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Jenn Giroux:Mother-Daughter Fashion Wars
Renew America ^ | 04/19/2011 | Jenn Grioux

Posted on 04/19/2011 12:16:57 PM PDT by Shannon503

It is springtime and the first truly warm day on campus. Girls are returning from morning class scantily clothed with tight shorts, mini- skirts, and shirts exposing both stomach and breasts. Other girls can be seen jogging nearby wearing nothing but a skimpy pair of spandex running shorts and a sports bra.

Is it possible that these girls have been dressing like that since junior high, elementary, or even preschool? More importantly, are these the fashions that show up on college campuses when we, as mothers, refuse to engage in teaching the proper fashion balance between trendy and modesty in our daughters?

Many mothers have battle scars due to "fashion wars" with their daughters. We know this dynamic well because we were all adolescent daughters at one time and we remember how we unknowingly caused our own mothers these very same battle wounds. These fashion battles are a 'Rite of Passage' in the adolescent years; both the victories and the losses can have a profound effect on our daughters' proper interior formation as well as the mother-daughter relationship. Caving in to pressure to allow immodest dress sets the stage for the domino effect where daughters begin to cop the attitude that they can wear what they want, go out with whomever they want, and in short, not really to listen to their mothers. Allowing our daughters to wear tight, low-cut, and revealing clothing is an invitation for them to take charge of other decisions they are faced with during these formative years. It pushes mom's wisdom, guidance, and authority out of sight and mind.

What happens if we let them dress like that? We send them a clear signal that we approve of everything that flows from it, namely, sexual promiscuity and destructive behavior. When we give in, we have effectively stepped aside and let popular culture determine the path of their future. As moms, let us not underestimate our maternal influence over our daughters in such a fundamental matter of how they dress themselves. They desperately need our guidance and our 'feminine genius' in making these daily clothing decisions even though they rebel against it.

I will be the first one to admit the feeling of profound dread as soon as I hear the question, "Mom, can we go shopping?" I am always hesitant to enter the teen department and come face to face with the latest fashion trend, knowing full well it is likely a few inches shorter and a tighter fit than what I already complained about last season. But I dare not let them go alone. Therefore I look at it as an opportunity to form and protect my daughters. Being perceived as a "cool" mom must take a back seat to what is needed to assist our daughters in dressing with dignity and self-respect. I need to remind myself of that during every trip to the mall when it is the last place I want to be.

These fashion showdowns are worth fighting because if we don't hold our ground now, we will be incapable of fighting the inevitable battles later. Some mothers say that they have to "choose their battles." But I say that is nothing more than an excuse for caving in to the temptation to be the "Cool Mom" in exchange for backing down. Caving in on fashion now often means caving in on sexual morality later. You can't win the latter unless you show yourself to be a warrior mom for the former.

Of course I prefer to see my daughters smiling and happy and thinking they have the 'coolest mom in the world.' It is, however, at these very moments that I know that I am helping to set the stage for the way the world looks at them on the outside and for the way they look at themselves, as children of God, on the inside.

It's never fun.

It can be the ultimate endurance test.

In fact, it can be downright miserable.

Who needs or wants that?

Like it or not, these are the emotional weapons of the fashion wars that we have to contend with as we embrace one of the many struggles that come with the joys of motherhood. It is our vocation and duty to give it our best to assure proper formation of our daughters' self image and integrity as persons.

Dressing trendy does not have to be synonymous with dressing like a tramp. We are called to teach our daughters to respect themselves and to understand what it truly means to 'dress with dignity.' This begins by our words of praise when they do make good fashion choices and by our unspoken example. However, when all else fails, we are called to pull out the parental authority trump card.

Don't feel guilty!

Until we as parents get comfortable with saying the necessary "no" again and prevail in teaching our daughters to say "no" themselves with confidence to immodest clothes and immoral behavior we will not succeed in changing the overall culture of society and the Church.

