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Rant of All Time
a friend | Unknown | Unknown

Posted on 05/16/2011 8:06:08 AM PDT by combat_boots

This is just about the best rant I have ever come across. I thought some FReepers might want to keep a copy with them as inspiration.

----------- You swine. You vulgar little maggot. Don’t you know that you are pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I’ll bet you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum and I wish you would go away.

You’re a putrescence mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you.

You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? If you aren’t an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one. Try to edit your writing of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won’t have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm.

You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper. On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I’m sorry. I can’t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.

After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don’t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn’t really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us “normal” people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are “challenged” persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn’t have been “right”. Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good. I Hope This Helps...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: memorization; rant; reference
Well, I mean, really, there it is!
1 posted on 05/16/2011 8:06:13 AM PDT by combat_boots
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To: combat_boots

Good rant. But an oldie.

That used to be posted on an almost daily basis.

I saw it one time posted with hyperlinks. I wish I’d saved it. Every insult was hyperlinked to a liberal (like Hillary) or some liberal group (like democratic undergound).

It made perfect sense. One day - if I’ve nothing to do - I’ll make up a 2011 version.

Fun!


2 posted on 05/16/2011 8:15:17 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd (I'm a Birther - And a Deather)
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Comment #3 Removed by Moderator

To: Responsibility2nd

Oh my gosh. A 2011 version, with hyperlinks.

To die for. We are at a whole new level of villany, after all. Exponential vileness.


4 posted on 05/16/2011 8:19:39 AM PDT by combat_boots (The Lion of Judah cometh. Hallelujah. Gloria Patri, Filio et Spiritui Sancto.)
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To: combat_boots
Standard Drill Instructor repertoire....
5 posted on 05/16/2011 8:20:04 AM PDT by G Larry (I dream of a day when a man is judged by the content of his character)
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To: combat_boots
I like the fact that this rant could have been addressed TO anyone, FROM anyone, as a response to either side of ANY argument about ANY issue.

It is a 100% pure, unadulterated ad-hominem attack containing absolutely NO specifics regarding the issue/argument/comment which prompted the rant.

This makes it quite versatile for more generalized use.

;-)

6 posted on 05/16/2011 8:23:00 AM PDT by WayneS (Enlightened statesmen will not always be at the helm. -- James Madison)
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To: combat_boots

Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries. I fart in your general direction.


7 posted on 05/16/2011 8:27:30 AM PDT by beethovenfan (If Islam is the solution, the "problem" must be freedom.)
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To: Responsibility2nd
One day - if I’ve nothing to do - I’ll make up a 2011 version.

Could you ping me when you do?

8 posted on 05/16/2011 8:32:40 AM PDT by FreeMaine (I wonder if barry ever adopted the two girls?)
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To: Responsibility2nd
One day - if I’ve nothing to do - I’ll make up a 2011 version.

Could you ping me when you do?

9 posted on 05/16/2011 8:32:40 AM PDT by FreeMaine (I wonder if barry ever adopted the two girls?)
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To: combat_boots
Although, as I read it again, it occurs to me that most of the insults included in the rant were things Hunter S. Thompson wrote about both Hubert H. Humphrey and Richard M. Nixon in articles during the 1968 presidential campaign, and also in his book Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail - 1972.

Of course, Mr. Thompson also called Humphrey "a gutless old ward-heeler who should be stuffed in a bottle and shipped out on the Japanese current" - a rather colorful descriptor which was not included in this rant.

10 posted on 05/16/2011 8:39:23 AM PDT by WayneS (Enlightened statesmen will not always be at the helm. -- James Madison)
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To: beethovenfan

Mr Barnard (shouting) What do you want?
Man Well I was told outside ...
Mr Barnard Don’t give me that you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
Man What!
Mr Barnard Shut your festering gob you tit! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert!
Man Look! I came here for an argument.
Mr Barnard (calmly) Oh! I’m sorry, this is abuse.
Man Oh I see, that explains it.
Mr Barnard No, you want room 12A next door.
Man I see - sorry. (exits)
Mr Barnard Not at all. (as he goes) Stupid git.


11 posted on 05/16/2011 8:39:34 AM PDT by dfwgator
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To: combat_boots

Yes, yes, yes, but do you like me???


12 posted on 05/16/2011 8:39:36 AM PDT by jda ("Righteousness exalts a nation . . .")
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To: combat_boots

It has been around a long, long time. I’ve used it myself.


13 posted on 05/16/2011 8:44:11 AM PDT by submarinerswife (Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, while expecting different results~Einstein)
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To: combat_boots

Dont hide your feelings,tell me what you really think,,,


14 posted on 05/16/2011 8:44:45 AM PDT by Craftmore
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To: jda

You? Yes, I think maybe.

Others? Well, it depends.

The mind is a terrible thing to baste.


15 posted on 05/16/2011 8:45:40 AM PDT by combat_boots (The Lion of Judah cometh. Hallelujah. Gloria Patri, Filio et Spiritui Sancto.)
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To: All

I’ll use this, thanks!


16 posted on 05/16/2011 8:47:36 AM PDT by Maverick68
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To: combat_boots

Can you get this in a greeting card? I have hundreds to mail it to.


17 posted on 05/16/2011 9:24:52 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: combat_boots

Whoever wrote that must spend a lot of time hanging out with his Thesaurus. You don’t suppose he was mad at that person, do you?


18 posted on 05/17/2011 6:33:10 PM PDT by jespasinthru (Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.)
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To: jespasinthru

I had sent that e-mail to someone over a year ago now. The person has only NOW read it and is going to frame it.


19 posted on 05/17/2011 6:48:55 PM PDT by combat_boots (The Lion of Judah cometh. Hallelujah. Gloria Patri, Filio et Spiritui Sancto.)
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To: combat_boots

Tell us how you really feel.


20 posted on 05/17/2011 6:50:30 PM PDT by Hoodat (Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. - (Rom 8:37))
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To: combat_boots

I think this was specially crafted for Obama.


21 posted on 05/17/2011 6:53:55 PM PDT by dforest
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To: combat_boots

Hallelujah! Holy @#$%! Where’s the Tylenol?


22 posted on 05/17/2011 7:03:54 PM PDT by Ol' Sox
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To: indylindy

I like the way you think.


23 posted on 05/17/2011 7:08:07 PM PDT by combat_boots (The Lion of Judah cometh. Hallelujah. Gloria Patri, Filio et Spiritui Sancto.)
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To: combat_boots; All; FReepers
To the best of my knowledge this rant was first posted here at FR back around 1999 by FReeper Firehat.

I copied it and made this version along about late 2001 for use on troll and zot threads. It has been used many, many times here at FR over the years.

Along about 2003 the "PS" by FReeper b4its2late was added. It was sent to me via freepmail. I included it as the "PS" to the original.

Here is the post as used over the years here at FR.




For starters, let's get down to basics......
Click The Pic
Now that you understand let me reply to your Post....
Click the Pic



You're a 1-bit brain with a parity error

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world.
An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.

You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood.

May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you.

You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease. You are a puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool.

You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid.
Your writing has to be a troll.
Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on.
This is an epiphany of stupid for me.

After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything.

Your attempt at constructing a creative post was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult.

If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

Originally Posted by FReeper: Firehat



P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.

Thanks to FReeper: b4its2late





You are an Idiot!
Click the Pic




I hope this bit of FR history helps Go Ahead: Click It!

It is as good today as it ever was no matter who posts it.

24 posted on 05/20/2011 1:52:18 PM PDT by Fiddlstix (Warning! This Is A Subliminal Tagline! Read it at your own risk!(Presented by TagLines R US))
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