Skip to comments.How to Tell A Witch
Posted on 09/19/2010 8:41:14 AM PDT by mnehring
Mahar: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
Freeper: But how do you *know* she is a witch?
Mahar: She looks like one!
Other Mahars: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
Freeper: Bring her forward.
(ODonnell is pushed through the crowd of Mahars to the platform. She is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her face on top of her nose, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks funny because her nose is closed by the carrot.)
ODonnell: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
Freeper: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
ODonnell: THEY dressed me up like this.
Mahars: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
ODonnell: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!
(Freeper lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is in
fact rather small.)
One Mahar: Well, we did do the nose.
Freeper: The nose?
Mahar: And the Hat. But she's a witch!
Mahars: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
FREEPER: Did you dress her up like this?
Mahars: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
One Mahar: yes.
Mahars: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
Another Mahar: (hopefully) She has got a wart...
FREEPER: What makes you think she is a witch?
Mahar: Well, She turned me into Newt!!
Mahar: I got better...
Mahars: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
FREEPER: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIETA There are ways of *telling* whether she is a witch!
Mahars: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us!
FREEPER: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
FREEPER: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Mahar: More Witches!
Other Mahar: Ballots.
FREEPER: So. Why do witches burn?
(shuffling of feet by the Mahars)
Mahar: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....Ballots?
Other Mahars: oh yeah... oh....
FREEPER: So. How do we tell whether she is made of Ballots?
One Mahar: Try to steal an election out of 'er!
FREEPER: Aah. But can you not also steal elections with machines?
Mahars: oh yeah. oh. umm...
FREEPER: Do Ballots sink in water?
One Mahar: No! No, no, it floats!
Other Mahar: Throw her into the pond!
(when order is restored)
FREEPER: What also floats in water?
Another Mahar: Apples!
Another Mahar: Uh...very small rocks!
Another Mahar: Cider!
Another Mahar: Uh...great gravy!
Another Mahar: Cherries!
Another Mahar: Mud!
Another Mahar: Churches! Churches!
Another Mahar: Lead! Lead!
Jim Robinson: Pelosis Face!
Mahars: (in amazement) ooooooh!
FREEPER: (to a Mahar) So, *logically*...
Mahar: (very slowly, with pauses between each word) If... she.. .weighs the same as a Pelosis Face...... she's made of Ballots.
FREEPER: and therefore...
Mahar: A Witch!
All Mahars: A WITCH!
(they do consequently weigh her across from a Pelosis Face on Freeper's largest scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the Pelosis Face.)
ODonnell: It's a fair cop.
Do you have to tell a witch anything—or does she just know?
Idunno how many of you still exist but such as do, gotta see this...
Witch?... That would be Helen Thomas.. or Barb Streisand.. its all in the NOSE..
This one deserves to be in the FR Hall of Fame, if there is one.
What can I say, let’s not try to figure out the Dem’s mind, tis a silly place.
Tell me again Sir Bedevere, how to make ships sails out of lamb’s bladders.
Good post. Maher is a rodent.
Wow! The “Witch” scene is a comedy classic, and you did a great job with this post. Thank you.
Until November 3, we're all witches.
Hey Baby... Your Pentagram or mine? *wink*
Hey, come on! FReepers are stodgy “regressives”. They’re not supposed to be bitten by the Python! ;-)
Here are some witches for you. But, I don’t think you wil want to burn though.