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!
(Freeper lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is in
fact rather small.)
One Mahar: Well, we did do the nose.
Freeper: The nose?
Mahar: And the Hat. But she's a witch!
Mahars: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
FREEPER: Did you dress her up like this?
Mahars: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
One Mahar: yes.
Mahars: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
Another Mahar: (hopefully) She has got a wart...
FREEPER: What makes you think she is a witch?
Mahar: Well, She turned me into Newt!!
Mahar: I got better...
Mahars: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
FREEPER: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIETA There are ways of *telling* whether she is a witch!
Mahars: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us!
FREEPER: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
FREEPER: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Mahar: More Witches!
Other Mahar: Ballots.
FREEPER: So. Why do witches burn?
(shuffling of feet by the Mahars)
Mahar: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....Ballots?
Other Mahars: oh yeah... oh....
FREEPER: So. How do we tell whether she is made of Ballots?
One Mahar: Try to steal an election out of 'er!
FREEPER: Aah. But can you not also steal elections with machines?
Mahars: oh yeah. oh. umm...
FREEPER: Do Ballots sink in water?
One Mahar: No! No, no, it floats!
Other Mahar: Throw her into the pond!
(when order is restored)
FREEPER: What also floats in water?
Another Mahar: Apples!
Another Mahar: Uh...very small rocks!
Another Mahar: Cider!
Another Mahar: Uh...great gravy!
Another Mahar: Cherries!
Another Mahar: Mud!
Another Mahar: Churches! Churches!
Another Mahar: Lead! Lead!
Jim Robinson: Pelosis Face!
Mahars: (in amazement) ooooooh!
FREEPER: (to a Mahar) So, *logically*...
Mahar: (very slowly, with pauses between each word) If... she.. .weighs the same as a Pelosis Face...... she's made of Ballots.
FREEPER: and therefore...
Mahar: A Witch!
All Mahars: A WITCH!
(they do consequently weigh her across from a Pelosis Face on Freeper's largest scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the Pelosis Face.)
ODonnell: It's a fair cop.
Do you have to tell a witch anything—or does she just know?
Idunno how many of you still exist but such as do, gotta see this...
Witch?... That would be Helen Thomas.. or Barb Streisand.. its all in the NOSE..
This one deserves to be in the FR Hall of Fame, if there is one.
What can I say, let’s not try to figure out the Dem’s mind, tis a silly place.
Tell me again Sir Bedevere, how to make ships sails out of lamb’s bladders.
Good post. Maher is a rodent.
Wow! The “Witch” scene is a comedy classic, and you did a great job with this post. Thank you.
Until November 3, we're all witches.
Hey Baby... Your Pentagram or mine? *wink*
Hey, come on! FReepers are stodgy “regressives”. They’re not supposed to be bitten by the Python! ;-)
Here are some witches for you. But, I don’t think you wil want to burn though.
I wish somebody’d turn Bill Maher into a newt.
a newt would an upgrade for BM...
To be honest, some of us ‘know’, some of us have our own means of finding things out.
They have made a pretty concrete “statement of beliefs”, and as a solitary practitioner/teacher/priest, I agree that they are a good bunch to keep around! As I read it, when times may come, when the order “Dress right!”, they would be counted of the line, as I would.
Damn near as good as “Anatomy of a Zot.”
The Pentagram represents so many things. It’s five points represent: 1) Earth, 2) Air, 3) Fire, and 4) Water; the elements defined by Pythagoras, as the foundation of all things, with the 5th point representing Spirit. The circle that surrounds the five points represents the Sacred circle that we form, the place between worlds, the place where the physical and the ethereal meet, the place where the practitioner and divinity meet, and within which we hold our sacred rites.
That wand is rather pricey. Look up ‘Alivan’s Wands’, a take off on HP “Olivander’s”. It is, also, more a ‘collector’s item’. But yes, there are folks that use these, too. I have one made from redwood (another story, another time).
I was a practicing solitary Eclectic for ten years. These days, I'm more of an Agnostic.
Is she was still a witch, Karl Rove would be sitting on a lily pad, snagging flies with his tongue.
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