The sustaining power in our sacrificial "no" has a long, forward reaching effect on our daughters' souls and helps them ultimately to see their inner beauty and strength. It is with this confidence that we begin to arm them with the tools necessary to subvert peer pressure and take the difficult next steps in saying "no" to other popular trends like serious teenage romance and sex outside of marriage.

This is, indeed, how we truly empower our daughters.

So the next time you head to the mall with your daughters, keep in mind that these difficult mother-daughter fashion wars are about sharing the timeless secret with our daughters that authentic beauty is not found hanging in a closet. It is rooted and nurtured in the depths of their souls. Only then can they realize that they are truly worth waiting for.

Are you a mom raising a teenage daughter? Tell us about your struggles and joys -all comments remain anonymous.

Email us at: Speakingofmotherhood@gmail.com.

© Jenn Giroux


TOPICS: Education; Miscellaneous; Religion
KEYWORDS: jenngiroux; modesty; motherhood

1 posted on 04/19/2011 12:17:00 PM PDT by Shannon503
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To: Shannon503

TTIUWOP.


2 posted on 04/19/2011 12:20:51 PM PDT by Paladin2
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To: Shannon503
Many mothers have battle scars due to "fashion wars" with their daughters.

In many places, this means they are trying to outskank each other.

3 posted on 04/19/2011 12:23:13 PM PDT by GeronL (The Right to Life came before the Right to Happiness)
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To: GeronL

three points . . . all net


4 posted on 04/19/2011 12:24:33 PM PDT by 70th Division (I love my country but fear my government!)
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To: Shannon503
What happens if we let them dress like that? We send them a clear signal that we approve of everything that flows from it, namely, sexual promiscuity and destructive behavior.

If you let them go to public school and watch TV, Hollyweird movies and pop music, you can bet they have been getting THAT message for years and years already.

5 posted on 04/19/2011 12:24:37 PM PDT by GeronL (The Right to Life came before the Right to Happiness)
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To: Shannon503

Speaking as an ex-teenage girl myself and the mother of a teenage girl, I truly believe that teenage girls don’t really know that they’re playing with fire. Sexy clothes make them feel pretty, attractive, and grown up; they are a statement of independence. Even if the girl concerned is not a virgin, she still has NO idea of the nature of male sexuality.


6 posted on 04/19/2011 12:25:07 PM PDT by ottbmare (off-the-track Thoroughbred mare)
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To: Shannon503
It's not just "peers" they get pressure from. They get it from teachers who are handing out condoms and telling them if it feels good do it. They get it from TV where teachers call kids who don't want to have sex "cold fish".

They are getting it from the "government/culture approved role models".

7 posted on 04/19/2011 12:26:56 PM PDT by GeronL (The Right to Life came before the Right to Happiness)
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To: 70th Division

lol. thanks


8 posted on 04/19/2011 12:29:47 PM PDT by GeronL (The Right to Life came before the Right to Happiness)
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To: GeronL

“Many mothers have battle scars due to “fashion wars” with their daughters.”

I often see women at WalMart who are old enough to be grandmothers dressed like teen age trollops. They flaunt their cellulite and spider veins.


9 posted on 04/19/2011 12:36:38 PM PDT by forgotten man (forgotten man)
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To: Shannon503
Mother-Daughter Fashion Wars

Father-Son Fashion Wars

Son - you gonna wear that flannel shirt out of the hamper again?

10 posted on 04/19/2011 12:39:15 PM PDT by 2banana (My common ground with terrorists - they want to die for islam and we want to kill them)
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To: forgotten man

Oh those sexy spider veins! /s


11 posted on 04/19/2011 12:39:34 PM PDT by GeronL (The Right to Life came before the Right to Happiness)
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To: 2banana

You can wear them until they truly stink Dad, like outside of your personal space!


12 posted on 04/19/2011 12:40:25 PM PDT by GeronL (The Right to Life came before the Right to Happiness)
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To: GeronL

In the 90s I knew a girl who was proud to be a virgin when most of her friends had already given it up. She wasn’t conservative or religious, no promise ring or anything. She just wasn’t going to give into any of the pressure as a matter of personal pride and control. How the times have changed.


13 posted on 04/19/2011 12:57:24 PM PDT by antiRepublicrat
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To: Shannon503
I recently encountered a Mother of a 5 year old who told her daughter she had to suffer for fashion. The Mother wanted the 5 year old to wear tight, skinny jeans. The 5 year old didn't want to wear them, they were uncomfortable.The Mother won. Next they battled about pierced ears. The 5 year old didn't want her ears pierced. Thankfully the 5 year old won that battle. It was like watching an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras where the Mother tries to live vicariously through her daughter.
14 posted on 04/19/2011 1:04:08 PM PDT by heylady
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To: GeronL

If you let them go to public school and watch TV, Hollyweird movies and pop music, you can bet they have been getting THAT message for years and years already.

***
Given the short amount of time it took for promiscuity in girls to go from rare to common, I would really like to see someone study movies and TV for subliminal messages.


15 posted on 04/19/2011 1:24:57 PM PDT by Bigg Red (Palin in 2012)
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To: antiRepublicrat

I remember when most teenaged girls and guys were virgins.


16 posted on 04/19/2011 1:28:36 PM PDT by Louis Foxwell (For love of Sarah, our country and the American Way of Life.)
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To: ottbmare

As one wise man said, “If women knew what men were thinking, they’d never stop hitting them”.


17 posted on 04/19/2011 1:35:33 PM PDT by 1raider1
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To: Louis Foxwell
I remember when most teenaged girls and guys were virgins.

You're old. :)

For some strange reason, "empowerment" these days means putting out, as in giving into every request somehow makes you powerful. That's not power, that's weakness. This girl had it right, the empowerment lies in not giving in to peer pressure or temptation. The stronger a person you are, the more successful you will be.

18 posted on 04/19/2011 1:40:40 PM PDT by antiRepublicrat
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To: heylady
"Toddlers and Tiaras" gives me the heebie-jeebies. It's a pedophile's dream show.

I have teenage daughters. We have had the clothes discussion on several occasions. They may think a look is cute because they see it on TV or in a magazine, but it translates to "putting it out there" when they wear it in real life. So far I think the message is getting through. For the time being.

19 posted on 04/19/2011 1:47:22 PM PDT by greatplains
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To: Bigg Red

subliminal??? lol. These messages are NOT hidden in any way.


20 posted on 04/19/2011 2:06:13 PM PDT by GeronL (The Right to Life came before the Right to Happiness)
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To: greatplains
"Toddlers and Tiaras" gives me the heebie-jeebies. It's a pedophile's dream show

Try the nudist resorts where they bring the kids along, and there are websites with DVD's for sale of preteen nude beauty pageants.

Pervert Heaven

21 posted on 04/19/2011 2:07:28 PM PDT by GeronL (The Right to Life came before the Right to Happiness)
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To: heylady

Yeah pretty sick out there I’d say when the tables are turned that way.


22 posted on 04/19/2011 3:49:29 PM PDT by Shannon503
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To: GeronL

Agreed - just about everywhere they turn. I think this article hit upon something that needs attention.


23 posted on 04/19/2011 3:49:38 PM PDT by Shannon503
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To: GeronL

No, they are not now. But there was a time when the average middle class teen girl was very modest and would do everything to protect her repuation and her virginity. How did attitudes change in a 20-year period?


24 posted on 04/19/2011 5:12:38 PM PDT by Bigg Red (Palin in 2012)
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To: Louis Foxwell

Yes, I remember that time, too. Girls were expected to be virgins when they married, and most were.


25 posted on 04/19/2011 5:13:59 PM PDT by Bigg Red (Palin in 2012)
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To: Bigg Red

I think the increase in teen births has something to do with it. First is the obvious correlation between teen motherhood and single motherhood. Secondly, if you have a 30-year-old mother with a 14-year-old daughter, that’s more likely to create a dynamic of buddy/big sister rather than mother as authority figure.


26 posted on 04/20/2011 10:11:06 PM PDT by TheDingoAteMyBaby
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